THE  LIBRARY  OF  THE 

UNIVERSITY  OF 

NORTH  CAROLINA 


THE  COLLECTION  OF 
NORTH  CAROLINIANA 

ENDOWED  BY 

JOHN  SPRUNT  HILL 

CLASS  OF  1889 

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UNIVERSITY  OF  N.C.  AT  CHAPEL  HILL 

00031717090    Wl 

FOR  USE  ONLY  IN        ^-^-^^^B! 
THE  NORTH  CAROLINA  COLLECTION 


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LIFE  AND  WRITINGS 

OF 

©(  13otoninflbiU«, 

AWAY   DOWN    EAST    IN   THE    STATE    OF     MAINE. 


WEITTEN  BY  HIMSELF. 


What  makes  all  doctrines  plain  and  clear? 
About  two  hundred  pounds  a  year. 
And  that  which  was  proved  true  before, 
Prove  false  again  ?    Two  hundred  more.' 

HUDIBRAS. 


s. 


THIRD    EDITION. 


BOSTON: 

LILLY,    WAIT,    COL  MAN,    &    HOLDER. 

1834. 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1833, 

By  Lilly,  Wait,  Colman,  &  Holden, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  District  of  JNIassachusettg. 


STKRF.OTTPED  BY  LYMAX  THUi 
BOSTON. 


N 


GINERAL   ANDREW   JACKSON, 

PRESIDENT    OF    THE    UNITED    STATES, 

IS    RESPECTFULLY    INSCRIBED, 
BY   HIS    FAITHFUL    FRIEND    AND    nu:WBLE    SERVANT, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


PREFACE. 

Arter  I  got  my  book  all  done,  and  had  looked  it 
over  every  day  as  the  prmter  went  along  with  it,  till 
I  got  clear  to  the  last  page,  so  as  to  see  it  was  done 
right,  the  printer  comes  to  me,  and  says  he,  we  want 
a  Preface  now.  A  preface!  says  I,  what  in  nater  is 
that?  Why,  says  he,  it  is  something  to  fill  up  the 
two  first  pages  with.  But,  says  I,  aint  the  two  first 
pages  filled  up  yet?  I  thought  we  had  jest  got 
through  the  last  page;  I  hope  our  cake  aint  all  turn- 
ing to  dough  again.  O,  it's  all  right,  says  he,  we 
always  print  the  first  pages  last;  all  we  want  now  is 
the  preface,  to  fill  up  them  are  two  first  pages.  Well, 
says  I,  but  this  is  a  pretty  curious  piece  of  business, 
this  duin  work  backwards.  I've  hearn  tell  that 
Freemasons  when  they  build  their  chimneys,  begin 
at  the  top  and  work  down,  and  that's  what's  got  the 
Anti  Masons  so  mad  about  it,  that  they  are  going  to 
tear  'em  all  up,  root  and  branch;  but  I  never  knew 
afore  that  folks  printed  the  first  end  of  a  book  last. 
But  now,  says  I,  Mr.  printer,  if  I've  got  to  make 
this  ere  preface  that  you  tell  about,  what  must  I  put 
into  it?  O,  says  he,  you  must  tell  'em  something 
about  the  book;  how  you  come  to  make  it,  and  what's 
in  it,  and  what  it's  good  for,  and  the  like  of  that. 


X  PREFACE. 

Well,  says  I,  if  that's  all,  I  guess  I  can  work  it  out 
in  short  metre.  In  the  first  place  then,  I  made  the 
book  because  I  couldn't  help  it;  if  I  hadn't  made  it, 
I  dont  believe  but  what  I  should  have  split.  And  in 
the  next  place,  I  made  it  so  as  to  get  my  letters  all 
together,  out  of  the  way  of  the  rascally  counterfeits, 
so  that  folks  might  know  the  good  eggs  from  the  rot- 
ten ones.  And  about  these  counterfeits,  I  see  the 
New  York  Daily  Advertiser  says  they  are  going  to 
print  a  book  of  the  counterfeit  letters  somewhere  there 
or  at  Philadelphia.  All  I  have  to  say  about  it  is, 
they  are  welcome  to  print  as  many  letters  as  they  are 
a  mind  to,  if  they  will  only  jest  put  their  own  names 
to  'em.  But  he  that  will  print  his  letters  and  put  my 
name  to  'em,  I  think  would  steal  a  sheep. 

And  in  the  next  place,  as  to  what  is  in  the  book,  I 
gupss  folks  will  find  that  out  fast  enough,  without  my 
telling  them. 

•  And  in  the  last  place,  as  to  what  it  is  good  for,  it 
will  tell  folks  more  about  politics,  and  how  to  get 
offices,  than  ever  they  knew  before  in  all  their  lives; 
and  what  is  the  best  ont,  it  will  be  pretty  likely  to  get 
me  in  to  be  President. 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 

Boston,  Nov.  14,  1833. 


CONTENTS. 


MY  LIFE. 

In  which  I  tell  considerable  more  about  my  Grandfather,  than 
I  do  about  myself,  Page  19 

MY  LETTERS. 

Together  with  a  few  from  Cousin  Nabby,  and  Uncle  Joshua, 
and  Cousin  Ephraim,  and  so  on  ;  containing  a  pretty  considera- 
ble account  of  my  public  life,  from  Jinuary  1830,  to  November 
1833,  41 

Letter  L— In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  choosing  Speak- 
er, 41 

Letter  II.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  poor  Mr. 
Roberts'  having  to  stand  up,  46 

Letter  III. — In  which  Cousin  Nabby  advises  Mr.  Downing  to 
come  home,  49 

Letter  IV. — In  which  Uncle  Joshua  tells  how  he  went  to  Bos- 
ton, and  took  dinner  with  the  Gineral  Court,  51 

Extracts  from  the  Portland  Courier,  58 

Letter  V. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  what  a  hobble  the 
Legislature  got  into,  in  trying  to  make  so  many  Governors,  61 

Letter  VI. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  describes  a  sad  mishap 
that  befell  the  House  of  Representatives,  64 

Letter  VII. — In  which  affairs  take  a  more  favorable  turn,     65 

Letter  VIIL— In  which  Mrs.  Downing  urges  her  son  to  come 
home,  66 

Letter  IX.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  trigging  the 
wheels  of  government,  67 

Letter  X.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  advises  his  Uncle  Joshua 
to  hold  on  to  his  bushel  of  corn,  because  the  Legislature 
had  begun  '  to  rip  up  their  duins,'  71 

Letter  XL— In  which  Mr.  Downing  describes  some  qaeer 
duins  in  the  Senate.  ^  73 


Xll  CONTENTS. 

Letter  XII. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  hits  upon  a  new  idea  for 
making  money  out  of  the  office-seekers  that  were  swarming 
round  tlie  new  Governor,  76 

Letter  XIII. — Cousin  Ephraim  in  trouble,  77 

Letter  XIV. — In  which  3Ir.  Downing  describes  a  severe  tug 
at  the  wheels  of  government,  78 

Letter  XV.-^In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  what  it  means  to 
set  up  a  candidate  for  office,  80 

Letter  XVI. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  the  Legisla- 
ture cleared  out,  and  how  Elder  Hall  went  home,  83 

Letter  XVII. — In  w^hich  Mr.  Downing  hints  to  Uncle  Joshua 
that  he  has  a  prospect  of  being  nominated  for  Governor,       85 

Letter  XVIII. — In  which  Uncle  Joshua  discovers  remarkable 
skill  in  the  science  of  politics,  and  advises  Mr.  Downing  by  all 
means  to  stand  as  a  candidate  for  Governor,  8d 

Letter  XIX. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  gives  his  opinion  about 
newspapers,  91 

Letter  XX. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  to  distinguish 
one  republican  party  from  another,  93 

Grand  Caucus  at  Downingville,  95 

Letter  XXI. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  the  Portland 
Town-meeting,  100 

Letter  XXII.— Return  of  votes  from  Downingville,  103 

Letter  XXIII. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  hits  on  a  new  plan  to 
get  an  office,  104 

Letter  XXIV. — In  which  Cousin  Sarah  compares  the  Society 
of  Portland  with  that  of  Downingville,  105 

Letter  XXV. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  Cousin  Jehu 
went  to  the  Legislature,  and  had  to  go  back  after  his  primy 
facy  case,  107 

Letter  XXVI. — In  wliich  Cousin  Nabby  describes  the  temper- 
ance of  Downingville,  110 

Letter  XXVII. — In  which  Mr.  Downing  gives  a  description 
of  the  Ladies'  Fair,  112 

Letter  XXVIII.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  the  Jack- 


CONTENTS.  XUl 

sonites  in  the  Legislature  had  a  dreadful  tussle  to  pour  a '  heal- 
ing act,  down  the  the  throats  of  the  Huntonites,  121 

Letter  XXIX.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  the  Jack- 
sonites  at  last  got  the  '  healing  act '  down  the  throats  of  the 
Huntonites,  ^'^ 

Letter  XXX.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  dreams  some  poetry, 

Letter  XXXI.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  he  got  a 
new  kink  into  his  head,  in  consequence  of  the  blow-up  of  Pres- 
ident Jackson's  first  Cabinet,  133 

Letter  XXXIL— In  which  Cousin  Sarah  tells  about  Cousin 
Jack's  toes  and  elbows,  1"^^ 

Letter  XXXIII.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  the  talk 
he  had  with  the  Boston  Editors  on  his  way  to  Washington,  137 

Letter  XXXIV.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  relates  his  interview 
with  Major  Noah,  141 

Letter  XXXV.— In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  he  stript 
up  his  sleeves  and  defended  Mr.  Ingham  on  his  front  door 
steps  during  the  after-clap  that  followed  the  blow-up  of  the 
Cabinet,  14^ 

Letter  XXXVL— In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  tells  about  the 
persecution  of  poor  Mrs.  No-tea,  150 

Letter  XXXVII.— Mr.  Downing  receives  a  Captain's  com- 
mission in  the  United  States'  Army,  with  orders  to  go  and 
protect  the  inhabitants  of  Madawaska,  15^ 

Letter  XXXVIII.— In  which  Capt.  Downing  describes  his 
return  to  Downingville,  after  an  absence  of  two  years,        157 

Letter  XXXIX.— Capt.  Downing's  first  Military  Report  to 
the  President,  159 

Letter  XL.— Capt.  Downing  visits  the  Legislature  of  Maine 
again,  1°^ 

Letter  XLL— Progress  of  proceedings  in  the  Legislature,  165 

Letter  XLIL— Capt.  Downing  is  suddenly  called  to  his  com- 
pany at  Madawaska,  1"' 

Letter  XLITL— Capt.  Downing  returns  to  Augusta.  The 
value  of  a  bear-skin,  1^" 

Letter  XLIV.— In  which  Capt.  Downing  tells  about  the  Leg- 
islature's making  Lawyers,  I'^l 


Xiv  CONTENTS. 

Letter  XLV. — Capt.  Downing  is  in  a  peck  of  trouble  about 
the  Legislature's  selling  Madawaska  to  the  General  Govern- 
ment to  be  given  up  to  the  British,  and  sits  down  and  figures 
up  the  price,  173 

Letter  XLVL — Capt.  Downing  declines  the  office  of  Mayor 
of  Portland,  177 

Letter  XLVIL — In  which  Capt.  Downing  relates  a  confiden- 
tial conversation  with  President  Jackson,  while  on  a  journey 
to  Tennessee,  178 

Letter  XLVIIL — In  which  Capt.  Downing  runs  an  Express 
from  Baltimore  to  Washington,  and  foots  it  through  Pennsyl- 
vany  Avenue  to  the  President's  House,  18J 

Letter  XLIX. — In  which  Capt.  Downing  receives  a  Major's 
commission,  and  is  appointed  to  march  against  the  Nulli- 
fiers,  186 

Letter  L. — In  which  Uncle  Joshua  tells  what  a  tussle  they 
had  in  Downingville  to  keep  the  Federalists  from  praising  the 
President's  Proclamation  against  the  Nullifiers,  189 

Letter  LI. — In  which  Major  Downing  describes  the  arrival 
of  Sargent  Joel,  with  the  Company,  at  Washington,  192 

Letter  LII. — In  which  Major  Downing  gives  his  opinion  about 
Nullification,  and  illustrates  it  with  a  lucid  example,  195 

Letter  LIII. — In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  tells  the  Major  how 
matters  get  along  at  Augusta,  and  gives  a  specimen  of  the 
value  of  political  promises,  197 

Letter  LIV. — In  which  Major  Downing  goes  up  top  the  Con- 
gress house  and  listens  to  see  if  he  can  hear  the  guns  in  South 
Carolina,  and  also  has  a  talk  with  the  President  about  the 
slander  of  the  newspapers,  200 

Letter  LV. — In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  explains  the  science 
of  hand  speculation^  202 

Letter  LVI. — In  which  Major  Downing  tells  how  Mr.  Clay 
put  a  stop  to  that  fuss  in  South  Carolina,  besides  hushing  up 
some  other  quarrels,  205 

Letter  LVII. — In  which  Major  Downing  gives  the  result  of 
a  consultation  amongst  the  Government  on  the  question, 
whether  the  President  should  shake  hands  with  the  Federalists 
during  his  journey  down  East,  208 


CONTENTS.  XV 

Letter  LVIII. — In  which  Major  Downing  d  'ends  the  Presi- 
dent from  the  assault  of  Lieut.  Randolph  on  ooard  the  steam- 
boat Cygnet,  210 

Letter  LIX. — In  which  Major  Downing  shakes  hands  for  the 
President  at  Philadelphia,  while  on  the  grand  tour  down  East, 

212 

Letter  LX. — In  which  the  President  and  Major  Downing 
have  a  very  narrow  escape  at  the  breaking  down  of  the  bridge 
in  New  York,  214 

Letter  LXI. — In  which  Major  Downing  describes  the  visit  of 
the  President  at  Boston,  and  also  complains  of  the  rascally 
counterfeiters  that  write  letters  in  his  name  for  the  news- 
papers, 218 

Letter  LXII. — In  which  the  President  and  the  rest  of  'em' 
turn  a  short  corner  at  Concord  and  set  their  faces  towards 
Washington,  221 

Letter  LXIII. — In  which  Cousin  Nabby  describes  the  unutter- 
able disappointment  at  Downingville  because  the  President 
didn't  come,  and  tells  what  a  terrible  pucker  Ant  Keziah  was 
in  about  it,  222 

Nomination  of  Major  Downing  for  the  Presidency,  226 

Letter  LXIV. — In  which  Major  Downing  tells  about  going  to 
Cambridge  and  making  the  President  a  Doctor  of  Laws,    227 

Letter  LXV.— In  which  Major  Downing  tells  about  the 
quarrel  that  he  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  had  at  Concord,  after  they 
went  up  chamber  to  bed ;  and  also  declares  his  intention  to 
run  for  the  Presidency,  231 

Letter  LXVI. — In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  describes  the  me- 
thod of  putting  '  dimocrats'  over  on  to  the  federal  side,  239 

Letter  LXVII. — In  which  the  President  begun  to  say  some- 
thing about  vie  and  Daniel,  241 

Letter  LXVIII. — In  which  the  President  finished  what  he 
was  going  to  say  about  me  and  Daniel,  247 

Letter  LXIX. — In  which  Cousin  Nabby  describes  her  visit  to 
Mr.  Maelzel's  Congregation  of  Moskow,  2ol 

Letter  LXX. — In  which  Major  Downing  concludes  it  is  best 
to  put  some  of  his  poetry  into  his  book,  253 

Major  Downing's  biography  of  Sam  Patch,  255 


CONTENTS. 


Letter  LXXI. — In  which  Major  Downing  tells  the  President 
about  his  book  and  the  pictures  in  it,  and  prevents  a  bobbery 
in  the  Seriate  chamber.  254 


APPENDIX. 

In  which  are  published  some  of  Major  Downing's  letters,  that 
he  never  wrote,  "26S 

No.  I. — Being  the  genuine  letter  of  old  Mr.  Zophar  Downing, 
'  amost  eighty  three  yere  old,'  271 

No.  II.— The  Bank  Report,  272 

No.  III. — Giving  some  account  of  Peleg  Bissel's  Churn,  277 

No.  IV. — The  public  crib  at  Washington,  280 

No.  V. — Preparation  of  the  Message,  284 

No.  VI.     Sir  George  Downing,  286 


7 


hi  which  I  tell   considerable   more  about  my    Grand- 
father, than  I  do  about  Myself. 

Whex  we  read  about  great  men,  we  always  want 
to  knov/  something  about  the  place  where  they  live; 
therefore  I  shall  begin  my  history  with  a  short  ac- 
count of  Downing ville,  the  place  where  I  was  born 
and  brought  up. 

Downingville  is  a  snug,  tidy  sort  of  a  village,  sit- 
uated in  a  valley  about  two  miles  long,  and  a  mile 
and  a  half  v/ide,  scooped  out  between  tv/o  large  rug- 
ged hills  that  lie  to  the  east  and  west,  having  a  thick 
forest  of  trees  to  the  north,  and  a  clear  pond  of  water, 
•v/ith  a  sandy  beach,  to  the  south.  It  is  about  three 
miles  from  the  main  road  as  you  go  back  into  the 
country,  and  is  jest  about  in  the  middle  of  down  east. 
It  contains  by  this  time  a  pretty  considerable  number 
of  inhabitants,  though  my  grandfather  Downing  was 
the  first  person  that  settled  there,  jest  after  he  got 
back  from  sogering  in  the  revolutionary  war.  It  has 
a  school  Jiouse,  and  a  tavern,  and  a  minister,  and  a 
doctor,  and  a  blacksmith,  and  a  shoe-maker,  and  folks 
that  work  at  most  all  sorts  of  trades.  They  have  n't 
got  any  meetin  house  up  yet,  but  the  school  house  is 
pretty  large  and  does  very  well  to  hold  meetins  in,  and 
they  have  meetins  very  regular  every  Sunday,  the 
men  filling  up  all  the  seats  on  one  side  of  the  school 
house  and  the  women  on  the  other. 


20  LIFE    OF 

They  have  n't  got  any  lawyer  in  Downingville ;  there 
was  one  come  once  and  sot  out  to  settle  there,  and 
hired  a  room  and  put  a  sign  up  over  the  door  with  his 
name  on  it,  and  the  word  office  in  great  large  letters, 
so  big  you  could  read  'em  clear  across  the  road.  A 
meeting  of  the  inhabitants  was  called  at  the  school 
house  the  next  day,  and  after  chawing  the  matter 
over  awhile,  it  was  unanimously  agreed  if  the  man 
wanted  an  office  he  should  go  somewhere  else  for  it, 
for  as  for  having  an  office-seeker  in  Downingville 
they  never  would.  So  they  voted  that  he  should 
leave  the  town  in  twenty-four  hours,  or  they  would 
take  him  down  to  the  pond  and  duck  him,  and  ride 
him  out  of  town  on  a  rail.  A  committee  of  twenty 
of  the  stoutest  men  in  Downingville  was  appointed  to 
carry  the  message  to  him,  at  which  he  prudently  took 
the  hint,  and  packed  up  and  cleared  out  that  afternoon. 
All  the  quarrels,  and  disputes  and  law-cases  are  al- 
ways left  out  to  uncle  Joshua  Downing,  and  he  settles 
them  all,  by  and  large,  at  two  shillings  apiece,  except 
where  they  have  come  to  blows,  and  then  he  charges 
two  and  sixpence  apiece. 

The  land  in  Downingville  is  most  capital  rich  land, 
and  bears  excellent  crops.  I  would  'nt  pretend  to  say 
it  's  equal  to  some  land  I've  hearn  tell  of  away  oft'  in 
Ohio,  where  the  corn  grows  so  tall  they  have  to  go 
up  on  a  ladder  to  pick  the  ears  oft*;  and  where  a  boy 
fell  into  the  hole  that  his  father  had  dug  a  beet  out 
of,  and  they  had  to  let  down  a  bed-cord  to  draw  him 
up  again;  and  where  pigs  are  so  plenty  that  they  run 
about  the  farms  ready  roasted,  and  some  of  'em  with 
knives  and  forks  in  their  backs  for  any  body  who 
wants  to  eat.  I  wouldn't  pretend  that  Downingville 
is  any  such  sort  of  a  place  as  that;  but  this  I  do  say, 
he  that  is  diligent  and  will  plant  his  potatoes  and  corn 
early,  and  hoe  them  well,  may  always  get  a  good  crop, 
and  live  above  board. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  21 

As  I  said  afore,  my  grandfather,  old  Mr.  Zebedee 
Downing,  was  the  first  settler  in  Downingville.  Bless 
his  old  heart,  he's  living  yet,  and  although  he  is 
eighty-six  years  old,  he  attended  a  public  caucus  for 
the  good  of  his  country  about  two  years  ago,  and 
made  a  speech,  as  you  will  find  somewhere  before  you 
get  through  this  book,  where  it  tells  about  my  being 
nominated  for  Governor  of  the  State  of  Maine. 

As  it  is  the  fashion,  in  writing  the  lives  of  great 
folks,  to  go  back  and  tell  something  about  their  pos- 
terity, I  spose  I  ought  to  give  some  account  of  my 
good  old  grandfather,  for  he  was  a  true  patriot,  and 
as  strong  a  republican  as  ever  uncle  Joshua  was.  He 
was  born  somewhere  in  the  old  bay  State  away  back 
of  Boston,  and  when  the  revolutionary  war  come  on 
he  went  a  sogering.  Many  and  many  a  time,  when 
I  was  a  little  boy,  I've  sot  on  the  dye-pot  in  the  cor- 
ner till  most  midnight  to  hear  him  tell  over  his  going 
through  the  fatigue  of  Burgivine.  If  one  of  the  neigh- 
bors came  in  to  chat  awhile  in  an  evening,  my  grand- 
father was  always  sure  to  go  through  with  the  fatigue 
of  Burgwine ;  and  if  a  stranger  was  travelling  through 
Downingville  and  stopt  at  my  grandfather's  in  a  warm 
afternoon  to  get  a  drink  of  water,  it  was  ten  chances 
to  one  if  he  could  get  away  till  my  grandfather  had 
been  through  the  whole  story  of  the  fatigue  of  Burg- 
wine. He  used  to  tell  it  the  best  to  old  Mr.  Johnson, 
who  used  to  come  in  regularly  about  once  a  week  to 
spend  an  evening  and  drink  a  mug  of  my  grandfather's 
cider.  And  he  would  set  so  patiently  and  hear  my 
grandfather  through  from  beginning  to  end,  that  I 
never  could  tell  v/hich  took  the  most  comfort,  Mr. 
Johnson  in  drinking  the  cider,  or  my  grandfather  in 
going  through  the  fatigue  of  Burgwine.  After  Mr. 
Johnson  had  taken  about  two  or  three  drinks  he  would 
smack  his  lips,  and  says  he,  I  guess,  Mr.  Downing, 
you  would  have  been  glad  to  get  such  a  mug  of  cider 
as  this  in  the  battle  of  Burgv/ine.     Why  yes,  said  my 


22  LIFE    OF 

grandfather,  or  when  we  was  on  the  march  from 
Cambridge  to  Peekskill  either,  or  from  Peekskill  to 
Albany,  or  from  Albany  to  Saratogue,  where  we  went 
through  the  fatigue  of  Burg  wine.  Old  Schyler  was 
our  gineral,  said  my  grandfather,  bracing  himself  back 
in  his  chair,  and  he  turned  out  to  be  a  traitor,  and  was 
sent  for,  to  go  to  Gineral  Washington  to  be  court- 
martialed.  Then  gineral  Gates  was  sent  to  us  to  take 
the  command,  and  he  was  a  most  capital  officer  every 
inch  of  him.  He  had  his  cocked  hat  on,  and  his 
regimentals,  and  his  furbelows  on  his  shoulders,  and 
he  looked  nobly,  said  my  grandfather.  I  can  see  him 
now  as  plain  as  if  'twas  yesterday.  He  wore  a  plaguy 
great  stub  cue,  as  big  as  my  wrist,  sticking  out  at  the 
back  of  his  neck  as  straight  as  a  handspike.  Well, 
when  Gates  came  we  were  all  reviewed,  and  every 
thing  was  put  in  complete  order,  and  he  led  us  on,  ye 
see,  to  take  Burgwine.  By  daylight  in  the  morning 
we  were  called  out  by  the  sound  of  the  drum,  and 
drawn  up  in  regiments,  and  the  word  was,  '  on  your 
posts,  march.'  And  there  we  stood  marching  on  our 
posts  without  moving  forward  an  inch;  heads  up, 
looking  to  the  right;  we  did  n't'dare  to  move  an  eye, 
nor  hardly  to  wink. 

By  and  by  along  comes  the  old  Gineral  to  inspect 
us,  riding  along  so  stately,  and  that  old  stub  cue  stick- 
ing out  behind  his  head  so  straight,  it  seems  as  though 
I  can  see  him  now  right  here  before  me.  And  then 
he  addressed  us,  like  a  father  talking  to  his  children. 
Fellow  soldiers,  says  he,  this  day  we  are  going  to  try 
the  strength  of  Burgwine's  forces;  now  let  every  man 
keep  a  stiff*  upper  lip,  go  forward  boldly  and  attack 
them  with  courage,  and  you  've  nothing  to  fear.  O, 
he  addressed  us  completely;  and  then  we  marched  off 
to  meet  the  inemy.  By  and  by  we  begun  to  hear  the 
balls  whizzing  over  our  heads,  and  the  incmy's  guns 
begun  to  roar  like  thunder.  I  felt  terribly  for  a  minute 
or  two,  but  we  kept  marching  up,  marching  up,  said 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWMiN'G.  23 

my  grandfather,  rising  and  marching  across  the  floor, 
for  we  had  orders  not  to  fire  a  gun  till  we  got  up  so 
near  we  could  almost  reach  'em  with  our  bagonuts; 
and  there  was  a  hundred  drums  all  in  a  bunch  rat- 
tlino;  enouDfh  to  craze  a  nation,  and  the  fifes  and 
the  bugles,  continued  my  grandfather,  still  marching 
across  the  floor,  went  tudle,  tudle,  tudle,  tudle  —  O, 
I  can  hear  that  very  tune  ringing  in  my  ears  now, 
as  plain  as  if  'twas  yesterday,  and  I  never  shall 
forget  it  to  my  dying  day.  When  we  got  up  so  near 
the  inemy  that  we  could  fairly  see  the  white  of  their 
eyes,  the  word  was  '  halt,'  said  my  grandfather,  sud- 
denly halting  in  the  middle  of  the  floor,  and  sticking 
his  head  back  as  straight  as  a  soldier — '  make  ready;' 
'twas  did  in  a  moment,  continued  my  grandfather, 
throwing  his  staff*  up  against  his  shoulder,  — '  take 
aim' — 'twas  did  in  a  moment,  fetching  his  staff*  down 
straight  before  his  eyes — '  fire' — then,  O  marcy,  what 
a  roar,  said  my  grandfather,  striking  his  staff  down 
on  the  floor,  and  such  a  smother  and  smoke  you 
could  n't  hardly  see  your  hand  afore  you.  Well  in 
an  instant  the  word  was  '  prime  and  load, '  and  as  fast 
as  we  fired  we  fell  back  in  the  rear  to  let  others  come 
up  and  take  their  turn,  so  by  the  time  we  were  loaded 
we  were  in  front  and  ready  to  fire  again,  for  we  kept 
marching  all  the  time,  said  my  grandfather,  beginning 
to  march  again  across  the  floor.  But  the  inemy 
stood  their  ground  and  kept  pouring  in  upon  us  tre- 
mendously, and  we  kept  marching  up  and  firing, 
marching  up  and  firing,  but  did  n't  gain  forward  an 
inch.  I  felt  streaked  enough,  for  the  balls  were 
whistling  over  our  heads,  and  sometimes  a  man 
would  drop  down  on  one  side  of  me  and  sometimes  on 
t'other,  but  it  would  n't  do  for  us  to  flinch  a  hair;  we 
must  march  up  and  fire  and  wheel  to  the  right  and 
left,  and  keep  it  going.  By  and  by  the  word  was, 
'advance  column;'  then,  heavens  and  earth,  how 
light  I    felt,    said   my   grandfather,    quickening   his 


24  LIFE    OF 

march  across  the  floor.  I  knew  in  a  moment  the 
inemy  was  retreating,  and  it  seemed  to  me  I  could 
have  jumped  over  the  moon.  Well,  we  marched 
forward,  but  still  kept  firing,  and  presently  we  begun 
to  come  on  to  the  inemy 's  ground;  and  then,  O 
marcy,  such  a  sight  I  never  see  before  and  never 
want  to  again:  stepping  over  the  dead  bodies,  and 
the  poor  wounded  wretches  wallowing  in  their  blood, 
mangled  all  to  pieces,  and  such  screeches  and  groans, 
some  crying  out  dont  kill  me,  dont  kill  me,  and  others 
begging  us  to  kill  'em  to  put  'em  out  of  misery.  O, 
it  was  enough  to  melt  the  very  heart  of  a  stone, 
said  my  grandfather,  wiping  the  tears  from  his  eyes 
But  they  need  n't  have  been  afraid  of  being  hurt, 
for  our  Gineral  was  one  of  the  best  men  that  ever 
lived.  He  had  the  carts  brought  up  immediately  and 
all  the  poor  wounded  souls  carried  off  as  fast  as  pos- 
sible where  they  could  be  taken  good  care  of  He 
would  n't  let  one  of  'em  be  hurt  any  more  than  he 
would  one  of  his  own  men.  But  it  was  a  dreadful 
hot  battle  ;  we  fit  and  skirmished  all  the  afternoon 
and  took  a  good  many  prisoners,  and  some  cannon 
and  ammunition.  When  it  come  night  the  inemy 
retreated  to  their  fortifications,  and  we  camped  all 
night  on  the  ground  with  our  guns  in  our  hands, 
ready  at  a  moment's  warning  to  pitch  battle  again. 
As  soon  as  it  was  daylight  we  were  all  mustered  and 
paraded  again,  and  round  come  the  old  Gineral  to 
see  how  we  looked.  He  held  his  head  up  like  a 
soldier,  and  the  old  stub  cue  stuck  out  as  straight  as 
ever.  I  can  see  it  now  as  plain  as  I  can  see  my 
staff,  said  my  grandfather.  And  O,  my  stars,  how  he 
addressed  us  ;  it  made  our  hearts  jump  to  hear  him. 
Fellow  soldiers,  says  he,  this  day  we  shall  make  Bur- 
gwine  tremble.  If  you  are  only  as  brave  as  you  were 
yesterday  we  shall  have  him  and  all  his  army  before 
night.  But  Burgwine  had  slipped  away  in  the 
night  and  got  into  a  place  stronger  fortified.     But  he 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  25 

could  n't  get  away;  he  was  hemmed  in  all  round;  so 
we  got  him  before  it  was  over.  We  were  five  or  six 
days  skirmishing  about  it;  but  I  cant  tell  you  all, 
nor  a  quarter  part  ont. 

But  how  was  it  you  took  Burgwine  at  last?  said 
Mr.  Johnson,  taking  another  drink  of  cider.  O,  he 
had  to  give  up  at  last,  said  my  grandfather.  After 
we  had  skirmished  a  day  or  two  longer,  Gineral 
Gates  sent  word  to  Burgwine,  that  if  he  had  a  mind 
to  march  his  army  back  into  Canada,  and  leave  every 
thing  this  side  unmolested,  he'd  let  him  go  peaceably. 
But  Burgwine  would  n't  accept  it;  he  sent  word  back 
that  '  he  was  going  to  winter  with  his  troops  in  Bos- 
ton.' Well,  after  we  had  skirmished  round  two  or 
three  days  longer,  and  Burgwine  got  into  such  close 
quarters  that  he  could  n't  get  away  any  how,  he  sent 
word  to  Gineral  Gates  that  he'd  accept  the  offer  and 
march  back  to  Canada;  but  Gates  sent  word  back  to 
him  again,  '  You  said  you  meant  to  winter  in  Boston, 
and  I  mean  to  make  you  as  good  as  your  word.'  At 
last  Burgwine  see  it  was  no  use  for  him  to  hold  out 
any  longer,  so  he  give  all  his  men  up  prisoners 
of  war.  Then  we  were  all  paraded  in  lines  a  little 
ways  apart  to  see  them  surrender.  And  they  march- 
ed out  and  marched  along  towards  us  ;  and  it  was 
a  most  noble  sight  to  see  them  all  dressed  out  in 
their  regimentals  and  their  bagonuts  glistening  in  the 
sun  enough  to  dazzle  any  body's  eyes.  And  they 
marched  along  and  stacked  their  arms,  and  they  all 
marched  through  between  our  lines  looking  homesick 
enough.  I  guess  we  felt  as  well  as  they  did  if  our 
clothes  want  so  good. 

Well  that  was  the  end  of  the  war  in  the  northern 
states.  There  was  a  little  skirmishing  away  off  to  the 
south  afterwards,  but  nothing  to  be  compared  to  that. 
The  battle  of  Burgwine  was  what  achieved  our  inde- 
pendence; it  was  the  cap-stone  of  the  war;  there 
never  was  sicb  a  gloris  battle  as  that  since  the  days 
3 


26  LIFE    OF 

of  Cesar,  nor  Methuselah,  no,  nor  clear  back  to 
Adam.  I  dont  think  there  ever  was,  said  Mr.  Johnson, 
handing  me  the  quart  mug  and  telling  me  to  run  and 
get  another  mug  of  cider;  for  before  my  grandfather 
could  get  through  the  fatigue  of  Burgwine  Mr.  John- 
son would  most  always  get  to  the  bottom  of  the  mug. 
When  I  brought  in  the  second  mug,  Mr.  Johnson 
took  another  sip  and  smacked  his  lips,  and  says  he, 
Mr.  Downing  I  should  like  to  drink  a  toast  with  you ; 
so  here  's  health  and  prosperity  to  the  apple-trees 
of  Downingville.  Mr.  Downing,  what  will  you  drink 
to  us?  said  he,  handing  the  mug  to  my  grandfather. 
Why,  I  dont  keer  about  any  cider,  said  my  grand- 
father [for  he  is  a  very  temperate  man,  and  so  are 
all  the  Downings  remarkably  temperate]  but  I  will 
jest  drink  a  little  to  the  memory  of  the  greatest  and 
the  bravest  Gineral  that  this  world  ever  see  yet;  so 
here  's  my  respects  to  old  Gineral  Gates'  stub  cue. 
By  this  time  my  Grandfather  having  poured  out  of 
him  the  whole  fatigue  of  Burgwine ;  and  Mr.  John- 
son having  poured  into  him  about  three  pints  of  ci- 
der, they  would  both  of  them  feel  pretty  considerably 
relieved,  and  Mr.  Johnson  would  bid  us  good  night 
and  go  home. 

I  take  it  that  it  was  hearing  these  stories  of  my 
grandfather's  bravery  told  over  so  often  in  my  young- 
er days,  that  made  me  such  a  military  character  as  to 
induce  the  President  to  appoint  me  to  the  command 
at  Madawaska,  and  also  to  go  to  South  Carolina  to 
put  down  the  Nullifiers.  But  I  'm  getting  a  little 
before  my  story,  for  I  have  n't  got  through  with  my 
grandfather  yet,  and  my  father  comes  before  I  do  too. 
As  I  said  afore,  my  grandfather  Avas  the  first  set- 
tler in  Downingville.  When  he  got  through  sogering 
in  the  revolutionary  war,  he  took  a  notion  he  'd  go 
and  pick  him  out  a  good  lot  of  land  away  down  east 
to  settle  on,  where  there  was  land  enough  to  be  had 
jest  for  whistling  for  it,  and  where  his  boys  would 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  27 

have  a  chance  to  do  something  in  the  world.  So  he 
took  grandmother  and  the  two  boys,  for  father  and 
Uncle  Joshua  were  all  the  boys  he  had  then,  and 
packed  them  into  a  horse  waggon,  and  took  an  axe 
and  a  hoe  and  a  shovel,  and  some  victuals,  and  a  bed 
tick  to  put  some  straw  in,  and  a  gun  and  some  blank- 
ets and  one  thing  another,  and  started  off  down  east. 
He  drove  away  into  Maine  till  he  got  clear  to  the 
end  of  the  road,  and  then  he  picked  his  way  along 
through  the  woods  and  round  the  pond  five  miles 
further,  till  he  got  to  the  very  spot  where  Downing- 
ville  now  is,  and  there  he  stopt  and  baited  his  horse, 
and  while  grandmother  and  the  boys  sot  down  and 
took  a  bit  of  a  luncheon,  grandfather  went  away  up 
top  of  one  of  the  hills  to  take  a  view  of  the  country. 
And  when  he  come  down  again,  says  he,  I  guess  we 
may  as  well  ontackle,  for  I  dont  believe  we  shall 
find  a  better  place  if  we  travel  all  summer.  So  he  on- 
tackled  the  old  horse,  and  took  the  waggon  and  turn- 
ed it  over  against  a  great  oak  tree,  and  put  some 
bushes  up  round  it  and  made  a  pretty  comfortable 
sort  of  a  house  for  'em  to  sleep  in  a  few  nights,  and 
then  he  took  his  axe  and  slashed  away  amongst  the 
trees.  But  that  old  oak  never  was  cut  down;  it  's 
the  very  same  one  that  stands  out  a  little  ways  in 
front  of  grandfather's  house  now.  And  poor  old  grand- 
mother as  long  as  she  lived,  for  she  's  been  dead  about 
five  years,  always  made  a  practice  once  a  year,  when 
the  day  come  round  that  they  first  camped  under  the 
old  oak,  to  have  the  table  carried  out  and  set  under  the 
tree,  and  all  hands,  children  and  grand-children,  had 
to  go  and  eat  supper  there,  and  the  good  old  lady 
always  used  to  tell  over  the  whole  story  how  she 
slept  eight  nights  under  the  waggon,  and  how  they 
were  the  sweetest  nights'  rest  she  ever  had. 

Well,  grandfather  he  smashed  away  among  the 
trees,  and  he  soon  had  a  half  a  dozen  acres  of  'em 
sprawling,  and  while  they  were  drying  in  the  sun  he 


28  LIFE    OP 

went  to  work  and  built  him  a  snug  little  log  house, 
and  made  two  stools  to  set  on,  one  for  him  and  one 
for  grandmother,  and  a  couple  of  blocks  for  the  boys. 
He  made  a  stone  fireplace  in  one  corner  of  the  house, 
and  left  a  hole  in  one  corner  of  the  roof  for  the  smoke 
to  go  out,  and  he  got  it  all  fixed  as  nice  as  a  new  pin, 
and  then  they  moved  into  it;  and  I've  heard  grand- 
mother say  more  than  a  hundred  times,  that  she  raly 
believed  she  took  more  comfort  in  that  log  house, 
than  ever  a  queen  took  in  a  palace. 

When  the  leaves  and  the  twigs  of  the  trees  that 
grandfather  had  cut  down  had  got  considerable  dry 
in  the  sun,  he  went  out  one  warm  clear  afternoon  and 
sot  fire  to  'em.  The  wind  was  blowing  a  considera- 
ble of  a  breeze  from  the  southward,  and  the  fire 
spread  almost  as  fast  as  a  horse  could  run.  Grand- 
mother used  to  say  it  was  the  grandest  sight  she  ever 
see,  to  see  them  are  six  acres  of  trees  all  in  a  light 
fiame  at  once,  and  the  fire  streaming  up  as  high  as 
the  tallest  pines,  sometimes  in  a  broad  red  sheet,  and 
sometimes  in  narrow  strips  that  went  up  rolling  and 
bending  like  ten  thousand  fiery  dragon's  tongues. 
After  the  fire  had  gone  through  it  grandfather  went 
to  work  to  clear  it  up.  He  picked  up  the  limbs  and 
bits  that  were  left  and  threw  'em  in  heaps  and  sot  fire 
to  'em  again,  and  he  laid  sticks  across  the  large  logs 
that  were  too  heavy  to  move,  and  niggered  them  off 
with  fire,  and  then  rooUed  them  up  in  piles  and  sot 
fire  to  'em  again  and  burnt  'em  all  up  smack  smooth. 
Then  he  went  to  work  and  planted  the  ground  all 
over  to  corn,  and  potatoes,  and  punkins,  and  beans, 
and  squashes,  and  round  near  the  house  he  planted 
water-millions,  and  mush-millions,  and  cowcumbers, 
and  beats  and  carrots  and  tarnips;  and  grandmother 
carried  out  a  whole  apron  full  of  seeds  of  all  kinds  of 
arbs  that  ever  grew  in  old  Massachusetts,  and  sowed 
'em  all  round,  and  they  come  up  as  thick  as  hops. 

After  this  the  family  of  old  Mr.  Zebedee  Downing 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  29 

always  lived  like  heroes  and  never  knew  what  it  was 
to  be  in  want.  They  had  ten  children,  and  a  smart 
likely  set  of  boys  and  gals  they  were  too,  and  they 
all  lived  to  grow  up,  and  were  all  married  and  well 
to  do  in  the  world.  Father,  whose  name  was  Solo- 
mon, was  the  oldest  boy,  and  as  they  grew  up,  the 
hardest  of  the  work  naturally  fell  upon  him,  and  as 
grandfather  begun  to  get  along  considerable  in  years, 
father  had  to  take  the  principal  care  of  the  farm.  So 
that  he  was  always  called  a  hard-working  boy  and  *a 
hard-working  man.  He  had  a  quiet  peaceable  dispo- 
sition, and  was  never  known  to  quarrel  with  any  body, 
and  scarcely  ever  to  speak  a  hash  word.  He  was 
always  out  as  soon  as  it  was  light  in  the  morning, 
and  worked  as  long  as  he  could  see  at  night,  and  let 
the  weather  be  what  it  would,  cold  or  hot,  rain  or 
shine,  his  day's  work  was  never  left  undone.  But 
this  hard  work,  and  going  out  in  the  wet  and  cold  so 
much,  brought  on  the  rumaties  and  made  an  old  man 
of  him  before  he  was  fifty.  For  ten  years  past  he 
has  n't  been  able  to  do  hardly  any  thing,  and  he 
can't  get  about  now  half  so  smart  as  grandfather, 
although  he  is  twenty-two  years  younger. 

Uncle  Joshua  was  the  next  oldest,  and  he  was  as 
different  from  father  as  a  toad  wants  a  tail.  He  was 
a  clear  shirk,  and  never  would  work  if  he  could  help 
it.  But  he  was  always  good-natured,  and  full  of  his 
pranks,  and  kept  his  clack  agoing  the  whole  day 
long;  so  that  the  boys  used  to  like  him,  and  whenever 
they  wanted  to  have  any  frolic  or  fun  they  always 
used  to  go  to  him  to  take  the  lead.  As  he  grew  up 
he  took  to  reading  considerable,  and  after  they  begun 
to  have  newspapers  at  Downingville  he  was  a  master 
hand  to  read  newspapers  and  talk  politics,  and  by  the 
time  he  was  twenty-five  years  old  he  knew  more 
about  politics  than  any  other  man  in  Downingville. 
When  he  was  thirty  years  old  he  was  chosen  Mod- 
erator of  the  town  meeting,  and  has  been  chosen  to 
3* 


30 


LIFE    OF 


that  office  every  year  since.  He's  been  a  squire  a 
good  many  years,  and  has  held  most  all  the  offices 
in  town  one  after  another,  and  is  on  the  whole  con- 
sidered the  foremost  man  in  Downingville.  He  is 
now  Post  Master  of  the  United  States  for  Downing- 
ville, an  office  which  I  was  the  means  of  helping  him 
to  by  my  acquaintance  with  the  President.  Uncle 
Joshua  has  been  a  considerable  of  a  trading  sort  of  a 
character,  and  he  's  got  pretty  well  afore  hand,  so 
that  he  lives  in  a  nice  two  story  house,  painted  red, 
with  a  good  orchard  round  it,  and  owns  a  good  farm, 
and  a  saw-mill,  besides  considerable  wild  land. 

I  cant  stop  now  to  tell  about  the  rest  of  my  uncles 
and  ants,  for  I've  got  so  many  letters  to  put  into  this 
book  that  if  I  stop  to  tell  about  one  half  of  my  rela- 
tions there  would  n't  be  room  enough  for  the  letters; 
and  it  would  n't  do  to  leave  them  out,  for  they  con- 
tain all  the  history  of  my  public  life.  So  I  may  as 
well  break  right  off  froi^  the  rest  of  'em,  and  begin 
to  tell  about  myself. 

I  believe  I  was  born  somewhere  about  the  year 
seventeen  hundred  and  ninety-five,  more  or  less,  and 
mother  says  I  was  the  smartest  baby  that  she  ever 
see.  I  dont  speak  of  this  by  way  of  bragging,  but  as 
I  am  writing  a  history  to  go  before  the  world,  I'm 
bound  to  be  impartial.  She  says  before  I  was  a  week 
old  I  showed  that  I  was  real  grit,  and  could  kick  and 
scream  two  hours  upon  the  stretch,  and  not  seem  to 
be  the  least  bit  tired  that  ever  was.  But  I  dont  re- 
member any  thing  about  this.  The  first  I  remember, 
I  found  myself  one  cold  November  day,  when  I  was 
about  five  years  old,  bareheaded  and  barefoot,  sliding 
on  the  ice.  It  had  been  a  snapping  cold  night,  and 
in  the  morning  the  pond  was  all  froze  over  as  smooth 
as  glass,  and  hard  enough  to  bear  a  horse.  All  the 
boys  in  the  neighborhood,  and  most  all  the  gals, 
turned  out  and  had  a  fine  frolic  that  day,  sliding  and 
running  on  the  pond.     JVlost  of  tlie  larger  boys  had 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNi:\G.  31 

shoes,  but  we  little  tellers  that  want  big  enough  to 
wear  shoes  had  to  tuff  it  out  as  well  as  we  could. 
I  carried  a  great  pine  chip  in  my  hand,  and  when  my 
feet  got  so  cold  I  could  n't  stand  it  no  longer,  I'd  put 
the  chip  down  and  stand  on  that  a  little  while  and 
warm  'em,  and  then  at  it  to  sliding  again  like  a  two 
year  old. 

When  I  got  to  be  considerable  of  a  boy  I  used  to 
have  to  work  with  father  on  the  farm.  But  it  always 
seemed  to  go  rather  against  my  grain,  and  father  used 
to  say  that  I  did  n't  love  work  a  bit  better  than  uncle 
Joshua  did,  without  he'd  give  me  my  stent,  and  then  he 
said  I  would  spring  to  it  and  get  it  done  by  noon,  and 
go  off  round  the  pond  in  the  afternoon  fishing  or  hunt- 
ing musquash.  I  think  I  took  the  most  comfort  in 
catching  musquash  of  any  thing  I  used  to  do.  There 
was  a  good  deal  of  pleasure  in  catching  pickerel;  to 
take  a  long  fishing  pole  and  line,  and  go  down  to  the 
pond  in  the  morning,  and  stand  on  a  log  whose  top 
limbs  run  away  off"  into  the  water,  and  throw  the  hook 
off*  and  bob  it  about  on  the  top  of  the  water,  and  see 
a  great  pickerel  jump  and  catch  it,  and  wait  a  minute 
or  two  for  him  to  get  it  v/ell  into  his  mouth,  and  then 
pull  him  ashore,  kicking  and  jumping  and  flouncing — 
this  was  most  capital  fun,  but  it  want  quite  equal  to 
musquashing.  I  had  a  little  steel  trap,  and  I  used  to 
go  down  at  night  to  the  bank  of  a  brook  that  run  into 
the  pond,  and  set  the  trap  on  the  bank  just  under 
water,  and  fasten  it  by  a  line  to  a  stake  or  a  tree,  and 
put  a  bit  of  a  parsnip  on  a  stick  and  place  it  over  the 
trap  a  little  above  the  water,  and  then  go  home  and 
sleep  as  well  as  I  could  for  dreaming  of  musquashes, 
and  as  soon  as  it  was  cleverly  light  in  the  morning  go 
down  to  the  pond  and  creep  along  where  the  trap  was 
sot,  with  my  heart  in  my  mouth,  wondering  if  it  was 
sprung  or  no,  and  come  along  to  the  stake  and  see  no 
trap,  but  the  line  drawn  straight  out  into  the  water, 
then  take  hold  of  the  line  and  draw  up  the  trap,  and 


52  LIFE    OF 

see  it  rising  up  through  the  water  fast  hold  of  a  great 
plump  musquash,  as  dead  as  a  drownded  rat  and  full 
of  fir  as  a  beaver,  this  was  fun  alive;  it  made  me  feel 
as  nicely  as  though  I  was  hauling  up  a  bucket  of  dol- 
lars. The  summer  I  was  fourteen  years  old  I  catch- 
ed  enough  to  buy  me  a  fur  hat,  and  a  pair  of  shoes, 
and  a  new  jacket  and  trowses;  and  enough  to  buy  me 
,  a  pretty  good  new  suit  of  clothes  almost  every  summer 
after  that  till  I  was  twenty.  Howsomever  I  used  to 
stick  to  the  farm  pretty  well,  and  help  father  along  all 
I  could,  for  after  I  got  old  enough  to  think  more  about 
it,  it  used  to  hurt  my  feelings  to  see  the  old  gentleman 
work  so  hard.  And  many  a  time  v*hen  he  has  taken 
hold  of  a  hard  job  to  do,  I  have  gone  to  him  and  took 
it  out  of  his  hands,  and  said,  now  father  you  go  into 
the  house  and  set  down  and  rest  you,  and  let  me  do 
this.  And  the  old  gentleman  would  turn  round,  but 
I  could  seethe  water  come  into  his  eyes,  and  he  would 
say,  '  Well  Jack,  you  are  a  kind  boy,  let  folks  say 
what  they  will  of  you ; '  and  then  he  would  take  his 
staff  and  walk  away  into  the  house. 

We  used  to  have  a  school  in  Downingville  about 
three  months  in  the  winter  season  and  two  months  in 
the  summer,  and  I  went  to  the  winter  school  three 
winters,  from  the  time  I  was  twelve  till  I  was  fifteen. 
And  I  was  called  about  the  best  scholar  of  my  age 
that  there  was  in  school.  But  to  be  impartial,  I  must 
confess  the  praise  did  n't  always  all  belong  to  me,  for 
I  used  sometimes  to  work  headwork  a  little  in  order  to 
get  the  name  of  being  a  smart  scholar.  One  instance 
of  it  was  in  reading.  I  got  along  in  reading  so  well, 
that  the  master  said  I  read  better  than  some  of  the  boys 
that  were  considerable  older  than  I,  and  that  had  been 
to  school  a  dozen  winters.  But  the  way  I  managed 
it  was  this.  There  was  cousin  Obediah  was  the  best 
reader  there  was  in  school,  and  as  clever  a  boy  as 
one  in  a  thousand,  only  his  father  had  n't  got  no  or- 
chard.    So  I  used  to  carry  a  great  apple  to  school  in 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  33 

my  pocket  every  day  and  give  to  him  to  get  him  to  set 
behind  me  when  I  was  reading,  where  he  could  peak 
into  my  book,  and  when  I  come  to  a  hard  word,  have 
him  whisper  it  to  me,  and  then  I  read  it  out  loud. 
Well,  one  day  I  was  reading  along  so,  pretty  glib,  and 
at  last  I  come  to  a  pesky  great  long  crooked  word, 
that  I  could  n't  make  head  nor  tail  to  it.  So  I  waited 
for  Obediah.  But  it  proved  to  be  a  match  for  Obedi- 
ah.  He  peaked,  and  squinted,  and  choked,  and  I 
was  catching  my  breath  and  waiting  for  him  to  speak; 
and  at  last  he  found  he  could  do  nothing  with  it,  and 
says  he  '  skip  it.'  The  moment  I  heard  the  sound  I 
bawled  out,  skij)  it.  What's  that?  said  the  master, 
looking  at  me  as  queer  as  though  he  had  catched  a 
weazel  asleep.  I  stopt  and  looked  at  the  word  again, 
and  poked  my  tongue  out,  and  waited  for  Obediah. 
Well,  Obediah  give  me  a  hunch,  and  whispered  again, 
'  skip  it.'  Then  I  bawled  out  again,  ship  it.  At  that 
the  master  and  about  one  half  the  scholars  yaw-hawed 
right  out.  I  could  n't  stand  that;  and  I  dropt  the  book 
and  streaked  it  out  of  school,  and  pulled  foot  for  home 
as  fast  as  I  could  go,  and  I  never  showed  my  head  in 
school  again  from  that  day  to  this.  But  for  all  that,  I 
made  out  to  pick  up  a  pretty  good  education.  I  got 
sol  could  read  and  spell  like  a  fox,  and  could  cypher 
as  far  as  the  rule  of  three.  And  when  I  got  to  be 
about  twenty  years  old,  I  was  strongly  talked  of 
one  winter  for  schoolmaster.  But  as  a  good  many 
of  the  same  boys  and  gals  would  go  to  me,  that  were 
in  the  school  when  I  read  '  skip  it,'  I  did  n't  dare  to 
venture  it  for  fear  there  would  be  a  sort  of  a  snicker- 
ing among  'em  whenever  any  of  the  scholars  come  to 
a  hard  word. 

So  I  jogged  along  with  father  on  the  farm.  But 
let  me  be  doing  what  I  would,  whether  it  was  hoeing 
potatoes,  or  pitching  hay,  or  making  stone  wall,  or 
junking  and  piling  logs,  I  never  could  feel  exactly 
easy ;  some  thing  seemed  to  keep  ringing  in  my  ears 


34  LIFE    OF 

all  the  time,  and  saying  I  was  made  to  do  something 
else  in  the  world  besides  this.  And  an  old  woman 
that  come  along  and  told  fortunes,  when  she  come  to 
tell  mine,  said  that  wherever  I  should  go  and  what- 
ever I  should  undertake  to  do,  I  should  always  get  to 
the  top  of  the  ladder.  I  believe  I.  have  mentioned  it 
somewhere  in  one  of  my  letters.  Well,  this  made 
me  keep  a  thinking  so  much  the  harder,  and  wonder- 
ing what  I  should  be  in  the  world,  and  although  I 
used  to  stick  to  my  work  as  steady  as  any  of  the  boys, 
yet  I  used  to  feel  as  uneasy  as  a  fish  out  of  water. 
But  what  made  me  think  most  about  it  was  father. 
He  always  used  to  stand  to  it  I  was  smarter  than 
common  boys,  and  used  to  tell  mother  she  might  de- 
pend upon  it,  if  I  lived  and  nothing  did  n't  happen  to 
me,  I  should  some  day  or  other  raise  the  name  of  the 
Downings  higher  than  it  ever  had  been  yet. 

At  last  father  dreampt  a  dream,  that  put  the  cap- 
stone upon  the  whole  of  it.  He  dreampt  that  I  was 
out  in  the  field  hoeing  potatoes,  and  he  stood  leaning 
over  his  staff,  as  he  very  often  used  to  do,  looking  at 
me.  By  and  by  he  said  I  stopt  hoeing,  and  stood  up 
and  leaned  my  chin  on  my  hoe  handle,  and  seemed  to 
look  up  towards  the  sky;  and  he  said  I  looked  as 
calm  as  the  moon  in  a  clear  summer  night.  Present- 
ly my  hat  begun  to  rise  up  gradually,  and  dropt  off 
on  the  ground,  but  I  stood  still.  Then  he  said  the 
top  of  my  head  begun  to  open,  and  a  curious  green 
plant  begun  to  sprout  up  out  of  it.  And  it  grew  up 
about  two  feet,  and  sent  out  ever  so  many  young 
branches  with  broad  green  leaves,  and  then  the  little 
buds  begun  to  open  and  roll  out  great  clusters  of  the 
most  beautiful  bright  flowers  one  above  another  that 
ever  he  see  in  all  his  life.  He  watched  'em  till  they 
all  got  blowed  out  into  a  great  round  bunch,  as  big  as 
a  bushel  basket;  and  then  he  waked  up,  and  he  felt 
so  he  got  right  out  of  bed  and  walked  the  floor  till 
morning.     And  when  we  all  got  up,  he  sot  down  and 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  35 

told  the  dream  over  to  I  and  mother.  Mother  sot 
with  her  pocket  handkerchief  wiping  the  tears  out  of 
her  eyes  all  the  time  he  was  telling  of  it ;  and  I  felt 
as  though  my  blood  was  running  cold  all  over  me. 
But  from  that  time  I  always  felt  sure  the  time  would 
come  when  Downingville  would  n't  be  big  enough  to 
hold  me,  and  that  I  should  do  something  or  other  in 
the  world  that  would  be  worth  telling  of;  but  what 
it  would  be  I  couldn't  think. 

Well,  I  kept  jogging  along  on  the  farm  after  the 
same  old  sort,  year  after  year,  so  long,  and  there 
didn't  nothing  happen  to  me,  that  sometimes  I  almost 
begun  to  give  it  up,  and  think  sure  enough  it  was  all 
nothing  but  a  dream.  Still  I  kept  having  spells  that 
I  felt  terrible  uneasy,  and  was  tempted  forty  times  to 
pack  up  and  go  and  seek  my  fortune.  I  might  tell  a 
good  deal  more  about  my  life,  and  my  uncles  and  ants 
and  cousins,  and  the  rest  of  the  neighbors:  but  I  be- 
gin to  feel  a  most  tired  of  writing  my  life,  and  believe 
I  shall  have  to  serve  it  pretty  much  as  I  planted  my 
watermillion  seeds.  And  that  was  this.  When  I 
was  about  six  or  seven  years  old,  our  folks  give  me 
a  pint  of  watennillion  seeds  and  told  me  to  go  out 
into  the  field  and  plant  'em  for  myself,  and  I  might 
have  all  I  could  raise.  So  off  1  goes  tickled  enough. 
And  I  went  to  work  and  punched  little  holes  down  in 
the  ground  and  put  in  one  seed  to  time  along  in  a  row, 
three  or  four  inches  apart,  till  I  got  about  half  the 
seeds  planted.  It  was  rather  a  warm  afternoon  and 
I  begun  to  feel  a  little  tired,  so  I  took  and  dug  a  hole 
and  poured  the  rest  of  the  seeds  all  in  together,  and 
covered  'em  up,  and  went  into  the  house.  Well, 
mother  asked  me  if  I  'd  planted  my  seeds;  yes  mam, 
says  I.  What,  all  of  'em,  says  she?  Yes  mam,  says 
I.  But  you  've  been  very  spry,  says  she,  how  did 
you  get  them  done  so  quick  ?  O,  says  I,  easy  enough; 
I  planted  'em  in  a  hill  and  a  row.  And  when  they 
begun  to  come  up  they  found  'em  in  a  hill  and  a  row 


36  LIFE    OF 

sure  enough.  So  I  believe  I  shall  have  to  pour  the 
rest  of  my  life  into  a  hill,  and  let  it  go. 

To  come  then  right  to  the  pint — I  dont  mean  the 
pint  of  watermillion  seeds,  but  the  pint  in  my  life 
which  seemed  to  be  the  turning  pint — In  the  fall  of 
the  year  1829  I  took  it  into  my  head  I  'd  go  to  Port- 
land. I  had  heard  a  good  deal  about  Portland,  what 
a  fine  place  it  was,  and  how  the  folks  got  rich  there 
proper  fast;  and  that  fall  there  was  a  couple  of  new 
papers  come  up  to  Downmgville  from  there,  called 
the  Portland  Courier  and  Family  Reader;  and  they 
told  a  good  many  queer  kind  of  things  about  Portland 
and  one  thing  another;  and  all  at  once  it  popped  into 
my  head,  and  I  up  and  told  father,  and  says  I,  I  'm 
going  to  Portland  whether  or  no;  and  I'll  see  what 
this  world  is  made  of  yet.  Father  stared  a  little  at 
first,  and  said  he  was  afraid  I  should  get  lost;  but 
when  he  see  I  was  bent  upon  it,  he  give  it  up;  and 
he  stepped  to  his  chist  and  opened  the  till,  and  took 
out  a  dollar  and  give  to  me,  and  says  he,  Jack,  this 
is  all  I  can  do  for  you;  but  go,  and  lead  an  honest 
life,  and  I  believe  I  shall  hear  good  of  you  yet.  He 
turned  and  walked  across  the  room,  but  I  could  see 
the  tears  start  into  his  eyes,  and  mother  sot  down  and 
had  a  hearty  crying  spell.  This  made  me  feel  rather 
bad  for  a  minute  or  two,  and  I  almost  had  a  mind  to 
give  it  up;  and  then  again  father's  dream  came  into 
my  mind,  and  I  mustered  up  courage,  and  declared 
I  'd  go.  So  I  tackled  up  the  old  horse  and  packed 
in  a  load  of  ax  handles  and  a  few  notions,  and  mother 
fried  me  some  dough-nuts  and  put  'em  into  a  box 
along  with  some  cheese  and  sassages,  and  ropped  me 
up  another  shirt,  for  I  told  her  I  didn't  know  how 
long  I  should  be  gone;  and  after  I  got  all  rigged  out, 
I  went  round  and  bid  all  the  neighbors  good  bye,  and 
jumped  in  and  drove  off  for  Portland. 

Ant  Sally  had  been  married  two  or  three  years  be- 
fore and  moved  to  Portland,  and  I  inquired  round  till 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  37 

I  found  out  where  she  lived,  and  went  there  and  put 
the  old  horse  up  and  eat  some  supper  and  went  to 
bed.  And  the  next  morning  I  got  up  and  straightened 
right  off  to  see  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier, 
for  I  knew  by  what  I  had  seen  in  his  paper  that  he 
was  jest  the  man  to  tell  me  which  way  to  steer.  And 
when  I  come  to  see  him  I  knew  I  was  right ;  for  soon 
as  I  told  him  my  name  and  what  I  wanted,  he  took 
me  by  the  hand  as  kind  as  if  he  had  been  a  brother; 
and  says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  I  '11  do  any  thing  I  can 
to  assist  you.  You  have  come  to  a  good  town;  Port- 
land is  a  healthy  thriving  place,  and  any  man  with  a 
proper  degree  of  enterprise  may  do  well  here.  But 
says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  and  he  looked  mighty  kind 
of  knowing,  says  he,  if  you  want  to  make  out  to  your 
mind,  you  must  do  as  the  steamboats  do.  Well,  says 
I,  how  do  they  do?  for  I  did  n't  know  what  a  steam- 
boat was,  any  more  than  the  man  in  the  moon.  Why, 
says  he,  they  go  ahead.  And  you  must  drive  about 
among  the  folks  here  jest  as  though  you  were  at  home 
on  the  farm  among  the  cattle.  Dont  be  afraid  of  any 
of  'em,  but  figure  away,  and  I  dare  say  you  will  get 
into  good  business  in  a  very  little  while.  But  says 
he,  there  's  one  thing  you  must  be  careful  of,  and 
that  is  not  to  get  into  the  hands  of  them  are  folks  that 
trades  up  round  Huckler's  Row;  for  there's  some 
sharpers  up  there,  if  they  get  hold  of  you,  would 
twist  your  eye  teeth  out  in  five  minutes.  Well  after 
he  had  gin  me  all  the  good  advice  he  could  I  went 
back  to  Ant  Sally's  again  and  got  some  breakfast, 
and  then  I  walked  all  over  the  town  to  see  what 
chance  I  could  find  to  sell  my  ax  handles  and  things, 
and  to  get  into  business. 

After  I  had  walked  about  three  or  four  hours  I 
come  along  towards  the  upper  end  of  the  town  where 
I  found  there  were  stores  and  shops  of  all  sorts  and 
sizes.  And  I  met  a  feller,  and  says  I,  what  place  is 
this.^  Why  this  says  he,  is  Huckler's  Row.  What, 
4 


38 


LIFE    OF 


sajs  I,  are  these  the  stores  where  the  traders  in 
Hucklcr's  Row  keep?  And  says  he,  yes.  Well 
then,  thinks  I  to  myself,  I  have  a  pesky  good  mind 
to  go  in  and  have  a  try  with  one  of  these  chaps,  and 
see  if  they  can  twist  my  eye  teeth  out.  If  they  can 
get  the  best  end  of  a  bargain  out  of  me,  they  can  do 
what  there  aint  a  man  in  Downingville  can  do,  and  I 
should  jest  like  to  know  what  sort  of  stuff  these  ere 
Portland  chaps  are  made  of  So  in  I  goes  into  the 
best  looking  store  among  'em.  And  I  see  some  bis- 
cuit lying  on  the  shelf,  and  says  I,  Mister,  how  much 
do  you  ax  apiece  for  them  are  biscuit?  A  cent  apiece, 
says  he.  Well,  says  I,  I  shant  give  you  that,  but  if 
you've  a  mind  to,  I'll  give  you  two  cents  for  three 
of  'em,  for  I  begin  to  feel  a  little  as  though  I  should 
like  to  take  a  bite.  Well,  says  he,  I  would  n't  sell 
'em  to  any  body  else  so,  but  seeing  it's  you  I  dont 
care  if  you  take  'em.  I  knew  he  lied,  tor  he  never 
see  me  before  in  his  life.  Well  he  handed  down  the 
biscuits  and  I  took  'em,  and  walked  round  the  store 
awhile  to  see  what  else  he  had  to  sell.  At  last,  says 
I,  Mister,  have  you  got  any  good  new  cider?  Says 
he,  yes,  as  good  as  ever  you  see.  Well,  says  I, 
what  do  you  ax  a  glass  for  it?  Two  cents,  says  he. 
Well,  says  I,  seems  to  me  I  feel  more  dry  than  I  do 
hungry  now.  Aint  you  a  mind  to  take  these  ere 
biscuit  again  and  give  me  a  glass  of  cider?  And 
says  he  I  dont  care  if  I  do;  so  he  took  and  laid  'em 
on  the  shelf  again,  and  poured  out  a  glass  of  cider. 
I  took  the  cider  and  drinkt  it  down,  and  to  tell  the 
truth  it  was  capital  good  cider.  Then,  says  I,  I  guess 
it's  time  for  me  to  be  a  going,  and  I  stept  along  to- 
wards the  door.  But,  says  he,  stop  Mister.  I  believe 
you  have  n't  paid  me  for  the  cider.  Not  paid  you  for 
the  cider,  says  I,  what  do  you  mean  by  that?  Didn't 
the  biscuit  that  I  give  you  jest  come  to  the  cider? 
Oh,  ah,  right,  says  he.  So  I  started  to  go  again; 
and  says  he,  but  stop,  Mister,  you  didn't  pay  me  for 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  39 

the  biscuit.  What,  says  I,  do  you  mean  to  impose 
upon  me?  do  you  think  I  am  going  to  pay  you  for  the 
biscuit  and  let  you  keep  'em  tu?  Aint  they  there 
now  on  your  shelf,  what  more  do  you  want  ?  I  guess 
sir,  you  dont  whittle  me  in  that  way.  So  I  turned 
about  and  marched  off,  and  left  the  feller  staring  and 
thinking  and  scratching  his  head,  as  though  he  was 
struck  with  a  dunderment.  Howsomever,  I  did  n't 
want  to  cheat  him,  only  jest  to  show  'em  it  want  so 
easy  a  matter  to  pull  my  eye  teeth  out,  so  I  called 
in  next  day  and  paid  him  his  two  cents.  Well  I  staid 
at  Ant  Sally's  a  week  or  two,  and  I  went  about  town 
every  day  to  see  what  chance  I  could  find  to  trade 
off  my  ax  handles,  or  hire  out,  or  find  some  way  or 
other  to  begin  to  seek  my  fortune. 

And  I  must  confess  the  editor  of  the  Courier  was 
about  right  in  calling  Portland  a  pretty  good  thriving 
sort  of  a  place;  every  body  seemed  to  be  as  busy  as 
so  many  bees;  and  the  masts  of  the  vessels  stuck  up 
round  the  wharves  as  thick  as  pine  trees  in  uncle 
Joshua's  pasture;  and  the  stores  and  the  shops  were 
so  thick,  it  seemed  as  if  there  was  no  end  to  'em. 
In  short  although  I  have  been  round  the  world  con- 
siderable, from  that  time  to  this,  all  the  way  from 
Madawaska  to  Washington,  I  've  never  seen  any 
place  yet  that  I  think  has  any  business  to  grin  at 
Portland. 

At  last  I  happened  to  blunder  into  the  Legislator; 
and  I  believe  that  was  the  beginning  of  my  good  luck. 
I  see  such  queer  kinds  of  carrying  on  there,  that  I 
could  n't  help  setting  down  and  writing  to  cousin 
Ephraim  to  tell  uncle  Joshua  about  it;  because  he 
always  wanted  to  know  everything  that's  going  on  in 
politics.  So  I  went  to  the  editor  of  the  Portland 
Courier,  for  I  had  got  out  of  money,  and  asked  him 
if  he  would  be  so  good  as  to  lend  me  ninepence  to 
pay  the  postage.  And  he  said  he  would  with  all  his 
heart.     But  he  could  tell  me  a  better  way  than  that; 


40  LIFE    OF    MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 

if  I  had  a  mind  to  let  him  have  the  letter  he  would 
send  it  up  in  the  Courier  and  it  would'nt  cost  any 
postage  at  all.  So  I  let  him  have  it,  and  fact,  he 
went  right  to  work  and  printed  it  in  the  Courier  as 
large  as  life.  He  said  he  would  n't  let  any  body  see 
it  but  cousin  Ephraim;  but  somehow  or  other  it 
leaked  out  and  was  all  over  the  Legislator  the  next 
morning,  and  every  body  was  inquiring  for  Mr.  Down- 
ing. Well  this  kind  of  got  me  right  into  public  life 
at  once;  and  I  've  been  in  public  life  ever  since,  and 
have  been  writing  letters  and  rising  up  along  gradu- 
ally one  step  after  another,  till  I  've  got  up  along  side 
of  the  President,  and  am  talked  of  now  pretty  strong 
for  President  myself,  and  have  been  nominated  in  a 
good  many  of  the  first  papers  in  the  country. 

All  my  public  life  pretty  much  may  be  found  in  my 
letters.  And  I  shall  put  'em  into  this  book  along  one 
after  another  jest  as  they  come,  from  the  time  I  first 
sent  that  letter  in  the  Portland  Courier  to  cousin 
Ephraim  till  this  time.  I  don't  know  but  some  of  the 
politics  in  'em  will  want  a  little  explaining  along  by 
the  way,  so  I  have  got  my  friend  the  editor  of  the 
Portland  Courier,  to  put  in  some  notes  wherever  he 
thinks  they  want  'em. 


Tosiether  with  a  few  from  Cousin  JVabby,  and  Uncle 
Joshua,  and  Cousin  Ephraim,  and  so  on;  containing 
a  pretty  considerable  account  of  my  public  life  from 
Jinuary  1830  to  JVovember  1833. 

[Xote  hy  the  Editor.  The  political  struggle  in  the  Legislature 
of  Maine  in  the  winter  of  1830  will  long  be  remembered.  The 
preceding  electioneering  campaign  had  been  carried  on  with  a 
bitterness  and  personality  unprecedented  in  the  State,  and  so 
nearly  were  the  parties  divided,  that  before  the  meeting  of  the 
Legislature  to  count  the  votes  for  Governor  both  sides  confidently 
claimed  the  victory.  Hence  the  members  came  together  with 
feelings  highly  excited,  prepared  to  dispute  every  inch  of  ground, 
and  ready Ilo  take  fire  at  the  first  spark  which  colhsion  might 
produce.  A  fierce  war  commenced  at  the  first  moment  of  the 
meeting,  and  continued  for  about  six  weeks  without  intermis- 
sion, before  they  succeeded  in  organizing  the  government.  It 
was  during  this  state  of  things  that  Mr.  Downing  fortunately 
happened  lo  drop  into  the  Legislature,  when  his  prolific  genius 
was  at  once  fired  to  record  th^e  scenes  that  were  passing  before 
him,  for  the  edification  not  only  of  the  present  generation  but  of 
remote  posterity.  In  explanation  of  the  first  letter,  it  may  be 
remarked,  that  as  soon  as  the  Representatives  had  assembled, 
Albert  Smith,  Esq.  of  Nobleborough,  the  present  Marshal  of 
Maine,  called  them  to  order,  and  nominated  Mr.  White  of  Mon- 
mouth, Chairman,  who  was  declared  elected  without  ceremony, 
and  took  the  chair.  After  he  had  occupied  it  two  days  Mr. 
Goodenow  was  elected  Speaker.]  -^ 

LETTER  I. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  choosing  Speaker. 

Portland,  Monday,  Jan.  18,  1830. 
To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Dowingville. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim. — I  now  take  my  pen  in 
hand' to  let  you  know  that  I  am  well,  hoping  these 

4# 


42  LETTERS    OF 

few  lines  will  find  you  enjoying  the  same  blessing. 
When  I  come  down  to  Portland  I  did  n't  think  o' 
staying  more  than  three  or  four  days,  if  I  could 
sell  my  load  of  ax  handles,  and  mother's  cheese,  and 
cousin  Nabby's  bundle  of  footings;  but  when  I  got 
here  I  found  Uncle  Nat  was  gone  a  freighting  down 
to  Quoddy,  and  ant  Sally  said  as  how  I  should  n't  stir 
a  step  home  till  he  come  back  agin,  which  wont  be 
this  month.  So  here  I  am,  loitering  about  this  great 
town,  as  lazy  as  an  ox.  Ax  handles  dont  fetch  noth- 
ing, I  could  n't  hardly  give  'em  away.  Tell  cousin 
Nabby  I  sold  her  footings  for  nine-pence  a  pair,  and 
took  it  all  in  cotton  cloth.  Mother's  cheese  come  to 
five-and-sixpence;  I  got  her  half  a  pound  of  shushon, 
and  two  ounces  of  snuff,  and  the  rest  in  sugar.  When 
uncle  Nat  comes  home  I  shall  put  my  ax  handles 
aboard  of  him,  and  let  him  take  'em  to  Boston  next 
time  he  goes;  I  saw  a  feller  tother  day,  that  told  me 
they'd  fetch  a  good  price  there. — I've  been  here  now 
a  whole  fortnight,  and  if  I  could  tell  ye  one  half  I've 
seen,  I  guess  you'd  stare  worse  than  if  you'd  seen  a 
catamount.  I've  been  to  meeting,  and  to  the  museum, 
and  to  both  Legislators,  the  one  they  call  the  House, 
and  the  one  they  call  the  Sinnet.  I  spose  uncle  Josh- 
ua is  in  a  great  hurry  to  hear  something  about  these 
Legislaters;  for  you  know  he's  always  reading  news- 
papers, and  talking  politics,  when  he  can  get  any 
body  to  talk  with  him.  I've  seen  him,  when  he  had 
five  tons  of  hay  in  the  field  well  made,  and  a  heavy 
shower  coming  up,  stand  two  hours  disputing  with 
squire  W.  about  Adams  and  Jackson,  one  calling 
Adams  a  tory  and  a  fed,  and  the  other  saying  Jack- 
son was  a  murderer  and  a  fool ;  so  they  kept  it  up, 
till  the  rain  began  to  pour  down,  and  about  spoilt  all 
his  hay. 

Uncle  Joshua  may  set  his  heart  at  rest  about  the 
bushel  of  corn  that  he  bet  long  with  the  post-master, 
that  Mr.  Ruggles  would  be  Speaker  of  that  Legisla- 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  43 

ter,  they  call  the  House;  for  he  's  lost  it,  slick  as  a 
whistle.  As  I  had  n't  much  to  do,  I  've  been  there 
every  day  since  they  've  been  a  setting.  A  Mr.  White 
of  Monmouth  was  the  Speaker  the  two  first  days; 
and  I  cant  see  why  they  did  n't  keep  him  in  all  the 
time;  for  he  seemed  to  be  a  very  clever  good-natured 
sort  of  man,  and  he  had  such  a  smooth  pleasant  way 
with  him,  that  I  could  n't  help  feeling  sorry  when 
they  turned  him  out  and  put  in  another.  But  some 
said  he  was  n't  put  in  hardly  fair;  and  I  dont  know 
as  he  was,  for  the  first  day  when  they  were  all  com- 
ing in  and  crowding  round,  there  was  a  large  fat  man, 
with  a  round,  full,  jolly  sort  of  a  face,  I  suppose  he 
was  the  captain,  for  he  got  up  and  commanded  them 
to  come  to  order,  and  then  he  told  this  Mr.  White  to 
whip  into  the  chair  quicker  than  you  could  say  Jack 
Robinson.  Some  of  'em  scolded  about  it,  and  I  heard 
some,  in  a  little  room  they  called  the  lobby,  say  'twas 
a  mean  trick;  but  I  could  n't  see  why,  for  I  thought 
Mr.  White  made  a  capital  Speaker,  and  when  our 
company  turns  out  you  know  the  captain  always  has 
a  right  to  do  as  he  's  a  mind  to. 

They  kept  disputing  most  all  the  time  the  two  first 
days  about  a  poor  Mr.  Roberts  from  Waterborough. 
Some  said  he  should  n't  have  a  seat,  because  he 
adjourned  the  town  meeting,  and  was  n't  fairly  elect- 
ed. Others  said  it  was  no  such  thing,  and  that  he 
was  elected  as  fairly  as  any  of  'em.  —  And  Mr.  Ro- 
berts himself  said  he  was,  and  said  he  could  bring 
men  that  would  swear  to  it,  and  good  men  too.  But 
notwithstanding  all  this,  when  they  came  to  vote, 
they  got  three  or  four  majority  that  he  should  n't 
have  a  seat.  And  I  thought  it  a  needless  piece  of 
cruelty,  for  they  want  crowded,  and  there  was  a 
a  number  of  seats  empty.  But  they  would  have  it 
so,  and  the  poor  man  had  to  go  and  stand  up  in  the 
lobby. 

Then  they  disputed  awhile  about  a  Mr.  Fowler's 


44  LETTERS   OF 

having  a  seat.  Some  said  he  should  n't  have  a  seat, 
because  when  he  was  elected  some  of  his  votes  were 
given  for  his  father.  But  they  were  more  kind  to 
him  than  they  were  to  Mr.  Roberts;  for  they  voted 
that  he  should  have  a  seat;  and  I  suppose  it  was  be- 
cause they  thought  he  had  a  lawful  right  to  inherit 
whatever  was  his  father's.  They  all  declared  there 
was  no  party  politics  about  it,  and  I  dont  think  there 
was;  for  I  noticed  that  all  who  voted  that  Mr.  Roberts 
should  have  a  seat,  voted  that  Mr.  Fowler  should 
not;  and  all  who  voted  that  Mr.  Roberts  should  not 
have  a  seat,  voted  that  Mr.  Fowler  should.  So,  as 
they  all  voted  both  ways,  they  must  have  acted  as 
their  consciences  told  them,  and  I  dont  see  how  there 
could  be  any  party  about  it. 

It  's  a  pity  they  could  n't  be  allowed  to  have  two 
speakers,  for  they  seemed  to  be  very  anxious  to 
choose  Mr.  Ruggles  and  Mr.  Goodenow.  They  two 
had  every  vote,  except  one,  and  if  they  had  had  that, 
I  believe  they  would  both  have  been  chosen;  as  it 
was,  however,  they  both  came  within  a  humbird's 
eye  of  it.  Whether  it  was  Mr.  Ruggles  that  voted 
for  Mr.  Goodenow,  or  Mr.  Goodenow  for  Mr.  Rug- 
gles, I  can't  exactly  tell;  but  I  rather  guess  it  was 
Mr.  Ruggles  voted  for  Mr.  Goodenow,  for  he  appear- 
ed to  be  very  glad  that  Mr.  Goodenow  was  elected, 
and  went  up  to  him  soon  after  Mr.  Goodenow  took 
the  chair,  and  shook  hands  with  him  as  good-natured 
as  could  be.  I  would  have  given  half  my  load  of 
ax  handles,  if  they  could  both  have  been  elected  and 
set  up  there  together,  they  would  have  been  so  happy. 
But  as  they  can't  have  but  one  speaker  at  a  time, 
and  as  Mr.  Goodenow  appears  to  understand  the 
business  very  well,  it  is  not  likely  Mr.  Ruggles  will 
be  speaker  any  this  winter.  So  Uncle  Joshua  will 
have  to  shell  out  his  bushel  of  corn,  and  I  hope  it 
will  learn  him  better  than  to  bet  about  politics  again. 
If  he  had  not  been  a  goose,  he  miorht  have  known  he 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  45 

would  loose  it,  even  if  he  had  been  ever  so  sure  of 
getting  it;  for  in  these  politics  there's  never  any  t^ell- 
ing  which  way  the  cat  will  jump.  You  know,  before 
the  last  September  election,  some  of  the  papers  that 
came  to  our  town  had  found  out  that  Mr.  Hunton 
would  have  five  thousand  majority  of  the  votes.  And 
some  of  the  other  papers  had  found  out  that  Mr. 
Smiili  would  have  five  thousand  majority.  But  the 
cat  jumped  'tother  way  to  both  of  'em;  for  I  cant  find 
yet  as  either  of  'em  has  got  any  majority.  Some  say 
Mr.  Hunton  has  got  a  little  majority,  but  as  far  from 
five  thousand  as  I  am  from  home.  And  as  for  Mr. 
Smith,  they  dont  think  he  has  any  majority  at  all. 
You  remember,  too,  before  I  came  from  home,  some 
of  the  papers  said  how  there  was  a  majority  often  or 
fifteen  national  re'puhlicans  in  the  Legislator,  and  the 
other  papers  said  there  was  a  pretty  clever  little 
majority  o^  democratic  republicans.  Well,  now  every 
body  says  it  has  turned  out  jest  as  that  queer  little 
paper,  called  the  Daily  Courier,  said  't  would.  That 
paper  said  it  was  such  a  close  rub,  it  could  n't  hardly 
tell  which  side  would  beat.  And  it  's  jest  so,  for  they 
've  been  here  now  most  a  fortnight  acting  jest  like  two 
boys  playin  see-saw  on  a  rail.  First  one  goes  up, 
then  'tother;  but  I  reckon  one  of  the  boys  is  rather 
heaviest,  for  once  in  awhile  he  comes  down  chuck, 
and  throws  the  other  up  into  the  air  as  though  he 
would  pitch  him  head  over  heels. 

In  that  'tother  Legislator  they  call  the  Sinnet, 
there  has  been  some  of  the  drollest  carryins  on  that 
you  ever  heard  of  If  I  can  get  time  I  '11  write  you 
something  about  it,  pretty  soon.  So  I  subscribe  my- 
self, in  haste,  your  loving  cousin  till  death. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


46  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  II. 

In  which  Mr.  Doivning  tells  about  poor  Mr.  Roberts 
having  to  stand  up. 

[Xote  by  the  Editor.  It  was  the  rule  at  the  meeting  of  the 
Legislature  to  admit  all  to  a  seat  who  could  produce  a  certificate 
of  their  election,  which  certificate  was  considered  prima  facia 
evidence  that  they  were  duly  returned  as  members.  The  Port- 
land Argus  and  Advertiser  were  the  leading  papers  of  the  two 
parties ;  and  as  matters  began  to  grow  worse  and  worse  in  the 
Legislature,  the  Argus  constantly  affirmed  that  the  democratic 
republicans  used  every  endeavor  in  their  power  to  organize  the 
government  and  proceed  in  the  public  business,  but  that  the 
Huntonites  would  not  let  them.  And  the  Advertiser  as  con- 
stantly affirmed,  that  the  national  republicans  used  their  utmost 
endeavors  to  proceed  in  the  public  business,  but  the  Jacksonites 
would  not  let  them.] 

Portland,  Jan.  22, 1830. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua. — I  spose  you  learnt  by  my 
letter  t'other  day  to  cousin  Ephraim,  that  you  had 
lost  the  bushel  of  corn  you  bet  about  the  Speaker  in 
the  Legislater;  I  mean  that  Legislater  they  call  the 
House;  for  Mr.  White  got  it  first,  and  then  Mr. 
Goodenow  got  it,  and  he's  kept  it  ever  since.  And 
they  say  he'll  be  Speaker  all  winter,  although  he 
don't  speak  near  so  much  as  some  the  rest  of  'em. 
There's  lawyer  Ruggles,  of  Thomaston,  that  used  to 
be  Speaker,  and  folks  say  he  made  a  very  smart  one. 
And  there's  lawyer  Boutelle,  of  Waterville,  who's 
got  eyes  sharp  enough  to  look  through  any  body,  and 
who  makes  'em  all  as  still  as  mice  when  he  speaks. 
And  there  's  lawyer  Smith  of  jVobleborough ;  he  looks 
very  much  like  a  man  I  saw  in  the  museum,  that  they 
called  Daniel  Lambert,  only  he  is'nt  quite  so  large; 
but  my  patience,  he's  a  real  peeler  for  speaking,  and 
sometimes  he  pours  out  his  voice  so  as  to  make  me 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  47 

jump  right  up  on  my  feet.  If  I  was  going  to  bet  who 
would  be  Speaker  next  year,  I  should  bet  upon  him 
before  any  body  else.  And  there  's  lawyer  Bourne, 
of  Kennebunk,  and  lawyer  Kent,  of  Bangor,  and 
lawyer  Norton,  of  Milburn,  and  doctor  Burnham,  of 
Orland,  and  doctor  Shaw  of  Wiscasset,  and  doctor 
Wells,  of  Freeport,  and  parson  Knowlton,  of  Mont- 
ville,  and  parson  Swett,  of  Prospect,  and  some  others, 
if  I  could  only  think  of  'em.  Now,  most  any  of  these 
speak  more  than  Mr.  Goodenow  does;  and  still  Mr. 
Goodenow  is  called  the  Speaker,  because  they  voted 
that  he  should  be.  They've  disputed  two  days  more 
about  that  poor  Mr.  Roberts  having  a  seat.  I  can't 
see  why  they  need  to  make  such  a  fuss  about  it.  As 
they've  got  seats  enough,  why  don't  they  let  him  have 
one,  and  not  keep  him  standing  up  for  three  weeks  in 
the  lobby  and  round  the  fire;  its  a  plaguy  sight  worse 
than  being  on  a  standing  committee,  for  they  say  the 
standing  committees  have  a  chance  to  set  most  every 
day.  But  in  the  dispute  about  Mr.  Roberts  last 
Wednesday  and  Thursday,  the  difficulty  seemed  to 
be  something  or  other  about  a  primij  facij  case.  I 
don't  know  what  sort  of  a  case  'twas,  but  that's  what 
they  called  it.  Some  said  he  hadn't  got  any  primy 
facij  case,  and  he  mus'nt  have  a  seat  till  he  had  one. 
The  others  stood  to  it  that  he  had  got  one,  and  a  very 
good  one;  Mr.  Ruggles  said  it  was  full  as  good  a 
one  as  the  gentlemen  from  Portland  had.  And  they 
read  above  twenty  papers  that  they  called  depositions, 
about  the  town  meeting  at  Waterborough;  but  they 
didn't  seem  to  say  any  thing  about  the  primy  jacy 
case.  About  one  half  of 'em  said  the  town  meeting 
was  adjourned,  and  t'other  half  said  twas'nt.  And 
one  of  the  depositions  said  there  was  some  of  'em  at 
the  meeting  agreed  that  Mr.  Roberts  should  n't  be 
elected  at  any  rate;  and  if  they  could  n't  prevent  it 
any  other  way,  they  agreed  to  keep  up  a  row  till 
midnight.     And  when  they  brought  in  candles  in  the 


48  LETTERS    OF 

evening,  they  knocked  'em  all  over,  and  put  'em  out. 
So  they  all  had  to  clear  out;  and  some  said  there  was 
a  vote  to  adjourn  the  meeting,  and  some  said  Mr. 
Roberts  adjourned  it  alone,  and  some  said  'twasn't 
adjourned  at  all.  And  one  of  the  depositioners  said 
Mr.  Roberts  offered  to  give  him  as  much  rum  as  he 
would  drink,  if  he  would  only  say  the  meeting  was 
fairly  adjourned.  But  all  the  depositions  didn't  con- 
vince but  sixty-nine  members  of  the  House  that  Mr. 
Roberts  had  a  primy  facij  case;  and  there  were 
seventy-five  convinced  t'other  way.  So,  after  they 
had  disputed  two  days,  they  voted  again  that  Mr. 
Roberts  shouldn't  have  a  seat  yet. 

O  dear,  uncle  Joshua,  these  Legislaters  have  got 
the  State  into  a  dreadful  pickle.  I've  been  reading 
the  Portland  Argus  and  the  Portland  Advertiser,  and 
it's  enough  to  scare  a  Bunker  Hill  sojer  out  of  his 
seven  senses,  to  see  what  we  are  all  coming  to.  Ac- 
cording to  these  papers,  there  are  two  very  clever 
parties  in  the  State,  that  are  trying  with  all  their 
might  to  save  us  from  ruin.  They  are  called  demo- 
cratic republikins,  and  national  o'ejniblikins ;  and  you'd 
be  perfectly  astonished  to  see  how  hard  they've  work- 
ed, as  these  papers  say,  in  both  Legislaters,  to  set 
things  right,  and  get  business  a  going  on  well,  so  that 
we  can  have  a  governor,  and  live  in  peace  and  har- 
mony, and  not  break  out  into  a  civil  war,  and  all  be 
ruined  in  a  bunch.  But  it's  doubtful  if  they'll  make 
out  to  save  us  after  all;  for  there  is  such  a  set  of 
Jacksonites  and  Huntonites,  that  are  all  the  time  a 
plotting  to  bring  us  to  destruction,  that  I  tell  ye  what 
'tis,  if  something  isn't  done  pretty  soon,  it'll  be  gone 
goose  with  us. 

These  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  seem  to  have  a 
majority  in  the  Legislaters;  and  they've  been  making 
a  proper  bother  for  a  most  three  weeks,  so  that  the 
democratic  republikins  and  the  national  republikins 
couldn't  do  nothing  at  all.    And  sometimes  Pm really 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  49 

afraid  they'll  have  to  break  up  and  go  home  without 
doing  any  thing;  and  if  they  do,  they  say  we  shall 
all  be  afloat,  and  there's  no  knowing  where  we  shall 
land.  The  repubhkins  appointed  a  committee  to  count 
the  votes  for  governor,  and  the  committee  told  'eir. 
t'other  day,  there  was  39  majority  for  Mr.  Hunton, 
and  he  was  elected.  But  then  these  Jacksonites  and 
Hiintonites  went  to  disputing  about  the  matter;  and 
some  say  they  will  dispute  it  this  fortnight  yet.  What 
a  blessing  it  would  be  if  the  Legislators  were  all 
democratic  and  national  republikins.  The  people 
are  growing  pretty  mad  at  all  this  botheration,  and  I 
can't  tell  what '11  be  the  end  on't.  But  I  shall  write 
again  to  you  or  cousin  Ephraim  pretty  soon.  So  I 
remain  your  loving  neefu  till  death. 

JACK  DOWNING. 
P.  S.     I  concluded  to  send  my  letters  in  the  Daily 
Courier  to  save  postage — the  printer  said  he  would  n't 
show  them  to  any  body. 


LETTER  m. 

In  which  Cousin  JVabby  advises  Mr.  Downing  to  come 
home. 

Downingville,  Jan.  30,  1830. 
Dear  Cousin  Jack.  —  If  you  were  only  here,  I 
would  break  the  handle  of  our  old  birch  broom  over 
your  back  for  serving  me  such  a  caper.  Here  I  have 
been  waiting  three  weeks  for  that  cotton  cloth  you 
got  for  the  footings;  and  you  know  the  meeting-house 
windows  were  to  have  been  broke  a  fortnight  ago,  if 
I  had  got  it.  And  then  I  had  to  tell  Sam,  I  was 
waiting  for  some  cotton  cloth.  He  tried  to  keep  in 
5 


60  LETTERS    OF 

with  all  his  might,  but  he  burst  out  a  laughing  so, 
I'm  a  good  mind  to  turn  him  off".  But  if  I  do,  you 
and  he  loill  he  both  in  the  same  pickle.  You  had  better 
let  them  legislaters  alone;  and  if  you  can't  sell  your 
ax  handles,  take  'em  and  come  home  and  mind  your 
business.  There  is  Jemima  Parsons  romping  about 
with  the  school-master,  fair  weather  and  foul.  Last 
Wednesday  she  went  a  sleigh-riding  with  him,  and 
to-night  she's  going  to  the  singing-school,  and  he  is 
going  to  carry  her.  Last  night  she  came  over  to  our 
house,  and  wanted  me  to  go  to  uncle  Zeke's  to  borry 
their  swifts,  she  said,  when  she  knew  we  had  some, 
and  had  borried  them  a  dozen  times.  I  said  nothing, 
but  went  with  her.  When  we  got  there,  who  should 
we  find  but  the  school-master. — I  know  Jemime  knew 
it,  and  went  there  purpose  to  have  him  go  home  with 
her.  She  never  askt  for  the  swifts.  Coming  home, 
the  master  askt  her  if  she  had  seen  your  last  letter. 
She  said  yes,  and  began  to  laugh  and  talk  about  you, 
just  as  tho'  I  was  no  relation.  She  said  she  guessed 
them  legislaters  would  try  to  make  a  governor  out  of 
you  next,  if  you  staid  there  much  ledger.  One  of 
them  steers  you  sold  to  Jacob  Small  that  week  you 
went  to  Portland,  died  t'other  day;  and  he  says  if  v/e 
have  no  governor  this  year,  he  wont  pay  you  a  cent 
for  'em.  So  you  have  lost  your  steers  and  Jemima 
Parsons,  jest  by  your  dallying  about  there  among 
them  legislaters.  I  say  you  had  better  come  home, 
and  see  to  your  own  business.  I  spose  father  and 
brother  Eph.  would  like  to  have  you  stay  there  all 
winter  and  tell  'em  about  the  governors  and  legisla- 
ters, but  ant  wants  her  tea,  and  I  want  my  cotton 
cloth,  so  I  wish  you'd  make  haste  home  and  bring  'em. 
Your  loving  Cousin, 

NABBY. 
7h  Mr.  Jack  Downing. 


MAJOR  JACK    DOWNING.  51 


LETTER  IV. 


In  which  Uncle  Joshua  tells  hoiu  he  ivent  to  Boston,  and 
took  dinner  with  the  Gineral  Court. 

[jXote  hy  the  Editor.  This  letter  came  through  the  Boston 
Daily  Advertiser,  and  there  has  always  been  some  doubt  whether 
it  was  really  written  by  that  respectable  and  stanch  patriot, 
Joshua  Downing,  Esq.  The  Major  says  he  has  often  asked  him 
the  question,  at  which  his  uncle  Joshua  would  always  shake  his 
head  and  lauffh,  but  give  no  answer.  It  is  written,  however,  m 
the  pure  style  of  the  Downing  family,  which  is  the  strongest 
evidence  we  can  have  that  the  letter  is  genuine.] 

LeUer  from  Joshua  Downing,  in  Boston,  to  his  nepheiv,  Jack 
Downing,  in  Portland. 

Dear  Nephew,— I  left  home  just  after  your  letter 
to  your  cousin  Ephraim  got  there,  and  I  didn't  get  a 
sight  of  your  letter  to  me  that  you  put  into  the  Cou- 
rier at  Portland,  until  I  saw  it  in  the  Daily  Adver- 
tiser in  Boston,  and  I  guess  Mr.  Hale  is  the  only 
person  in  Boston  who  takes  that  are  little  Courier,  so 
you  was  pretty  safe  about  the  letter  not  being  seen, 
as  the  printer  promised  you. — How  I  happened  to  see 
it  here,  you  will  find  out  before  I  have  got  through 
with  this  letter.  I  guess  you  wont  be  a  little  struck 
up  when  you  find  out  that  I'm  in  Boston — but  I  had 
best  begin  at  the  beginning  and  then  I  shall  get  thro' 
quicker. 

After  seeing  your  letter  to  Ephraim  as  I  said  before, 
I  concluded  it  wouldn't  be  a  bad  scheme  to  tackle  up 
and  take  a  load  of  turkies,  some  apple-sauce,  and  oth- 
er notions  that  the  neighbors  wanted  to  get  to  mar- 
ket, and  as  your  uncle  Nat  would  be  in  Boston  with 
the  ax  handles,  we  all  thought  best  to  try  our  luck 
there.  Nothing  happened  worth  mentioning  on  the 
road,  nor  till  next  morning  after  I  got  here  and  put 
up  in  Elm  street.  I  then  got  off  my  watch  pretty  cu- 
riously, as  you  shall  be  informed.     I  was  down  in  the 


52  LETTERS    OF 

bar  room,  and  tho't  it  well  enough  to  look  pretty  con- 
siderable smart,  and  now  and  then  compared  my  watch 
with  the  clock  in  the  bar,  and  found  it  as  near  right 
as  ever  it  was  —  when  a  feller  stept  up  to  me  and 
ask'd  how  I'd  trade?  and  says  I,  for  what?  and  says 
he,  for  your  watch — and  says  I,  any  way  that  will  be 
a  fair  shake  —  upon  that  says  he,  I'll  give  you  my 
watch  and  five  dollars. —  Says  I,  its  done!  He  gave 
me  the  five  dollars,  and  I  gave  him  my  watch.  Now, 
says  I,  give  me  ijour  watch  —  and,  says  he,  with  a 
loud  laugh,  I  han't  got  none  —  and  that  kind  aturn'd 
the  laugh  on  me.  Thinks  I,  let  them  laugh  that 
lose.  Soon  as  the  laugh  was  well  over,  tiie  feller 
thought  he'd  try  the  watch  to  his  ear  —  why,  says  he, 
it  dont  go  —  no,  says  I,  not  without  its  carried  —  then 
I  began  to  laugh  —  he  tried  to  open  it  and  couldn't 
start  it  a  hair,  and  broke  his  thumb  nail  into  the  bar- 
gain. Won't  she  open,  says  he?  Not's  I  know  on,  says 
I — and  then  the  laugh  seemed  to  take  another  turn. 

Don't  you  think  I  got  off  the  old  Brittania  pretty 
well,  considerin?  And  then  I  thought  I'd  go  and  see 
about  my  load  of  turkies  and  other  notions,  I  ex- 
pected to  have  gone  all  over  town  to  sell  my  load,  but 
Mr,  Doolittle  told  me  if  I'd  go  down  to  the  new- 
market,  I  should  find  folks  enough  to  buy  all  I  had  at 
once.  So  down  I  goes,  and  a  likely  kind  of  a  feller, 
with  an  eye  like  a  hawk  and  quick  as  a  steeltrap  for 
a  trade,  (they  called  him  a  4th  staller,)  came  up  to 
the  wagon,  and  before  you  could  say  Jack  Robinson, 
we  struck  a  bargain  for  the  whole  cargo  —  and  come 
to  weigh  and  reckon  up,  I  found  I  should  get  as  much 
as  10s6d  more  than  any  of  us  calculated  before  I  left 
home,  and  had  the  apple-sauce  left  besides.  So  I 
thought  I'd  jist  see  how  this  4th  staller  worked  his 
card  to  be  able  to  give  us  so  good  a  price  for  the 
turkies,  and  I  went  inside  the  market  house,  and  a 
grander  sight  I  never  expect  to  see!  But  it  was  the 
3d  staller,  instead  of  the  4th,  had  my  turkies  all  sort- 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  53 

ed  and  hung  up,  and  looking  so  much  better  that  I 
hardly  should  known  'em.  Pretty  soon,  a  gentleman 
asked  the  3d  staller  what  he  asked  for  turkies  ?  Why, 
says  he,  if  you  want  something  better  than  you  ever 
saw  before,  there's  some  'twas  killed  last  night  pur- 
pose for  you.  You  may  take  'em  at  9d,  being  it's 
you.  I'll  give  you  12  cents,  said  the  gentleman,  as 
I've  got  some  of  the  General  Court  to  dine  with  me, 
and  must  treat  well.  I  shant  stand  for  half  a  cent 
with  an  old  customer,  says  he.  And  so  they  traded; 
and  in  about  the  space  of  half  an  hour  or  more,  all 
my  turkies  went  into  baskets  at  that  rate.  The  4th 
staller  gave  me  6d  a  pound,  and  I  began  to  think  I'd 
been  a  little  too  much  in  a  hurry  for  trade — hut's  no 
use  to  cry  for  spilt  milk.  Then  I  went  up  to  the 
State  House  to  see  what  was  going  on  there;  but  I 
thought  I'd  get  off  my  apple-sauce  on  my  way — and 
seeing  a  sign  of  old  clothes  bartered,  I  stepped  in 
and  made  a  trade,  and  got  a  whole  suit  of  superfine 
black  broadcloth  from  top  to  toe,  for  a  firkin  of  apple- 
sauce, (which  didn't  cost  much  I  guess,  at  home.) 

Accordingly  I  rigged  myself  up  in  the  new  suit, 
and  you  'd  hardly  known  me.  I  did  n't  like  the  set 
of  the  shoulders,  they  were  so  dreadful  puckery;  but 
the  man  said  that  was  all  right.  I  guess  he  '11  find 
the  apple  sauce  full  as  puckery  when  he  gets  down 
into  it — but  that  's  between  ourselves.  Well,  when 
I  got  up  to  the  State  House  I  found  them  at  work  on 
the  rail  road — busy  enough  I  can  tell  you — they  got 
a  part  of  it  made  already.  I  found  most  all  the 
folks  kept  their  hats  on  except  the  man  who  was 
talking  out  loud  and  the  man  he  was  talking  to 
— all  the  rest  seemed  to  be  busy  about  their  own 
consarns.  As  I  did  n't  see  any  body  to  talk  to  I  kept 
my  hat  on  and  took  a  seat,  and  look'd  round  to  see 
what  was  going  on.  I  had  n't  been  setting  long 
before  I  saw  a  slick-headed,  sharp-eyed  little  man, 
who  seemed  to  have  the  principal  management  of  the 


54  LETTERS   OF 

folks,  looking  at  me  prety  sharp,  as  much  as  to  say 
who  are  you?  but  I  said  nothing  and  looked  tother 
way — at  last  he  touched  me  on  the  shoulder — I 
thought  he  was  feeling  of  the  puckers.  Are  you  a 
member?  says  he — sartin  says  I — how  long  have  you 
taken  your  seat?  says  he.  About  ten  minutes,  says 
I.  Are  you  qualified?  says  he.  I  guess  not,  says  I. 
And  then  he  left  me.  I  did  n't  know  exactly  what 
this  old  gentleman  was  after — but  soon  he  returned 
and  said  it  was  proper  for  me  to  be  qualified  before  I 
took  a  seat,  and  I  must  go  before  the  governor!  By 
Jing!  I  never  felt  so  before  in  all  my  born  days. 
As  good  luck  would  have  it,  he  was  beckoned  to  come 
to  a  man  at  the  desk,  and  as  soon  as  his  back  was 
turned  I  give  him  the  slip.  Jest  as  I  was  going  off, 
the  gentleman  who  bought  my  turkies  of  the  4th  staller 
took  hold  of  my  arm,  and  I  was  afraid  at  first  that  he 
was  going  to  carry  me  to  the  Governor — but  he  began 
to  talk  as  sociable  as  if  we  had  been  old  acquaint- 
ances. How  long  have  you  been  in  the  house,  Mr. 
Smith,  says  he.  My  name  is  Downing,  said  I.  I 
beg  your  pardon,  says  he — I  mean  Downing.  It  's 
no  offence,  says  I,  I  hav'nt  been  here  long.  Then 
says  he  in  a  very  pleasant  way,  a  few  of  your  brother 
members  are  to  take  pot-luck  with  me  to  day,  and  I 
should  be  happy  to  have  you  join  them.  What  's 
pot-luck  said  I.  O,  a  family  dinner,  says  he — no 
ceremony.  I  thought  by  this  time  I  was  well  quali- 
fied for  that  without  going  to  the  Governor.  So  says 
I,  yes,  and  thank  ye  too.  How  long  before  you  '11 
want  me,  says  I.  At  3  o'clock,  says  he,  and  gave 
me  a  piece  of  paste  board  with  his  name  on  it — and 
the  name  of  the  street,  and  the  number  of  his  house, 
and  said  that  would  show  me  the  way.  Well,  says  I, 
I  dont  know  of  nothing  that  will  keep  me  away.  And 
then  we  parted.     I  took  considerable  liking  to  him. 

After   strolling   round   and   seeing    a   great  many 
things  about  the  State  House  and  the  marble  immage 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  55 

of  Gin.  Washington,  standing  on  a  stump  in  the 
Porch,  I  went  out  into  the  street  they  call  Bacon 
street,  and  my  stars!  what  swarms  of  women  folks  I 
saw  all  drest  up  as  if  they  were  going  to  meeting. 
You  can  tell  cousin  Polly  Sandburn,  who  you  know 
is  no  slimster,  that  she  need  n't  take  on  so  about  being 
genteel  in  her  shapes — for  the  genteelest  ladies  here 
beat  her  as  to  size  all  hollow.  I  dont  believe  one  of 
'em  could  get  into  our  fore  dore — and  as  for  their 
arms — I  should  n't  want  better  measure  for  a  bushel 
of  meal  than  one  of  their  sleeves  could  hold.  I  shant 
shell  out  the  bushel  of  corn  you  say  I  've  lost  on 
Speaker  Ruggles  at  that  rate.     But  this  puts  me  in 

mind  of  the  dinner  which  Mr. wants  I  should 

help  the  Gineral  Court  eat.  So  I  took  out  the  piece 
of  paste  board,  and  began  to  inquire  my  way  and  got 
along  completely,  and  found  the  number  the  first 
time — but  the  door  was  locked,  and  there  was  no 
knocker,  and  I  thumpt  with  my  whip  handle,  but 
nobody  come.  And  says  I  to  a  man  going  by,  dont 
nobody  live  here  ?  and  says  he  yes.  Well,  how  do 
you  get  in?  Why,  says  he,  ring;  and  says  I,  ring 
what  ?  And  says  he,  the  bell.  And  says  I  where  's 
the  rope?  And  says  he,  pull  that  little  brass  nub;  and 
so  I  gave  it  a  twitch,  and  I  'm  sure  a  bell  did  ring; 
and  who  do  you  think  opened  the  door  with  a  white 
apron  afore  him?  You  could  n't  guess  for  a  week 
a  Sundays — so  I  '11  tell  you.  It  was  Stephen  Furlong, 
who  kept  our  district  school  last  winter,  for  5  dollars 
a  month,  and  kept  bachelor's  hall,  and  helped  tend 
for  Gineral  Coombs  a  training  days,  and  make  out 
muster  rolls.  We  was  considerably  struck  up  at 
first,  both  of  us;   and  when  he  found  I  was  going  to 

eat  dinner  with   Mr. and  Gineral  Court,  he 

thought  it  queer  kind  of  doings — but  says  he,  I  guess 
it  will  be  as  well  for  both  of  us  not  to  know  each 
other  a  bit  more  than  we  can  help.  And  says  I,  with 
a  wink,  you  're  half  right,  and  in  I  went.     There  was 


66  LETTERS    OF 

nobody  in  the  room  but  Mr. and  his  wife,  and 

not  a  sign  of  any  dinner  to  be  seen  any  where — though 
I  thought  now  and  then  when  a  side  door  opened,  I 
could  smell  cupboard,  as  they  say. 

I  thought  I   should   be  puzzled   enough  to  know 
what  to  say,  but  I  had  'nt  my  thoughts  long  to  myself. 

Mr. has  about  as  nimble  a  tongue  as  you  ever 

heard,  and  could  say  ten  words  to  my  one,  and  I  had 
nothing  to  do  in  the  way  of  making  talk.  Just  then 
I  heard  a  ringing,  and  Stephen  was  busy  opening  the 
door  and  letting  in  the  Gineral  Court,  who  all  had 
their  hats  off,  and  looking  pretty  scrumptious,  you 
may  depend.  I  did  'nt  see  but  I  could  stand  along 
side  of  'em  without  disparagement,  except  to  my 
boots,  which  had  just  got  a  lick  of  beeswax  and  tal- 
low— not  a  mite  of  dinner  yet,  and  I  began  to  feel  as 
if  'twas  nearer  supper-time  than  dinner-time — when 
all  at  once  two  doors  flew  away  from  each  other  right 
into  the  wall,  and  what  did  I  see  but  one  of  the  gran- 
dest thanksgiving  dinners  you  ever  laid  your  eyes  on 
— and  lights  on  the  table,  and  silver  candlesticks  and 
gold  lamps  over  head — the  window  shutters  closed — 
I  guess  more  than  one  of  us  stared  at  first,  but  we 
soon  found  the  way  to  our  mouths — I  made  Stephen 
tend  out  for  me  pretty  sharp,  and  he  got  my  plate 
filled  three  or  four  times  with  soup,  which  beat  all  I 
ever  tasted.  I  shan't  go  through  the  whole  dinner 
again  to  you — but  I  am  mistaken  if  it  cost  me  much 
for  victuals  this  week,  if  I  pay  by  the  meal  at  Mr. 
Doolittle's,  who  comes  pretty  near  up  to  a  thanksgiv- 
ing every  day.  There  was  considerable  talk  about 
stock  and  manufactories,  and  lier  bilities,  and  rimi- 
dies,  and  a  great  loss  on  stock.  I  thought  this  a 
good  chance  lor  me  to  put  in  a  word — for  I  calculat- 
ed I  knew  as  much  about  raising  stock  and  keeping 

over  as  any  of  'em.     Says  I  to  Mr. ,  there's 

one  thing  I've  always  observed  in  my  experience  in 
stock — just  as  sure  as  you  try  to  keep  over  more  stock 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  57 

than  you  have  fodder  to  carry  them  well  into  April,  one 
half  will  die  on  your  hands,  to  a  sartinty — and  there's  no 
remedy  for  it — I've  tried  it  out  and  out,  and  there's  no 
law  that  can  make  a  ton  of  hay  keep  over  ten  cows, 
unless  you  have  more  carrots  and  potatoes  than  you 
can  throw  a  stick  at.  This  made  some  of  the  folks 
stare  who  did  'nt  know  much  about  stock — and  Steve 
give  me  a  jog,  as  much  as  to  say,  keep  quiet.  He 
thought  1  was  getting  into  a  quog-mire,  and  soon 
after,  giving  me  a  wink,  opened  the  door  and  got  me 
out  of  the  room  into  the  entry. 

After  we  had  got  out  of  hearing,  says  I  to  Steve, 
how  are  you  getting  on  in  the  world — should  you  like 
to  come  back  to  keep  our  school  if  I  could  get  a  vote 
for  you  ^ — not  by  two  chalks  says  Steve — I  know  which 
side  my  bread  is  buttered  better  than  all  that — I  get 
12  dollars  a  month  and  found,  and  now  and  then  some 
old  clothes,  which  is  better  than  keeping  school  at  5 
dollars  and  find  myself  and  work  out  my  highway  tax 
besides — then  turning  up  the  cape  of  my  neio  coat,  says 
he,  I  guess  I've  dusted  that  before  now — most  likely, 
says  I,  but  not  in  our  district  school.  And  this  brings 
to  mind  to  tell  you  how  I  got  a  sight  of  your  letter. 
They  tell  me  here  that  every  body  reads  the  Boston 
Daily  Advertiser,  because  there  is  no  knowing  but 
what  they  may  find  out  something  to  their  advantage, 
so  I  thought  I  would  be  as  wise  as  the  rest  of  them, 
and  before  I  got  half  through  with  it,  what  should  I 
find  mixed  up  among  the  news  but  your  letter  that  you 
put  into  that  Uttle  paper  down  in  Portland,  and  I  knew 
it  was  your  writing  before  I  had  read  ten  fines  of  it. 
I  hope  I've  answered  it  to  your  satisfaction. 
Your  respectful  uncle,     JOSHUA   DOWNING. 

P.  S.  Mr.  Tophff*says  your  uncle  Nat  is  telegraph- 
ed, but  I'm  afraid  the  ax  handles  wont  come  to  much 
— I  find  the  Boston  folks  make  a  handle  of  most  any 
thing  they  can  lay  hold  of,  and  just   as  like  as  not 


58  LETTERS    OF 

they'll  make  a  handle  of  our  private  letters  if  they 
should  see  them. 

jV.  B.  You  spell  dreadful  had,  according  to  my 
notion — and  this  proves  what  I  always  said,  that  our 
district  has  been  going  down  hill  ever  since  Stephen 
Furlong  left  it. 

[jYote  by  the  Editor.  In  order  that  the  reader  may  understand 
the  progress  of  the  war  in  the  Legislature,  it  should  be  remarked 
that  the  parties  in  the  Senate  were  equally  divided.  There  were 
eight  Huntonites,  or  national  republicans,  and  eight  Smithites, 
or  democratic  republicans,  and  four  vacancies.  The  battles  there- 
fore in  the  Senate  were  more  serious,  obstinate,  and  protracted, 
than  they  were  in  the  House.  They  balloted  regularly  for  Pres- 
ident every  day  for  about  a  fortnight.  To  illustrate  the  state  of 
affairs  at  that  time,  a  couple  of  extracts  from  the  Portland  Cou- 
rier in  relation  to  the  balloting  in  the  Senate  are  subjoined.] 

From  the  Portland  Conner,  Jan.  1830. 

Saturday  forenoon  the  House  having  adjourned  at 
an  early  hour,  we  repaired  to  the  Senate  Chamber 
with  the  view  of  standing  watch  awhile.  We  arrived 
just  in  the  height  of  a  spirited  skirmish,  or  what  might 
almost  be  called  a  battle;  but  the  room  was  crowded, 
and  the  doorway  so  impenetrably  thronged,  that  we 
could  gain  no  entrance.  There  was  scarcely  room 
for  a  man  to  wedge  his  nose  in,  unless  it  were  a  re- 
markably thin  and  sharp  one.  From  the  subdued  and 
regular  hum  within,  there  was  evidently  a  debate  go- 
ing on,  but  we  being  somewhat  low  in  stature,  and  a 
solid  phalanx  of  sixfooters  standing  before  us,  we  were 
left  in  the  unpleasant  predicament  of  stretching  up  on 
tiptoe  without  catching  a  single  glimpse  of  the  scene, 
and  holding  our  hands  behind  our  ears  without  distin- 
guishing a  syllable  that  was  uttered. 

The  debate  however  soon  subsided.  We  learnt  af- 
terwards from  inquiry,  that  it  related  to  the  subject  of 
forming  a  convention  with  the  House  for  the  purpose 
of  filling  vacancies,  before  the  Senate  was  organized; 
the  8    Huntonites  voting  in  favor  of  the  proposition, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  59 

and  the  8  Smithites  against  it.  A  vote  was  then  pass- 
ed to  proceed  to  ballot  for  President  again;  and 
luckily  for  us,  the  ballot  boxes  were  out  in  the  lobby, 
and  out  came  the  messenger,  cutting  his  way  like  a 
hero,  (we  like  to  have  said,  hero  of  New  Orleans,  but 
happened  to  think  some  would  say  we  were  taking 
sides,)  we  simply  say  then,  he  cut  his  way  through 
the  dense  ranks  of  spectators,  like  a  hero,  and  we 
crept  in  through  the  breach  he  had  made.  The  com- 
mittee collected  the  votes  for  President,  and  retired. 
In  about  ten  minutes  they  returned,  and  declared  the 
result;  7  for  Mr.  Dunlap,  7  for  Mr.  Kingsbury,  and 2 
scattering. 

They  collected  the  votes  again,  and  retired  as  be- 
fore, and  returned  as  before,  and  declared  the  same 
result.  Again  they  proceeded  in  the  same  round,  and 
came  in  the  third  time,  and  stood  ready  to  declare. 
The  spectators  had  become  so  accustomed  to  the  re- 
port, that  they  were  whispering  it  off  in  advance  of 
the  committee,  like  a  mischievous  and  sinful  boy  run- 
ning ahead  of  some  good  old  country  Deacon,  who 
always  uses  the  same  words  in  prayer. — Judge  then, 
ye  readers  of  the  Courier,  what  unspeakable  aston- 
ishment prevailed,  when  from  the  lips  of  the  Chairman 
fell  the  startling  words,  8  for  Sanford  Kingsbury,  6 
for  Robert  P.  Dunlap,  and  2  scattering. 

The  effect  was  like  that  of  a  clap  of  thunder  in  the 
dead  of  winter:  some  faces  grew  longer,  and  some 
grew  shorter;  in  some  eyes  there  was  a  look  of  wild- 
ness;  in  others  a  leering  complacency,  that  seemed 
to  say,  '  your're  dish'd  at  last;  while  some  confound- 
ed knowing  glances  from  other  quarters  visibly  replied, 
'not  as  you  know  on.'  And  to  be  sure  these  last 
were  in  the  right;  for  round  they  went  the  fourth  time, 
collected  the  ballots,  counted  them,  and  came  in  again 
— expectation  was  on  tiptoe,  and  speculation  was  very 
busy.  Some  thought  this  ballot  would  settle  the  ques- 
tion, but  others  doubted.     The  Committee  declared. 


60  LETTERS    OF 

and  the  same  old  tune  greeted  the  ears  of  the  audi- 
ence— 7  for  Mr.  Dunlap,  7  for  Mr.  Kingsbury,  and  2 
scattering. 

Another  extract  from  the  same, 

A  new  Time. — We  have  to  pitch  our  pipe  to  a  new- 
tune  this  morning.  The  second  great  battle  of  the 
session  was  fought,  or  rather  terminated  yesterday  af- 
ternoon. After  a  regular  engagement  for  eight  days 
in  succession,  during  which  time  the  regular  armies 
of  Huntonites  and  Smithites  in  the  Senate  were  drawn 
up  face  to  face,  forenoon  and  afternoon,  exchanging 
some  half  a  dozen  shots  every  day,  and  then  retiring 
by  mutual  consent,  and  sleeping  upon  their  arms,  the 
conflict  was  ended  yesterday  afternoon  by  a  ruse  de 
guerre  on  the  part  of  the  Huntonites,  which  led  them 
to  victory  without  bloodshed.  The  Senate  met  in  the 
afternoon  at  three  o'clock,  and  proceeded  to  their 
usual  round  of  duties.  The  committee  received  the 
votes  for  President,  and  retired,  and  came  in  again, 
and  declared  in  the  strains  of  the  old  tune,  7  for  Mr. 
Dunlap,  7  for  ]Mr.  Kingsbury,  and  2  scattering.  They 
proceeded  again,  and  came  in  as  before.  It  was  the 
fftieth  ballot  since  the  commencement  of  the  session; 
and  had  a  fifty  pounder  been  unexpectedly  discharged 
in  the  room,  it  would  hardly  have  produced  a  stronger 
sensation,  than  the  declaration  of  the  Committee, 
when  they  piped  away  in  the  following  new  tune: 
whole  number  of  votes  15.  Necessary  to  a  choice  8: 
Joshua  Hall  has  8,  Robert  P.  Dunlap  6,  James 
Steele  1,  Blank  1.  We  shall  not  attempt  to  describe 
the  coloring  of  faces,  the  wildness  of  eyes,  or  the  bit- 
ing of  lips  that  ensued;  for,  not  arriving  in  season  we 
did  not  see  them.  But  we  have  no  doubt  from  the 
remarks  of  those  who  were  present,  that  the  occasion 
would  have  furnished  a  scene  for  painting,  full  equal, 
if  not  surpassing,  that  in  the  House  on  the  choice  of 
Speaker.     After  the  first  consternation  had  subsided, 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING,  61 

Mr.  Hall  was  declared  duly  elected  President  of  the 
Senate.  Whereupon  he  rose  in  his  place,  and  thank- 
ed the  gentlemen  of  the  Board  for  the  confidence 
they  had  placed  in  him.  He  doubted  his  abilities 
to  discharge  properly  the  duties  assigned  him;  but 
under  present  circumstances  he  would  accept  the 
trust.     He  accordingly  took  the  Chair. 

[JS'ote  hy  the  Editor.  Mr.  Hall,  or  Elder  Hall,  as  he  was  usu- 
ally called,  was  a  democratic  republican,  but  was  chosen  Presi- 
dent exclusively  by  the  national  republican  votes,  he  throwing 
a  blank  vote  himself.  He  was  a  short,  fleshy,  good  hearted  old 
gentleman,  a  minister  of  the  Methodist  denomination,  and  knew 
much  more  about  preaching  than  he  did  about  politics.  The 
democratic  repubhcans  after  their  first  consternation  at  his  elec- 
tion had  subsided,  fearing  that  he  had  actually  gone  over  to 
the  enemy,  took  measures  to  have  a  private  consultation  with 
him  immediately  after  adjournment.  This  interview  resulted  in 
nailing  the  old  gentleman  to  his  former  political  faith,  and  he 
stack  to  the  party  like  wax  during  the  remainder  of  the  session. 
So  the  Senate  was  still  divided,  eight  to  eight,  except  when  the 
four  new  Senators  elected  by  the  national  republicans  to  fill  the 
vacancies,  attempted  to  act.] 


LETTER  V. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  ivhat  a  hobble  the  Legisla- 
ture got  into,  in  trying  to  make  so  manij  Governors. 

Portland,  Feb.  1,  1830. 
To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephrai3i.  —  I  spose  you  expected 
me  to  write  to  you  agin  long  afore  now  and  tell  you 
something  more  about  these  legislators,  and  I  meant 
to,  but  I  could  n't  very  well:  for  I'll  tell  you  jest 
how  twas. — Some  days,  when  the  legislator  would  get 
into  a  plaguy  hobble,  I  would  think  to  myself,  well, 
soon  as  they  get  out  of  this  snarl,  I'll  write  to  cousin 
Ephraim  and  tell  him  all  about  it ;  but  before  they  got 
fairly  out  of  that,  they'd  be  right  into  another;  and  if  I 
6 


62  LETTERS  OF 

waited  till  next  day  to  see  how  that  ended,  my  keesers! 
before  night  they'd  all  be  higgledy  piggle  in  a  worse 
hobble  than  they  'd  ever  been  in  afore.  So  if  I  wait 
to  tell  you  how  it  comes  out,  I  believe  I  shall  have 
to  wait  till  haying  time.  Another  thing  I've  been 
waiting  for,  was  to  tell  you  who  was  Governor. — But, 

0  dear,  I  cant  find  out  half  so  much  about  it  now, 
here  in  this  great  city  of  Portland,  where  all  the 
Governors  live,  as  I  could  six  months  ago  among  the 
bear  traps  and  log  houses  in  our  town,  way  back  in 
the  woods.  Last  August,  you  know,  according  to  the 
papers  we  were  going  to  have  two  Governors  right  off, 
sure  as  rates;  Mr.  Hunton  and  Mr.  Smith.  Well  now 
its  got  to  be  the  first  of  February,  and  we  haven't  got 
one  yet.  And  although  the  governor-makers  have  had 
four  or  five  under  way  for  a  month  past,  some  think 
it  very  doubtful  whether  they  will  get  one  done  so  as 
to  be  fit  to  use  this  year.  There's  Mr.  Hunton,  and 
Mr.  Smith,  and  Mr.  Cutler,  and  Mr.  Goodenow,  and 
Mr.  Hall,  have  all  been  partly  made  into  Governors; 
but  when  in  all  creation  any  of  'em  will  be  finished, 

1  guess  it  would  puzzle  a  Philadelphy  lawyer  to  tell. 
I  stated  in  my  letter  to  uncle  Joshua,  that  there  were 
two  very  clever  parties  in  the  legislater,  the  demo- 
cratic republikans  and  the  national  republikans;  and 
they  are  so,  and  very  industrious,  and  try  to  make 
things  go  on  right;  and  I  really  believe,  if  the  con- 
founded Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  didn't  bother  'em 
so,  they'd  make  us  a  Governor,  as  quick  as  I  could 
make  an  ax  handle.  It  is  enough  to  do  any  body's 
heart  good  to  see  how  kind  and  obliging  these  demo- 
cratic republikans  and  national  republikans  are  to  each 
other,  and  how  each  party  tries  to  help  the  other 
along;  and  its  enough  to  make  any  body's  blood  boil  to 
see  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites,  jest  like  the  dog  in 
the  manger,  because  they  cant  cat  the  hay  themselves, 
snap  at  these  two  clever  parties  the  moment  either  of 
'em  sets  out  to  take  a  mouthful.  I'll  jest  give  you  an  in- 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  63 

stance  of  the  kindness  that  these  two  clever  parties 
show  to  each  other. — You  know  the  constitution  says 
when  we  haven't  any  Governor  the  President  of  the  Sin- 
net  must  be  Governor,  and  when  we  have  'nt  any  Pres- 
ident of  the  Sinnet,  the  Speaker  of  the  House  must  be 
Governor.  So  when  Governor  Lincoln  died  Mr,  Cutler 
was  Governor  for  awhile,  because  he  was  last  year 
President  of  the  Sinnet.  Mr.  Goodenow  is  a  nation- 
al republikan,  and  when  he  was  elected  Speaker  of 
the  House,  the  democratic  republikans  told  him  as 
there  was  no  President  of  the  Sinnet  elected  yet,  it 
belonged  to  him  to  be  Governor,  and  tried  as  hard  as 
though  he  had  belonged  to  their  own  party,  to  en- 
courage him  to  go  right  into  the  council  chamber  and 
do  the  Governor's  business.  But  the  national  repub- 
likans didn't  dare  to  let  him  go,  for  he  was  elected 
by  only  one  majority,  and  they  said  if  he  should  leave 
the  chair,  it  wouldn't  be  five  minutes  before  a  Jack- 
sonite  would  be  whisked  into  it,  and  then  the  two 
clever  parties  would  all  be  up  a  tree.  Well,  jest  so 
twas  in  the  Sinnet  after  Elder  Hall  was  elected  Pres- 
ident, only  the  bread  was  buttered  on  tother  side. 
Elder  Hall  is  a  democratic  republikan,  and  there  was 
a  great  deal  tougher  scrabble  to  elect  him,  than  there 
was  to  choose  the  Speaker  of  the  House.  But  as 
soon  as  he  was  elected,  the  n^itional  republikans  went 
to  him  very  kindly,  and  said,  '  Elder  Hall,  by  the  pro- 
visions of  the  constitution  you  are  now  fairly  Gov- 
ernor of  the  State  till  another  governor  is  qualified. 
Dont  be  bashful  about  it,  but  please  to  walk  right 
into  the  Council  chamber,  and  do  the  governor's 
business.'  But  the  democratic  republikans  said,  that 
would  never  do,  for  if  he  should,  the  Sinnet  Board 
would  be  capsized  in  an  instant  and  the  Huntonites 
would  rule  the  roast. — So  there  was  a  pair  of  Gov- 
ernors spoilt  when  they  were  more  than  half  made, 
jest  by  the  mischief  of  the  Jacksonites  and  Hunton- 
ites.    And  the  consequence  is,  that  Mr.  Cutler  has 


64  LETTERS   OP 

to  keep  doing  the  Governor's  business  yet,  whether 
he  wants  to  or  not,  and  whether  it  is  right  for  him  to, 
or  not.  They  say  the  poor  man  is  a  good  deal  dis- 
tressed about  it,  and  has  sent  to  the  great  Judges  of  the 
Supreme  Court  to  know  whether  it's  right  for  him  to 
be  Governor  any  longer  or  not.  If  the  Judges  should 
say  he  mus  'nt  be  Governor  any  longer,  we  shall  be 
in  a  dreadful  pickle.  Only  think,  no  Governor,  and 
no  laws,  but  every  body  do  jest  as  they're  a  mind  to. 
Well,  if  that  should  be  the  case,  I  know  one  thing, 
that  is,  Bill  Johnson  will  get  one  good  flogging  for 
calling  me  a  mean  puppy  and  a  coward  last  summer; 
I've  longed  to  give  it  to  him  ever  since;  and  if  the 
Legislater  don't  make  a  governor  this  winter,  I  shall 
come  right  home,  and  Bill  must  look  out.  What  a 
pity  'tis  they  should  waste  so  much  time  trying  to 
make  so  many  Governors;  for,  if  they  should  make 
a  dozen,  we  shouldn't  want  to  use  but  one  this  year; 
and  it  is  thought  if  they  had  all  clapt  to  and  worked 
upon  one  instead  of  working  upon  so  many,  they 
might  have  had  him  done  more  than  three  weeks  ago. 
Your  lovin  cuzen  till  death, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  VI. 

In  tvhich  Mr.  Downing   describes  a  sad  mishap  that 
befell  the  House  of  Representatives. 

[JVote  by  the  Editor.  After  a  stormy  debate  in  the  House  in 
relation  to  forming  a  Convention  of  the  two  branches  to  fill  the 
vacancies  in  the  Senate,  the  national  republicans  finally  carried 
the  day;  whereupon  the  democratic  republicans,  havintj  remon- 
strated to  the  last,  took  their  hats  and  marched  out  of  the  House  in 
a  body,  about  sixty  in  number,  headed  by  Mr.  Smith  of  Noble- 
borough.  The  national  republicans  of  the  two  branches,  how- 
ever, held  the  Convention,  and  filled  the  vacancies  in  the  Sen- 
ate, and  the  next  day  the  democratic  republicans  returned  to 
their  seats.] 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  B5 

Portland,  Tuesday,  Feb.  2, 1830. 
Dear  Cousin  Ephraim, — I  have  jest  time  to  write 
you  a  short  postscript  to  a  letter  that  I  shall  send  you 
in  a  day  or  two.  We  have  had  a  dreadful  time  here 
to-day.  You  know  the  wheels  of  government  have 
been  stopt  here  for  three  or  four  weeks,  and  they  all 
clapt  their  shoulders  under  to-day,  and  give  'em  a 
lift;  and  they  started  so  hard,  that  as  true  as  you're 
alive,  theij  split  both  Legislaters  right  in  tu.  Some 
say  they  are  split  so  bad,  they  can't  mend  'em  again, 
but  I  hope  they  can  though;  I  shall  tell  you  all  about 
how  'twas  done,  in  a  day  or  two.  I've  been  expect- 
ing a  letter  from  you,  or  some  of  the  folks,  sometime. 
As  I've  got  pretty  short  of  money,  I  wish  you  would 
send  'em  in  the  Daily  Courier,   so  I  shant  have  to 


pay  the  postage. 


Your  hearty  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  VII. 

In  which  affairs  take  a  more  favourable  turn. 

Portland,  Feb.  3,  1830. 
Cousin  Ephraim, —  I  thought  I  would  jest  write 
you  another  little  postscript  to  my  letter  that  I  was 
going  to  send  you  in  a  day  or  tu,  and  let  you  know 
that  the  legislaters  want  split  so  bad  as  some  folks 
tho't  for.  They've  got  'em  both  mended  agin,  so 
that  they  set  'em  agoing  to  day  afore  noon.  But  in 
the  arternoon,  that  legislator  they  call  the  Sinnet, 
got  stuck,  and  in  trying  to  make  it  go,  it  rather 
seemed  to  crack  a  little;  so  they  stopt  short  till  to- 
morrow. Its  been  jostled  about  so,  and  got  so  weak 
an'  rickety,  some  are  afraid  it  will  give  out  yet,  or 
split  in  tu  agin.  JACK  DOWNING. 

6* 


66  LETTERS   OF 

LETTER  VIII. 

In  which  Mrs.  Downing  urges  her  son  to  come  home. 

BovnmigviWe,  Feb.  6, 1830. 
My  Dear  Son, —  Its  a  good  while  since  I  writ  a 
letter,  and  I  almost  forget  how;  but  you  stay  down 
there  to  Portland  so  long,  I  kind  of  want  to  say 
something  to  you.  I  have  been  churning  this  morn- 
ing, and  my  hand  shakes  so  I  cant  hardly  hold  my 
pen  still.  And  then  I  am  afraid  the  news  I've  got 
to  tell,  will  be  such  a  blow  to  you,  it  makes  me  feel 
sort  of  narvous.  Last  Sunday  the  schoolmaster  and 
Jemima  Parsons  had  their  names  stuck  up  together 
in  the  meeting-house  porch. — Now  I  hope  you  wont 
take  on,  my  dear  Jack;  for  if  I  was  you,  I  should  be 
glad  to  get  rid  of  her  so.  I  guess  she's  rather  slack, 
if  the  truth  was  known:  for  I  went  in  there  one  day, 
and  she'd  jest  done  washing  the  floor;  and  I  declare, 
it  looked  as  gray  as  if  she'd  got  the  water  out  of 
a  mud  puddle.  And  then  she  went  to  making  pies 
without  washing  her  hands,  or  shifting  her  apron. 
They  made  me  stop  to  supper,  but  I  never  touched 
Jemime's  pies.  There's  Dolly  Spaulding,  I'm  sure 
she's  likelier  looking  than  Jemime  Parsons,  if 'twant 
for  that  habit  she's  got  of  looking  two  ways  at  once. 
If  she's  making  a  soup,  one  eye  is  always  in  the 
pot,  if  t'other  does  look  up  chimney.  She's  as  good 
a  cook  as  ever  v/as  born,  and  neat  as  wax-work. 
Sally  Kcan  was  to  our  house  spinning  linen  t'other 
day,  because  I  burnt  my  hand  so  bad  trying  out  lard 
I  couldn't  hold  the  thread,  and  she  said  Dolly  had 
more  sheets  and  pillow-cases  than  you  could  count 
for  one  while,  and  she  is  always  making  blankets  and 
coverlids.  She  has  sold  footings  enough  to  buy  her 
half  a  dozen    silver   spoons  and    a  case  of  knives. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  67 

When  I  was  young,  such  a  gal  would  had  a  husband 
long  ago.  The  men  didn't  use  to  ask  if  a  gal  looked 
one  way,  or  two  ways  with  her  eyes,  but  whether 
she  was  neat  and  smart ;  only  if  she  had  thin  lips  and 
peaked  nose,  they  were  sometimes  a  little  shy  of  her. 

0  Jack,  I'm  afraid  these  legislators  will  be  the 
ruination  of  you  !  'Twill  make  you  jest  like  your 
uncle  Joshua.  You  know  he  had  rather  stand  and 
dispute  about  politiks  any  time,  than  work  on  his 
farm,  and  talking  will  never  build  a  stone  wall  or  pay 
our  taxes. 

1  dont  care  so  much  about  the  shushon  as  your 
poor  cousin  Nabby  does  about  the  cotton  cloth.  But 
your  father  has  got  the  rumatise  dreadfully  this  win- 
ter; and  its  rather  hard  for  him  to  have  to  cut  all  the 
wood  and  make  the  fires  this  cold  winter,  I  cant 
see  what  good  twil  do  for  you  to  stay  in  Portland 
any  longer,  and  I  think  you  had  better  come  home 
and  see  a  little  to  the  work  on  the  farm. 

Your  loving  mother, 

MARY  DOWNING, 


LETTER  IX. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  trigging  the  wheels 
of  government. 

Portland,  Thursday,  Feb.  11, 1830. 
Dear  Cousin  Ephraim. — I  've  wrote  you  three 
postscripts  since  I  wrote  you  a  letter,  and  the  reason 
is,  these  Legislators  have  been  carryin  on  so  like  all 
possest,  and  I  've  been  in  looking  at  'em  so  much,  I 
could  n't  get  time  to  write  more  than  three  lines  at 
once,  for  fear  I  should  be  out  of  the  way,  and  should 


68  LETTERS    OF 

miss  seeing  some  of  the  fun.  But  thinkin  you  'd  be 
tired  of  waiting,  I  tried  to  get  the  printer  to  send  my 
letter  yesterday;  but  he  told  me  right  up  and  down 
he  could  n't.  I  told  him  he  must,  for  I  ought  to 
sent  before  now.  But  he  said  he  could  n't,  and 
would  n't,  and  that  was  the  upshot  of  the  matter,  for 
the  paper  was  chock  full,  and  more  tu,  of  the  Gov- 
ernor's message.  Bless  my  stars,  says  I,  and  have 
we  got  a  Governor  done  enough  so  he  can  speak  a 
message.'*  Yes,  indeed  we  have,  says  he,  thanks  be 
to  the  tivo  great  repuhlikin  parties,  who  have  saved  the 
State  from  the  anarkee  of  the  Jacksonites  and  Hun- 
tonites;  the  Governor  is  done,  and  is  jest  a  going 
into  the  Legislater,  and  if  you  '11  go  right  up  there, 
you  can  see  him.  So  I  pushed  in  among  the  crowd, 
and  I  got  a  pretty  good  squeezin  tu;  but  I  got  a 
good  place,  for  I  could  elbow  it  as  well  as  any  on 
^em.  And  I  had  n't  been  there  five  minutes,  seem- 
ingly, before  we  had  a  Governor  sure  enough;  and  a 
good  stout,  genteel  looking  sort  of  a  man  he  was  tu, 
as  you  would  see  in  a  whole  regiment,  taking  in 
captains  and  all.  Nobody  disputed  that  he  was  fin- 
ished pretty  workmanlike;  and  he  ought  to  be,  for 
they  'd  been  long  enough  about  it.  So  they  con- 
cluded to  swear  him  in,  as  they  call  it,  and  he  took  a 
great  oath  to  behave  hke  a  Governor  a  whole  year. 
Some  say  the  wheels  of  government  will  go  along 
smooth  and  easy  now,  as  a  wheel-barrow  across  a 
brick  yard;  but  some  shake  their  heads,  and  say  the 
wheels  will  be  jolting  over  rocks  and  stumps  all 
winter  yet;  and  I  dont  know  but  they  will,  for  the 
Governor  had  n't  hardly  turned  his  back  upon  'em 
and  gone  out,  before  they  went  right  to  disputing 
agin  as  hard  as  ever.  I  was  a  good  mind  to  run  out 
and  call  the  Governor  back  to  still  'em.  But  I 
could  n't  tell  where  to  look  for  him,  so  they  got  clear 
of  a  drubbing  that  time.  I  know  he  'd  a  gin  it  to  'em 
if  he  'd  been  there;   for  what  do  you  think  was  the 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  69 

first  thing  they  went  to  disputing  about?  It  was  how 
many  Governor's  speeches  they  should  print  this 
winter;  jest  as  if  the  Governor  could  n't  tell  that 
himself.  Some  wanted  three  hundred,  and  some  five 
hundred,  and  some  seven  or  eight  hundred.  Finally 
they  concluded  to  print  five  hundred;  and  I  should 
think  that  was  enough  in  all  conscience,  if  they  are 
all  going  to  be  as  long  as  that  one  they  printed  in  the 
Courier^'yesterday.  In  the  next  place,  they  took  up 
that  everlasting  dispute  about  Mr.  Roberts'  having  a 
seat;  for  if  you  '11  believe  me,  they  've  kept  that  poor 
man  standing  there  till  this  time. 

I'll  tell  you  how  tis.  Cousin  Ephraim,  we  must  con- 
trive some  way  or  other  to  keep  these  Jacksonites  and 
Huntonites  owt  of  the  Legislator  another  year,  or  we 
shall  be  ruin'd;  for  they  make  pesky  bad  work,  trig- 
ing  the  wheels  of  government.     They've  triged  'em 
so  much  that  they  say  it  has  cost  the  State  about  fij- 
teen  thousand  dollars  a'ready,  more  than  'twould,  if 
they  had  gone  along  straight  without  stopping.     So 
you  may  tell  uncle  Joshua  that  besides  that  bushel  of 
corn  he  lost  in  betting  about  the  Speaker,  he'll  have 
to  shell  out  as  much  as  tivo  bushels  more  to  pay  the 
cost  of  triging  the  wheels.     Jingoe!  sometimes  when 
I've  seen  the  wheels  chocked  with  a  little  trig  not 
bigger  than  a  cat's  head,  and   the  whole  legislator 
trying  with  all   their  might  two  or  three  days,  and 
could'nt  start  it  a  hair,  how  I've  longed  to  hitch  on 
my  little  speckled  four-year-olds,  and  give  'em  a  pull; 
if  they  wouldn't  make  the  wheels  fly  over  the  trigs  in 
a  jifiy,  I  wont  guess  agin.     'Tother  day  in  the  great 
convention,  when  both  Legislators  met   together  to 
chuse  some  Counsellors,  Mr.  Boutelle  and  Mr.  Smith 
of  Nobleborough  tried  to  explain  how  'twas  the  wheels 
of  government  were  trig'd  so  much.     Mr.  Boutelle, 
as  I  have  told  you  a-fore,  is  a  national  republican, 
and  Mr.  Smith  is  a  democratic  republican.    They  dif- 
fered a  little  in  their  opinion.    Mr.  Boutelle  seemed  to 


70  ^  LETTERS    OF 

think  the  trigs  were  all  put  under  by  07ie  class  of  poli- 
ticians, and  trom  what  he  said,  I  took  it  he  meant  the 
Jacksonites.  He  said  ever  since  the  Leojislater  be- 
gan, the  moment  they  started  the  wheels,  that  class 
of  politicians  would  throw  under  a  chock  and  stop 
'em;  and  which  ever  way  they  turned,  that  class  of 
politicians  would  meet  'em  at  every  corner  and  bring 
'em  up  all  standin.  Mr.  Smith  seemed  to  think  another 
class  of  politicians  had  the  greatest  hand  in  it,  and  it 
was  pretty  clear  that  he  meant  the  Huntonites.  He 
said  when  they  first  got  here,  that  class  of  politicians 
sot  the  wheels  of  government  rolling  the  wrong  waij; 
they  put  the  big  wheels  forward,  and  the  Legislater 
had  been  going  backwards  ever  since,  jest  like  a  lob- 
ster. And  the  Huntonites  not  only  trig'd  the  wheels, 
whenever  they  begun  to  roll  the  right  way;  but  as 
soon  as  the  '  blessed  Governor  '  was  done  they  trig'd 
him  tu;  and  though  he  had  been  done  four  days,  they 
wouldn't  let  him  come  into  the  Legislater  so  that  their 
eyes  could  be  blest  with  the  sight  of  him.  So  from 
what  I  can  find  out,  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites 
both,  are  a  troublesome  contrary  set,  and  there  must 
be  some  way  contrived  to  keep  'em  out  of  the  Legis- 
later in  future. 

It  seems  soon  after  you  got  my  first  letter,  uncle 
Joshua  tackled  up,  and  started  off  to  Boston  with  a 
load  of  turkeys  and  apple-sauce.  I  had  a  letter  from 
him  t'other  day,  as  long  as  all  out  doors,  in  the  Boston 
Advertiser.  He  says  he  got  more  for  the  turkeys 
than  he  expected  tu;  but  I  think  it's  a  plaguy  pity  he 
did'nt  bring  'em  to  Portland.  I  know  he'd  got  more 
than  he  could  in  Boston.  Provision  kind  is  getting 
up  here  wonderfully,  on  account  of  these  Legislaters 
being  likely  to  stay  here  all  winter;  and  some  think 
they'll  be  here  half  the  summer  tu.  And  then  there's 
sich  a  cloud  of  what  they  call  lobby  members  and 
office  hunters,  that  the  butchers  have  got  frightened, 
and  gone  to  buying  up  all  the  beef  and  pork  they  can 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  71 

get  hold  on  far  and  near,  for  they  are  afraid  a  famine 
will  be  upon  us  next.  Howsomever,  uncle  Joshua  did 
well  to  carry  his  '  puckery  apple-sauce  '  to  Boston. 
He  could 'nt  get  a  cent  for't  here;  for  every  body's 
puckery  and  sour  enough  here  now. 

Give    my  love   to  father    and    mother  and   cousin 
Nabby.    I  shall  answer  their  letters  as  soon  as  I  can. 
Your  lovin  Cousin.       JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  X. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  advises  his  uncle  Joshua  to  hold 
on  to  his  bushel  of  corn,  because  the  Legislature  had 
begun  to  '  rip  up  their  duins.' 

Portland,  Friday,  Feb.  12,  1830. 
Postcript  to  uncle  Joshua. 

fCT'  THIS    WITH    CARE    AND    SPEED. 

Dear  Uncle, — If  you  have'nt  paid  over  that  are 
bushel  of  corn  yet,  that  you  lost  when  you  bet  Mr. 
Ruggles  would  be  Speaker,  hold  on  to  it  for  your  life, 
till  you  hear  from  me  agin,  for  I  aint  so  clear  but  you 
may  save  it  yet.  They've  gone  to  rippin  up  their 
duins  here,  and  there's  no  knowing  but  they  may  go 
clear  back  to  the  beginning  and  have  another  tug 
about  Speaker.  At  any  rate,  if  your  bushel  of  corn 
is'nt  gone  out  of  your  crib  yet,  I  advise  you  by  all 
means  to  keep  it  there. 

Tell  'squire  N.  the  question  is'nt  settled  yet;  and 
you  wont  shell  out  a  single  kernel  till  it  is  fairly  nailed 
and  clinched,  so  it  can't  be  ript  up  agin.  I'll  tell  you 
what  tis,  uncle  Josh,  the  Supreme  Court  beats  the 
Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  all  hollow  for  trigging  the 
wheels.     You  know  after  they  had  such  a  tussle  for 


72  LETTERS    OF 

about  a  week  to  choose  Elder  Hall  President  of  the 
Sinnet,  and  after  he  come  in  at  last  all  hollow,  for  they 
said  he  had  a  majority  of  eight  out  of  sixteen,  they 
went  on  then  two  or  three  weeks  nicely,  duin  business 
tie  and  tie,  hard  as  they  could.  Then  up  steps  the 
Judges  of  the  Supreme  Court  and  tells  Mr.  Hall 
he  was  governor,  and  ought  to  go  into  the  Council 
Chamber.  They  seemed  to  be  a  little  bit  thunder 
struck  at  first.  But  they  soon  come  to  agin,  and 
Elder  Hall  got  out  of  the  chair  and  Mr.  Kingsbury 
got  into  it,  and  they  jogged  along  another  week,  duin 
business  as  hard  as  ever.  They  said  all  the  chairs 
round  the  table  ought  to  be  filled,  so  they  changed 
works  with  the  House  and  made  four  more  Sinneters. 
So  having  four  good  fresh  hands  come  in,  they  took 
hold  in  good  earnest  and  turned  off*  more  business  in 
two  days,  than  they  had  done  in  a  month  before. 

Then  up  steps  the  Supreme  Court  agin  and  tells 
'em  their  cake  is  all  dough;  for  they  hadn't  been  duin 
constitutional.  This  was  yesterday:  and  it  made  a 
dreadful  touse.  They  went  right  to  work  rippin  up 
and  tarrin  away  what  they'd  been  duin;  and  before 
nine  o'clock  in  the  evening  they  turned  out  the  four 
new  Sinneters,  out  of  their  chairs  and  appointed  a 
committee  to  begin  to  make  four  more.  They  took 
hold  so  hash  about  it,  I  spose  some  the  rest  of  the 
Sinneters  begun  to  be  afraid  they  should  be  ript  up 
tu;  so  they  clear'd  out,  I  guess  near  about  half  on 
'em,  and  have  n't  been  seen  nor  heard  of  to-day. 
Some  of  'em  that  had  more  courage  went  in  and  tried 
to  du  business;  but  there  wasn't  enough  of  'em  to 
start  an  inch.  They  sent  a  man  all  round  town  in  the 
forenoon  and  afternoon  to  tell  'em  to  come  in  and  go 
to  work,  but  he  could  n't  find  hide  nor  hair  of  one  of 
'em.  Elder  Hall  said  he  guessed  they  must  be  some- 
where in  a  convention. 

Some  say  they'll  rip  up  the  new  Councillors  next, 
and  then  the  Governor,  cause  the  new  Sinneters  helpt 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  73 

make  'em  all.  But  there's  one  comfort  left  for  us, 
let  the  cat  jump  which  way  'twill;  if  Mr.  Hunton  is 
'nt  a  constitutional  Governor,  Elder  Hall  is;  the 
Judges  have  nailed  that  fast.  So  I  think  Bill  John- 
son will  get  off  with  a  whole  skin,  for  I  shant  dare  to 
flog  him  this  year.  If  they  go  clear  back  to  the 
Speaker,  and  decide  it  in  favor  of  your  bushel  of 
corn,  I  shall  let  you  know  as  soon  as  possible. 
Your  lovin  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XI. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  describes  some  queer  duins  in 
the  Senate. 

[J\'ote  by  the  Editor.  Tlie  democratic  republicans  insisted  that 
the  Convention  which  filled  the  vacancies  in  the  Senate  was 
not  constitutional,  and  refused  to  recognise  the  new  members 
at  the  Board,  and  the  President  refused  to  count  their  votes. 
After  considerable  turmoil  the  four  new  Senators  withdrew ;  in 
consequence  of  which  several  others  of  the  same  party  withdrew 
also,  so  that  there  was  not  a  quorum  left  to  do  business.  After 
two  or  three  days,  hovvever,  they  returned,  and  the  new  sena- 
tors re-asserted  their  claims  to  a  seat.  Great  confusion  ensued ; 
the  President  refused  to  count  their  votes ;  and  taking  the  votes 
of  the  other  members,  he  declared  the  Senate  adjourned.  The 
national  republicans  refused  to  consider  it  an  adjournment,  kept 
their  seats,  and  began  to  talk  of  re-organizing  the  Senate  by 
choosing  a  new  President.  Elder  Hall,  therefore,  fearing  the 
chair  would  be  immediately  filled  again  if  he  left  it,  kept  his 
seat,  but  still  repeatedly  declared  the  Senate  adjourned.  The 
particulars  of  the  scene  are  more  minutely  described  in  the  fol- 
lowing letter.] 

To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  DowningvUle. 

Portland,  Wednesday,  Feb.  17,  1830. 
Dear  Cousin  Ephraoi,  —  Here  I   am   yet,  and 
have  n't  much  else  to  du,  so  I  might  as  well  keep 
writin  to  you ;  for  I  spose  uncle  Joshua  's  in  a  peck 
7 


74  LETTERS    OF 

of  trouble  about  his  bushel  of  corn.  I'm  pesky  fraid 
he'll  lose  it  yet;  for  they  dont  seem  to  rip  up  worth  a 
cent  since  the  first  night  they  begun.  The  truth  was 
they  took  hold  rather  tu  hash  that  night;  and  rippin 
up  them  are  four  new  Sinneters  so  quick,  they  scart 
away  four  or  five  more  old  ones,  so  they  did  n't  dare 
to  come  in  again  for  tu  days.  And  that  threw  'em 
all  into  the  suds,  head  and  ears.  It  was  worse  than  trig- 
ging the  wheels,  for  it  broke  the  Sinnet  wheel  right 
in  tu,  and  left  it  so  flat,  that  all  Job's  oxen  never 
could  start  it,  if  they  hadn't  got  it  mended  again. 
They  tried,  and  tried,  to  keep  duin  something,  but 
they  couldn't  du  the  leastest  thing.  One  time  they 
tried  to  du  something  with  a  little  bit  of  a  message 
that  was  sent  to  'em  on  a  piece  of  paper  from  the 
House.  The  President  took  it  in  his  hand,  and  held 
it  up,  and  asked  'em  what  was  best  to  du  with  it. 
Some  of  'em  motioned  that  they'd  lay  it  on  the  table; 
but  come  to  consider  on  it,  they  found  they  couldn't 
according  to  the  constitution,  without  there  was  more 
of  'em  to  help.  They  said  they  couldn't  lay  it  on  the 
table,  nor  du  nothin  at  all  with  it.  I  was  afraid  the 
poor  old  gentleman  would  have  to  stand  there  and 
hold  it  till  they  got  the  wheel  mended  agin.  But  I 
believe  he  finally  let  it  drop  on  the  table ;  and  I  spose 
there  was  nothin  in  the  constitution  against  that. 

They  got  the  wheel  mended  Monday  about  eleven 
er  clock,  so  they  could  start  along  a  little.  But  them 
are  four  new  Sinneters  that  they  ript  up  Thursday 
night,  come  right  back  agin  Monday,  and  sot  down  to 
the  great  round  table;  and  stood  tu  it  through  thick 
and  thin,  that  they  want  ript  up,  and  no  sich  thing. — 
Well,  this  kicked  up  a  kind  of  a  bobbery  among  'em, 
so  they  thought  they'd  try  to  journ.  The  President 
counted  'em,  and  said  they  were  journed  and  might  go 
out.  One  of  the  new  Sinneters  said  the  President 
didn't  count  right,  and  they  want  journed  a  bit;  and 
they  must  set  still  and  have  an  overhauling  about  it. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  75 

So  they  set  down  agin,  all  but  four  or  five  that  put 
on  their  hats  and  great  coats  and  stood  backside  of 
the  room.  The  room  was  chock  full  of  folk  slooking 
on,  and  the  President  told  'em  the  Sinnet  was  journed 
and  they  might  as  well  go  out,  but  they  did  not  seem 
to  keer  tu,  and  they  put  their  hats  on  and  began  to 
lau<Th  like  fun.  The  President  sot  still  in  his  cheer, 
fori  spose  he  thought  if  he  left  it,  some  of  them  are 
roguish  fellers  would  be  gettin  into  it.  The  man  that 
keeps  order,  told  the  folks  they  must  take  their  hats 
off  when  they  were  in  the  Sinnet;  but  they  said  they 
v/ouldn't,  cause  the  Sinnet  was  ajourned.  Then  the 
man  went  and  asked  the  President  if  the  Sinnet  was 
all  ajourned,  and  the  President  said  'twas,  and  there 
was  no  doubt  about  it.  And  the  folks  felt  so  tickled 
to  think  they  could  wear  their  hats  when  the  Sinneters 
were  setting  round  the  great  table,  that  they  kind  of 
whistled  a  little  bit  all  over  the  room. 

Finally,  after  settin  about  half  an  hour,  another 
man  got  up  and  motioned  to  ajourn,  and  the  Presi- 
dent got  up  and  put  it  to  vote  agin.  He  told  'em  if 
they  wanted  to  ajourn,  they  must  say  ah,  and  they 
all  said  ah  this  time,  and  cleared  out  in  five  minutes. 

But  about  this  rippin  up  business;  instead  of  rippin 
up  the  councillors,  as  some  thought  they  would,  both 
legislators  met  together  to-day,  and  called  in  four  of 
the  councillors,  and  nailed  'em  down  harder  with  an 
oath. 

They've  sot  the  committees  to  work  like  fun  now, 
and  its  thought  they'll  turn  off  business  hand  over 
hand;  for  you  know  its  almost  March,  and  then  the 
great  Supreme  Court  meets  here.  And  they  say 
they  have  a  grand  jury  that  picks  up  all  disorderly 
and  mischievous  folks,  and  carries  'em  in  to  court, 
and  the  court  puts  'em  in  jail.  These  legislators 
have  been  cuttin  up  such  rigs  here  all  winter,  that 
they  begin  to  look  pretty  shy  when  any  thing  is  said 
about  the  first  of  March,  and  I  dont  believe  the  grand 


76  LETTERS    OF 

jury  '11  be  able  to  find  a  single  mother's  son  of 'em 
when  the  court  gets  here. 

From  your  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING 


LETTER  XII. 

In  which  Mr.  Dowtiing  hits  upon  a  new  idea  for  mak- 
ing money  out  of  the  office-seekers  that  were  swarming 
round  the  new  Governor. 

Postscript  to  Ephraim. 

Portland,  Feb.  23,  1830. 

Dear  Cousin. — As  soon  as  you  get  this,  I  want 
you  to  load  up  the  old  lumber-box  with  them  are 
long  slick  bean-poles,  that  I  got  out  last  summer.  I 
guess  I  shant  make  much  by  my  ax  handles,  for  I 
can't  sell  'em  yet;  I  han't  sold  but  tu  since  I've 
been  here;  and  the  sea's  been  froze  over  so  that  un- 
cle Ned  bant  got  in  from  Quoddyyet,  and  I  bant  had 
any  chance  to  send  my  ax  handles  to  Boston.  But 
if  I  loose  on  the  ax  handles,  I  shall  make  it  up  on 
the  bean  poles  if  you  only  get  'em  here  in  season. 
Do  make  haste  as  fast  as  you  can,  and  you  shall 
share  half  the  profits. 

It  ant  to  stick  beans  with  nuther;  and  I  guess  you 
'11  kind  o'  laff,  when  I  tell  you  what  tis  for.  You  know 
when  we  went  to  the  court  there  was  a  man  sot  up 
in  a  box,  that  they  called  a  Sheriff,  and  held  a  long 
white  pole  in  his  hand.  Well  I  heard  somebody  say 
tother  day  that  there  was  more  than  a  hundred  folks 
here  that  wanted  to  get  a  Sheriff's  pole;  and  I  hap- 
pened to  think  that  them  are  bean  poles  would  make 
cute  ones.    But  you  must  get  'em  here  afore  the  Gov- 


kAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  77 

ernor  makes  his  appintments,  or  it  '11  be  gone  goose 
with  us,  about  it,  for  we  couldn't  sell  more  than  half 
a  dozen  arter  that. 

From  your  Cousin 

^  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XIII. 

Cousin  Ephraim  in  trouble. 

Feb.  25, 1830. 

Dear  Jack.— Here  I  am,  about  halfway  to  Port- 
land, with  one  shu  of  the  old  lumber  box  broke  down, 
and  tother  one  putty  rickety.  Its  about  half  the  way 
bare  ground,  and  the  old  boss  begins  to  be  ruther 
wheezy.  But  you  know  I  don't  give  up  for  trifles, 
when  there's  a  chance  to  make  a  spec.  Soon  as  I 
got  your  letter  bout  the  bean  poles,  I  made  business 
fly.  Mother  put  me  up  a  box  of  beef  and  dough-nuts, 
and  I  fed  old  gray,  and  tackled  up,  and  all  loaded 
and  ready  to  start  in  tu  hours;  and  if  I  live  I  shall 
get  the  bean  poles  there  at  some  rate  or  other  fore 
long;  but  I'm  fraid  I  may  be  late.  If  you  know  the 
Governor,  I  wish  you'd  just  ask  him  to  keep  his  ap- 
pointments back  a  little  while;  he  shant  loose  nothin 
by  it,  if  the  poles  sell  well.  I  shall  have  to  go  the 
rest  of  the  way  on  wheels,  and  I  want  you  to  see  if 
you  cant  hire  one  of  the  government  wheels  and 
come  and  meet  me,  for  the  plagy  fellers  here  wont 
trust  me  with  their  wheels  till  I  get  back.  Besides 
if  I  could  get  one  of  the  wheels  of  government,  I'm 
thinking  I  could  get  along  a  good  deal  faster;  for  I 
met  a  man  jest  now  from  Portland  that  said  they've 
got  them  are  wheels  going  now  like  a  buz.  He 
said  there  was  no  wheels  in  the  country  that  could 
go  half  so  fast;  and  he  thinks  they  work  a  good 
deal  better  for  being  split  up  and  mended  so  much. 
7* 


78  LETTERS    OF 

Grandfather  said  they  would  want  as  many  cockades 
as  Sheriff  polls;  and  so  he  put  in  his  old  continental 
one,  that  he  had  in  the  revolution. 

P.  S.     I  hope  you'll  get  the  government  wheels 
to  come  arter  the  poles,  for  I  want  some  that  are  putty 
easy  trig'dj  cause  the  hills  are  ruther  slippery. 
Your  Cusin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XIV. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing    descnbes  a  severe  tug  at  the 
wheels  of  government. 

yVote  bij  the  Editor.  The  opinion  of  the  Judges  of  the  Su- 
preme Court  having  been  asked,  they  decided  that  the  vacancies 
in  the  Senate  were  not  constitutionally  filled,  and  that  the  sub- 
sequent doings  of  the  Legislature  were  consequently  void.] 

Portland,  March  3,  1830. 
To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing,  stuck  by  the  way. 

You  sent  word  to  me  in  your  letter  t'other  day, 
that  you  had  got  to  bare  ground,  and  broke  down  one 
shu  of  the  lumber  box,  and  wanted  me  to  get  the 
wheels  of  Government  and  come  up  after  the  poles. 
I  tried  to  get  'em,  but  they  would  'nt  let  'em  go;  and 
they  said  'twould  'nt  be  any  use  if  I  did;  for  I  could 
'nt  get  more  than  ten  rods  before  the  wheels  would 
be  trig'd.  They  were  expecting  of 'em  to  be  trig'd 
every  day,  they  said;  for  the  Judges  had  sent  a  mon- 
strous great  trig  to  the  Governor,  and  told  him  if 
they  went  to  start  the  wheels  forward  any,  he  must 
clap  it  under;  for  they  must  'nt  go  forward  a  bit  more, 
and  must  roll  the  wheels  back  a  good  ways,  till  they 
found  the  right  road.  Well,  sure  enough,  Tuesday, 
when  they  was  goin  along  a  little  easy,  some  on  'em 
threw  the  trig  right  under,  and  it  brought  'em  up  with 
a  dreadful  jolt. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  79 

And  then,  my  stars,  if  the  Sinneters  didn't  go  at 
it  tie  and  tie,  like  smoke.  The  national  republi- 
cans pulled  one  way,  and  the  democratic  republicans 
'tother,  with  all  their  might,  jest  as  you  and  I  used 
to  set  down  and  brace  our  feet  against  each  other, 
and  take  hold  of  a  stick  to  see  which  could  pull  tother 
up.  They  pulled  and  grinned  all  day,  but  nary  side 
couldn't  pull  up  tother.  The  national  repubhcans 
said  they  wouldn't  stop  for  that  little  trig,  nor  no 
notion  of  it;  and  they  pulled  the  wheels  forward  as 
hard  as  they  could.  The  democratic  republicans 
braced  their  feet  tother  way,  and  said  the  wheels 
shouldn't  move  another  inch  forward;  they  had  got 
on  to  a  wrong  road,  and  the  Judges  had  put  that  trig 
there  to  keep  'em  all  from  goin  to  destruction;  and 
they  tried  all  day  as  hard  as  they  could  to  roll  the 
wheels  back  to  find  the  right  road.  They  pulled  like 
my  little  tu  year  olds  all  day,  but  I  couldn't  see 
as  they  started  the  wheels  backwards  or  forwards  a 
single  hair.  This  morning  they  hitched  on  and  took 
another  jest  sich  a  pull.  The  national  republicans 
said  they  knew  the  road  as  well  as  the  Judges  did, 
and  they  were  goin  right  and  wouldn't  touch  to  go 
back;  the  road  was  a  good  plain  smooth  road,  and 
there  wasn't  a  mite  of  danger  in  goin  on.  The  de- 
mocratic republicans  said  they  could  hear  some  pretty 
heavy  thundering  along  that  road,  and  they'd  not  go 
another  step  that  way;  but  they  stood  tu  it  they  want 
afraid  of  the  thunder.  The  national  republicans  said 
they'd  heard  thunder  before  now,  and  seen  dreadful 
black  clouds  all  over  the  sky,  and  they'd  seen  a  fair 
afternoon  and  a  bright  rainbow  after  all  that.  So 
they  pulled  and  disputed,  and  disputed  and  pulled, 
till  most  noon,  and  then  they  concluded  to  stop  and 
breath  upon  it  till  to-morrow,  when  I  spose  they  will 
spit  on  their  hands  to  make  'em  stick  and  begin  as 
hard  as  ever. 

I  hope  you'll  make  haste  and  get  the  poles  along; 


80  LETTERS    OF 

if  you  cant  get  any  wheels  up  there,  you  better  tie 
up  a  couple  of  bundles  of  'cm  and  swing  'em  acrost 
the  old  horse,  saddle-bags  fashion.  You'll  get  well 
paid  for  it,  if  you  get  'era  here  in  season. 

Your  cousin, 
JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XV. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  what  it  means  to  set  up  a 
candidate  for  office. 

Portland,  Tuesday,  March  16, 1830. 
To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  DowningvUle. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua — I  guess  by  this  time,  its 
so  long  since  I  writ  home,  you  almost  begin  to  think 
Jack  is  sick  or  dead,  or  gone  down  to  Quoddy  long 
with  uncle  Nat,  or  somewhere  else.  But  you  needn't 
think  any  sich  thing,  for  here  I  am  sticking  to  Port- 
land like  wax,  and  I  guess  I  shant  pull  up  stakes 
agin  this  one  while.  The  more  I  stay  to  Portland  the 
better  Hike  it.  Its  a  nation  fine  place;  there's  things 
enough  here  for  any  body  to  see  all  their  life  time. 
I  guess  I  shall  tell  you  something  about  'em  before 
summer's  out.  These  Legislaters  haven't  done  nothin 
scarcely  worth  telling  about  this  most  a  fortnight. 
I've  been  in  most  every  day  jest  to  take  a  squint  at 
'em.  There  was  n't  hardly  a  bit  of  a  quarrel  to  be 
heard  of  from  one  day's  end  to  another.  They  were 
all  as  good-natured  and  loving  as  a  family  of  brothers, 
that  had  been  living  out  all  summer,  and  had  jest  got 
home  together  at  thanksgiving  time.  They  kept  to 
work  as  busy  as  bees  upon  pieces  of  paper  that  they 
called  Bills.  Sometimes  they  voted  to  read  'em  once, 
sometimes  twice,  and  sometimes  three  times.  At 
last  the  sun  begun  to  shine  so  warm,  that  it  made  'em 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  bl 

think  of  planting  time,  and  at  it  they  went,  passing 
Bills  by  the  gross,  [probably  a  mistake  for  to  be  en- 
grossed,— Editor,]  till  they  settled  'em  away  like  a 
heap  of  corn  at  a  husking,  before  a  barnful  of  boys 
and  gals.  And  they've  got  so  near  the  bottom  of  the 
heap,  they  say  they  shall  brush  out  the  floors  in  a  day 
or  two  more,  and  start  off  home.  I  spose  they  wont 
mind  it  much  if  they  do  brush  out  some  of  the  ears 
without  husking;  they've  had  their  frolic  and  their 
husking  supper,  and  I  guess  that's  the  most  they 
come  for.  It  seems  to  me,  uncle  Joshua,  it  costs  our 
farmers  a  great  deal  more  to  husk  out  their  law-corn 
every  winter  than  it  need  tu.  They  let  tu  many  noisy 
talking  fellers  come  to  the  husking.  I've  always 
minded,  when  I  went  to  a  husking,  that  these  noisy 
kind  of  chaps  seem  to  care  a  good  deal  more  about 
v/hat  they  can  get  to  eat  and  drink,  than  they  du  about 
the  corn;  and  them  are  that  don't  make  much  fuss, 
are  apt  to  husk  the  most  and  make  the  cleanest  work. 

O  dear,  uncle,  there's  a  hot  time  ahead.  I  almost 
dread  to  think  of  it.  I'm  afraid  there  is  going  to  be 
a  worse  scrabble  next  summer  to  see  who  shall  go  to 
the  great  State  husking  than  there  was  last.  The 
Huntonites  and  Smithites  are  determined  to  have 
each  of  'em  a  governor  agin  next  year.  They've  sot 
up  their  candidates  on  both  sides;  and  who  in  all  the 
world  should  you  guess  they  are?  The  Huntonites 
have  sot  up  Mr.  Hunton,  and  the  Smithites  have  sot 
up  Mr.  Smith.  You  understand  what  it  means,  I 
spose,  to  set  up  a  candidate.  It  means  the  same 
that  it  does  at  a  shooting  match  to  set  up  a  goose  or 
a  turkey  to  be  fired  at.  The  rule  of  the  game  is  that 
the  Smithites  are  to  fire  at  Mr.  Hunton,  and  the 
Huntonites  are  to  fire  at  Mr.  Smith.  They  think  it 
will  take  a  pretty  hard  battle  to  get  them  both  in.  But 
both  parties  say  they've  got  the  constitution  on  their 
side,  so  I  think  likely  they'll  both  beat. 

They've  been  piling  up  a  monstrous  heap  of  ammu- 


82  LETTERS    OF 

nition  this  winter,  enough  to  keep  'em  firing  all  sum- 
mer; and  I  guess  it  wont  be  long  before  you'll  see 
the  smoke  rising  all  over  the  State,  wherever  there's 
a  newspaper.  1  think  these  newspapers  are  dreadful 
smokj  things;  they  are  enough  to  blind  any  body's 
eyes  any  time.  I  mean  all  except  the  Daily  Conner 
and  Familij  Reader,  that  I  send  my  letters  in;  I  never 
see  much  smoke  in  them.  But  take  the  rest  of  the 
papers,  that  talk  about  politics,  and  patriotism,  and 
republicanism,  and  federalism,  and  Jacksonism,  and 
Hartford  Conventionism,  and  let  any  body  read  in 
one  of  'em  half  an  hour,  and  his  eyes  will  be  so  full 
of  smoke  he  can't  see  better  than  an  owl  in  the  sun- 
shine; he  would  n't  be  able  to  tell  the  difference  be- 
tween a  corn-stalk  and  the  biggest  oak  tree  in  our 
pasture. 

You  know,  uncle,  these  Legislaters  have  had  some 
dreadful  quarrels  this  winter  about  a  book  they  call 
the  constitution:  and  had  to  get  the  Judges  of  the 
great  Court  to  read  it  to  'em.  They  made  such  a 
fuss  about  it  I  thought  it  must  be  a  mighty  great  book, 
as  big  agin  as  grandfather's  great  bible.  But  one  day 
I  see  one  of  the  Sinneters  have  one,  and  my  stars, 
it  was  n't  so  big  as  my  old  spelling  book.  Thinks  I 
to  myself,  if  ax  handles  will  buy  one,  I'll  have  one 
and  see  if  I  cant  read  it  myself.  So  I  went  into  a 
store  where  they  had  a  nation  sight  of  books,  and 
asked  'em  for  a  constitution.  They  showed  me  some 
nice  little  ones,  that  they  asked  a  quarter  of  a  dollar 
apiece  for.  I  was  out  of  money,  so  I  told  the  man 
I'd  give  him  four  good  white  oak  ax  handles,  well  fin- 
ished, for  one:  and  he  said,  being  'twas  me,  I  might 
have  it.  So  now  I've  got  a  constitution  of  my  own, 
and  if  I  find  I  can  read  it,  I  shall  let  you  know  some- 
thing about  what's  in  it  before  a  great  while. 
Your  neflfu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING. 


LETTER  XVI. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  the  Legislature  cleared 
out,  and  hoio  Elder  Hall  went  home. 

To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Portland,  Monday,  March  22,  1830. 

Cousin  Ephraim, — I  kind  of  want  to  say  a  few 
more  words  to  you  about  the  Legislaters.  You  know 
they  came  together  here  in  the  first  of  the  winter  in 
a  kind  of  a  stew,  and  they  had  storms  and  tempests 
among  'em  all  the  time  they  staid  here,  and  finally 
they  went  off"  Friday  in  a  sort  of  whirlwind  or  hurri- 
cane, I  dont  know  which.  Some  folks  say  they  hope 
it  will  blow  'em  so  far  they  wont  get  back  again. — 
But  I  guess  there  aint  much  danger  of  that ;  for  you 
know  squire  Nokes  always  used  to  say  the  bad  penny 
will  return.  They  were  dreadful  kind  of  snappish  the 
last  day  they  were  here;  they  couldn't  hardly  touch 
a  single  thing  without  quarrelling  about  it. — They 
quarrelled  about  paying  some  of  the  folks  they  hired 
to  work  for  'em;  and  they  quarrelled  ever  so  long 
about  paying  them  are  four  Sinneters  that  were 
chosen  in  the  convention;  and  at  last  they  got  to 
quarrelling  hke  cats  and  dogs  to  see  if  they  should 
thank  the  President  and  Speaker  for  all  the  work 
they've  done  this  winter.  But  they  had  to  thank  'em 
at  last.  And  then  Mr.  Goodnow,  the  Speaker  in  that 
Legislater  they  call  the  House,  got  up  and  talked  to 
'em  so  pleasant,  and  kind,  and  scripture-like,  it  made 
'em  feel  a  little  bad;  some  of  'em  couldn't  hardly 
help  shedding  tears.  I  tho't  them  are,  that  had  been 
quarrelling  so,  must  feel  a  little  sheepish. 

That  are  Elder  Hall,  that  was  President  of  the 
Sinnet,  seemed  to  be  the  most  poplar  man  in  the 
whole  bunch  of  both  Legislaters.  There  wasn't  one 
of  the  rest  of  'em  that  could  work  it  so  as  to  make 


84  LETTERS    OF 

both  parties  like  'em.  But  some  how  or  other,  he 
did.  The  national  republicans  liked  him  so  well, 
that  thej  all  voted  for  him  for  President;  and  the 
democratic  republicans  liked  him  so  well,  that  they 
all  voted  to  thank  him  when  they  went  away.  And  I 
dont  so  much  wonder  at  it,  for  he  seemed  to  me  to  be 
about  the  cleverest,  good-natured  old  gentleman  that 
ever  I  see. 

Its  true  the  old  gentleman  had  rather  hard  work  to 
keep  the  wheels  of  government  going  in  the  Sinnet 
this  winter;  and  they  would  get  trig'd  every  little 
while  in  spite  of  all  he  could  do.  I  spose  this  made 
him  rather  shy  of  all  kinds  of  wheels;  for  he  wouldn't 
go  home  in  a  stage,  nor  a  wagon,  nor  a  shay.  These 
kind  of  carts  all  have  wheels,  and  I  spose  he  thought 
they  might  get  trig'd  and  he  wouldn't  hardly  get  home 
all  summer.  So  he  concluded  to  go  by  water;  and 
he  went  aboard  a  vessel  Saturday  night,  and  sailed 
for  down  east;  and  as  true  as  you  are  alive,  before 
the  next  day  noon  the  wheels  of  the  vessel  got  trig'd; 
tho'  they  said  the  vessel  didn't  go  on  wheels,  but 
some  how  or  other  it  got  trig'd,  and  back  they  came 
next  day  into  Portland  again,  and  there  they  had  to 
stay  till  Monday,  because  the  wind  didn't  blow  ac- 
cording to  the  constitution.  But  President  Hall  you 
know  isn't  the  man  to  leave  his  post  in  time  of  diffi- 
culty; so  he  never  adjourned,  nor  camiC  ashore,  but 
stuck  to  the  rack  till  Monday,  when  a  good  constitu- 
tional breeze  sprung  up,  and  they  sot  sail  again.  And 
I  wish  him  a  pleasant  passage  home,  and  peace  and 
happiness  after  he  gets  there;  for  as  I  said  afore,  I  dont 
think  there's  a  cleverer  man  any  where  down  east. 

I  was  going  to  tell  you  something  about  a  town  meet- 
ing that  I've  been  tu  to-day;   but  as  uncle  Joshua  is 
sleckman  and  survayor  I  spose  he  would  like  to  hear 
about  it  more  than  you,  so  I  guess  I  shall  write  to  him. 
From  your  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  85 


LETTER  XVII. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  hints  to  Uncle  Joshua  that  he 
has  a  prospect  of  being  nominated  for  Governor. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Portland,  April  14,  1830. 

Uncle  Joshua, — I  spose  you  remember  that  are 
story  about  the  two  dogs,  that  uncle  Joe  Downing 
used  to  tell;  how  they  got  to  fighting,  and  snapped 
and  bit,  till  they  eat  each  other  up,  all  but  jest  the  tip 
ends  of  their  tails.  Now  I  never  could  exactly  see 
through  that  story,  enough  to  know  how  it  was  done, 
till  lately.  I  almost  thought  it  was  a  kind  of  tough 
yarn,  that  had  been  stretched  a  good  deal.  But  fact, 
uncle,  I  begin  to  think  it  's  true,  every  word  on't; 
for  there  's  something  going  on  here  as  much  like  it 
as  two  peas  in  a  pod.  The  Portland  Argus  and  the 
Portland  Advertiser,  have  fell  afowl  of  each  other 
and  gone  to  biting  one  another's  noses  off.  And  if 
they  keep  on  as  they  've  began,  I  guess  before  sum- 
mer is  out  they  '11  not  only  eat  each  other  all  up,  tails 
and  all,  but  I  believe  they  are  going  to  devour  them 
are  tu  outrageous  wicked  parties,  that  plagued  the 
legislature  so  all  winter;  I  mean  the  Jacksonites  and 
the  Huntonites.  They  've  only  been  at  it  a  week  or 
two,  and  they  've  made  quite  a  hole  into  'em  aready. 
The  Advertiser  eats  the  Jacksonites,  and  the  Argus 
eats  the  Huntonites,  and  they  are  thinning  of  'em 
off  pretty  fast.  This  will  be  a  great  comfort  to  the 
State,  as  it  will  give  the  two  republican  parties  a 
chance  to  do  something  another  winter.  The  Adver- 
tiser has  eat  up  the  Jacksonites  in  some  places  away 
down  east,  such  as  Eastport  and  so  on,  and  away 
up  tother  way  in  Limerick,  and  Waterborough,  and 
Fryeburg. 

And  the  Argus   has  eaten  up  the  Huntonites  in 
8 


86  LETTERS    OF 

Newfield,  and  Sanford,  and  Berwick,  and  Vinalha- 
ven,  and  so  on.  All  these  towns  on  both  sides  now 
have  good  fair  republican  majorities.  I  spose  about 
by  the  middle  ot"  next  August  they  '11  get  'em  all 
killed  off  so  there  wont  be  the  skin  of  a  Jacksonite 
or  Huntonite  left  to  be  sent  to  the  next  legislature. 

I  hope,  uncle  Joshua,  you  will  be  more  careful 
about  meddling  with  politics;  for  so  sure  as  you  get 
hitched  on  to  the  Jackson  party  or  the  Hunton  party, 
these  barking,  deep  mouthed  creatures  will  fix  their 
teeth  upon  you,  and  you  '11  be  munched  down  before 
you  know  it. 

There  's  one  thing,  uncle,  that  seems  to  wear  pretty 
hard  upon  my  mind,  and  plagues  me  a  good  deal;  I 
have  n't  slept  but  little  this  tu  three  nights  about  it. 
I  wish  you  would  n't  say  any  thing  about  it  up  there 
amongst  our  folks,  for  if  it  should  all  prove  a  fudge, 
they  'd  be  laughing  at  me.  But  I  tell  it  to  you, 
because  I  want  your  advice,  as  you  've  always  read 
the  papers,  and  know  considerable  about  political  mat- 
ters; tho'  to  be  honest  I  dont  spose  any  one  knows 
much  more  about  politics  by  reading  the  papers,  after 
all. 

But  what  I  was  going  to  tell  you,  is  —  now,  uncle, 
dont  twist  your  tobacco  chaw  over  to  tother  corner 
of  your  mouth  and  leer  over  your  spectacles,  and 
say  Jack  's  a  fool  —  what  I  was  going  to  tell  you,  is 
this:  I  see  by  a  paper  printed  down  to  Brunswick, 
that  they  talk  of  nominating  me  for  Governor  to  run 
down  Smith  and  Hunton.  Think  of  that,  uncle; 
your  poor  neefu  Jack,  that  last  summer  was  hoeing 
about  among  the  potatoes,  and  chopping  wood,  and 
making  stone  walls,  like  enough  before  another  sum- 
mer comes  about,  will  be  Governor  of  the  State.  I 
shall  have  a  better  chance  to  flog  Bill  Johnson  then, 
than  I  should  last  winter,  if  we  had  n't  had  no  Gov- 
ernor nor  no  laws;  for  I  spose  a  Governor  has  a 
right  to  flog  any  body  he  's  a  mind  to. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  87 

But  that  's  nither  here  nor  there,  uncle;  I  want 
your  serious  advice.  If  they  7iominate  me,  had  I  better 
accepil  Sometimes  I  'm  half  afraid  I  should  n't 
understand  very  well  how  to  du  the  business;  for  I 
never  had  a  chance  to  see  any  governor  business 
done,  only  what  I  see  Elder  Hall  du  in  the  Smnet 
chamber  last  winter.  Poor  man,  that  makes  me 
think  what  a  time  he  had  going  home.  I  wrote  to 
you  before  that  he  went  by  water,  and  that  the  vessel 
got  trig'd  by  an  unconstitutional  wind  the  first  day 
and  had  to  come  back  again.  And  he  must  have 
found  a  good  many  hard  trigs  after  that,  for  he  did  n't 
get  home  til  2d  day  of  April. 

Where  he  was,  in  that  dreadful  storm  the  26th  of 
March  I  have  'nt  heard.  But  I  should  think  after 
standing  the  racket  he  did  last  winter  in  the  legislator, 
and  then  this  ere  storm  at  sea,  he  never  need  to  fear 
any  thing  on  land  or  water  again  in  this  world. 

I  wish  you  'd  write  me  what  you  think  about  my 
being  a  candidate  for  Governor,  and  whether  you 
think  I  could  get  along  with  the  business.  Consider- 
able part  of  the  business  I  should  n't  be  a  mite  afraid 
but  what  I  could  du ;  that  is,  the  turning  out  and  put- 
tino-  in.  I  know  every  crook  and  turn  of  that  busi- 
ness; for  I  dont  believe  there  's  a  boy  in  our  county, 
though  I  say  it  myself,  that  's  turned  out  and  tied  up 
mortcattle  than  I  have.  And  they  say  a  Governor 
has  a  good  deal  of  this  sort  of  work  to  du. 

No  more  at  present  from  your  loving  neefu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


88  .LETTERS    OP 

LETTER  XVIII. 

In  which  Uncle  Joshua  discovers  remarkable  skill  in  the 
science  of  politics,  and  advises  Mr.  Downing  by  all 
means  to  stand  as  a  candidate  for  governor. 

Downingville,  April  18, 1830. 
To  my  neffu,  Jack  Downing,  at  Portland. 

Dear  Jack  —  I  never  felt  nicer  in  my  life  than  I 
did  when  I  got  your  last  letter.  I  did  think  it  was  a 
kind  of  foolish  notion  in  you  to  stay  down  there  to 
Portland  all  winter,  and  then  hire  out  there  this  sum- 
mer. I  thought  you  better  be  at  home  to  work  on 
the  farm;  for  your  father,  poor  old  gentleman,  is 
hauled  up  with  the  rumatize  so,  he  wont  be  able  to 
du  hardly  a  week's  work  this  summer.  But  I  begin 
to  believe  Jack  knows  which  side  his  bread  is  but- 
tered yet.  For  if  you  can  only  run  pretty  well  as 
a  candidate  for  Governor,  even  if  you  shouldn't  be 
elected,  it  will  be  worth  more  to  you  than  the  best 
farm  in  this  County.  It  will  be  the  means  of  getting 
you  into  some  good  office  before  long,  and  then  you 
can  step  up,  ye  see,  from  one  office  to  another  till 
you  get  to  be  Governor.  But  if  the  thing  is  managed 
right,  I  am  in  hopes  you'll  get  in  this  time,  and  the 
Downings  will  begin  to  look  up,  and  be  somebody. 
Its  a  very  good  start,  your  being  nominated  in  that 
are  paper  down  to  Brunswick.  But  there's  a  good 
deal  to  be  done  yet,  to  carry  it.  I'm  older  than  you 
are,  and  have  seen  more  of  this  kind  of  business  done 
than  you,  and  of  course  ought  to  know  more  about 
it.  Besides,  you  know  I've  always  been  reading  the 
papers.  Well,  in  the  first  place,  you  must  fix  upon 
the  name  of  your  party;  I'm  thinking  you  better  call 
it  the  democratic  national  I'epiiblican  party,  and  then, 
ye  see,  you'll  haul  in  some  from  both  of  the  two 
clever  parties  in  the  State.  As  for  the  Jacksonites 
and  Huntonites,  I  wouldn't  try  to  get  any  support 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING,  89 

from  them;  for  after  such  rigs  as  they  cut  up  in  the 
Legislater  last  winter,  the  people  back  here  in  the 
country  dont  like  'em  very  well.  I  think  it  would  hurt 
you  to  have  any  thing  to  do  with  'em.  Then  you 
must  get  a  few  of  your  friends  together  in  Portland, 
no  matter  if  there  aint  no  more  than  half  a  dozen,  and 
pass  some  patriotic  resolutions,  and  then  publish  the 
duins  of  the  meeting  in  the  paper,  headed  the  voice 
OF  THE  People:  and  then  go  on  to  say,  at  a  nume- 
rous and  respectable  meeting  of  democratic  national 
republicans  held  in  Portland  at  such  a  time,  &c. 

Resolved  unanimously,  that  we  have  perfect  confi- 
dence in  the  exalted  talents,  the  unspotted  integrity, 
and  well  known  patriotism  of  Mr.  Jack  Downing,  [or 
perhaps  it  should  be  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing]  and  that 
we  cheerfully  recommend  him  to  the  people  of  this 
State  as  a  candidate  for  the  office  of  Governor. 

Resolved,  that  his  well  known  attachment  to  the 
interests,  the  principles,  and  usages  of  the  democratic 
national  republican  party,  eminently  entitles  him  to 
their  confidence  and  support. 

Resolved,  as  the  sense  of  this  meeting,  that  nothing 
short  of  the  election  of  that  firm  patriot,  the  Hon. 
Jack  Downing,  can  preserve  the  State  from  total,  ab- 
solute, and  irretrievable  destruction. 

Resolved,  that  a  County  Convention  be  called  to 
ratify  the  doings  of  this  meeting,  and  that  the  demo- 
cratic national  republicans  in  other  counties  be  re- 
quested to  call  conventions  for  the  same  purpose. 

Resolved,  that  the  proceedings  of  this  meeting  be 
published  in  all  the  democratic  national  republican 
newspapers  in  the  State. 

We  will  then  get  up  such  a  meeting  in  this  town, 
and  pass  some  more  highly  patriotic  resolutions  and 
send  'em  down,  and  you  must  have  'em  put  into  the 
paper  headed  a  voice  from  the  country.  And  then 
we  must  get  a  few  together  somewhere,  and  call  it  a 
county  convention,  and  keep  rolling  the  snow  ball  over,. 

8* 


90  '        LETTERS    OF 

till  we  wind  up  the  whole  State  in  it.  Then,  ye  see, 
about  the  first  of  August  we  must  begin  to  pin  it  down 
pretty  snug  in  the  papers.  Kind  of  touch  it  up  some 
how  hke  this:  extract  of  a  letter  from  a  gentleman  of 
the  first  respectability  in  York  County  to  the  central 
committee  in  Portland.  '  The  democratic  national 
republicans  here  are  wide  awake;  York  County  is 
going  for  Mr.  Downing,  all  hollow:  we  shall  give  him 
in  this  county  at  least  a  thousand  majority  over  both 
Smith  and  Hunton.'  Another  from  Penobscot:  '  three 
quarters  of  the  votes  in  this  county  will  be  given  to 
Mr.  Downing:  the  friends  of  Smith  and  Hunton  have 
given  up  the  question,  so  satisfied  are  they  that  there 
is  no  chance  for  them.' 

Another  from  Kennebec:  '  from  information  receiv' 
ed  from  all  parts  of  the  State,  upon  which  perfect 
reliance  may  be  placed,  we  are  enabled  to  state  for 
the  information  of  our  democratic  national  republican 
friends,  that  there  is  not  the  least  shadow  of  doubt 
of  the  election  of  Mr.  Downing.  It  is  now  rendered 
certain  beyond  the  possibility  of  mistake,  that  he  will 
receive  from  five  to  ten  thousand  majority  over  both  the 
other  candidates.' 

If  this  don't  carry  it,  you'll  have  to  hang  up  your 
fiddle  till  another  year.  And  after  the  election  is  over, 
if  you  shouldn't  happen  to  get  hardly  any  votes  at  all, 
you  must  turn  about  with  perfect  indifference,  and  say 
the  democratic  national  republicans  didn't  try — made 
no  effort  at  all — but  will  undoubtedly  carry  the  elec- 
tion next  year  all  hollow. 

P.  S.  If  you  get  in,  I  shall  expect  my  son  Ephraim 
to  have  the  office  of  Sheriff  in  this  County,  for  he's 
got  some  of  the  bean  poles  left  yet,  that  he  sot  out  to 
carry  to  market  last  winter.  The  other  offices  we'll 
distribute  at  our  leisure. 

Your  affectionate  old  uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  9J 

LETTER  XIX. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  gives  his  opinion  about  newspapers. 

Portland,  March  30, 1830. 
Dear  Uncle  Joshua — In  my  last  letter  to  Ephraim, 
I  said  I  should  write  to  you  pretty  soon  something 
about  the  Portland  Town  Meeting.  As  you've  been 
sleckman  and  survare  a  good  many  years,  I  spose 
you'd  like  to  hear  about  sich  kind  of  things.  And  I 
spose  I  might  tell  you  about  a  good  many  other  things 
tu,  that  you  don't  have  much  chance  to  know  about 
away  up  there;  and  aunt  Sally  says  I  ought  tu;  for 
she  says  I  have  a  great  many  advantages  living  here 
in  Portland,  that  folks  can't  have  up  in  the  country, 
and  if  I  should  write  to  some  of  you  once  or  twice  a 
week,  she  thinks  it  would  be  time  well  spent.  So  I 
shall  spend  part  of  my  evenings,  after  I  get  my  day's 
work  done,  in  writing  letters.  I  don't  know  but  I 
forgot  to  tell  you  that  I  had  hired  out  here  this  sum- 
mer. I  get  eight  dollars  a  month  and  board,  and 
have  the  evenings  to  myself  I  go  to  school  three 
evenings  in  a  week,  and  aunt  Sally  says  she  can  be- 
gin to  see  that  I  spell  better  already.  The  printer 
of  the  Courier  and  the  Family  Reader,  that  sends  my 
letters  for  me,  is  very  kind;  he  does'nt  ask  any  thing 
for  sending  my  letters,  and  he  gives  me  as  many 
newspapers  as  I  can  get  time  to  read.  So  I  spend 
one  evening  in  a  week  reading  newspapers,  and  set 
up  pretty  late  that  evening  tu.  And  besides  I  get  a 
chance  to  read  awhile  most  every  morning  before  the 
rest  of  the  folks  are  up ;  for  these  Portland  folks  are 
none  of  your  starters  in  the  morning.  I've  known  my 
father  many  a  time,  before  the  rhumatiz  took  the  poor 
old  gentleman,  to  mow  down  an  acre  of  stout  grass 
in  the  morning,  and  get  done  by  that  time  one  hedf 


92  LETTERS    OP 

the  Portland  folks  leave  off  snoring.  Sometimes  I 
think  I  better  be  up  in  the  country  tu,  mowing  or 
hoeing  potatoes,  or  something  else,  instead  of  reading 
newspapers.  Its  true  they  are  bewitching  kind  of 
things,  and  I  like  well  enough  to  read  'em,  but  jest 
between  you  and  me,  they  are  the  worst  things  to 
bother  a  feller's  head  about,  that  you  ever  see.  In 
one  of  my  letters,  you  know,  I  said  newspapers  were 
dreadful  smoky  things,  and  any  body  couldn't  read  in 
'em  half  an  hour  without  having  their  eyes  so  full 
of  smoke  they  couldn't  tell  a  pig-sty  from  a  meeting- 
house. 

But  I'm  thinking  after  all  they  are  more  like  rum 
than  smoke.  You  know  rum  will  sometimes  set  quite 
peaceable  folks  together  by  the  ears,  and  make  them 
quarrel  like  mad  dogs — so  do  the  newspapers.  Rum 
makes  folks  act  very  silly — so  do  the  newspapers. 
Rum  makes  folks  see  double — so  do  the  newspapers. 
Sometimes  rum  gets  folks  so  they  can't  see  at  all — so 
do  the  newspapers.  Rum,  if  they  take  tu  much  of  it, 
makes  folks  sick  to  the  stomach — so  do  the  newspapers. 
Rum  makes  folks  go  rather  crooked,  reeling  from  one 
side  of  the  road  to  t'other — and  the  newspapers  make 
one  half  the  politicians  cross  their  path  as  often  as 
any  drunkard  you  ever  see.  It  was  the  newspapers, 
uncle  Joshua,  that  made  you  bet  about  the  Speaker 
last  summer,  and  lose  your  bushel  of  corn.  Remem- 
ber that,  uncle,  and  dont  believe  any  thing  you  see 
in  the  papers  this  summer,  unless  you  see  it  in  the 
Daily  Courier  or  Family  Reader;  and  dont  you  be- 
lieve them  neither  if  ever  you  see  them  smoke  like 
the  rest  of  the  papers. 

As  I  was  a  saying  about  my  evenings,  I  spend  one 
evening  a  week  reading  that  little  book  called  the  con- 
stitution, that  kept  our  legislators  quarrelling  all  win- 
ter. You  know  I  bought  one  for  four  ax-handles;  I 
find  I  can  read  it  considerable  easy,  most  all  of  it 
without  speUing,  and  when  I  get  through  I  shall  tell 
you  something  about  it. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  93 

A  queer  thought,  uncle,  has  just  popt  into  my  head: 
I  guess  I  should  make  a  capital  member  of  Congress — 
for  this  letter  is  just  like  one  of  the  Congress  speech- 
es. It  begun  about  the  town  meeting,  but  not  a  bit 
of  a  word  is  there  in  it  from  beginning  to  end  about 
the  town  meeting,  after  you  get  over  the  text.  But 
I  hnd  by  reading  the  papers  that  when  a  Congress 
man  speaks  all  day  without  touching  his  subject,  he 
makes  a  motion  to  adjourn,  and  goes  at  it  again  the 
next  day.  So  I  believe  I  must  say  good  night  to  you 
now,  and  try  it  again  the  next  leisure  evening. 
Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XX. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  to  distinguish  one  re- 
publican party  from  another. 


Uncle  Joshua, — Did  you  ever  see  tu  dogs  get  to 
quarrelhng  about  one  bone.^  How  they  will  snap  and 
snarl  about  it,  especially  if  they  are  hungry.  Some- 
times one  will  get  it  into  his  mouth  and  hook  it  away 
hke  smoke,  and  t'other  arter  him  full  chisel.  And 
when  he  overtakes  him  they'll  have  another  scratch, 
and  drop  the  bone,  and  then  t'other  one '11  get  it,  and 
off  he  goes  hke  a  shot.  And  sometimes  they  both  get 
hold  together,  one  at  one  end  and  one  at  t'other,  and 
then  sich  a  tugging  and  growlin  you  never  see.  Well 
now,  when  they  act  so,  they  act  jest  like  the  Portland 
Argus  and  Portland  Advertiser;  two  great  big  growl- 
ers, they  are  all  the  time  quarrelling  about  their  Re- 


94  LETTERS     OF 

publikin,  to  see  which  shall  have  it.  If  the  Advertiser 
says  any  thing  about  his  republikin,  the  Argus  snaps 
at  it,  and  says  'tisn't  your  republikin,  its  mine.  You 
no  business  to  be  a  republikin,  you  are  a  Federalist. 

And  when  the  Argus  says  any  thing  about  his  re- 
publikin, the  Advertiser  flies  up,  and  says,  you  no 
business  to  be  a  republikin,  you're  a  Jacksonite.  And 
so  they  have  it  up  hill  and  down,  bark,  bark,  and  tug, 
tug,  and  which'll  get  the  republikin  at  last  I  cant  tell. 
Sometimes  they  get  so  mad,  seems  as  though  they'll 
tear  each  other  all  to  pieces,  and  there's  forty  thou- 
sand folks  setting  of  'em  on  and  hollering  stooboy. 
Now  there  wasn't  any  need  of  all  this  quarrel,  for 
each  of  'em  had  a  republikin  last  winter;  the  Argus 
had  a  democratic  one,  and  the  Advertiser  had  a  na- 
tional one,  and  they  got  'em  mixed  by  leaving  off  the 
chrissen  names.  And  I  guess  it  would  puzzle  a  Phil- 
adelphy  lawyer  to  tell  'em  apart  without  their  names, 
for  their  republikins  are  as  much  alike  as  tu  peas  in 
a  pod. 

The  Advertiser  never  should  say  republikin  alone, 
but  national  republikin,  and  the  Argus  never  should 
say  republikin  alone,  but  democratic  republikin.  And 
then  it  seems  as  though  each  one  might  know  his 
own  bone  and  knaw  it  without  quarrelling. 

I  thought,  uncle,  I'd  jest  tell  you  a  little  about  this 
ere  business,  because  I  know  you  always  want  to  find 
out  all  the  kinks  about  politiks. 

Your  neffu, 
JACK  DOWNING. 

P.  S.  I  dont  hear  any  thing  yet  about  the  con- 
vention up  there  that  you  promised  to  make  to  nom- 
inate me  for  Governor.  I  think  its  time  it  was  out; 
for  I  am  afraid  Mr.  Hunton  and  Mr.  Smith  will  get 
the  start  of  me,  if  I  aint  under  way  soon.         J.  D. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  95 

Grand  Caucus  at  Downingmlle. 

From  the  Portland  Courier  of  July  21,  1830. 
]ST  THE  LONG  AGONY  OVER,  XD 
Jlnd  the  domination  out. 

We  delay  this  paper  something  beyond  the  usual 
hour  of  publication  in  order  to  lay  before  our  readers 
the  important  intelligence  received  yesterday  from 
Downingville. — This  we  have  been  able  to  accomplish 
tho'  not  without  extraordinary  exertions  and  extra 
help.  But  the  crisis  is  important,  we  had  almost  said 
appalling,  and  demands  of  every  patriotic  citizen  of 
Maine  the  highest  sacrifices  in  his  power  to  make. 
The  important  proceedings  of  the  grand  convention 
at  Downingville  reached  here,  by  express,  yesterday 
about  a  quarter  before  3  o'clock  P.  M.  having  trav- 
elled the  whole  distance,  notwithstanding  the  extreme 
high  temperature  of  the  weather,  at  the  rate  of  thir- 
teen and  a  half  miles  an  hour.  And  but  for  an 
unfortunate  occurrence,  it  would  undoubtedly  have 
reached  here  at  least  three  hours  earlier.  Capt.  Jehu 
Downing,  who  with  his  characteristic  magnanimity 
and  patriotism  volunteered  to  bring  the  express  the 
whole  way,  having  taken  a  very  high  spirited  steed 
for  the  first  ten  miles,  was  unfortunately  thrown  to 
the  ground  in  attempting  to  leap  a  barrier  which  lay 
across  the  road.  Two  of  his  ribs  were  broken  by  the 
fall,  and  his  right  arm  so  badly  fractured  that  it  is 
feared  amputation  must  be  resorted  to,  besides  seve- 
ral other  severe  contusions  on  various  parts  of  the 
body.  We  are  happy  to  hear  however  that  Doctor 
Zachariah  Downing,  who  on  hearing  the  melancholy 
intelligence  very  promptly  repaired  to  the  spot  to 
offer  his  professional  services,  pronounces  the  Cap- 
tain out  of  danger,  and  also  that  the  Captain  bears 
his  misfortune  with  his  accustomed  fortitude,  ex- 
pressly declaring  that  the  only  regret  he  feels  on  the 


96  LETTERS    OF 

occasion  is  the  delay  of  the  express.  Here  is  patri- 
otism, a  devotedness  to  the  welfare  of  the  country, 
and  to  genuine  democratic  national  republican  prin- 
ciples, worthy  of  the  days  of  the  revolution. 

Lieut.  Timothij  Downing  forwarded  the  express  the 
remainder  of  the  way  with  the  utmost  despatch, 
having  run  down  three  horses,  one  of  which  died  on 
the  road. — But  we  keep  our  readers  too  long  from 
the  gratifying  intelligence  received. 

Grand  Democratic  JYational  Republican  Convention. 

Downingville,  Monday,  July  19,  1830. 

At  a  large  and  respectable  meeting  of  the  demo- 
cratic national  republicans  of  Downingville  and  the 
neighboring  parts  of  the  state,  convened  this  day  at 
the  centre  school  house,  the  meeting  was  called  to 
order  by  the  venerable  and  silver-haired  patriarch, 
old  Mr.  Zbbedee  Downing,  who  had  not  been  out  to  a 
political  meeting  before  for  the  last  twenty-five  years. 
The  venerable  old  gentleman  stated  in  a  few  feeling 
remarks  the  object  of  the  meeting;  that  he  had  not 
meddled  with  politics  since  the  days  of  Jetferson;  but 
that  now  in  view  of  the  awful  calamities  which  threat- 
ened to  involve  our  country  in  total  ruin,  he  felt  it 
his  duty  the  little  remaining  time  he  might  be  spared 
from  the  grave,  to  lift  up  his  voice  and  his  example 
before  his  children,  grand  children,  and  great  grand 
children  whom  he  saw  gathered  around  him,  and  en- 
courage them  to  save  the  country  for  which  he  had 
fought  and  bled  in  his  younger  years.  After  the  en- 
thusiastic applause  elicited  by  these  remarks,  the  old 
gentleman  called  for  the  nomination  of  a  chairman, 
and  Joshua  Downing,  Esquire,  was  unanimously 
called  to  the  chair,  and  Mr.  Ephraim  Downing  ap- 
pointed Secretary. 

On  motion  of  Mr.  Jacob  Downing,  voted,  that  a 
committee  of  five  be  appointed  to  draft  resolutions  to 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  97 

lay  before  this  meeting.  Whereupon  Jotham  Down- 
ing, Ichabod  Downing,  Zenas  Downing,  Levi  Down- 
ing, and  Isaiah  Downing,  were  appointed  said  com- 
mittee, and  after  retiring  about  five  minutes,  they  re- 
turned and  reported  the  following  preamble  and  reso- 
lutions. 

Whereas  an  awful  crisis  has  arrived  in  the  political 
affairs  of  our  country,  our  public  men  all  having  turned 
traitors,  and  resolved  to  ruin  the  country,  and  make 
us  and  our  children  all  slaves  forever;  and  whereas 
our  ship  of  state  and  our  ship  of  the  United  States, 
are  both  driven  with  tremendous  violence  before  the 
fury  of  the  political  tempest,  and  are  just  upon  the 
point  of  being  dashed  upon  the  breakers  of  political 
destruction;  and  whereas,  nothing  short  of  the  most 
prompt  and  vigorous  exertions  of  the  patriotic  de- 
mocratic national  republicans  of  this  state  and  of  the 
United  States  can  avert  the  impending  danger, 

And  whereas,  the  Jacksonites,  and  Adamsites,  and 
Huntonites,  and  Smithites,  have  so  multiplied  in  the 
land,  and  brought  things  to  such  a  pass,  that  our  lib- 
erties are  unquestionably  about  to  receive  their  doom 
forever: 

Therefore  Resolved,  that  it  is  the  highest  and  most 
sacred  duty  of  every  patriotic  Democratic  National 
Republican  in  the  State,  to  arouse  himself  and  buckle 
on  his  political  armour,  and  make  one  last,  one  mighty 
effort,  to  save  the  state  and  the  country,  and  place  the 
constitution  once  more  upon  a  safe  and  firm  foundation. 

Resolved,  that  the  awful  crisis  of  affairs  in  this  State 
requires  a  firm  devoted  patriot,  a  high-minded  and 
gifted  statesman,  and  a  uniform  unwavering  Demo- 
cratic National  Republican,  for  chief  magistrate. 

Resolved,  that  in  this  awful  crisis,  we  believe  the 
eyes  of  all  true  patriots  are  turned  upon 

THE  HON.  JACK  DOWNING, 
late  of  Downingville,  but  since  last  winter  a  resident 
in  Portland,  the  capital  of  the  State. 
9 


98  LETTERS    OF 

Resolved,  that  we  have  the  fullest  confidence  in  the 
talents,  integrity,  moral  worth,  tried  patriotism,  and 
unwavering  and  unchangeable  sterling  Democratic 
National  Republicanism  of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing, 
and  that  his  election  to  the  office  of  Governor  in  Sep- 
tember next,  and  nothing  else,  can  save  the  State 
from  total,  unutterable,  and  irretrievable  ruin. 

Resolved  therefore.  That  we  recommend  him  to  the 
electors  of  this  State  as  a  candidate  for  said  office, 
and  that  we  will  use  all  fair  and  honourable  means, 
and,  if  necessary,  will  not  stick  at  some  a  little  dis- 
honourable,  to  secure  his  election. 

Resolved,  That  we  disapprove  of  personal  crimina- 
tion and  re-crimination  in  political  contests,  and  there- 
fore will  only  say  of  our  opponents,  that  we  think 
them  no  better  than  they  should  be,  and  that  they 
unquestionably  mean  to  destroy  the  land  we  live  in. 

Resolved,  That  it  be  recommended  to  all  the  patri- 
otic democratic  national  republicans  throughout  the 
State,  to  be  up  and  doing;  to  call  county  meetings, 
town  meetings,  school  district  meetings,  and  village 
and  bar-room  meetings,  and  proceed  to  organize  the 
party  as  fast  as  possible,  by  appointing  standing  com- 
mittees, and  central  committees,  and  corresponding 
committees,  and  bearers  and  distributers  of  handbills; 
and  in  short  by  doing  every  thing  that  the  good  of 
the  cause  and  the  salvation  of  the  country  requires. 

Resolved,  conditionally,  That  in  case  General  Jack- 
son should  be  likely  to  be  re-elected,  we  highly  and 
cordially  approve  of  his  administration,  and  believe 
him  to  be  second  to  none  but  Washington;  but  in, 
case  he  should  stand  no  chance  of  re-election,  we  re- 
solve him  to  be  the  ignorant  tool  of  a  corrupt  faction, 
plotting  to  destroy  the  liberties  of  the  country. 

Resolved,  That  the  thanks  of  this  convention 'be 
presented  to  Miss  Abigail  Dowmng,  for  the  use  of  her 
school  room  this  afternoon,  she  having  with  a  gener- 
ous patriotism  dismissed  her  school  for  that  purpose. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  99 

Resolved,  That  the  proceedings  of  this  convention, 
signed  by  the  Chairman  and  Secretary,  be  published 
in  the  Portland  Daily  Courier,  and  the  Family  Reader, 
the  official  organs  of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downixg's  cor- 
respondence, and  any  other  genuine  Democratic  Na- 
tional Republican  papers  in  the  State. 

JOSHUA  DOWNING,  Chairman. 
Attest:  Ephraim  Downing,  Secretary. 

We  are  assured  by  Lieutenant  Timothy  Downing, 
with  whom  we  had  a  short  interview,  that  the  best 
spirit  prevailed  in  the  convention;  not  a  dissenting 
voice  was  heard,  and  all  the  resolutions  passed  unan- 
imously. We  add  an  extract  or  two  from  private 
letters. 
From,  Ephraim  Downing,  to  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing. 

"  Well  Jack,  if  you  don't  acknowledge  we've  done 
the  thing  up  in  style,  you're  no  gentleman  and  not 
fit  for  Governor.  I  wish  you  to  be  very  particular  to 
keep  the  Sheriff^'s  office  for  me. — Father  says  cousin 
Jeremiah  has  thrown  out  some  hints  that  he  shall 
have  the  Sheriff*'s  office.  But  butter  my  ristbands,  if 
you  do  give  it  to  him  you'll  go  out  of  office  again  next 
year,  that's  positive.  Jere's  a  clear  factionist,  you 
may  rely  upon  that.  No,  no,  stick  to  your  old  friends, 
and  they'll  stick  to  you.  I'm  going  to  start  to-morrow 
morning  on  an  electioneering  cruise.  I  shall  drum 
'em  up  about  right.  You  only  keep  a  stiff'  upper  lip, 
and  you'll  come  in  all  hollow." 

From  Joshua  Downing,  Esq.  to  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing' 
"Dear  Jack,  things  look  well  here;  with  proper 
exertions  I  think  you  may  rely  upon  success.  I  am 
in  great  haste,  and  write  this  jest  to  tell  you  to  be 
sure  and  not  promise  a  single  office  to  any  mortal 
living,  till  I  see  you.  These  things  must  be  manag- 
ed very  prudently,  and  you  will  stand  in  need  of 
the  counsel  of  your  old  uncle.     I  think  I  could  do  as 


100  LETTERS    OF 

much  good  to  the  State  by  being  appointed  Land 
Agent,  as  any  way;  but  I'll  determine  upon  that 
when  I  see  you. 

N.  B.  Make  no  promises.  Your  affectionate  uncle, 

JOSHUA. 


LETTER  XXI. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  the  Portland  town- 
meeting. 

Portland,  September  15, 1830. 
Dear  Uncle  Joshua. — The  great  battle,  that  's 
been  coming  on  all  summer,  is  over,  and  the  smoke 
jest  begins  to  blow  away  a  little,  so  that  we  can  look 
round  and  see  who  's  killed,  and  who  's  wounded  so 
bad  they  cant  get  over  it,  and  who  's  driven  off  the 
field,  and  who  stands  their  ground  and  cries  victory. 
I  've  been  looking  out  for  you  here  ever  since  yes- 
terday noon,  for  I  thought  if  it  looked  up  there,  as 
though  I  stood  any  chance  to  be  elected  governor, 
you  would  be  right  down  here  as  quick  as  possible, 
driving  night  and  day,  to  see  about  them  are  offices. 
For  you  know  you  promised  to  help  me  fix  'em,  and 
told  me  I  must  not  give  away  one  of  'em  till  you  come. 
And  you  may  depend  on  it  I  should  a  held  on  to  'em 
to  the  bat's  end,  till  you  did  come,  let  who  would 
come  arter  'em.  But  as  you  have  n't  got  here  yet, 
I  'm  afraid  I  did  n't  run  very  well  up  there,  so  I 
thought  I  would  write  to  you  and  see  what  's  the 
matter.  If  I  did  n't  run  any  better  up  there  than  I 
did  down  here  to  Portland,  I  would  n't  give  a  cent 
to  be  a  candidate  any  longer  this  year;  for  I  might 
run  till  I  was  gray,  and  not  be  elected.  However, 
worst  come  to  worst,  I  know  what  I  can  do.  If 
Judge  Smith's  got  in,  and  they  say  about  here  he  's 
gone  all  hollow,  I  '11  see  if  I  cant  work  it  so  as  to  get 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  101 

an  office  under  him.— You  see  I  kept  pretty  still  along 
for  some  time  before  election,  and  I  guess  I  can 
manacle  it  so  as  to  make  him  think  I  lectioneered  for 
him  and  then  I  '11  follow  him  up,  tooth  and  nail,  till 
he  gives  me  an  office.  I  'U  try  for  sheriff  first,  and 
if  I  cant  get  that,  I  '11  try  for  Clark  of  the  Courts, 
for  they  say  that  's  a  pretty  good  office.  And  if  he 
says  he  has  given  them  all  away,  I  '11  try  for  Land 
Agent  for  you  know  I  've  been  about  the  woods  a 
good  deal;  and  if  he  says  that  belongs  to  Dr.  Rose, 
I  '11  try  to  be  a  Post  Master  somewhere,  or  a  door 
keeper  to  the  Legislater,  or  some  sich  like.  And  if 
he  says  these  are  all  gone  tu,  I  '11  tell  him  if  he  11 
give  me  a  fair  price,  I  '11  water  his  horse  and  brush 
his  boots.  And  if  he  wont  let  me  do  that,  I  say  burn 
his  boots,  I  '11  run  against  him  again  next  year. 

1  spose  you  would  like  to  know  something  about 

how  the  election  turned  out  down  here.     Soon  as  the 

bell  rung,  I  sot  out  to  go  to  the  town  hall,  but  before 

I  got  half  way  there,  I  met  chaises,  and  wagons,  and 

another  kind  of  chaises,  that  went  on  four  wheels  and 

was  shut  up  close  as  a  hen-coop,  all  driving  Mother 

way,  jehu  like.     What  is  the  matter?  says  I;  who   s 

beat?      But    along  they  went  snapping  their  whips 

without  answering  me  a  word,  and  by  their  being  m 

sich  a  terrible  hurry  I  thought  sure  enough  they  had 

got  beat,  and  the  enemy  was  arter  'em.     So  I  steered 

round  into  another  street  to  get  out  of  the  way  for 

fear  they  should  get  a  brush  at  me;  but  there  was  as 

many  more  of  'em  driving  like  split  down  that  st_reet 

tu.     Where  upon  arth  are  they  all  going,  says  I,  to 

a  feller  that  overtook  me  upon  the  full  run.     Going? 

says  he;  why  to  bring   'em  to  the  polls,  you  goose 

head:  and  away  he  went  by  me  m  a  whisk.      When 

he  said  poles,  I  thought  that  cousin  Ephraim  must 

have  come  in  with  a  load,  as  they  'd  be  likely  to  fetch 

a  good  price  about  this  time,  and  I  concluded  all  that 

running  and   driving  was  to  see  who  should  have  the 

9* 


102  LETTERS    OP 

first  grab  at  'em.     I  called  to  him  to  tell  me  where 

Ephraim  was,  but  he  was  out  of  hearing. 

So  I  marched  along  till  I  got  to  the  town  hall,  and 
they  were  flocking  in  thick  as  hops.  When  I  got 
within  two  or  three  rods  of  the  house  a  man  come 
along  and  handed  me  a  vote  for  Mr.  Smith;  I  stept 
on  the  side  walk  and  another  man  handed  me  a  vote 
for  Mr.  Hunton ;  and  I  went  along  towards  the  door 
and  another  man  handed  me  a  vote  for  Mr.  Smith, 
and  then  another  handed  me  one  for  Mr.  Hunton. 
And  then  I  went  to  go  up  stairs  into  the  hall,  and 
there  was  a  row  of  about  twenty  men,  and  all  of  'em 
gave  me  a  vote,  about  one  half  for  Smith  and  one  half 
lor  Hunton.  And  before  I  got  through  the  hall  to  the 
place  where  they  were  firing  off*  their  votes,  they  gave 
me  about  twenty  more;  so  if  I  had  been  a  mind  to 
vote  for  Smith  or  Hunton  I  could  have  gin  'em  a 
noble  lift;  but  that  wasn't  what  I  was  arter.  I  was 
looking  out  for  the  interests  of  my  constituents  at 
Downingville.  And  when  I  come  to  see  among  so 
many  votes,  not  one  of  'em  had  my  name  on  it,  I  be- 
gan to  feel  a  little  kind  of  streaked. 

I  went  out  again,  and  I  see  the  chaises  and  wag- 
ons kept  coming  and  going,  and  *I  found  out  that 
bringing  of  'em  to  the  polls  meant  bringing  of  'em  to 
vote.  And  I  asked  a  feller  that  stood  there,  who 
them  are  men,  that  they  kept  bringing,  voted  for. 
Why,  says  he,  they  vote  for  whichever  goes  arter 
'em,  you  goose-head  you.  Ah,  says  I,  is  that  the 
way  they  work  it  .''  And  where  do  they  bring  'em 
from?  O,  says  he,  down  round  the  wharves,  and  the 
outskirts  of  the  town  and  any  where  that  they  can 
catch  'em.  Well,  well,  thinks  I  to  myself,  I've  got  a 
new  rinkle,  I  see  how  this  business  is  done  now.  So 
off*  I  steered  and  hired  a  horse  and  wagon,  and  went 
to  hunting  up  folks  to  carry  to  town  meeting.  And 
I  guess  before  night  I  carried  nearly  fifty  there,  of 
one  sort  and  another;  and  I  was  sure  to  whisper  to 
every  one  of  'em  jest  as  they  got  out  of  the  Wagon, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  103 

and  tell  'em  my  name  was  Jack  Downing.  They  all 
looked  very  good-natured  when  I  told  'em  my  name, 
and  I  thought  to  be  sure  they  would  all  vote  for  me. 
But  how  was  I  thunderstruck  when  the  vote  was  de- 
clared, and  there  was  1008  for  Mr.  Smith,  909  for 
Mr.  Hunton,  4  for  Mr.  Ladd,  and  one  or  two  for 
som.ebody  else,  and  not  one  for  me.  Now  was  'nt 
that  too  bad,  uncle?  Them  are  faithless  politicians 
that  I  carried  up  to  the  town  meeting!  if  I  only  knew 
who  they  were,  they  should  pay  for  the  horse  and 
wagon,  or  we'd  have  a  breeze  about  it. 

Write  soon,  for  I  am  anxious  to  know  how  they 
turned  out  in  Downingville. 

Your  loving  neffu,     JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXII. 

Return  of  votes  from  Downingville. 

To  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing,  Poiiland. 

DoA\Tiingville,  Monday  Eve,  September  13,  1830. 
Dear  Jack, — I  have  just  returned,  puffing  and 
blowing,  from  town  meeting,  and  have  only  time  to 
tell  you  that  we  gave  you  a  confounded  good  run  here. 
If  your  friends  in  the  rest  of  the  State  have  done  their 
duty,  you  are  elected  by  an  overwhelming  majority. 
The  vote  in  this  town  for  governor  stood  as  follows : — 
Hon.  Jack  Downing,  87 

Hon.  Samuel  E.  Smith,  GO 

Hon.  Jonathan  G.  Hunton,  00 

Capt.  Jehu  Downing  is  elected  representative;  it 
was  thought  to  be  due  to  him  by  the  party  for  his 
magnanimous  exertions  in  carrying  the  express  to 
Portland  at  the  time  you  were  nominated  by  our 
grand  convention.     In  great  haste. 

Your  uncle,     JOSHUA  DOWNING. 


104  LETTERS    OP 


LETTER  XXIII. 


In  which  Mr.  Downing  hits  on  a  new  plan  to  get  an  office. 

Portland,  Dec.  ]3,  1830. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua: — I  am  tired  of  hard  work, 
and  I  mean  to  have  an  office  some  how  or  other  yet. 
Its  true  I  and  all  our  family  got  rather  dished  in  the 
governor  business;  if  I'd  only  got  in,  they  should 
every  soul  of  'em  had  an  office,  down  to  the  forty- 
ninth  cousin.  But  its  no  use  to  cry  for  spilt  milk. 
I've  got  another  plan  in  my  head;  I  find  the  United 
States  offices  are  the  things  to  make  money  in,  and 
if  I  can  get  hold  of  a  good  fat  one,  you  may  appoint 
a  day  of  thanksgiving  up  there  in  Downingville,  and 
throw  by  your  work  every  one  of  you  as  long  as  you 
live. 

I  want  you  to  set  me  up  for  member  of  Congress 
up  there,  and  get  me  elected  as  soon  as  you  can,  for 
if  I  can  get  on  to  Washington  I  believe  I  can  work 
it  so  as  to  get  an  office  some  how  or  other. — I  want 
you  to  be  particular  to  put  me  up  as  a  Tariff  man.  I 
was  agoing  to  take  sides  against  the  tariff  so  as  to 
please  Gineral  Jackson  and  all  his  party,  for  they 
deal  out  the  offices  nowadays,  and  you  know  they've 
been  mad  enough  with  the  tariff  to  eat  it  up.  But 
the  Portland  Advertiser  has  been  blowin  away  lately 
and  praising  up  the  tariff  and  telling  what  a  fine  thing 
lis,  and  fact,  it  has  brought  the  old  gineral  round.  His 
great  long  message  to  Congress  has  just  got  along 
here,  and  the  old  gentleman  says  the  tariff  wants  a 
little  mending,  but  on  the  whole  it's  a  cute  good  thing, 
and  we  must  n't  give  it  up. 

Your  lovin  neffu,     JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  105 


LETTER  XXIV. 

In  which  Cousin  Sarah  compares  the  society  of  Portland 
with  that  of  Downingville. 

[jXotc  hij  the  Editor.  This  is  not  aunt  Sally  who  was  married 
and  living-  in  Portland  ;  but  a  niece  who  had  been  there  a  short 
time  at  school.]  _        ^^  ^^„^ 

Portland,  Dec.  22, 1830. 

To  Cousin  JVabby  Downing. 

Now  I  do  beg  of  you,  my  dear  Nabby,  never  to 
ioke  me,  as  you  did  in  your  last  letter,  about  the 
Portland  beaux.  Why,  if  I  thought  any  thing  about 
sich  matters,  I  would  a  great  deal  sooner  marry  Sam 
Josslyn.  He  is  educated  enough  to  know  the  age  of 
•  his  cows  and  oxen,  to  know  how  to  cultivate  a  field 
of  corn,  or  a  patch  of  potatoes;  can  read  his  bible, 
and  say  the  ten  commandments,  and  what  is  better, 
Sam  can  keep  them  all.  Besides  these  accomplish- 
ments, you  know  Sam  has  a  snug  little  farm  of  his 
own,  free  from  mortgages  or  any  other  embarrass- 
ments, is  sober,  active,  and  industrious,  and  I  doubt 
not,  has  cast  many  a  sheep's  eye  at  my  good  cousin 
JNabby.  These  are  good  substantial  prospects,  which 
it  is  hardly  worth  while  to  overlook,  and  which  it 
would  be  rather  difficult  to  find  among  the  Portland 
beaux.  I  have  often  heard  uncle  Joshua,  who  is  now 
the  most  wealthy  man  in  Downingville,  tell  how  he 
commenced  business  with  a  capital  of  only  one  dollar, 
and  how  some  young  wags  of  the  village  came  in  and 
made  a  good  deal  of  sport  by  purchasing  up  all  his 
stock.  But  he  didn't  care  for  their  jokes,  he  added 
the  profits  of  his  sale  to  his  capital,  and  commenced 
business  again;  and  by  good  management,  economy 
in  his  dress  and  frugality  in  his  living,  he  soon  put 
himself  beyond  the  reach  of  want  or  wagery.  I  have 
always  admired  the  perseverance  and  economy  of  my 
good  uncle,  and  have  contrasted  it  with  the  manage- 


106  LETTERS    OF 

ment  of  our  Portland  merchants.  They  often  com- 
mence business  with  even  less  capital  than  uncle 
Joshua;  but  then  their  stock  is  worth  perhaps  five  or 
six  thousand  dollars.  They  cut  a  great  dash  for  a 
few  months,  and  then,  if  they  are  unmarried,  begin 
to  ogle  the  girls  in  order  to  choose  a  wife.  And 
what  do  you  think  are  the  requisites  for  a  wife  here, 
Cousin  Nabby.''  You  say  she  must  be  capable,  neat, 
industrious  and  amiable.  No  indeed,  my  dear,  such 
things  are  scarcely  ever  thought  of  here.  She  must 
have  a  smattering  of  French,  must  be  able  to  drum 
the  music  out  of  a  piano,  to  sing  and  dance,  or  all 
in  one  word,  she  must  be  genteel.  Well,  such  girls 
are  plenty  enough  down  here,  and  a  wife  is  soon  ob- 
tained. They  hire  a  large  house,  furnish  it  elegantly, 
obtain  servants,  go  to  parties,  balls  and  the  theatre, 
make  jams,  and  morning  calls,  and  then  fail.  The 
wife  goes  home  again  to  her  mother's,  with  the  ad- 
dition of  an  innocent  babe,  and  the  young  broken 
merchant  is  off  to  the  south  to  look  after  business 
again.  Now  do  you  not  think  this  a  refined  and 
intellectual  state  of  society.^  You  will  not  wonder 
that  I  am  attached  to  the  unsophisticated  manners 
and  simple  habits  of  our  own  village.  Do  not  think 
from  what  I  have  said,  there  are  no  people  of  intel- 
lect here,  for  I  assure  you  there  is  a  choice  brother- 
hood whom  we  sometimes  meet  at  social  parties  and 
lectures,  but  they  are  so  accustomed  to  the  weak  and 
frivolous  of  our  sex,  that  their  conversation  is  almost 
wholly  confined  to  each  other.  Have  you  made  any 
additions  to  our  little  library  since  I  left  home.'*  If 
you  are  not  too  bashful,  tell  Sam  to  read  these  long 
winter  evenings,  instead  of  spending  his  time  in 
making  axe  handles  and  goad  sticks.  Cousin  Jack 
has  got  his  head  so  full  of  politics,  that  I  doubt 
whether  he  sells  one  for  him,  this  winter.  Tell  Uncle 
Joshua  if  he  has  any  more  apple  sauce  to  sell  this 
winter,  to  send  it  down  in  the  old  lumber  box  by  Ned, 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  107 

and  if  he  must  needs  send  his  letters  to  Jack  through 
the  Courier,  be  sure  and  not  to  say  one  word  about 
the  apple  sauce,  for  you  dont  know  how  queer  it 
looks  to  see  governors  and  goad  sticks,  politics  and 
pan-dowdy,  ballot-boxes  and  bean-poles,  all  jumbled 
up  together.  Your  loving  Cousin, 

SARAH  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXV. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  Cousin  Jehu  went  to 
the  Legislature,  and  had  to  go  back  after  his  primy 
facy  case. 

Portland,  Tuesday,  Jan.  ]1,  1831. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua, —  Cousin  Jehu  and  I  got 
down  here  the  Monday  before  the  Legislater  met, 
and  sich  a  dragging  time  of  it,  as  we  had  through 
the  mud,  I  guess  you  never  see.  More  than  three 
quarters  of  the  way,  it  was  as  bad  as  ploughing  mash- 
meadow  in  April.  The  wagon  wheels  sometimes 
went  in  almost  up  to  the  hub,  and  we  had  to  get  out 
and  lift  and  pry  as  hard  as  the  Legislater  used  to, 
last  winter,  to  get  the  wheels  of  government  agoing. 
Your  poor  old  boss  is  nearly  done  tu.  But  we  shall 
doctor  him  up  as  well  as  we  can,  so  as  to  get  him 
home  again.  Next  day  we  went  round  to  see  how 
the  market  was.  Your  apple-sass  fetched  a  good 
price.  We  sold  it  to  a  Jacksonite  tavern-keeper.  He 
said  he  wanted  a  little  something  to  sour  his  dinners  a 
little  mite ;  for  his  boarders  were  all  Jacksonites,  and 
they'd  got  the  upperhand  so  now  days,  that  they  com- 
plained their  victuals  was  all  too  sweet.  Your  boiled 
cider  went  off  at  a  real  round  price  tu.  Why,  how 
much  did  you  boil  that  cider  down  ?  It  was  so  strong, 
that  a  gill  of  it  would  knock  a  man  down  any  time. 
We  sold  it  to  a  Huntonite  tavern-keeper.     He  said 


108  LETTERS    OF 

his  boarders  were  all  Huntonites,  and  he  didn't  know 
what  the  matter  was,  but  they  seemed  to  be  rather 
down  in  the  mouth  lately,  and  he  wanted  a  little  some- 
thing to  start  their  ideas  and  keep  their  sperits  up. 
So  he  gin  us  jest  what  we  asked.  Ax  handles  dont 
fetch  nothing  hardly.  The  bean  poles  turned  middling 
well,  though  they  dont  go  off  so  glib  as  they  did  last 
year.  I  find  folks  are  a  little  more  shy  about  buying 
of  'em  for  sheriff  poles  than  they  used  to  be,  for  they 
say  when  a  man  gets  one,  there's  no  knowing  as  it 
will  be  any  use  to  him  more  than  one  year.  How- 
somever,  we  sold  a  few  of  'em  right  out,  and  made  a 
pretty  good  spec  in  'em.  And  we  bargained  away  a 
number  more  upon  condition  that  they  should  want  'em. 
Cousin  i^abby's  footings  fetched  the  same  they  did 
last  year,  that  is  ninepence  a  pair,  and  we  got  her  a 
nice  piece  of  cotton  cloth  for  'em.  Tell  aunt  Keziah 
we  got  for  her  bundle  of  urbs  a  pound  of  good  shushon 
and  a  quarter  of  snuff.  We  shall  send  'em  all  up  in 
the  wagon  by  Jim. 

But  Jim  will  have  to  wait  here  till  cousin  Jehu  gets 
back  again,  for  he  took  the  other  boss  Wednesday 
and  started  off  like  a  stream  of  lightning  for  Downing- 
ville.  Now  I  spose  you  will  be  a  little  struck  up  at 
that,  till  I  tell  you  the  reason  of  it,  but  the  fact  was 
he  came  away  from  home  and  forgot  to  bring  his  primy 
facy  case.  And  we  met  one  of  the  members  Tuesday 
night  and  got  to  speaking  about  it,  and  he  said  it 
would  be  of  no  use  to  think  of  getting  a  seat  in  the 
House  without  one,  for  they  were  going  to  be  very 
particular,  and  nobody  would  be  allowed  to  take  a 
seat  in  the  House  unless  he  could  show  a  good  fair 
primy  facy  case.  AVell  then,  said  cousin  Jehu,  the 
jig  is  up  with  me,  for  as  true  as  eggs  is  bacon  I  left 
mine  at  home.  But,  finally,  after  considerin  upon  it, 
we  concluded  'twas  best  for  him,  as  he  was  a  pretty 
smart  rider,  to  start  off  and  get  it,  and  come  back 
again  as  quick  as  possible.    But  he  might  have  been 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  109 

saved  all  that  trouble,  if  he  had  only  known  how  it 
would  turn  out.  For  when  the  members  got  together 
Wednesday  morning,  they  appointed  a  committee  to 
go  round  among  'em  and  take  the  primij  fncy  cases 
and  count  'em,  and  see  it^  there  was  enough  to  make 
a  corum.  I  dont  know  as  I  can  tell  exactly  what  sort 
of  a  thing  a  corum  is,  but  they  said  the  constitution 
wouldn't  let  'em  do  any  thing  till  they  had  a  corum, 
and  it  took  a  hundred  and  thirty  primij  facij  cases  to 
make  one. 

One  of  the  Huntonites  made  a  motion  that  the  com- 
mittee should  examine  the  primy  facy  cases,  and  not 
count  any  but  what  was  good, — But  the  Jacksonites 
said  no,  they  should  count  'em  all  first,  and  they'd 
take  their  seats  and  go  to  work,  and  have  another  com- 
mittee afterwards  to  examine  'em.  They  disputed 
about  it  a  little  while  pretty  sharp;  but  at  last  the  re- 
publicans begun  to  get  a  notion  that  it  was  only  jest 
meant  to  trig  the  wheels  of  government,  and  it  stuck 
in  their  crops  so  they  couldn't  bear  it  any  longer,  and 
they  up  foot  and  gave  the  trig  such  a  kick,  1  guess 
the  Huntonites  nor  Jacksonites  neither  wont  find  it 
again  this  winter. 

So  they  let  them  all  take  their  seats  with  such  kind 
of  primy  facy  things  as  they  had  got,  and  went  to 
choosing  officers. 

There  aint  but  a  few  Huntonites  and  Jacksonites 
in  the  Legislater  this  year,  and  its  lucky  there  isn't, 
for  there  is  no  telling  how  much  mischief  they  did  last 
winter.  There  is  so  few  of  them  are  two  rascally  par- 
ties here  now,  that  are  trying  to  ruin  the  country,  that 
'tis  thought  the  republicans  will  be  able  to  keep  the 
wheels  agoing  and  get  along  without  much  trouble. 

I  have  a  good  deal  more  to  write  to  you,  but  haven't 
time  in  this  letter.  Elder  Hall  is  here,  but  he  is  not 
President  this  year.  He  thinks  rotation  in  office  is 
all  the  beauty  of  republicanism,  so  he  gave  up  the 
chair  this  year  to  Mr,  Dunlap. 
10 


110  LETTERS    OF 

Cousin  Sally  has  got  most  through  her  second  quar- 
ter's schooling  here,  and  when  she  gets  through,  I 
dont  know  but  I  should  advise  you  to  take  her  home, 
for  she  grows  so  vain  and  accomplished,  as  they  call 
it,  that  I  dont  think  it  '11  do  her  much  good.  Jest 
look  at  her  last  letter  that  she  sent  up  in  the  Courier, 
and  see  how  lady-like  she  talks.  And  then  in  order 
to  be  mighty  nice,  she  must  needs  sign  it  Sarah;  as 
if  the  good  old  name  of  Sally,  that  her  mother  gave 
her,  wasn't  good  enough  for  her. 

Tell  cousin  Jehu  to  make  haste  back  again,  for  the 
Legislater's  rattling  along  so  with  their  business  that 
he'll  hardly  get  a  finger  in  the  pie  if  he  isn't  here  soon. 
They've  made  a  Governor,  and  some  Councillors,  and 
a  Secretary  of  State,  and  a  Treasurer,  and  a  State 
Printer,  besides  doing  a  good  many  other  things,  and 
it  hasn't  took  half  so  long  as  it  did  last  winter  to  say 
poor  Mr.  Roberts  shouldn't  have  a  seat.  This  in 
haste.     Your  lovin  neffu,      JACK   DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXVI. 

In  which  JVabhy  describes  the  temperance  of  DoumingvUle, 

Do-wnmgville,  Jinerwaiy  20,  1831. 
To  Cousin  Sarah  Downing^  at  School  down  to  Portland. 

I  should  like  to  know,  cousin  Sarah,  if  you  have 
heard  down  there  to  Portland  any  thing  about  a  tern- 
jperance  societij.  If  you  have  just  write  and  tell  me 
what  it  means.  You  know  father  wants  to  know  the 
meaning  of  every  thing,  and  so  I  walk  tu  miles  over 
to  the  school-master's  to  borry  Mr.  Walker's  dic- 
tionary to  see  what  it  meant;  and  after  all  I  want  no 
wiser  than  I  was  afore,  for  there  was  n't  one  word  in 
it  about  temperance  societies.  Tother  day  father  sot 
in  the  shop  door,  wondering  if  Jack  would  go  to  the 
Congress  or  not,  when  a  proper  great  fat  red-faced 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  Ill 

man  came  in,  and  opened  a  long  paper  with  more 
names  on  it  than  I  could  read  in  a  week,— and  says 
he,  Mr.  Downing,  I  want  you  to  sine  your  name  to 
this  paper.  Father  took  hold  of  the  paper  with  one 
hand,  and  run  tother  up  under  his  hat,  jest  as  he  al- 
ways does  when  he  tries  to  think;  and,  my  friend, 
says  he,  I  dont  know  as  I  quite  understand  what  this 
ere  means.  Why,  says  he,  by  putting  your  name 
down,  you  promise  not  to  drink  any  rum  yourself,  nor 
to  let  any  of  your  family.  My  conscience,  father  un- 
derstood it  then,  I  can  tell  you,  he  hopped  rite  out 
of  his  chair,  and  I  guess  the  temperance  man  was 
gone  in  no  time.  Well,  after  father  had  time  to  con- 
sider a  little  he  began  to  feel  afraid  he  had  n't  used 
the  man  exactly  right;  for,  said  he,  may  be  all  places 
aint  like  Downingville.  I  remember  reading  in  the 
newspaper  of  some  places  where  they  drink  rum  as 
we  do  water,  and  get  so  drunk  that  they  tumble  about 
on  the  ground.  And  may  be  the  man  did  n't  know 
but  what  we  drank  it  here.  And  if  he  was  trying  to 
do  good  he  was  n't  so  much  to  blame  after  all.  In- 
deed, Sam,  said  he,  for  Mr.  Josslyn  came  in  while 
he  was  talking,  I  've  been  told  there  are  shop  keepers 
who  retale  rum  by  the  half  jill,  to  men  who  drink  it 
at  their  counters,  and  some  can  actually  bare  that 
enormous  quantity  two  and  three  times  in  a  day.  I 
never  see  Sam's  eyes  so  big,  Sarah;  he  look'd  as  if 
he  wanted  to  say,  that  's  a  whacker,  Mr.  Downing; 
and  so  thinks  I,  I  will  write  to  Sarah,  and  she  '11  tell 
me  all  about  it.      Your  loving  cousin,     NABBY. 

P.  S.  I  tried  to  tell  what  father  said  in  his  own 
words,  cause  you  always  like  to  hear  him  talk.  Sam 
says  Sarah  dont  understand  such  things;  the  libry  is 
only  fit  for  folks  like  her  and  the  schoolmaster.  A 
farmer  ort  to  stick  to  his  ox  bows  and  goard  sticks. 
And  I  believe  he  's  half  rite,  Sarah,  for  I  dont  be- 
lieve you  are  so  happy  for  trying  to  no  so  much;  ever 


112  LETTERS    OF 

since  you  took  to  study,  I  see  you  dont  laugh  half  so 
hearty  as  you  used  to,  and  you  look  sober  three  times 
as  often,  I  'm  afraid  you  will  be  a  spoilt  girl  for  the 
country,  Sarah;  you  'd  better  leave  your  hard  words 
and  come  up  here  and  sing  at  your  wheel  all  day. 
churn  butter  aud  milk  the  cows,  go  to  slay  rides  and 
quiltings,  and  be  as  good  and  happy  as  you  used  to 
be.  I  love  you,  Sarah,  and  always  shall,  and  I  be- 
lieve Sam  would  like  you  as  well  as  he  duz  me,  if 
twant  for  your  learnin.  There,  I  wont  say  another 
word,  for  I  'm  half  cryin  now. 


LETTER  XXVII. 

In    which    Mr.   Downing   gives  a    description  of  the 
Ladies'  Fair. 

Portland,  Friday,  Jan.  28,  ia31. 
My  Dear  Cousin  Nabby, — It's  a  great  while  since 
I  writ  to  you,  for  you  know  when  I  write  politics  I 
always  have  to  send  it  to  uncle  Joshua,  cause  he 
loves  dearly  to  dig  into  sich  things,  and  when  I  write 
about  bringing  bean  poles  and  apple-sass  to  market, 
I  have  to  send  to  cousin  Ephraim,  cause  he's  the  boy 
to  do  that  are;  but  when  I  write  about  the  ladies  and 
sich  like  I  send  it  right  to  you;  and  I've  got  a  master 
mess  to  tell  you  this  time,  as  ever  you  heard  in  all 
your  life.  I  dont  know  where  bouts  to  begin,  and 
when  I  get  begun  I'm  afraid  I  never  shall  know  where 
to  leave  off;  for  if  I  should  try  to  tell  you  all  about 
it,  I  dont  know  but  you  would  get  to  be  as  old  as  aunt 
Keziah  before  I  should  get  through.  Howsomever, 
I'll  try  to  give  you  a  little  smattering  of  it,  and  I 
might  as  well  begin  before  I  go  any  further,  for  I 
spose  by  this  time  you're  all  of  a  didder  to  know  what 
I  mean.    Well  then,  to  let  you  into  the  mistery,  we've 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  113 

had  the  ladies  fair  here,  and  of  all  the  scrapes  that 
ever  I  see  this  beats  the  cap-shief;  Independant  was 
nothmg  tu  it  hardly.  I'll  tell  you  how  they  come  to 
have  it.  There's  a  woman  here  that  takes  care  of  a 
whole  flock  of  little  gals,  what  hant  got  nobody  else 
to  take  care  of  'em;  they  call  her  the  Orphan  Asy- 
lum. And  they  said  she  hadn't  got  money  enough 
to  buy  bread  and  milk  for  'em  all,  and  clothes  to 
wear  in  this  cold  weather.  And  so  the  ladies,  for 
you  know  Nabby,  they  are  always  kind  hearted  sort 
of  creatures,  thought  they'd  put  their  heads  together 
and  see  if  they  couldn't  get  some  money  for  her.  So 
they  agreed  to  have  what  they  call  a  fair — that  means 
a  place  where  every  sort  of  nicknack  that  was  ever 
made  or  thought  of,  and  some  that  never  was  thought 
of  before,  are  brought  together  to  sell.  Well,  you 
know  the  women  can  do  most  any  thing  if  they  set  out. 
So,  as  soon  as  they  set  this  afloat,  it  went  through  the 
town  like  a  buzz.  All  the  ladies  and  gals  went  to 
work  like  smoke,  making  up  things  for  the  fair. 

And  they  were  in  sich  a  taking  about  it,  they 
couldn't  do  any  thing  else  for  two  months. — When 
the  men  went  home  to  their  dinners  they'd  fret  and 
scold  'cause  'twant  ready.  Now  dont  scold,  the 
woman  would  say,  for  the  gals  have  been  so  busy 
making  them  are  little  frocks  and  pin-cushions  and 
needle-books  for  the  fair,  that  they  never  thought 
of  its  being  one  o'clock  so  soon.  And  when  the  old 
bachelors  went  up  to  bed,  down  they'd  come  again 
sputtering  along,  and  want  to  know  what's  the  reason 
their  bed  want  made.  Then  the  chamber  gal  would 
jump  as  if  she'd  gone  out  of  her  skin;  well  there 
now,  says  she,  as  true  as  I'm  alive,  I've  been  so  busy 
to-day  making  that  are  dicky  for  the  fair,  that  I  never 
thought  a  word  about  the  beds.  Well,  last  Tuesday 
they  got  'em  all  ready,  and  carried  'em  into  the  great 
town  hall,  that's  as  big  agin  as  uncle  Joshua's  forty 
ioot  barn,  and  paraded  'em  out  to  sell.  And  they  put 
10* 


114  LETTERS    OF 

it  into  the  papers  that  they  should  be  ready  by  six 
o'clock  in  the  evening  for  customers.  But  the  fun- 
niest of  it  all  was,  they  charged  every  body  ninepence 
a  piece  jest  for  coming  in  to  buy  their  things  whether 
they  bought  any  thing  or  not.  And  if  they  went  out 
a  minute  or  two  and  come  in  again,  they  had  to  pay 
ninepence  more.  That's  a  plaguy  good  way  to  keep 
shop,  they  make  money  so  fast  by  it. — Some  of  the 
young  fellers  kept  going  out  and  coming  in  again 
every  few  minutes,  I  spose  jest  to  show  the  gals  that 
come  with  'em  that  they'd  a  good  pocket  full  of  nine- 
pences  and  want  stingy  of  'em. 

But  I'm  getting  before  my  story.  All  day  Tuesday 
the  chaps  were  flying  round  getting  their  5  dollar  bills 
changed  to  go  to  the  fair.  As  for  me,  I  hadn't  only 
a  one  dollar  bill,  and  I  did  n't  dare  to  show  that  to 
nobody  for  fear  of  the  debety  sheriffs,  for  they  begin 
to  look  out  pretty  sharp  after  we  disappointed  office 
seekers  now-a-days,  and  if  they  catch  us  with  a  dollar 
they  nab  it  quick  enough  I  tell  ye.  Howsomever,  I 
borried  a  ninepence  of  a  feller  that  used  to  work  long 
with  me  last  summer,  and  I  told  him  I  didn't  doubt 
but  what  I  could  pay  him  next  day,  for  most  all  the 
lobby  members  of  the  Legislater  would  be  to  the  fair, 
and  bein  the  sheriffs  aint  appointed  yet,  I  should 
stand  a  good  chance  to  bargain  away  a  few  of  cousin 
Ephraim's  bean  poles;  and  I'm  to  have  half  for  sel- 
ling. So  as  soon  as  the  clock  struck  six,  I  took 
my  ninepence,  and  up  I  trudged  and  went  right  into 
the  fair,  jest  like  any  body  else;  and  my  stars!  sich 
another  sight  I  dont  think  there  ever  was  afore.  I 
thought  I'd  seen  most  all  the  world  since  I  left 
Downingville,  but  bless  me,  come  to  look  around 
here  I  found  I  hadn't  hardly  begun  to  see  it  yet.  I 
never  see  any  thing  that  lookt  so  bright  before, 
unless  it  was  when  uncle  Zekiel's  barn  burnt  down. 
There  was  a  master  sight  of  candles  and  lamps  stuck 
up  round  the  windows  and  all  over  the  great  hall,  and 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  117 

along  in  the  middle  of  it  there  hung  down  two  great 
bunches  of  green  spruce  tops  as  big  as  a  hogset,  and 
they  were  stuck  full  of  lamps  all  over  'em.  1  believe 
they  called  'em  tallow  chandlers,  or  some  sich  name. 
The  folks  kept  coming  and  pouring  in  as  thick  as 
bees,  and  at  last  the  hall  got  chock  brim  full,  and 
then  if  there  wasn't  a  crowdin  and  squeezin  time  I'll 
never  guess  agin.  They  had  to  look  out  for  toes,  I 
can  tell  'em;  1  was  glad  I  left  my  corns  to  home,  for 
if  I  hadn't  I  should  had  'em  smashed  all  to  pieces 
forty  times. 

You  might  as  well  try  to  crawl  through  a  woodpile 
as  to  think  of  getting  round  any  where  in  the  hall, 
only  jest  where  the  crowd  happened  to  carry  you.  A 
chap  that  stood  pretty  near  me  said  to  an  old  white 
headed  gentleman,  have  you  been  over  there  to  the 
old  witch  tother  side  of  the  hall  to  have  your  fortune 
told;  O  no,  says  he,  /  have  nH  been  jam''d  that  way 
yet.  As  I  was  tussling  along  to  try  to  get  a  peep  at 
some  of  the  tables,  I  got  stuck  fast  between  three 
stout  women,  and  to  move  another  inch  I  couldn't 
if  I  was  to  be  whipped.  And  some  how  or  other  my 
head  got  jam'd  under  one  of  their  bonnets,  but  'twas 
none  of  my  duins  though,  and  says  she,  sir,  I'll  thank 
you  to  take  your  head  out  of  my  face.  Yes  mam, 
says  I,  I  will  as  soon  as  that  lady's  head  behind  mine 
gets  a  little  loose,  so  I  can  pull  mine  back.  But  I 
had  tough  work  to  breath  before  I  could  get  command 
of  my  own  head  agin,  I  tell  ye.  Well,  at  last  I  tus- 
sled along  or  was  jam'd  along  some  how  or  other 
pretty  near  some  of  the  tables,  so  that  I  could  kind 
o'  peep  over  on  to  'em  sometimes.  And  sich  a  mess 
of  pretty  things  and  queer  things  as  they  had  there 
to  sell  I  never  set  eyes  on  before.  And  then,  O  sich 
a  pretty  row  of  gals  along  behind  the  tables  for  shop- 
keepers, all  dressed  up  so  fine,  and  laugning  out  of 
both  of  their  eyes  so  like  little  witches,  and  holding 
up  their  pretty  things  in  their  little  white  hands,  and 


118  LETTERS    OF 

asking  every  body  to  buy  'em.  O  Nabby,  I  never 
felt  the  want  of  money  so  much  before  in  all  my  life. 
Soon  as  I  looked  at  'em  I  wished  I  had  a  thousand 
dollars  to  spend.  And  if  Fd  only  been  elected  Gov- 
ernor', as  I  ought  to  have  been,  and  should  have  been 
if  our  party  had  only  been  a  Httle  better  organized, 
I'd  a  made  the  money  fly  well,  you  may  depend 
upon't;  for  I  think  governors  at  sich  times  ought  to 
be  generous  and  set  good  examples.  Now  I  think 
on't  tell  uncle  Joshua  I've  seen  the  real  genuine  re- 
publican ])ariy.  It  was  at  the  fair;  there  was  old 
folks  and  young  folks,  and  men  and  women,  and  boys 
and  gals,  and  all  sorts  and  sizes  of  folks  mixed  up  to- 
gether higgledy  piggledy,  and  every  one  said  and  did 
jest  what  they'd  a  mind  to.  If  this  wasn't  the  repub- 
lican party  I  dont  know  what  is. 

It  looked  funny  to  see  every  body  buying  every 
thing  that  was  offered  to  'em,  and  paying  jest  what 
they  asked  for  it.  And  the  queerest  of  it  was,  if  you 
bought  a  thing  that  came  to  a  ninepence,  and  handed 
'em  a  quarter  of  a  dollar  to  pay  for  it,  they  would 
chuck  the  quarter  into  the  money  draw,  and  you 
might  whistle  for  your  change;  they  would  n't  give 
you  back  a  cent.  Only  think;  if  the  stupid  shop- 
keepers would  only  learn  that  are  fashion,  and  charge 
all  the  gals  that  come  arter  patterns  ninepence  every 
time  they  come  into  their  stores,  and  when  any  body 
buys  any  thing  of  'em  never  give  any  change  back, 
how  fast  they  might  get  rich.  There  was  young 
fellers  buying  pin-balls,  and  old  bachelors  buying 
doll-babies,  and  some  of  'em  nigger  babies  tu,  and 
every  body  buying  what  they  did  n't  want,  more  than 
a  toad  wants  two  tails. 

At  one  end  of  the  hall  there  was  a  great  table 
covered  all  over  with  cakes  and  candy  and  apples 
and  plums,  and  all  kinds  of  luscious  things,  all 
brought  in  to  help  along  the  Orphan  Asylum.  A 
man  would  send  in  some  apples  that  he  sold  in  his 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  119 

store  at  two  for  a  cent,  and  then  go  and  get  his  chil- 
dren and  post  off  to  the  hall,  and  pay  ninepence 
apiece  to  go  in,  and  then  buy  the  apples  and  give  two 
cents  apiece  for  'em. 

One  gal  come  along  nibbling  off  a  piece  of  cake 
about  as  big  as  two  fingers,  and  another  one  says  to 
her,  what  did  you  give  for  that?  A  shilling,  says  she;  I 
thought  I  would  do  something  to  help  along  the  Asy- 
lum. By  and  by  she  come  along  again  cramming  down 
a  handful  of  plums  and  a  great  apple.  Says  'tother 
one,  says  she,  what  did  you  give  for  them  ?  Ninepence, 
says  she;  I  should  n't  think  of  buying  any  thing  at 
all,  if  it  want  for  helping  along  the  Asylum.  By  and 
by  I  saw  her  crounching  a  stick  of  candy,  such  as 
commonly  sells  for  a  cent.  What  did  you  give  for 
that,  says  t'other  one.  Three  cents,  says  she.  Dear 
soul,  thinks  I,  how  very  kind  you  are  to  help  along 
the  Asylum. 

By  and  by  I  got  joggled  along  up  towards  another 
table,  and  who  should  I  see  there,  but  a  witch!  Some 
called  her  the  witch  of  Endor,  that  we  read  about  in 
the  Bible,  and  some  said  it  was  one  of  the  Salem 
witches.  She  looked  bad  enough  to  be  any  one  of  'em. 
She  was  a  little  peaked  nosed  dried  up  thing;  about 
two  feet  high,  and  she  stood  there  upon  the  table  to  tell 
folks  their  fortunes.  She  had  a  little  staff  in  her  hand 
that  pointed  down  on  to  a  little  wheel  that  had  every 
body's  fortune  written  down  on  it.  They'd  give  the 
wheel  a  whirl  and  when  it  stopped,  the  fortune  they 
wanted  to  tell  any  body  would  be  right  where  the  staff 
pointed.  The  old  witch  could  n't,  or  else  would  n't, 
read  herself,  so  she  had  a  pretty  little  roguish  looking 
miss  stand  beside  her  to  tell  it  off.  They  called  her 
the  priestess,  but  my  stars,  she  did  n't  look  no  more 
like  a  minister's  wife  than  you  do,  Nabby.  They 
asked  fourpence  happeny  apiece  for  telling  fortunes. 
— Up  stepped  a  smart  looking  little  miss  and  gave  the 
wheel  a  whirl  and  asked  what  her  fortune  was.  Why, 


120  LETTERS     OF 

said  the  little  witchee  with  a  rogueish  look  '  at  the 
annual  return  of  this  fair  you  will  be  introduced  by 
your  husband.'  La  me,  said  the  miss,  blushing,  I  'm 
sure  you  cant  make  nothing  by  telling  fortunes  at 
fourpence  apiece;  so  she  threw  down  half  a  dollar, 
and  off  she  went.  Then  there  came  up  a  sober,  thin, 
clever  looking  sort  of  a  man,  and  gave  a  whirl,  and 
the  little  priestess  look'd  him  up  in  the  face  with  a 
curl  of  the  lip,  and  says  she,  '  a  wolf  in  sheep's  cloth- 
ing—  that  suits  your  case  exactly,  sir.'  And  he 
turned  away  muttering,  '  how  upon  earth  come  that 
little  witch  of  a  creature  to  know  me.''  ' 

Then  up  stepped  another  man,  that  they  said  was  one 
of  the  Legislaters,  and  says  he,  how  much  do  you  ask 
for  telling  fortunes  ?  Only  fourpence  happeny  says 
she.  Well,  says  he,  I  believe  I  '11  have  mine  told, 
so  he  give  a  whirl,  and  after  he  heard  his  fortune,  he 
handed  a  dollar  to  take  out  the  fourpence  happeny, 
and  the  rogueish  priestess  slipped  it  into  the  draw  and 
turned  rij^ht  about,  and  v/ent  to  waiting  upon  some- 
body else.  And  the  poor  man  waited  and  waited  for 
his  change  till  he  got  tired  —  and  then  he  drawed 
back  out  of  sight. 

But  there,  Nabby,  I  must  stop  before  I  tell  you 
half  ont,  or  I  shall  get  my  letter  so  long  the  printer 
wont  send  it ;  for  he  threatens  to  charge  me  postage 
if  I  send  sich  long  ones.  But  they  had  jest  sich  a 
scrape  all  the  next  day  and  next  evening;  and  the 
next  evening  after  that,  they  sold  all  the  trinkets  they 
had  left  at  vandue.  I  dont  know  how  much  money 
they  got  in  the  whole,  but  you  may  depend  upon  it 
't  was  a  real  swad;  and  I  guess  the  Orphan  A«ylum 
woman  might  give  the  little  gals  gingerbread  to  eat 
this  two  years  if  she  's  a  mind  to,  and  let  'em  have 
new  warm  gowns  and  good  shoes  and  stockings  into 
the  bargain.  So  here  I  must  stop,  and  when  I  go 
to  another  fair  you  shall  hear  from  me  again. 

Your  loving  cousin,      JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  121 


LETTER  XXVIII. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  the  Jacksonites  in  the 
Legislature  had  a  dreadful  tussle  to  pour  a  '  healing 
act '  doivn  the  throats  of  the  Huntonites. 

[jYote  by  the  Editor.  The  bitterness  of  feeling  occasioned  by 
the  struggle  for  the  ascendency  between  the  two  parties  in  1830, 
still  rankled  in  the  breasts  of  the  members  of  the  Legislature  in 
1831  ,  The  Huntonites  had  acquired  the  ascendency  the  preced- 
ing session,  but  now  the  Jacksonites  were  in  power,  and  they 
contended  that  the  acts  of  the  Huntonites  in  1830  were  uncon- 
stitutional and  void.  They  therefore  set  about  preparing  a '  heal- 
ing act '  to  declare  all  the  doings  of  the  preceding  Legislature 
redid  in  the  lump.  When  this  Bill  was  brought  forward,  it  pro- 
duced a  storm  in  the  Legislature,  almost  unparalleled.  The  Hun- 
tonites considered  it  altogether  a  useless  provoking  piece  of 
political  trickery.  They  contended  that  if  the  acts  of  the  former 
Legislature  were  in  fact  unconstitutional,  no  law  passed  by  this 
Legislature  could  make  them  constitutional ;  and  considering  it 
a  wanton  attempt  to  heap  insult  and  odium  upon  them,  they 
fought  against  it  almost  while  life  and  breath  remained.  A  fierce 
debate  on  the  passage  of  this  Bill  was  carried  on  for  several  days. 
But  the  Jacksonites  had  the  power  in  their  own  hands,  and  the 
Bill  was  finally  passed.  The  scene  is  somewhat  minutely  de- 
scribed in  the  two  following  letters.] 

Portland,  Feb.  4, 1831. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua. — If  you  got  my  postscript 
to  this  letter  that  I  sent  you  yesterday,  I  spose  you 
wont  sleep  nor  eat  much  till  you  hear  something  more 
about  it.  So  I  thought  I'd  try  to  send  you  a  little 
bit  of  a  letter  to-day.  O  dear,  uncle,  there  's  terrible 
times  here  again,  and  I'm  half  afraid  it's  agoing  to 
be  worse  than  it  was  last  winter.  The  Legislater  's 
been  all  in  the  wind  this  two  or  three  days,  pulling 
and  hauhng  and  fighting  like  smoke.  The  wheels 
of  government  are  all  stopt;  I  cant  say  as  they  are 
trigged,  as  they  used  to  be  last  winter,  but  they  are 
fairly  stopped,  because  nobody  dont  pull  'em  along;  for 
when  the  members  are  all  pulling  each  other's  caps, 
how  can  they  pull  the  wheels  of  government  ?  They 
seemed  to  get  along  very  well  ever  since  they  've 
11 


122  LETTERS    OF 

been  here  till  now,  and  I  thought  they  most  all  be- 
longed to  them  are  two  clever  parties  that  tried  so 
hard  to  save  the  State  last  winter;  I  mean  the  demo- 
cratic republicans  and  the  national  republicans.  But 
somehow  or  other  this  week  a  quarrelsome  gang  of 
Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  has  got  into  the  Legis- 
lator and  kicked  up  such  a  bobbery,  it  seems  as  though 
they  'd  tare  the  State  all  to  pieces.  My  heart 's  been 
up  in  my  mouth  a  dozen  times  for  fear  the  State  would 
go  to  ruin  before  I  could  get  out  of  it;  and  I  've 
scratched  round  and  picked  up  what  few  bean-poles  and 
ax-handles  I  had  left,  and  got  all  ready  to  set  sail  to 
Boston,  for  I'me  determined  to  be  off  before  the  state 
goes  to  rack.  And  I  advise  you  and  all  our  friends 
at  Downingville  to  pack  up  as  soon  as  you  get  this 
letter,  and  be  all  ready  as  soon  as  you  hear  a  crack- 
ing down  this  way  to  fly  for  your  lives  away  back  into 
New-Hampshire  or  Vermont.  The  trouble  as  near 
as  I  could  understand  it  begun  in  this  way.  The  Jack- 
sonites said  the  Huntonites  worked  so  hard  last  winter 
in  trying  to  trig  the  wheels  of  government,  and  tare  the 
constitution  to  pieces,  that  they  made  themselves  all 
sick,  dreadful  sick,  and  had  n't  got  well  yet;  and  it  was 
time  to  do  something  to  try  to  cure  'em;  for  their 
sickness  was  so  catching  that  all  the  State  would  be 
taken  down  with  it  in  a  little  while,  if  they  want  cured. 
But  the  Huntonites  said  they  want  sick  a  bit;  they 
never  was  better  in  their  lives;  and  moreover,  it  was 
false  that  they  had  tried  to  trig  the  wheels  of  govern- 
ment last  winter,  or  tear  a  single  leaf  out  of  the  con- 
stitution; if  any  thing  of  that  kind  was  done,  they  said 
the  Jacksonites  did  it,  and  as  for  taking  doctor's  stuff 
they'd  no  notion  of  it.  But  the  Jacksonites  said  'twas 
no  use,  the  Huntonites  were  all  sick,  and  they  must 
take  some  doctor  stuff,  and  if  they  would  n't  take  it 
willingly  they  must  be  made  to  take  it.  So  they  went 
to  work  and  fixed  a  dose  that  they  called  a  healing 
act,  that  they  said  would  cure  all  the  Huntonites  and 
any  body  else  that  had  catched  the  sickness  of  'em. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING. 


123 


The  Huntonites  declared  'twas  no  use  for  'em  to  fix 
it,  for  they  never  would  take  it  as  long  as  they  Hved, 
that's  what  they  wouldn't;  they  were  as  well  as  any 
body,  and  they'd  fight  it  out  till  next  June  before  they'd 
take  it.  Howsomever,  ihe  Jacksonites  got  their  dose 
ready,  and  yesterday  they  carried  it  into  the  House 
of  Representatives  and  told  the  Huntonites  they  must 
take  it,  and  'twould  do  'em  good.  As  soon  as  the 
Huntonites  smelt  of  it,  they  turned  up  their  noses,  and 
said  no,  before  they'd  take  that  are  plaguy  dirty  stuflT 
they'd  fight  'em  all  over  the  State,  inch  by  inch.  But 
the  Jacksonites  said  'twas  no  use,  they  might  sniflT  as 
much  as  they  pleased,  it  was  the  only  thing  that  would 
cure  'em,  and  they  must  take  it,  and  more  than  all 
that,  they  was  the  strongest  and  they  should  take  it. 

Some  of  the  Huntonites  looked  pale  as  tho'  they 
were  a  little  grain  frightened,  and  some  of  them  looked 
red  as  though  they  were  mad  as  a  March  hair.  And 
some  of  'em  begun  to  talk  to  the  Jacksonites  and  tell 
'em  how  unreasonable  it  was  to  make  'em  take  doc- 
tor stuff  when  they  want  sick.  They  were  well  now, 
and  like  as  not  if  they  should  take  it  t 'would  make 
'em  all  sick. 

One  of  'em,  that  talked  like  a  very  clever  man 
got  up  and  coaxed  'em  to  ask  the  Judges  of  the  great 
Court  if  they  thought  there  was  any  need  of  their 
taking  sich  a  dose,  or  if  it  would  do  'em  any  good 
if  they  did  take  it.  But  the  Jacksonites  said  no,  they 
shouldn't  ask  no  sich  questions.  They  understood  the 
business  well  enough,  they  knew  the  Huntonites  were 
sick,  and  they  knew  this  would  cure  'em,  and  swal- 
low it  they  should.  Well,  the  Huntonites  see  how 
'twas  gone  goose  with  'em,  and  they  thought  the  only 
chance  left  was  to  put  their  hands  over  their  mouths 
and  fight  and  kick  and  scrabble  with  all  their  might 
and  keep  it  out  of  their  throats  as  long  as  they  could. 
Still  they  tried  to  talk  and  reason  with  the  Jacksonites 
about  it.  They  asked  'em  to  let  them  have  time  to 
examine  the  medicine  carefully  and  see  what  it  was 


124  LETTERS  OF 

made  of,  or  that  they  would  tell  'em  what  it  was  made 
of,  or  why  they  thought  it  would  do  any  good  to  take 
it.  But  the  Jacksonites  said  they  shouldn't  tell  'em 
any  thing  about  it,  it  would  be  'casting  pearls  before 
swine,'  and  the  good  book  said  they  mustn't  do  so. 

The  men  who  had  fixed  the  dose  knew  what  they 
were  about,  they  had  fixed  it  right,  and  the  Hunton- 
ites  must  open  their  mouths  and  take  it,  and  not  par- 
ley any  more  about  it.  And  now  the  real  tussle  and 
the  hard  fight  begun.  The  house  seemed  to  be  so  full 
of  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  that  I  guess  there 
was  n't  but  a  few  republicans  left.  And  I  could 
n't  help  minding  that  the  Jacksonites  took  the  seats 
of  the  democratic  republicans,  and  the  Huntonites 
took  the  seats  of  the  national  republicans.  Well,  the 
Jacksonites  took  the  dose  in  one  hand,  and  grab'd  the 
Huntonites  with  the  other,  and  tipped  their  heads 
back,  and  were  jest  agoing  to  pour  it  down  their 
throats,  when  the  Huntonites  fetched  a  spring  and 
kicked  it  away  to  the  fourth  day  of  April.  But  the 
Jacksonites  run  after  it  and  got  it  back  again  in  about 
half  an  hour,  and  clinched  'em  again,  and  got  all 
ready  to  pour  it  down;  but  jest  as  they  got  it  almost 
to  their  lips,  the  Huntonites  fetched  another  spring 
and  kicked  it  away  to  the  fourth  of  March.  Away 
went  the  Jacksonites  after  it  again,  and  brought  it 
back,  and  clinched  the  Huntonites  in  the  same  man- 
ner as  before,  and  they  kicked  it  away  again,  but  they 
did  n't  kick  this  time  quite  to  the  end  of  February. 

So  they  kept  it  agoing  all  the  forenoon,  but  every 
time  the  Huntonites  kick'd  the  bitter  dose  away,  it 
didn't  go  so  far  as  it  did  the  last  time  before.  I  spose 
they  begun  to  grow  tired  and  could  n't  kick  so  hard. 
Well,  then  they  tried  to  adjourn  so  as  to  get  some 
dinner,  but  the  Jacksonites  would  n't  let  'em.  And 
they  kept  'em  there  till  four  o'clock  in  the  afternoon 
without  any  dinner,  and  I  dont  know  but  they  thought 
the  Huntonites  would  get  so  hungry  after  awhile  that 
they  would  swallow  it  down  without  much  fuss.     But 


AJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  125 


it  all  would  n't  do,  the  nearer  it  come  to  'em,  the 
ghter  the  Huntonites   gritted  their  teeth    oge  her, 
and  I  guess  they'd  a  starved  before  they  would  take  t 
Well  after  the  Jacksonites  had  ".ed  nearly  twen^^ 
times  to  pour  down  the  bitter  dose    and  the  Hunton 
ites  had  kicked  it  away  as  many  times,  both  parties 
seemed   to  be  nearly  tired  out,  and  so  they  finally 
agreed  to  adjourn  till  nine  o'clock  this  mo™'"!^    J 
thought  the  -Huntonites,  if  they  once  got  ou  ,  wouM 
cut  and  run  home  and  get  clear  ol  the  pl^g"/  ^'""^ 
But  instead  of  that  they  all  come  J"  fS^^'"'^^,^  "^""j 
in.,  and  they've  been  at  it  agam  all  day  hammei  and 
loSgs,  the  Jacksonites  trying  to  pour  it  down   and  the 
Huntonites  fighting  against  it,  too'^f  1"^'  he  State 
How  it  '11  come  out  I  cant  te  1.    Whethei  the  State 
will  be  ruined  if  they  dont  take  it,  I  cant  tell     oi 
whether  it  will  cure  them  it  they  do  take  it   I  can  t 
tell      But  I  can  assure   you,  dear  uncle,  theies  a 
greater  fuss  here,  than  there  was  when  the  little  boy 
laid  he  run  and  jumped  over  a  fence  and  tore  hi. 
trowses  as  if  the  heavens  and  earth  were  coming  to 
pieces      If  we  live  through  it,  I  shall  let  you  know 
Lmething  more  about  it.     Your^'-'-^oWNING. 


LETTER  XXIX. 

In  whicli  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  the  Jacksonites  at  last 
got  the  '  healing  act '  down  the  throats  of  the  Hun- 

'""''"■  Portland,  Saturday,  March  5, 1831. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua.— I  aint  dead,  but  I  spose  you 
begin  to  feel  kind  of  uneasy  about  me,  bein  I  have  n  t 
wrl  home  so  long.  Well,  I'll  tell  you  how  'twas; 
I've  had  thk  ere  cold  and  one  thing  another,  so  bad, 
I  did  n't  feel  hardly  smart  enough  to  write.  And  De- 
11* 


126  LETTERS    OF 

sides  I  got  so  skeer'd  that  night  the  Jacksonites  poured 
their  doctor  stuff,  what  they  call  the  healing  plaster, 
down  the  throates  of  the  Huntonites,  that  I  did  n't  dare 
to  go  nigh  'em  agin  for  a  good  while  for  fear  they'd 
pour  some  of  their  pesky  stuff  down  my  throat.  But 
I'm  sorry  I  did  n't  write  afore,  for  I've  let  it  alone  so 
long  now,  that  my  work  has  got  desputly  behindhand. 
When  I  writ  to  you  before,  the  Jacksonites  were 
holding  the  Huntonites  by  the  hair  of  the  head  with 
one  hand  and  trying  to  cram  the  healing  plaster  down 
their  throats  with  'tother,  and  the  Huntonites  were 
kicking  and  scrabbling,  and  gritting  their  teeth  to- 
gether with  all  their  might,  and  doubling  up  their  fists 
and  stamping,  and  declaring  up  hill  and  down,  that  they 
would  never  take  it.  And  they  were  so  upstropulous 
about  it  for  awhile,  I  did  n't  know  as  they  ever  would 
swallow  it.  But  the  Jacksonites  were  the  stoutest, 
and  held  on  to  'em  like  a  dog  to  a  root,  and  kept  'em 
there  all  day  and  all  the  evening  till  about  midnight, 
and  then  the  poor  Huntonites  seemed  to  be  a  most 
dragged  out.  I  fairly  pitied  'em.  Along  in  the  first 
of  it  they  threatened  pretty  stoutly,  and  declared  by 
every  thing  that's  black  and  blue,  if  they  had  to  take 
this  dirty  dose  and  should  happen  to  be  strongest  next 
year,  they'd  make  the  Jacksonites  ta|e  a  dose  worth 
two  of  this.  But  all  the  threateningfdid  n't  do  any 
good;  and  then  they  fell  to  begging  and  coaxing,  and 
that  did  n't  do  any  good  nother.  iftie  Jacksonites 
said  they  should  not  only  take  it,  but  they  should  take 
it  that  night  before  they  slept.  At  last  they  got  their 
hands  and  feet  tied,  and  kept  bringing  it  up  a  little 
nearer  and  little  nearer  to  their  mouths,  and  the  Hun- 
tonites, got  so  they  could  n't  do  nothing  but  spit.  But 
the  Jacksonites  did  n't  mind  the  spitting,  for  you  know 
it  is  n't  for  the  doctor  to  stand  about  being  spit  upon 
a  little,  when  he's  giving  medicine.  Just  before  the 
last  ont,  the  poor  Huntonites  rolled  their  eyes  dread- 
fully, and  I  believe  some  on  'em  lost  their  senses  a 
little ;  one  of  'em  took  a  notion  that  they  were  agoing 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  127 

to  make  him  swallow  a  whole  live  goose,  feathers  and 
all ;  and  he  begged  of  'em,  if  they  would  n't  take  out  the 
gizzard  and  'tother  inside  things,  that  they'd  jest  pull 
-out  tlie  pin  feathers,  so  that  it  would  n't  scratch  his 
throat  going  down.  But  they  did  n't  pay  no  attention 
to  him,  and  just  before  the  clock  struck  twelve  they 
grabbed  'em  by  the  throat,  and  pried  their  mouths 
open,  and  poured  it  in.  The  Huntonites  guggled  a 
littk,  but  they  had  to  swallow  it.  A  day  or  two  ar- 
terwards  they  made  some  of  the  Sinneters  take  it  in 
the  same  way.  They  had  a  considerable  tussle  for 
it,  but  not  quite  so  bad  as  they  had  in  the  House. 

Some  thought  this  healing  dose  would  make  the 
Huntonites  worse,  and  some  thought  it  would  make 
'em  better.  I've  watched  'em  ever  since  they  took 
it  whenever  I  dated  to  go  near  the  Legislater,  and  I 
cant  see  much  alteration  in  'em.  But  that  or  some- 
thing else  has  kicked  up  a  monstrous  dust  amongst 
other  folks  all  over  the  world  amost.  I've  been  look- 
ing over  the  newspapers  a  little,  and  I  never  see  the 
world  in  such  a  terrible  hubbub  before  in  all  my  life. 
Every  body  seems  to  be  running  mad,  and  jest  ready 
to  eat  each  other  up.  There's  Russia  snapping  her 
teeth  like  a  great  bear,  and  is  just  agoing  to  eat  up 
the  Poles,  I  dont  mean  Ephraim's  bean  poles,  but 
all  the  folks  that  live  in  Poland;  not  that  are  Poland 
up  there  where  Mr.  Dunn  lives,  but  that  great  Po- 
land over  along  side  of  Russia.  And  there's  the 
Dutch  trying  to  eat  up  Holland,  and  the  Belgians  are 
trying  to  eat  up  the  Dutch,  and  there's  '  five  great 
powers'  trying  to  pour  a  healing  dose  down  the  throat 
of  the  king  of  the  Netherlands,  and  there's  Mr. 
O'  Connell  trying  to  make  the  king  of  England  and 
Parliament  take  a  healing  dose,  and  there's  Ireland 
jest  ready  to  eat  up  Mr.  O'Connell,  and  all  the  kings 
of  Europe  are  trying  to  eat  up  the  people,  and  the 
people  are  all  trying  to  eat  up  the  kings. 

And  our  great  folks  in  this  country  too,  away  off 


128  LETTERS    OF 

there  to  Washington,  have  got  into  such  a  snarl,  I 
guess  it  would  puzzle  a  Philadelphy  lawyer  to  get 
'em  out  of  it.  There's  the  President  and  Mr.  Cal- 
houn and  Mr.  Van  Buren  and  the  two  great  republi- 
can papers,  and  half  a  dozen  more  of  'em,  all  togeth- 
er by  the  ears;  but  which  of  'em  will  eat  up  the  rest 
I  don't  know.  I've  heard  a  good  many  guess  that 
Mr.  Van  Buren  would  eat  up  the  whole  toat  of  'era; 
for  they  say  although  he's  a  small  man,  there  isn't 
another  man  in  the  country,  that  can  eat  his  way 
through  a  political  pudding  so  slick  as  he  can.  These 
are  dreadful  times,  uncle;  I  don't  know  what  '11  be- 
come of  the  world,  if  I  dont  get  an  office  pretty  soon. 

It  seems  to  me  there  must  be  something  out  of  the 
way  to  made  so  much  confusion  in  the  world;  and 
I  hope  the  Legislater  before  they  adjourn  will  pass 
a  general  healing  act  to  cure  all  these  difficulties. 
They've  been  talking  about  passing  a  healing  act  to 
cure  our  state  house  up  to  Augusta,  for  they  say  its 
too  small,  and  they  intend  to  bring  it  down  here  to 
Portland  to  cure  it.  But  I  guess  it  '11  give  'em  a 
pull,  for  they  say  the  Kennebeckers  are  master  fel- 
lers to  hold  on. 

They  had  a  kind  of  a  flusteration  here  to-day  in 
the  Legislater.  The  Speaker  's  cleared  out,  and  left 
'em,  because  the  Governor  said  he'd  taken  his  turn 
sitting  in  the  Chaii'  long  enough,  and  he  must  go  and 
sit  on  the  Beiich  awhile  now.  And  then  they  went 
to  work  and  chose  that  good-natured  man  from  Mon- 
mouth for  Speaker.  I  meant  to  a  told  you  about 
them  are  two  great  meetings  they  've  had  here  to 
make  Governors  and  Presidents  and  one  thing  anoth- 
er: but  I  hav'nt  time  to-day. 

One  of  'em  made  Mr.  Smith  Governor  for  next 
year  and  Gineral  Jackson  President;  and  'tother 
made  Mr.  Sprague  governor,  and  kind  of  put  Mr. 
Clay  a  brewing  for  President. 

If  you  think  its  best  for  me  to  run  again  for  gov- 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  129 

ernor  another  year  I  wish  you'd  call  our  friends  to- 
gether up  there  and  have  me  nominated,  for  there's 
nothing  like  starting  in  season  in  these  matters. 
Your  loving  nefiu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXX. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  dreams  some  poetry. 

From  the  Portland  Courier,  April,  1831. 

[Legislative  proceedings  extra. — On  the  evening  before  the  ad- 
journment of  the  Legislature,  while  the  members  of  the  House 
were  waiting  for  some  bill  to  be  engrossed,  3Ir.  Shapleigh  of 
Berwick  presented  an  order,  that  a  Committee  be  appointed  to 
consider  the  expediency  of  assessing  an  annual  tax  upon  a  cer- 
tain class  of  gentlemen  commonly  called  Old  Bachelors,  to  be 
appropriated  for  the  use  and  support  of  a  certain  class  of  ladies 
usually  known  by  the  name  of  Old  Maids,  with  leave*  to  report 
by  Bill  or  otherwise.  Mr.  McCrate  of  Nobleborough  hoped  the 
mover  would  offer  his  reasons  for  the  passage  of  the  order.  Mr. 
Delesdernier  said  he  understood  the  order  reflected  upon  his 
friend  from  Nobleborough ;  he  therefore  moved  it  be  laid  on  the 
table,  which  motion  was  decided  in  the  negative. 

Mr.  Baxter  then  remarked  that  he  hoped  gentlemen  woulff 
reflect  before  they  went  too  far,  and  not  commit  an  impropriety 
by  way  of  amusement.  He  moved  that  the  order  be  indefinitely 
postponed,  which  motion  prevailed.  While  we  were  puzzling 
ourselves  to  know  what  report  we  should  make  of  these  Legis- 
lative proceedings  our  friend  Jack  Downing  very  opportunely, 
as  he  often  does,  came  in  to  our  aid  as  follows.] 

Portland,  Saturday,  April  2,  1831. 
Dear  Cousin  Nabby, — I  dont  hardly  know  wheth- 
er to  send  this  letter  to  you,  or  uncle  Joshua.  You 
know  I  always  send  all  the  politics  and  Legislators  to 
uncle;  but  this  ere  one's  most  all  poetry,  and  they 
say  that  stuff  belongs  to  the  ladies.  So  I  believe  on 
the  whole  I  shall  send  it  to  you.  Dont  you  be  skeer- 
'd  now  because  I  've  made  some  poetry,  for  I  dont 


130  LETTERS    OF 

think  it  '11  hurt  me ;  I  dont  feel  crazy  nor  nothing. 
But  I  'II  jest  tell  you  how  it  happened.  Last  night  I 
was  in  the  Legislator  and  they  sot  out  to  make  a  law 
to  tax  old  bacheldors.  They  tried  pretty  hard  to  make 
it,  and  I  thought  one  spell  they'd  get  it.  I  felt  kind 
of  bad  about  it  because  I  knew  it  would  bear  so  hard 
upon  cousin  Obediah.  Well,  I  went  home  and  went 
to  bed,  and  I  dont  know  what  the  matter  was,  but  I 
had  a  kind  of  a  queer  night  of  it;  and  when  I  got  up 
in  the  morning  there  was  a  soft  sort  of  sickish  stuff 
kept  running  off  of  my  tongue,  jest  like  a  stream  of 
chalk.     Pray  tell  me  what  you  think  of  it;  here  it  is. 

I  dreamed  a  dream  in  the  midst  of  my  slumbers, 

And,  as  fast  as  I  dream'd,  it  was  coined  into  numbers, 

My  thoughts  ran  along  in  such  beautiful  metre, 

I  'm  sure  I  ne'er  saw  any  poetry  sweeter. 

It  seem'd  that  a  law  had  been  recently  made, 

That  a  tax  on  old  bachelors'  pates  should  be  laid. 

And  in  order  to  make  them  all  willing  to  marry, 

The  tax  was  as  large  as  a  man  could  well  carry. 

The  Bachelors  grumbled,  and  said  'twere  no  use, 

'Twas  cruel  injustice  and  horrid  abuse, 

And  declar'd  that  to  save  their  own  heart's  blood  from  spilling, 

Of  such  a  vile  tax  they  would  ne'er  pay  a  shilling. 

But  the  Rulers  determined  their  scheme  to  pursue, 

"^o  they  set  all  the  bachelors  up  at  vendue. 

A  crier  was  sent  thro'  the  town  to  and  fro, 

To  rattle  his  bell,  and  his  trumpet  to  blow. 

And  to  bawl  out  at  all  he  might  meet  in  the  way, 

^'  Ho  !  forty  old  bachelors  sold  here  to  day," 

And  presently  all  the  old  maids  in  the  town, 

Each  one  in  her  very  best  bonnet  and  gown, 

From  thirty  to  sixty,  fair,  plain,  red  and  pale, 

Of  every  description,  all  flocked  to  the  sale. 

The  auctioneer  then  in  his  labors  began. 

And  called  out  aloud,  as  he  held  up  a  man, 

"  How  much  for  a  bachelor  ?  who  wants  to  buy  ?  " 

In  a  twink  every  maiden  responded  —  "  I  —I." 

In  short,  at  a  hugely  extravagant  price, 

The  bachelors  all  were  sold  off  in  a  trice  ; 

And  forty  old  maidens,  some  younger,  some  older, 

Each  lugged  an  old  bachelor  home  on  her  shoulder. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  133 


LETTER  XXXI. 


Jn  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  he  got  a  new  Mnk  into 
his  head,  in  consequence  of  the  blow-up  of  President 
Jackson's  first  Cabinet. 

Portland,  April  26,  1831. 
Dear  Uncle  Joshua.— I'm  in  considerable  of  a 
kind  of  a  flusteration  to-day,  because  I  've  got  a  new 
scheme  in  my  head.  New  ideas,  you  know,  are 
always  apt  to  give  me  the  agitations  a  little;  so  you 
mustn't  wonder  if  my  letter  this  time  does  have  some 
rather  odd  things  in  it.  I  don't  know  when  I've  had 
such  a  great  scheme  in  my  head  afore.  But  you  know 
I  was  always  determined  to  make  something  in  the 
world,  and  if  my  friends  '11  only  jest  stick  by  me,  I 
shall  make  common  folks  stare  yet.  Some  thought 
it  was  a  pretty  bold  push  my  trying  to  get  in  to  be 
o-overnor  last  year;  and  some  have  laughed  at  me, 
and  said  I  come  out  at  the  little  end  of  the  horn  about 
it,  and  that  I'd  better  staid  up  to  Downingville  and 
hoed  potatoes,  than  to  be  fishing  about  for  an  office 
and  not  get  any  more  votes  than  I  did.  But  they  can't 
see  through  a  millstone  so  fur  as  I  can.  Altho'  1 
didn't  get  in  to  be  governor,  its  made  me  known  in 
the  world,  and  made  considerable  of  a  great  man  of 
me,  so  that  I  shall  stand  a  m.uch  better  chance  to  get 
an  office  if  I  try  again.  But  I  must  make  haste  and 
tell  you  what  I  am  at,  for  I  am  in  a  great  hurry.  I 
guess  you'll  stare  when  I  tell  you  the  next  letter  you 
'11  get  from  me  will  be  dated  at  Washington,  or  else 
somewhere  on  the  road  between  here  and  there. 

O,  uncle,  we  have  had  some  great  news  here  from 
Washington;  every  body's  up  in  arms  about  it,  and 
can't  hardly  tell  what  to  think  of  it.  They  say  the 
President's  four  great  Secretaries  have  all  resigned; 
only  think  of  that,  uncle.     And  they  say  their  salaries 


134  LETTERS    OP 

were  six  thousand  dollars  a-year;  only  jest  think  of 
that,  uncle.  Six  thousand  dollars  a  year.  Why,  a 
governor's  salary  is  a  fool  to  it.  On  the  whole,  I'm 
glad  I  didn't  get  the  governor's  office.  I  shall  start 
for  Washington  to-morrow  morning;  or  I  don't  know 
but  I  shall  start  to  night,  if  I  can  get  ready,  and 
travel  all  night.  Its  best  to  be  in  season  in  such 
things,  and  I  shall  have  to  go  rather  slow,  for  I've  got 
pretty  considerable  short  of  money,  and  expect  I  shall 
have  to  foot  it  part  way.  I  shall  get  there  in  about  a 
fortnight,  and  I'm  in  hopes  to  be  in  season  to  get  one 
of  them  are  offices.  I  think  it's  the  duty  of  all  true 
republicans  that  have  the  good  of  the  country  at  heart, 
to  take  hold  and  help  the  President  along  in  these 
trying  difficulties.  For  my  part,  I  am  perfectly  will- 
ing to  take  one  of  the  offices,  and  I  hope  some  other 
good  men  will  come  right  forward  and  take  the  others. 
What  a  shame  'twas  that  them  are  Secretaries  should 
all  clear  out,  and  leave  the  poor  old  General  to  do  all 
the  work  alone.  Why,  uncle,  the'd  no  more  patriot- 
ism than  your  old  boss. 

But  I  must  n't  stop  to  parley  about  it  now;  what  I 
want  to  say  is,  I  wish  you  to  write  a  recommendation 
to  the  President  for  me  to  have  one  of  his  offices,  and 
go  round  as  quick  as  you  can  and  get  all  our  friends 
at  Downingvillc  to  sign  it,  and  send  it  on  to  Washing- 
ton as  fast  as  possible ;  for  it  would  be  no  more  than 
rio-ht  that  I  should  show  the  President  some  kind  of 
recommendation  before  he  gives  me  the  office.  I 
want  you  to  tell  the  President  that  I've  always  been 
one  of  his  strongest  friends;  and  you  know  I  always 
have  spoke  well  of  him,  and  in  fact  he  is  the  best  Pres- 
ident we  ever  had.  It  might  be  well  for  you  to  quote 
this  last  sentence  as  an  '  extract  from  a  letter  of  the 
Hon.  Jack  Downing.'  It  would  give  the  President 
some  confidence  in  my  friendship,  and  the  '  Hon.' 
would  convince  him  that  I  am  a  man  of  some  stand- 
ing in  this  State. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  135 

Now  you  keep  up  a  good  heart,  uncle;  you  have 
always  had  to  delve  hard  all  your  days  up  there  on  the 
old  farm,  and  you've  done  considerable  to  boost  me 
up  into  an  office,  and  if  I  get  hold  of  these  six  thous- 
and dollars  a  year,  you  shall  have  a  slice  out  of  it  that 
will  make  your  old  heels  feel  light  again.  I  haven't 
named  it  to  a  single  soul  here  except  cousin  Sally, 
and  I  want  it  to  be  kept  a  profound  secret  till  I  get 
the  office,  so  as  to  make  them  are  chaps  that  have 
been  a  sneering  at  me  here,  stare  like  an  owl  in  a 
thunder  shower.  And,  besides,  if  it  should  leak  out 
that  I  was  going,  I'm  afraid  somebody  else  might  get 
the  start  of  me,  for  there  are  always  enough  that  have 
their  mouths  open  when  it  rains  such  rich  porridge. 
But  its  like  as  not,  the  newspapers  '11  blab  it  out  be- 
fore I  get  half  way  there.  And  you  needn't  think 
strange,  if  you  see  some  of  the  Boston  or  New  York 
papers  in  a  few  days  saying,  '  The  Hon.  Jack  Down- 
ing passed  through  this  city  yesterday,  on  his  way 
to  Washington.  It  is  rumored,  that  he  is  to  be  called 
upon  to  fill  one  of  the  vacant  offices.'  But  I  must 
stop,  for  it  is  time  I  was  picking  up  my  duds  for  a 
start.  Sally  has  been  darning  my  stockings  all  the 
morning.  Love  to  Aunt  and  Cousin  Nabby,  and  all 
of  'em.     Good  by.  Your  loving  nephew, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXII. 

In  which  cousin  Sarah  tells  about  cousin  Jach^s  toes  and 
elbows. 

Portland,  April  29,  1831. 

Dear   Nabby. — One  would  suppose  from   Jack's 

letter  to  Uncle,  that  I  was  doing  all  in  my  power  to 

assist  him  in  prosecuting  his  ridiculous  plans.     But 

the  truth  is,  Penelope's  trials  with  her  impatient  lov- 


136  LETTERS    OF 

ers  were  nothing  compared  to  mine  with  Jack.  When 
the  news  came  of  the  resignation  of  the  members  of 
the  Cabinet  at  Washington,  I  had  not  seen  him  for 
some  weeks;  I  sat  by  the  window  sewing,  when  in 
came  Jack,  and  O  JVabby,  I  shall  despair  of  giving 
you  a  description.  His  toes  and  elbows,  you  know, 
were  always  lovers  of  freedom,  and  there  they  were 
peeping  from  their  prison  houses,  so  demure  and  so 
wo-lDegone,  it  almost  made  my  heart  ache. — Jack 
tried  at  first  to  make  me  swear  secrecy;  but  I  re- 
fused, and  told  him  if  he  could  not  rely  upon  my  dis- 
cretion he  better  not  say  any  thing.  He  seemed  in 
high  spirits,  called  me  a  dear  cousin,  and  then  reveal- 
ed all  his  plans.  I  told  him  never  to  fear  that  I  should 
divulge  such  ridiculous  schemes;  so  preposterous,  I 
wondered  how  they  ever  entered  into  the  head  of  a 
Downing.  I  exhausted  all  my  powers  of  persuasion 
and  argument,  to  prevail  upon  him  to  let  politics  alone, 
and  go  back  to  Downingville,  and  take  care  of  his 
farm  and  his  poor  infirm  father  and  mother.  He  call- 
ed me  a  little  foolish  school  girl,  that  did  n't  know 
which  side  my  bread  was  buttered;  said  I  had  better 
stick  to  my  books  and  such  kind  of  things,  and  let  the 
business  of  the  men  alone;  what  did  I  know  about 
politics!  I  must  mind  my  work  like  a  good  gall,  and 
when  he  was  Secretary  of  State,  he  'd  give  me  as  fine 
a  gownd  and  shorl  as  any  lady  in  Portland  wore. 
And  finally  he  insisted  upon  my  going  to  work  to 
mend  his  old  footings,  and  patch  his  coat.  I  told  him 
they  were  too  much  worn  to  be  worth  mending;  but 
he  guessed  they  'd  hold  on  till  he  got  to  Washington, 
and  when  he  got  his  six  thousand  dollars  a  year,  he 
'd  have  some  new  ones,  and  send  the  old  suit  home 
to  cousin  Ephraim. 

I  laughed  right  out,  and  led  him  to  the  glass  to  see 
what  an  elegant  looking  object  he  would  be  to  stand 
before  the  President  of  the  United  States.  Jack 
could  not  help  laughing  himself,  but  said  the  looks 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  137 

would  make  no  difference  ;  all  President  Jackson 
wanted  was  a  good  man,  and  one  who  had  been  firm 
in  support  of  him. 

I  went  to  work,  but  with  no  very  good  will  I  assure 
you;  and  though  Jack  fretted  and  coaxed,  I  had  no 
disposition  to  hurry,  and  once  when  he  went  out  to 
get  the  toes  of  his  shoes  mended,  I  ventured  to  pick 
out  all  I  had  done.  It  was  of  no  use,  for  he  was  so 
eagerly  determined  to  go,  that  if  I  had  not  finished 
his  coat,  he  would  certainly  have  started  without  it,  for 
he  said  he  could  swop  his  watch  on  the  road  any  time 
for  a  new  coat,  or  any  one  would  be  willing  to  trust 
him  for  one  till  he  procured  his  salary,  when  he  told 
his  name.  He  says  the  President  must  be  aware  of 
his  integrity  and  high-minded  patriotism,  and  will  un- 
doubtedly reserve  one  of  the  salaries  for  him,  as  a 
compensation  for  his  arduous  public  services.  The 
public  papers,  he  says,  will  give  him  a  lift  in  his  pre- 
tensions, and  there  is  no  doubt  but  that  he  shall  be 
successful.  One  thing  is  certain,  the  same  town  will 
never  hold  Jack  and  me.  He  is  always  coming  to 
me  for  advice  when  he  gets  what  he  calls  the  '  agita- 
tions,' and  I  have  talked  myself  almost  into  a  con- 
sumption to  infuse  a  little  common  sense  into  him; 
but  all  to  no  purpose,  he  will  ask  advice  and  then  do 
as  he  is  a  mind  to. 

Your  loving  cousin,    SARAH  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXIII. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  tells  about  the  talk  he  had  with 
the  Boston  Editors  on  his  way  to  Washington. 

City  of  New  York,  May  4, 1831. 
Dear  Uncle  Joshua,  —  I  have  got  so  fur  at  last, 
and  a  pretty  hard  run  I've  had  of  it  to  get  here,  I  can 
tell  ye.     This  running  after  offices  is  pretty  tuff  work 


138  LETTERS    OF 

for  poor  folks.  Sometimes  I  think  there  aint  much 
profit  in  it  after  all,  any  more  than  there  is  in  buying 
lottery  tickets,  where  you  pay  a  dollar  and  sometimes 
get  four  shillings  back,  and  sometimes  nothing.  Hovv- 
somever  I  dont  mean  to  be  discouraged  yet,  for  if  1 
should  give  out  now  and  go  back  again,  them  are  sassy 
chaps  in  Portland  would  laugh  at  me  worse  than  they 
did  afore.  What  makes  me  feel  kind  of  down  hearted 
about  it,  is  because  I've  seen  in  the  newspapers  that 
tu  of  them  are  good  offices  at  Washington  are  gone 
a  ready.  One  Mr.  Livingston's  got  one  of  'em,  and 
Mr.  Woodbury  that  lives  up  in  New  Hampshire  's 
got  tother,  and  I'm  considerable  afraid  the  others  will 
be  gone  before  I  get  there. 

I  want  you  to  be  sure  and  get  my  recommendation 
into  the  post-office  as  soon  as  you  can,  so  it  may  get 
there  as  soon  as  I  do.  It's  a  week  to-day  since  I 
started  from  Portland,  and  if  I  have  good  luck  I'm 
in  hopes  to  get  there  in  about  a  week  more.  Any 
how,  I  shall  worry  along  as  fast  as  I  can.  I  have  to 
foot  it  more  than  three  quarters  of  the  way,  because 
the  stage  folks  ask  so  much  to  ride,  and  my  money's 
pretty  near  gone.  But  if  I  can  only  jest  get  there 
before  the  offices  are  gone  I  think  I  shall  get  one  of 
'em,  for  I  got  a  good  string  of  recommendations  in 
Boston  as  I  come  along.  I  never  thought  of  getting 
any  recommendations  of  strangers,  till  a  man  I  was 
travelling  with,  kind  of  talked  round  and  round,  and 
found  out  what  I  was  after.  And  then  says  he,  if  you 
want  to  make  out,  you  must  get  the  newspaper  folks 
to  give  you  a  lift,  for  they  manage  these  matters. 
And  he  told  me  I  better  get  some  of  the  Boston  edi- 
tors to  recommend  me,  or  it  would  be  no  use  for  me 
to  go. 

I  thought  the  man  was  more  than  half  right,  so 
when  I  got  into  Boston  I  called  round  to  see  the 
editors.  They  all  seemed  very  glad  to  see  me,  when 
I  told  'em  who  I  was;  and  I  never  see  a  better  set  of 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  139 

true  republicans  any  where  in  the  State  of  Maine. 
And  when  I  told  'em  that  I  was  always  a  true  repub- 
lican, and  my  father  and  grandfather  were  republi- 
cans before  me,  they  all  talked  so  clever  about  patri- 
otism, and  our  republican  institutions,  and  the  good 
of  the  people,  that  I  could  n't  help  thinking  it  was  a 
plaguy  shame  there  should  be  any  such  wicked  par- 
ties as  Federalists,  or  Huntonites,  or  Jacksonites,  to 
try  to  tare  the  country  to  pieces  and  plague  the  re- 
publicans so. 

This  dont  include  President  Jackson.  He  is  n't  a 
Jacksonite,  you  know;  he  's  a  true  republican  as  there 
is  in  Downingville.  I  had  a  talk  with  the  Boston 
Patriot  man  first.  He  said  he  would  give  me  a  re- 
commendation with  a  good  deal  of  pleasure;  and  when 
I  got  my  oiiice  at  Washington  I  must  stick  to  the 
good  old  republican  cause  like  wax;  and  if  all  true 
republicans  were  only  faithful  to  the  country,  Henry 
Clay,  the  republican  candidate, will  come  in  all  hollow 

He'll  be  next  President,  says  he,  jest  as  sure  as 
your  name  is  Jack  Downing.  Then  I  went  to  see  the 
editor  of  the  Boston  Gazette.  He  said  he  certainly 
should  be  very  happy  to  give  me  a  recommendation; 
and  he  trusted  when  I  got  to  Washington  where  I 
should  have  considerable  influence,  I  should  look 
well  to  the  interests  of  the  republican  party.  He  said 
there  was  an  immense  sight  of  intrigue  and  underhand 
work  going  on  by  the  enemies  of  the  country  to  ruin 
Mr.  Calhoun,  the  republican  candidate  for  President, 
But  he  said  they  would 'nt  make  out;  Mr.  Calhoun 
had  found  out  their  tricks,  and  the  republicans  of  old 
Virginny  and  South  Carolina  were  all  up  in  arms 
about  it,  and  if  we  republicans  in  the  northern  states 
would  only  take  hold  and  fight  for  the  good  cause, 
Mr.  Calhoun  would  be  elected  as  true  as  the  sun  will 
rise  to-morrow. 

The  next  I  went  to  see  was  the  editor  of  the  Boston 
Statesman.     He  seemed  to  be  a  little  shy  of  me  at 


140  LETTERS    OF 

first,  and  was  afraid  I  want  a  true  republican;  and 
wanted  to  know  if  I  did  n't  run  against  Governor 
Smith  last  year  down  there  in  Maine.  I  told  him  I 
had  seen  Governor  Smith  a  number  of  times  in  Port- 
land, but  I  was  sure  I  never  run  against  him  in  my 
life,  and  did  n't  think  I  ever  come  within  a  rod  of 
him.  Well  he  wanted  to  know  if  I  was  n't  a  candi- 
date for  Governor  in  opposition  to  Mr.  Smith.  I  told 
him  no,  I  was  a  candidate  on  the  same  side.  Was  n't 
you,  said  he,  looking  mighty  sharp  at  me,  ^vas  nH  you 
one  of  the  federal  candidates  for  governor!  INIy  stars, 
uncle  Joshua,  I  never  felt  my  hair  curl  quicker  than 
it  did  then.  My  hand  kind  of  draw'd  back  and  my 
fingers  clinched  as  if  I  was  jest  agoing  to  up  fist  and 
knock  him  down.  To  think  that  he  should  charge  me 
with  being  ^  federal  candidate!  it  was  too  much  for 
flesh  and  blood  to  bear.  But  I  cooled  down  as  quick 
as  I  could,  for  fear  it  might  hurt  me  about  getting  my 
office.  I  told  him  I  never  was  a  federal  candidate, 
and  there  never  was  a  drop  of  federal  blood  in  me; 
and  I  would  run  from  a  federalist  if  I  should  meet 
one  as  quick  as  I  would  from  poison.  That's  right, 
says  he,  I  like  that,  that's  good  stuff,  and  he  catched 
hold  of  my  hand  and  gave  it  such  a  shake,  I  did  n't 
know  but  he'd  a  puU'd  it  off*. 

He  said  he  would  give  me  the  best  recommendation 
he  could  write,  and  when  I  got  to  Washington  I  must 
stick  to  the  old  Gineral  like  the  tooth  ache,  for  the 
federalists  were  intriguing  desperately  to  root  him 
out  of  his  office  and  upset  the  republican  party.  If 
the  republicans  could  only  be  kept  together,  he  said 
President  Jackson,  the  repubhcan  candidate,  could 
be  elected  as  easy  as  a  cat  could  lick  her  ear;  but  if 
we  suffered  ourselves  to  be  divided  it  would  be  gone 
goose  with  us,  and  the  country  would  be  ruined.  So 
you  must  stick  to  the  re-election  of  Gineral  Jackson, 
said  he,  at  all  events;  and  then  he  kind  of  whispered 
in  my  ear,  and  says  he,  in  case  any  thing  should 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 


141 


happen,  if  Gineral  Jackson  should  be  sick  or  any- 
thing, you  must  remember  that  Mr.  Van  Buren  is 
the  republican  candidate. 

I  told  him  he  never  need  to  fear  me;  I  should 
stick  to  the  republican  party  thro'  thick  and  thin. 
So  I  took  my  recommendation  and  trudged  along.  I 
have  n't  time  to-day  to  tell  you  how  I  got  along  with 
the  rest  of  the  editors,  and  a  thousand  other  things 
that  I  met  with  along  by  the  way,  and  all  the  fine 
things  in  this  great  city,  and  so  on.  But  I  shall 
write  to  you  again  soon. 

Your  loving  neffu,     JACK  DOWNING. 
To  Uncle  Joshua  Dotvning,  Doivmngville,  State  of  Maine. 


LETTER  XXXIV. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  relates  his  interview  with  Major 
JVoah. 
Washington  City,  May  30, 1831. 

To  the  Portland  Courier,  if  it  ever  gets  there,  away  down  east 
in  the  State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing, 
up  in  Downingville,  with  care  and  speed. 

Dear  Uncle  Josh, — I've  got  here  at  last,  to  this 
great  city  where  they  make  offices,  and  I'm  deter- 
mined not  to  leave  it  till  I  get  one.  It  is  n't  sich  a 
great  city  after  all  as  New  York,  though  they  do  a 
great  deal  more  business  here  than  they  do  at  New 
York.  I  dont  mean  vessel  business  and  trade,  for 
there's  no  end  to  that  in  New  York,  but  in  making 
offices  and  sich  like;  and  they  say  its  the  most  profit- 
able business  in  the  country.  If  a  man  can  get  hold 
of  a  pretty  good  office,  he  can  get  rich  enough  by  it 
in  three  or  four  years,  and  not  have  to  work  very 
hard  neither.  I  tell  you  what,  uncle,  if  I  make  out 
to  my  mind  here,  I  shall  come  back  again  one  of 
these  days  in  a  rather  guess  way  than  what  I  come 


142  LETTERS     OF 

on.  I  dont  have  to  foot  it  again  Til  warrant  you, 
and  guess  poor  cousin  Sally  wont  have  to  set  up 
all  night  to  mend  my  coat  and  darn  my  stockings. 
You'll  see  me  coming  dressed  up  like  a  lawyer,  with 
a  fine  carriage  and  three  or  four  hosses.  And  then 
them  are  chaps  in  Portland  that  used  to  laugh  at  me 
so  about  being  Governor,  may  sneeze  at  me  if  they 
dare  to,  and  if  they  dont  keep  out  of  my  way  I'll  ride 
right  over  'em.  I  had  a  pretty  tuff  time  coming  on 
here.  Its  a  long  tiresome  road  through  the  Jarseys. 
I  had  to  stop  twice  to  get  my  shoes  tapt,  and  once 
to  get  an  old  lady  to  sow  up  a  rip  in  my  coat  while  I 
chopped  wood  for  her  at  the  door  to  pay  for  it.  But 
I  shant  mind  all  the  hard  work  I've  had  of  it,  if  I 
can  make  out  to  come  home  rich. 

I  got  a  pretty  good  boost  in  Boston,  as  I  writ  you 
in  my  last,  by  the  editors  giving  me  recommenda- 
tions. But  it  was  nothing  at  all  hardly  to  what  I  got 
in  New  York,  for  they  gave  me  a  public  dinner  there. 
I  cant  think  what's  the  matter  that  it  hasn't  been  pub- 
lished yet.  Major  Noah  promised  me  he'd  have  it 
all  put  into  the  New  York  Courier  and  Enquirer  the 
very  next  day  after  I  left  New  York,  so  that  it  should 
get  to  Washington  as  soon  as  I  did;  and  now  I've 
been  here  about  a  week  and  it  hasn't  come  yet.  If 
it  does'nt  come  soon,  I  shall  write  an  account  of  the 
dinner  myself,  and  send  it  home  and  get  it  put  in 
the  Portland  Courier.  It  was  a  most  capital  dinner, 
uncle;  I  dont  know  as  I  ever  eat  hartier  in  my  life, 
for  being  pretty  short  of  money  I  had  pinched  rather 
close  a  day  or  two,  and  to  tell  the  truth  I  was  as  hun- 
gry as  a  bear.  We  had  toasts  and  speeches  and  a 
great  many  good  things.  I  dont  mean  sich  toast  as 
they  put  butter  on  to  eat,  but  toast  to  drink. — And 
they  dont  exactly  drink  'em  neither;  but  they  drink 
the  punch  and  speak  the  toasts. 

I  cant  think  Major   Noah   meant  to  deceive   me 
about  publishing  the  proceedings  of  the  dinner,  for 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  143 

he  appeared  to  be  a  very  clever  man,  though  he  was 
the  funniest  chap  that  ever  I  see.  There  wasn't  a 
man  in  New  York  that  befriended  me  more  than  he 
did;  and  he  talked  to  me  very  candidly,  and  advised 
me  all  about  how  to  get  an  office.  In  the  first  place, 
says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  you  cant  get  any  kind  of  an 
office  at  Washington,  unless  you  are  a  true  blue 
genuine  democratic  republican.  I  told  him  I  had 
recommendations  coming  to  prove  that  I  was  all  that. 
They  are  very  strict,  says  he,  in  regard  to  that  at 
Washington.  If  James  Madison  should  apply  for 
an  office  at  Washington,  says  he,  he  couldn't  get  it. 
What,  says  I,  him  that  was  President!  for  it  kind  of 
startled  me  a  little  if  such  an  old  republican  as  he 
was  couldn't  get  an  office.  It's  true,  says  he,  if 
James  Madison  should  apply  for  an  office  he  could 
n't  get  it. — Why  not,  says  I?  Because,  says  he,  he 
has  turned  federalist.  It's  melancholy  to  think,  says 
he,  how  many  good  old  republicans  at  the  south  are 
turning  federalists  lately.  He  said  he  was  afraid 
there  wasn't  more  than  one  true  genuine  old  demo- 
cratic republican  left  in  Virginny,  and  that  was  old 
Mr.  Ritchie  of  the  Richmond  Enquirer;  and  even 
he  seemed  to  be  a  little  wavering  since  Mr.  Calhoun 
and  some  others  had  gone  over. 

Well  there's  Mr.  Clay,  says  I,  of  Kentucky,  I 
dont  think  he'll  ever  flinch  from  the  republican  cause. 
Henry  Clay,  says  he,  turning  up  his  nose,  why  he's 
been  a  federalist  this  six  years.  No,  no,  Mr.  Down- 
ing, if  you  think  of  going  that  gate,  you  may  as  well 
turn  about  and  go  home  again  before  you  go  any 
further.  What  gate,  says  I.?  Why  to  join  the  Clay 
party,  says  he.  I  told  him  I  never  had  sich  a  thought 
in  my  hfe;  I  always  belonged  to  the  republican  par- 
ty, and  always  meant  to.  He  looked  rather  good- 
natured  again  when  he  heard  that;  and  says  he,  do 
you  know  what  the  true  republican  doctrine  is?  I 
told  him  I  had  always  had  some  kind  of  an  idea  of 


144  LETTERS     OF 

it,  but  I  didn't  know  as  I  could  explain  it  exactly. 
Well,  says  he,  I'll  tell  you;  it  is  to  support  Gen- 
eral Jackson  for  re-election,  through  thick  and  thin. 
That  is  the  only  thing  that  will  save  the  country  from 
ruin.  And  if  general  Jackson  should  be  unwell  or 
any  thing  jest  before  election,  so  he  could  not  be  a 
candidate,  the  true  republican  doctrine  is  to  support 
Mr.  Van  Buren.  I  told  him,  very  well,  he  might 
depend  upon  my  sticking  to  the  repubhcan  party,  all 
weathers.  Upon  that  he  set  down  and  wrote  me  a 
recommendation  to  the  President  for  an  office,  and 
it  almost  made  me  blush  to  see  what  a  master  sub- 
stantial genuine  republican  he  made  me.  I  had  a 
number  more  capital  recommendations  at  New  York, 
but  I  havn't  time  to  tell  you  about  'em  in  this  letter. 
Some  were  to  Mr.  Clay,  and  some  to  Mr.  Van 
Buren,  and  some  to  Mr.  Calhoun,  I  took  'em  all, 
for  I  thought  it  was  kind  of  uncertain  whose  hands  I 
might  fall  into  hereafter,  and  it  might  be  well  enough 
to  have  two  or  three  strings  to  my  bow. 

I  havn't  called  on  the  President  yet,  though  Pve 
been  here  about  a  week.  My  clothes  had  got  so 
shabby,  I  thought  I  better  hire  out  a  few  days  and 
get  sHcked  up  a  little.  Three  of  the  offices  that  I 
come  after  are  gone  slick  enough,  and  the  other  one's 
been  given  away  to  a  Mr.  White,  but  he  wouldn't 
take  it;  so  I'm  in  hopes  I  shall  be  able  to  get  it. 
And  if  I  dont  get  that,  there's  some  chance  for  me 
to  get  in  to  be  Vice  President,  for  they  had  a  great 
Jackson  meeting  here  'tother  day,  and  they  kicked 
Mr.  Calhoun  right  out  doors,  and  said  they  wouldn't 
have  him  for  Vice  President  no  longer.  Now  some 
say  they  think  I  shall  get  it,  and  some  think  Mr. 
Van  Buren  '11  get  it. 

Howsomever,  I  feel  pretty  safe,  for  Maj.  Noah  told 
me  if  I  couldn't  get  any  thing  else,  the  President 
could  easily  make  a  foreign  mission  for  me.  I  shall 
call  on  the  good  old  Gineral  in  two  or  three  days  and 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  145 

find  out  what  my  luck  is,  and  then  I  shall  let  you 
know.  Give  my  love  to  ant  and  cousin  Nabby,  and 
all  of  'em.  It  makes  me  feel  kind  of  bad  when  I  think 
how  fur  I've  got  from  home. 

Your  loving  neffu,     JACK   DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXV. 

In  ivhich  Mr.  Downing  tells  how  he  striptup  his  sleeves 
and  defended  Mr.  Ingham  on  his  front  door-steps 
during  the  after-clap  that  followed  the  blow-up  of  the 
Cabinet, 

Washington  City,  June  21,  1831. 
To  the  Portland  Courier  again  away  down  there  in  the  State  of 
Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  up  in  Downing- 
ville,  or  else  to  Cousin  Nabby,  it  is  n't  much  matter  which, 
being  that  some  of  it  is  about  the  ladies. 

Dear  Uncle  Josh. — It's  pretty  trying  times  here. 
They  carry  on  so  like  the  old  smoker,  I  dont  hardly 
know  what  to  make  of  it.  If  I  had  n't  said  I  would 
n't  leave  Washington  till  I  got  an  office,  I  dont  know 
but  I  should  come  back  to  Downingville  and  go  to 
planting  potatoes.  Them  are  Huntonites  and  Jack- 
sonites  down  there  in  Maine  last  winter  were  pretty 
clever  sort  of  folks  to  what  these  chaps  are  here. 
Cause  down  there  if  they  got  ever  so  mad,  they  did 
n't  do  nothing  but  talk  and  jaw  one  another;  but  here 
if  any  body  does  n't  do  to  suit  'em,  fact  they  '11  up 
and  shoot  him  in  a  minute.  I  did  n't  think  getting  an 
office  was  such  dangerous  kind  of  business,  or  I  dont 
know  as  I  should  have  tried  it.  Howsomever,  it's 
neck  or  nothing  with  me  now,  and  I  must  do  some- 
thing to  try  to  get  some  money  here,  for  I  about  as 
lieves  die  as  to  undertake  to  foot  it  away  back  again 
clear  to  the  State  of  Maine.  And  as  the  folks  have 
to  go  armed  here,  I  want  you  to  put  my  old  fowling 
piece  into  the  stage  and  send  it  on  here  as  quick  as 
13 


146  LETTERS    OF 

possible.  I  hope  you'll  be  as  quick  as  you  can  about 
it,  for  if  I  get  an  office  I  shant  dare  to  take  it  till  I 
get  my  gun.  They  come  pretty  near  having  a  shoot- 
ing scrape  here  yesterday.  The  Telegraph  paper 
said  something  about  Mr.  Eaton's  wife.  It  was  noth- 
ing that  I  should  think  they  need  to  make  such  a  fuss 
about;  it  only  said  that  some  of  the  ladies  here  re- 
fused to  visit  her.  But  some  how  or  other  it  made 
Mr.  Eaton  as  mad  as  a  March  hair.  He  declared 
he'd  fight  somebody,  he  did  n't  care  who. 

The  first  man  he  happened  to  come  at  was  Mr. 
Ingham.  So  he  dared  Mr.  Ingham  out  to  fight.  Ts  ot 
to  box,  as  they  do  sometimes  up  in  Downingville, 
but  to  stand  and  shoot  at  each  other.  But  Mr.  Ing- 
ham would  n't  touch  to,  and  told  him  he  was  crazy. 
That  made  Mr.  Eaton  ten  times  more  mad  than  he 
was  before;  and  he  declared  he'd  flog  him  any  how, 
whether  he  was  willing  or  not.  So  he  got  a  gang  of 
gentlemen  yesterday  to  go  with  him  to  the  Treasury 
office  where  Mr.  Ingham  does  his  writing,  and  waited 
there  and  in  a  grog  shop  close  by  as  much  as  two 
hours  for  a  chance  to  catch  him  and  give  it  to  him. 
Mr.  Ingham  was  out  a  visiting  in  the  city,  and  when 
he  got  home  his  folks  told  him  what  was  going  on, 
and  begged  him  not  to  go  to  the  office  for  he  would 
certainly  be  killed.  Poh,  says  he,  do  you  think  I'm 
afraid  of  them  are  blustering  chaps?  There's  more 
smoke  than  fire  there,  I  can  tell  ye;  give  me  my 
pistols,  it  is  time  for  me  to  go  to  the  office.  Some  of 
the  ladies  cried,  and  some  almost  fainted  away.  But 
he  pacified  'em  as  well  as  he  could,  and  then  set  out 
for  the  office,  and  three  or  four  men  went  with  him, 
and  I  guess  they  carried  something  under  their  arms 
that  would  make  daylight  shine  through  a  feller  pretty 
quick.  And  I  guess  the  gang  of  gentlemen  waiting 
for  him  begun  to  smell  a  rat,  for  they  cleared  out 
pretty  soon  and  never  touched  him.  But  their  cour- 
age came  again  in  the  evening,  and  this  same  gang 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  149 

of  gentlemen  turned  out  and  marched  up  to  Mr. 
Ingham's  house,  and  threatened  to  burst  tlie  doors 
open  and  drag  him  out  by  the  hair  of  the  head  and 
skin  him  aUve.  I  thought  this  was  carrying  the  joke 
rather  too  far,  so  I  tho't  I'd  put  in  my  oar;  for  when 
I  see  any  body  run  upon  too  hard  I  cant  help  taking 
their  part. 

So  I  stepped  up  on  to  Mr.  Ingham's  front  door 
steps,  and  threw  my  hat  down,  and  rolled  up  my 
sleeves,  and  spit  on  my  hands;  and  by  that  time  the 
chaps  began  to  stare  at  me  a  little.  And  now,  says  I, 
Major  Eaton,  this  is  quite  too  bad.  A  man's  house 
is  his  castle.  Here's  Mr.  Ingham  in  his  house  as 
peaceable  as  a  lamb;  he  is  n't  a  meddling  with  no- 
body, and  you  need  n't  think  to  drag  him  out  here 
to-night,  I  can  tell  ye.  If  you  really  want  to  take  a 
bit  of  a  box,  just  throw  away  your  powder  and  ball, 
and  here's  the  boy  for  you.  I'll  take  a  fist  or  two 
with  you  and  glad  of  the  chance.  You  impudent 
scoundrel,  says  he,  who  are  you?  what  business  is  it 
to  you  what  I  done?  Clear  out,  or  I'll  send  you 
where  you  ought  to  been  long  ago.  Well,  then, 
you'll  send  me  into  some  good  office,  says  I,  for 
there's  where  I  ought  to  have  been  more  than  two 
years  ago.  Well,  says  he,  clear  out,  and  up  he  come 
blustering  along  towards  the  steps.  But  I  jest  put 
my  foot  down,  and  doubled  up  my  fist,  and  now,  says 
I,  Major  Eaton,  it  wont  be  healthy  for  you  to  come 
on  to  these  steps  to-night. 

Says  he,  I'm  going  through  that  door  whether  or 
no.  Says  I,  you  dont  go  through  this  door  to-night, 
without  you  pass  over  the  dead  body  oi  Jack  Downing 
of  the  State  of  Maine.  My  stars,  when  they  heard 
that,  they  dropt  their  heads  as  quick  as  though  they 
had  been  cut  off,  for  they  did  n't  know  who  I  was  be- 
fore. Major  Eaton  and  the  whole  gang  of  gentlemen 
with  him  turned  right  about  and  marched  away  as  still 
as  a  pack  of  whipped  puppies.  They  were  afraid  \ 
13* 


150  LETTERS    OF 

should  have  'em  all  up  before  the  President  to-day, 
and  have  'em  turned  out  of  office;  for  it's  got  whis- 
pered round  the  city  that  the  President  sets  a  great 
deal  by  me,  and  that  I  have  a  good  deal  of  influence 
v/iih  him. 

This  morning  Mr.  Ingham  started  for  Philadelphy. 
Before  he  left,  he  thanked  me  a  thousand  times  for 
defending  his  house  so  well  last  night,  and  he  wrote 
a  letter  to  the  President,  telling  him  all  about  the 
scrape.  I  v/ent  a  piece  with  him  to  see  him  safe  out 
of  the  city  on  the  great  road  towards  Baltimore. 

About  my  prospects  for  an  office,  I  cant  tell  you  yet 
how  I  shall  come  out.  I've  been  in  to  see  the  Presi- 
dent a  number  of  times,  and  he  talks  very  favorable. 
I  have  some  chance  to  get  in  to  be  Secretary  of  War, 
if  old  Judge  White  dont  take  it;  and  if  I  dont  get 
that  the  President  says  he  '11  do  the  best  he  can  for  me. 

I  never  had  to  be  so  strict  a  republican  before  in  my 
life  as  I've  had  to  be  since  I've  been  here  in  order  to 
get  the  right  side  of  the  President.  I'll  tell  you  some- 
thing about  it  in  my  next,  and  about  my  visits  to  the 
President,  and  a  good  many  other  famous  things  here. 

P.  S.  Be  sure  and  send  the  old  gun  as  quick  as 
possible.  Your  loving  neffij, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXVI. 

In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  tells  about  the  persecution  of 

poor  Mrs.  JVo-tea. 

TROUBLE  IN  DOWiNINGVILLE. 

To  cousin  Jack  Downing,  down  to  Portland,  if  he's  got  back, 
if  he  hasn't  I  want  the  Portland  Courier  to  send  this  on  to 
Washington. 

Dear  Cousin  Jack. — Your  uncle  Joshua  has  been 
turned  out  of  General  Combs'  employ  only  jest  be- 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  161 

cause  your  cousin  Naby,  Mrs.  Inkhorn,  and  Mrs. 
Thimblebury,  and  a  few  other  of  the  topping-folks, 
wouldn't  invite  poor  Mrs.  No-tea  to  their  husking  and 
quilting  parties.  I  had  a  long  talk  with  the  General 
t'other  day — he  was  hopping  mad,  and  declared  he 
would  turn  every  man  and  woman  off  of  his  farm  and 
out  of  his  mills  rather  than  that  good  woman  should 
be  treated  in  the  manner  she  had  been.  She  was  as 
good  as  the  best  of  'em  any  day,  and  he  could  prove 
it.  He  did  n't  care  so  much  about  her  going  to  their 
afternoon  visits  when  they  went  sociable  without 
stays,  and  took  their  knitting-work  and  got  home 
again  before  milking  time;  but  when  there  was  a 
grand  husking  or  quilting,  he  thought  it  pesky  hard 
and  lonely  for  her  to  stay  at  home,  while  every  body 
else  in  Downingville  was  trying  the  double  shuffle 
and  the  cutting  out  jigg.  I  tho't  so  too;  but  I  told 
the  General  it  was  no  use  for  him  to  make  such  a  fuss 
about  it;  that  he  had  better  attack  old  Ticonderogue 
in  front  and  rear  than  undertake  to  make  women  haw 
or  jee  if  they  want  a  mind  to — they  always  would 
have  their  own  way  in  spite  of  every  body  and  Tom 
Walker  besides,  and  the  less  he  had  to  do  with  them 
the  better.  With  that  he  up  and  smashed  his  pipe 
into  the  fire-place  and  stompt  like  fury  and  bedlame. 

I  scampered  off"  in  less  than  no  time  to  inform  you 
how  matters  were  going.  You  had  better  come  up 
and  try  to  put  things  to  rights. 

As  you  have  no  wife  nor  children,  I  think  you  can 
manage  affairs  more  to  your  own  and  the  General's 
liking  than  any  one  else  of  the  family. 

Your  luvin  cousin, 

EPHRAIM. 


152  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  XXXVII. 


Mr.  Downing  receives  a  Captain's  Commission  in  the 
United  States  Army  with  orders  to  go  and  protect  the 
inhabitants  of  Madawaska. 

Washington  City,  the  20th  day  of  Oct.  1831. 

To  the  Portland  Courier  away  down  in  the  State  of  Maine,  to 
be  sent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville,  this 
with  care  and  speed,  and  dont  let  any  body  see  it. 

Dear  Uncle  Josh, — I  've  got  it  at  last  as  true  as 
you  're  alive,  and  now  I  dont  keer  a  snap  for  the  fat- 
test of  'em.  I  '11  teach  them  are  young  chaps  down 
to  Portland  that  used  to  poke  fun  at  me  so  because  I 
did  n't  get  in  to  be  Governor,  that  they  must  carry  a 
better  tongue  in  their  heads,  or  they  '11  find  out  who 
they  are  talking  to.  I  guess  they  '11  find  out  by  and 
by  it  wont  be  healthy  for  'em  to  poke  fun  at  an  officer 
of  my  rank.  And  as  for  Jemime  Parsons  that  married 
the  school  master  winter  before  last,  when  she  had 
promised  as  fair  as  could  be  that  she  would  have  me, 
she  may  go  to  grass  for  what  I  keer;  I  would  n't  have 
her  now  no  more  than  I  'd  have  a  Virginny  nigger. 
And  I  guess  when  she  comes  to  see  me  with  my  reg- 
imentals on  she  'II  feel  sorry  enough,  and  wish  her 
cake  was  dough  again.  Now  she  's  tied  down  to  that 
clodpole  of  a  school  master,  that  was  n't  fit  for  a 
school  master  neither,  for  he  has  had  to  go  to  hoeing 
potatoes  for  a  living,  and  much  as  ever  he  can  get 
potatoes  enough  to  keep  'em  from  starving,  when  if 
she  had  only  done  as  she  had  promised,  she  might  now 
be  the  wife  of  Capt.  Jack  Downing  of  the  United 
States  Army.  But  let  her  got  as  I  said  afore,  I  dont 
care  a  snap  for  her  or  all  old  White's  cattle.  I  '11  tell 
you  what  'tis  uncle,  I  feel  about  right  now.  It  seems 
to  me  I  could  foot  it  home  in  two  days,  for  my  feet 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  153 

never  felt  half  so  light  before.  There's  nothing  like 
trying,  in  this  world,  uncle;  any  body  that  tries  can 
be  something  or  other,  if  he  dont  get  discouraged  too 
soon.  -  When  I  came  on  here,  you  know,  I  expected 
to  get  one  of  the  great  Secretaries'  offices;  but  the 
good  old  President  told  me  they  had  got  him  into  such 
a  hobble  about  them  are  offices  that  he  could  n't  give 
me  one  of  'em  if  he  was  to  die.  But  he  treated  me 
like  a  gentleman,  and  I  shall  always  vote  for  him  as 
long  as  I  live,  and  I  told  him  so.  And  when  he  found 
out  that  I  was  a  true  genuine  republican,  says  he, 
Mr.  Downing,  you  must  be  patient,  and  I'll  bear  you 
in  mind,  and  do  something  for  you  the  very  first 
chance.  And  you  may  depend  upon  it  Mr.  Downing, 
he  added  with  a  good  deal  of  earnestness,  I  never 
desert  my  friends,  let  that  lying  Stephen  Simpson 
of  Philadelphy  say  what  he  will  about  it,  a  good  for 
nothing  ungrateful  dog.  And  he  fetched  a  stomp  with 
his  foot  and  his  eyes  kind  of  flashed  so  fiery,  that  I 
could  n't  help  starting  back,  for  I  did  n't  know  but  he 
was  going  to  knock  me  over.  Bat  he  look'd  pleasant 
again  in  a  minute,  and  took  me  by  the  hand,  and  now, 
says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  I  give  you  my  honor  that  I'll 
do  something  for  you  as  soon  as  I  possibly  can.  I 
told  him  I  hoped  he  would  be  as  spry  as  he  could  about 
it,  for  I  had  but  jest  ninepence  left,  and  I  did  n't  know 
how  I  should  get  along  very  well,  in  a  strange  place 
too.  But  he  told  me  never  to  mind  that  at  all;  I  might 
come  and  eat  my  meals  at  his  house  whenever  I'd  a 
mind  to,  or  he  would  be  bondsman  for  my  board  where 
I  put  up.  So  I've  worked  along  from  that  time  to  this, 
nearly  four  months,  as  well  as  I  could,  sometimes  get- 
ting a  little  job  of  garden-work,  and  sometimes  get- 
ting a  little  wood  to  saw,  and  so  on,  nearly  enough  to 
pay  my  expenses.  I  used  to  call  and  see  the  Presi- 
dent once  in  a  while,  and  he  always  told  me  I  must 
be  patient  and  keep  up  a  good  heart,  the  world  was  n't 
made  in  one  day,  and  something  would  turn  up  forme 


154  LETTERS  OF 

by  and  by.  But  fact,  after  digging,  and  sawing,  and 
waiting  four  months,  my  patience  got  most  wore  out, 
and  I  was  jest  upon  the  point  of  giving  up  the  chase, 
and  starting  oif  for  Downingville  with  the  intention 
of  retiring  to  private  hfe;  when  last  night,  about  sev- 
en o'clock,  as  I  sot  eating  a  bowl  of  bread  and  milk 
for  my  supper,  a  boy  knocked  at  the  door  and  wanted 
to  see  Mr.  Downing.  So  they  brought  him  into  the 
room  where  I  was,  and  says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  the 
President  wants  to  see  you  for  something  very  par- 
ticular, right  away  this  evening.  My  heart  almost 
jump'd  right  up  in  my  mouth.  My  spoon  dropt  out 
of  my  hand,  and  to  eat  another  mouthful  I  could  n't  if 
I  was  to  starve.  I  flew  round,  and  washed  my  face  and 
hands,  and  combed  my  head,  and  brushed  up  as  well 
as  I  could,  and  should  have  looked  tolerable  spruce 
if  it  had  n't  been  for  an  unlucky  hole  in  the  knee  of 
my  trouses.  What  to  do  I  did  not  know.  It  made 
me  feel  bad  enough  I  can  tell  you.  The  woman 
where  I  boarded  said  she  would  mend  them  for  me  if 
I  would  take  them  off,  but  it  would  take  her  till  about 
nine  o'clock,  and  the  President  was  waiting  for  me, 
and  there  'twas.  Such  a  hobble  I  never  was  in  be- 
fore. But  this  woman  is  a  kind  good  creature  as  ever 
was;  she  boards  me  for  four  and  sixpence  a  week,  con- 
sidering that  I  split  wood  for  her,  and  bring  water,  and 
do  all  sich  kind  of  chores.  And  she  always  had  some 
contrivance  to  get  out  of  every  difficulty ;  and  so  she 
handed  me  a  neat  little  pocket  handkerchief  and  told 
me  to  tie  that  round  my  knee.  Being  thus  rigged 
out  at  last,  I  started  off  as  fast  as  I  could  go  for  the 
President's. 

When  I  went  into  his  room,  the  old  gentleman  was 
setting  by  a  table  with  his  spectacles  on,  and  two  great 
lamps  burning  before  him,  and  a  bundle  of  letters  and 
papers  in  his  hand.  He  started  up  and  took  me  by  the 
hand,  and  says  he,  good  evening  Mr.  Downing,  I  'm 
very  glad  to  see  you ;  you  are  the  very  man  I  want 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  155 

now,  above  all  others  in  the  world.  But  how  is  this, 
said  he?  looking  at  my  knee.  Not  lame,  I  hope? 
That  would  be  a  most  unfortunate  thing  in  this  criti- 
cal moment.  It  would  knock  my  plan  in  the  head  at 
once.  I  felt  kind  of  blue,  and  I  guess  I  blushed  a 
little ;  but  I  turned  it  off  as  well  as  I  could ;  I  told  him  I 
was  n't  lame  at  all,  it  was  nothing  but  a  slight  scratch, 
and  by  to-morrow  morning  I  should  be  as  well  as  ever 
I  was  in  my  life.  Well  then  says  he,  Mr.  Downing, 
set  down  here  and  see  what  I  've  got  to  tell  you. 
The  old  gentleman  set  himself  back  in  his  chair  and 
pushed  his  spectacles  up  on  his  forehead  and  held  up 
the  letter  in  his  hand,  and  says  he,  Mr.  Downing, 
here  is  a  letter  from  Governor  Smith  of  Maine,  and 
now  Sir,  I  've  got  something  for  you  to  do.  You  see 
now  that  I  was  sincere  when  I  told  you  if  you  would 
be  patient  and  stick  to  the  republican  text,  I  would 
look  out  for  you  one  of  these  days.  I  'm  always  true 
to  my  friends;  that  lying  Stephen  Simpson  might  have 
had  an  office  before  now  if  he  had  behaved  himself. 

Well,  dear  sir,  said  I,  for  I  felt  in  such  a  pucker  to 
know  what  I  was  going  to  get  that  I  could  n't  stand 
it  any  longer,  so  says  I,  what  sort  of  business  is  it 
you  've  got  for  me  to  do?  Says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  I 
take  it  you  are  a  man  of  courage;  I  have  always- 
thought  so  ever  since  you  faced  Mr.  Eaton  so  boldly 
on  Mr.  Ingham's  door  steps.  Tho'  I  was  sorry  your 
courage  was  not  displayed  in  a  better  cause,  for  that 
Ingham  is  a  rascal  after  all.  I  told  him  as  for  courage 
I  beheved  I  had  some  of  the  stuff  about  me  when 
there  was  any  occasion  for  it,  and  that  I  never  would 
stand  by  and  see  any  body  abused.  Well,  says  he, 
we  must  come  to  the  point,  for  the  business  requires 
haste. 

Governor  Smith  writes  me  that  there  are  four  of 
your  fellow  citizens  of  Maine  in  a  British  jail  at  Fred- 
ericton,  who  have  been  taken  from  their  farms  by 
British  constables  and  sheriffs  and  other  officers  and 


156  LETTERS    OF 

carried  off  by  force  to  prison.  By  this  time  my  very 
hair  begun  to  curl,  I  felt  so  mad,  and  I  could  n't  help 
jumping  up  and  smiting  my  fists  together,  and  saying 
pretty  hard  things  about  the  British.  Well,  says  the 
President,  I  like  your  spunk  Mr.  Downing;  you  're 
jest  the  man  I  want  in  this  business.  I  'm  going  to 
give  you  a  captain's  commission  in  the  United  States' 
army,  and  you  must  go  down  there  and  set  that  busi- 
ness right  at  Madawaska. 

You  must  go  to  Maine  and  raise  a  company  of 
volunteers,  as  quick  as  possible,  tell  'em  I  '11  see  'em 
paid,  and  you  must  march  down  to  Fredericton  and 
demand  the  prisoners,  and  if  they  are  not  given  up 
you  must  force  the  jail,  and  if  the  British  make  any 
resistance  you  must  fire  upon  them  and  bring  the 
prisoners  off  at  some  rate  or  other.  Then  write  me 
and  let  me  know  how  affairs  stand,  and  I  '11  give  you 
further  orders.  At  any  rate  you  must  see  that  the 
rights  of  Maine  are  well  protected,  for  that  state  has 
come  round  so  in  my  favor  since  last  year  I  'm  deter- 
mined to  do  every  thing  I  can  for  them;  I  tell  you 
Mr.  Downing,  I  never  desert  my  friends.  So  after 
he  gave  me  the  rest  of  my  orders,  and  my  commis- 
sion, and  a  pocket  full  of  money,  and  told  me  to  be 
brave  and  if  I  wanted  any  thing  to  let  him  know,  he 
bid  me  good  night,  and  I  went  home.  But  I  could  n't 
sleep  a  wink  all  night.  I  was  up  before  day  light 
this  morning,  and  I  've  got  two  women  to  work  for 
me  to  day  fixing  up  my  clothes,  and  I  shall  be  ready 
to  start  to-morrow  morning.  I  want  you  to  keep  this 
matter  pretty  still  till  I  get  there,  except  that  you  may 
let  cousin  Ephraim  know  it  and  get  him  to  volunteer 
some  of  the  Downingville  boys  for  my  company.  I 
want  to  get  them  pretty  much  all  there  if  I  can,  for 
I  know  what  sort  of  stuff  the  Downingville  boys  are 
made  of,  and  shall  know  what  I've  got  to  depend  upon. 
In  haste,  your  loving  neffu, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  157 


LETTER  XXXVIII. 

In   which    Captain   Dovming   describes  his   return  to 
Doivningville,  after  an  absence  of  two  years. 

Do^vniugvilie,  Nov.  8, 1831. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  dear  old  Friend,  you. — I  got  home  to  Down- 
ingville  last  night  after  an  absence  of  nearly  two 
years.  I  meant  to  stop  at  Portland  as  I  come  on  from 
Washington,  but  some  how  or  other,  I  got  into  the 
wrong  stage  somewhere  in  New  Hampshire,  and  come 
the  upper  road  before  I  knew  it.  So  the  first  thing  I 
knew,  when  I  thought  I  had  got  almost  to  Portland, 
I  found  myself  plump  in  Downingville.  But  the  dear 
folks  were  all  so  glad  to  see  me,  I  didn't  feel  much 
sorry.  Cousin  JVabby  hopped  right  up  and  down, 
like  a  mouse  treed  in  a  flour  barrel;  and  Ephraim 
snapped  his  thumb  and  finger,  and  spit  on  his  hands 
as  though  he  had  a  cord  of  wood  to  chop;  and  poor 
ant  Keziah  set  down  and  cried  as  much  as  two  hours 
steady.  Uncle  Joshua  catched  down  his  pipe,  and 
made  the  smoke  roll  out  well;  I  never  saw  him  smoke 
so  t^ast  before  in  my  life;  he  finished  two  pipes  full  of 
tobacco  in  less  than  five  minutes.  I  felt  almost  like  a 
fool  myself,  and  had  to  keep  winking  and  swallowing, 
or  I  should  have  cried  as  hard  as  any  of  'em.  But 
you  know  it  wouldn't  do  for  a  captain  to  cry,  espe- 
cially when  he  was  going  to  enlisting  soldiers. 

Well,  I  must  hurry  along  with  my  letter,  for  I 
haven't  got  much  time  to  write  to-day.  I  have  been 
round  among  the  folks  in  Downingville  this  forenoon 
to  see  how  they  felt  about  the  Madawaska  business, 
and  whether  any  of 'em  would  go  a  sogering  down 
there  with  me.  I  find  some  of  'em  are  right  up  about 
14 


158  LETTERS    Of 

it,  and  ready  to  shoulder  their  guns  and  march  to- 
morrow if  I  say  the  word,  and  others  are  a  Httle  offish. 

I  guess  I  shall  get  about  half  enough  for  a  compa- 
ny here  pretty  easy,  and  if  I  find  it  hard  dragging  to 
pick  up  the  restj  I  shall  come  right  down  to  Portland 
to  fill  up  my  company  there.  For  uncle  Joshua  tells 
me  he  has  had  some  letters  from  Portland  within  a 
few  days,  and  he  says  there  are  a  number  of  chaps 
down  there  as  warm  as  rnustard  about  going  to  war 
down  to  Madawaska,  and  are  only  waiting  for  a  good 
chance  to  list,  and  some  of  'em  he  thinks  will  make 
capital  sargents  and  corporals.  I  should  be  glad  if 
you  would  send  me  word  whether  you  think  I  could 
pick  up  some  good  lusty  fellows  there  in  case  I  should 
want  'em.  I  pay  a  month's  wages  cash  down.  But 
there  is  one  subject  that  I  feel  rather  uneasy  about, 
and  that  is  the  greatest  reason  of  my  writing  you  to- 
day, to  see  if  you  can  tell  me  any  thing  about  it.  Last 
night  uncle  Joshua  and  I  sot  up  talking  politicks  pret- 
ty late,  after  all  the  rest  of  the  folks  had  gone  to  bed. 
I  told  him  all  about  one  thing  another  at  Washington, 
and  then  we  talked  about  the  affairs  of  this  State. 

I  found  uncle  Joshua  didn't  stand  jest  where  he 
used  to.  You  know  once  he  was  a  little  might  in 
favor  of  Mr.  Huntoon;  and  then,  when  I  was  up  for 
Governor,  he  was  altogether  in  favor  of  me;  and  then 
he  was  pretty  near  equally  balanced  between  Mr. 
Smith  and  Mr.  Goodenow;  but  now,  when  I  come  to 
talk  with  him,  I  found  he  was  all  plump  over  on  the 
democratic  republican  side.  You  know  I've  been 
leaning  that  way  tu,  ever  since  I  got  in  to  be  good 
friends  long  with  President  Jackson.  So  says  I, 
Well,  uncle,  our  party  is  strong  enough  now  to  carry 
all  afore  'em  in  this  State.  I  guess  governor  Smith 
will  have  more  than  three  quarters  of  the  votes  next 
time.  At  which  uncle  turned  round  towards  me,  and 
rolled  up  his  great  eyes  over  his  spectacles,  and  took 
his  pipe  out  of  his  mouth  and  put  on  a  mighty  know- 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING. 


159 


iii^  look,  and  says  he,  Jack,  jest  between  you  and  me, 
a  much  better  man  and  a  much  greater  republican  than 
Gov.  Smith,  will  be  Governor  of  the  State  of  Maine 
after  another  election.  t      ^      j 

I  was  kind  of  struck  with  a  dunderment.    I  sot  and 
looked  at  him  as  much  as  two  minutes,  and  he  all  the 
time  looked  as  knowing  as  a  fox.     At  last,  says  1, 
Uncle,  what  do  you  mean  ?    Didn't  all  the  democrat- 
ic republican  papers  in  the  State,  when  Gov.  Smith 
was  elected,  say  he  was   the   very  best    republican 
there  was  in  the  State  for  Governor?     Well,  well 
Jack,  said  he,  mark  my  words,  that's  all.     ^^t,  said 
I   uncle,  what  makes  you  think  so?     O,  said  he,  1 
have  read  the  Argus  and  the  Bangor  Republican,  and 
I  have  had  a  letter  from  a  man  that  knows  all  about 
it    and  when  the  time  comes  you'll   see.     And  that 
was  all  I  could  get  out  of  him.     Now  I  wish  you 
would  let  me  know  what  this  mystery  means.    And  1 
remain  your  old  friend,  ^^^-r^r^ 

CAPT.   JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXIX. 

Captain  Downing' s  first  Militanj  Report  to  the  President. 
Madawaska,  Nov.  15, 1831. 

To  his  Excellency,  Gineral  Jackson,  President  of  the  United 
Slates,  fyc. 
My  good  old  Sir.— The  prisoners  are  out  and  no 
blood  spilt  yet.  I  had  prepared  to  give  the  British  a 
most  terrible  battle,  if  they  hadn't  let  'em  out.  1  guess 
I  should  made  'em  think  old  Bonapart  had  got  back 
among  'em  again,  for  a  keener  set  of  fellows  than  my 
company  is  made  up  of  never  shouldered  a  musket  or 
trod  shoe-leather.    I  was  pesky  sorry  they  let  em  out 


160  LETTERS    OF 

quite  so  soon,  for  I  really  longed  to  have  a  brush  with 
'em;  and  how  they  come  to  let  'em  go  I  dont  know, 
unless  it  was  because  they  heard  I  was  coming.  And 
I  expect  that  was  the  case,  for  the  prisoners  told  me 
the  British  Minister  at  Washington,  sent  on  some 
kind  of  word  to  governor  Campbell,  and  I  suppose 
he  told  him  how  I  had  got  a  commission,  and  was  com- 
ing down  upon  New  Brunswick  like  a  harrycane. 

If  I  could  only  got  down  there  a  little  sooner  and 
fit  sich  a  great  battle  as  you  did  at  ^ew  Orleans,  my 
fortune  would  have  been  made  for  this  world.  I  should 
have  stood  a  good  chance  then  to  be  President  of  the 
United  States,  one  of  these  days.  And  that's  as  high 
as  ever  I  should  want  to  get.  I  got  home  to  Down- 
ingville  in  little  more  than  a  week  after  I  left  you  at 
Washington,  for  having  a  pretty  good  pocket  full  of 
money,  and  knowing  that  my  business  was  very  im- 
portant I  rid  in  the  stage  most  all  the  way.  I  spose  I 
needn't  stop  to  tell  you  how  tickled  all  my  folks  were 
to  see  me,  I  did'nt  know  for  awhile  but  they'd  eat 
me  up.  But  I  spose  that's  neither  here  nor  there  in 
making  military  reports,  so  I'll  go  on.  I  found  no 
difficulty  in  getting  volunteers.  I  believe  I  could  have 
got  nearly  half  the  State  of  Maine  to  march  if  I  had 
wanted  'em.  But  as  I  only  had  orders  to  list  one 
good  stout  company,  I  took  'em  all  in  Downingville, 
for  I  rather  trust  myself  with  one  hundred  genuine 
Downingville  boys,  than  five  hundred  of  your  common 
run,  I  took  one  supernumerary  however,  when  I  got 
to  Bangor,  The  editor  of  the  Bangor  Repubhcan 
was  so  zealous  to  go,  and  said  he'd  fight  so  to  the  last 
drop  of  his  blood,  that  I  could'nt  help  taking  him,  so 
I  appointed  him  supernumerary  corporal.  Poor  fellow, 
he  was  so  disappointed  when  he  found  the  prisoners 
were  out  that  he  fairly  cried  for  vexation.  He's  for 
having  me  go  right  on  now  and  give  all  New  Bruns- 
wick a  real  thrasliing. 

But  I  know  what  belongs  to  gineralship  better  than 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  161 

that;  I  haven't  had  my  orders  yet.  Well,  after  we 
left  Bangor  we  had  a  dreadful  rough  and  tumble  sort 
of  a  journey,  over  rocks  and  mountains  and  rivers  and 
swamps  and  bogs  and  meadows,  and  through  long 
pieces  of  woods  that  I  did  n't  know  as  we  should  find 
the  way  out.  But  we  got  through  at  last,  and  arrived 
here  at  Madawaska  day  before  yesterday.  I  thought 
I  better  come  this  way  and  make  a  little  stop  at  Mad- 
awaska to  see  if  the  prisoners'  wives  and  little  ones 
were  in  want  of  any  thing  and  then  go  down  to  Fred- 
ericton  and  blow  the  British  ski  high. 

When  our  company  first  came  out  in  sight  in  Mad- 
awaska, they  thought  it  was  the  British  coming  to 
catch  some  more  of 'em;  and  such  a  scattering  and 
scampering  I  guess  you  never  see.  The  men  flew 
into  the  woods  like  a  flock  of  sheep  with  forty  dogs 
after  'em,  and  the  women  catched  their  babies  up  in 
their  arms  and  run  from  one  house  to  another  screech- 
ing and  screaming  enough  to  make  the  woods  ring 
again.  But  when  they  found  out  we  were  United 
States  troops  come  to  help  'em,  you  never  see  any 
body  so  glad.  They  all  cried  for  joy  then.  The  wo- 
men run  into  the  woods  and  called  for  their  husbands 
to  come  back  again,  for  there  was  nobody  there  that 
would  hurt  them,  and  back  they  came  and  treated  us 
with  the  best  they  had  in  their  houses.  And  while 
we  sot  chatting,  before  the  women  hardly  got  their 
tears  wiped  up,  one  of  'em  looked  up  towards  the 
woods  and  screamed  out  there  comes  the  pnsoners. 
Some  turned  pale  a  little,  thinking  it  might  be  their 
ghosts,  but  in  a  minute  in  they  come,  as  good  flesh 
and  blood  as  any  of  us,  and  then  the  women  had  an- 
other good  crying  spell. 

I  asked  one  of  the  prisoners  how  they  got  away, 
for  I  thought  yo,u  would  want  to  know  all  about  it; 
and  says  he  we  come  away  on  our  legs.  Did  you 
break  out  of  jail,  said  I?  I  guess  there  was  no  need 
of  that,  said  he,  for  we  want  locked  in  half  the  time. 
14* 


162  LETTERS    OF 

Did  you  knock  down  the  jruard,  said  I,  and  fight  your 
way  out?  Humph!  said  he,  I  guess  we  might  have 
hunted  one  while  before  we  could  find  a  guard  to 
knock  down.  IN'obody  seemed  to  take  any  care  of 
us,  if  we  wanted  a  drop  of  grog  we  had  to  go  out  and 
buy  it  ourselves.  Well  but,  said  I,  if  you  were  left 
in  such  a  loose  state  as  that,  why  did  you  not  run 
away  before?  Tut,  said  he,  shrugging  up  his  shoul- 
ders, I  guess  we  knew  what  we  were  about;  the  longer 
we  staid  there  the  more  land  the  state  of  Maine  would 
give  us  to  pay  us  for  being  put  in  jail,  but  when  they 
turned  us  out  of  jail,  and  would'nt  keep  us  any  longer, 
we  thought  we  might  as  well  come  home. 

And  now,  my  good  old  sir,  since  matters  are  as 
they  are,  I  shall  take  up  my  head  quarters  here  at 
Madawaska  for  the  present,  and  wait  for  further  or- 
ders. I  shall  take  good  care  of  the  people  here,  and 
keep  every  thing  in  good  order,  and  not  allow  a  single 
JVew  Brunswicker  to  come  any  where  within  gun-shot. 
As  for  that  Leftenant  Governor,  Mr.  Archibald  Camp- 
bell, he  better  keep  himself  scarce;  if  he  shows  his 
head  here  again,  I  shall  jest  put  him  into  a  meal  bag 
and  send  him  to  Washington.  I  shall  expect  to  hear 
from  you  soon,  and  as  I  shall  have  to  be  here  some- 
time, I  dont  know  but  you  had  better  send  me  on  a 
little  more  money.  My  uniform  got  rather  shattered 
coming  through  the  woods,  and  it  will  cost  me  some- 
thing to  get  it  fixt  up  again. 

This  from  your  old  friend  and  humble  servant, 

CAPT.   JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING. 


163 


LETTER  XL. 

Capt.  Downing  visits  the  Legislature  of  Maine  again. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  4, 1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  PoHland  Courier. 

My  de^r  old  Friend,— Here  I  am  right  among 
the  Lecrislater  folks,  jest  as  I  used  to  he  down  there 
to  Portland.     I  got  here  last  night  after  a  pretty  hard 
iourney  from  Madawaska,  rather  lame,  and  my  teet 
and  ears  froze  pretty  bad.     I  hope  I  shant  lose  any 
one  of  'em,  for  if  I  should  lose  my  feet  I  should  n  t 
stand  much  of  a  fag  with  the  British  down  there  to 
Fredericton  in  case  we  should  have  a  brush  with^em. 
And  all  my  hopes  about  ever  being  President  of  the 
United  States  depends  on  the  woful  whipping  1    m 
eoing  to  give  the  British.     And  I  'm  afraid  I  should 
n't  be  much  better  off  if  I  should  lose  my  ears   for  a 
President  without  ears  would  cut  rather  a  sorry  figure 
there  to  Washington.     I  sent  on  to  the  old  President 
to  see  if  he  would  let  me  have  a  furlough  to  come  up 
to  AutTusta,  while  the  Legislaters  were  here,  for  1 
thought  I  could  n't  Stan  it  without  bemg  here  to  see 
how  they  get  along.     The  President  said  he  did  n  t 
think  there  would  be  any  fighting  down  to  Madawaska 
before  the  spring  opens,  so  he  did  n't  care  if  1  went. 
I  jest  hobbled  into  the  Legislator  to-day  to  see   em 
chuse  officers;  but  I  have  n't  any  time  to  tell  you 
what  a  great  fine  house  they  've  got  into.     I  believe 
it  's  vastly  better  than  the  one  they  had  to  Portland 
though      And  I  guess  there  '11  be  no  stopping  the 
wheds  of  government  this  year,  for  I  believe  they 
have  got  the  house  fixed  so  as  to  carry  the  wheels  by 
steam*     They  got  the  steam  up  before  I  went  in,  and 
*  .Yote.     The  State  House  being  new  and  the  walls  not  dried 
when  fires  came  to  be  made  in  the  rooms,  it  filled  them  with 
thick  vapor  for  several  days,  which  led  Capt.  Downmg  to  sup- 
pose the  Legislature  was  going  by  steam. 


164  LETTERS    OP 

it  was  so  thick  sometimes,  that  I  should  think  the 
wheels  might  go  like  a  buzz. 

They  told  me  there  was  a  good  many  new  members, 
and  a  good  many  more  of  'em,  than  there  was  last 
year;  so  I  did  n't  know  as  I  should  see  hardly  any 
body  that  I  knew.  But  I  never  was  more  agreeably 
disappointed  in  my  life  than  I  was  by  the  first  voice  I 
heard  calling  the  members  to  order. 

I  knew  it  as  quick  as  I  could  tell  the  fife  and  drum 
of  my  own  company  at  Madawaska.  And  if  I  should 
hear  that  fife  and  drum  this  very  minute  it  would  n't 
give  a  pleasanter  thrill  to  my  feelings.  I  look'd 
round  and  sure  enough  there  was  the  sandy  honest 
look,  and  the  large  fleshy  figure,  of  my  old  friend 
Mr.  Knowlton  of  Montville, holding  abroad  brimmed 
hat  in  his  hand,  and  calling  upon  the  great  jam  of 
folks  to  come  to  order.  I  could  n't  hardly  help 
crowding  right  in  among  'em  to  shake  hands  with 
him,  I  was  so  glad  to  see  him.  But  as  I  was  only  a 
lobby  member  1  thout  it  would  n't  do. 

But  I  '11  tell  you  what  't  is,  you  may  depend  upon 
the  business  going  off  glibb  here  this  winter;  for 
having  a  building  go  by  steam  and  Mr.  Knowlton  here 
too  to  drive  it,  it  aint  all  the  Jacksonites  and  Hunton- 
ites  in  the  state  that  can  stop  it.  And  besides  I  c^nt 
find  out  as  yet  that  there  is  any  more  than  one  party 
here ;  if  there  should  be  hereafter,  I  '11  let  you  know. 
I  was  glad  they  chose  Mr.  White  to  be  speaker,  for 
he  's  always  so  good-natured  and  uses  every  body  so 
well,  I  cant  help  liking  him.  I  have  n't  been  in  the 
Sinnet  yet,  but  they  say  Mr.  Dunlap  is  President. 
I  was  in  hopes  to  see  Elder  Hall  here  this  winter,  but 
I  believe  he  has  n't  come 

Your  old  Friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  165 


LETTER  XLI. 

Progress  of  proceedings  in  the  Legislature. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  19,  1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  dear  old  Friend. — If  I  could  n't  write  to  you 
once  in  a  while,  I  don't  know  but  I  should  die.  When 
any  thing  has  kept  me  from  writing  two  or  three 
weeks,  I  get  in  such  a  taking  it  seems  as  though  I 
should  split,  and  the  only  way  I  can  get  relief  is  to 
take  my  pen  and  go  at  it.  The  reason  why  you  have 
n't  heard  from  me  this  fortnight  past,  is  this  dreadful 
furenza.  We've  all  got  it  here,  and  it's  nothing  but 
cough,  cough,  the  whole  time.  If  a  member  gets  up 
to  speak,  they  all  cough  at  him.  If  he  says  any  thing 
that  they  like,  they  cough  at  it;  and  if  he  says  any 
thing  that  they  dont  like,  they  cough  at  it.  So  let 
him  say  what  he  will  they  keep  a  steady  stream  of 
coughing.  I've  been  amost  sick  for  a  week.  Some 
days  I  want  hardly  able  to  set  up.  But  I'm  getting 
cleverly  now,  and  I  hope  I  shall  be  able  to  let  you 
hear  from  me  once  or  twice  a  week  during  the  session. 

The  wheels  of  government  go  pretty  well  this  win- 
ter. Some  say  that  some  folks  have  tried  to  trig  ^em 
two  or  three  times,  but  I  dont  hardly  think  that  is  the 
case,  for  they  havn't  been  stopt  once.  And,  as  I 
said  in  my  last  letter,  if  my  friend  Mr.  Knowlton 
stands  as  foreman,  and  keeps  his  broad  shoulders  to 
the  wheels,  I  dont  believe  they  will  stop  this  winter. 
By  the  way,  I  made  a  little  small  mistake  about  Mr. 
Knowlton's  hat.  I  should  n't  have  thought  it  worth 
while  to  mention  it  again,  if  the  Augusta  Courier  of 
this  morning  had  n't  spoke  of  it  as  though  I  did  n't 
mean  to  tell  the  truth.  Now  you  know  Mr.  Editor, 
I  would  n't  be  guihy  of  telling  a  falsehood  for  my 
right  hand.    When  Mr.  Knowlton  called  the  members 


166  LETTERS    OF 

to  order  the  first  day  of  the  session,  I  certainly  thought 
I  saw  him  holding  in  his  hand  a  broad  brimmed  white 
hat.  It  might  be  my  imagination,  remembering  how 
he  used  to  look,  or  it  might  possibly  be  the  hat  of 
the  member  standing  by  the  side  of  him,  for  I  was 
some  ways  off. 

I'm  pesky  fraid  the  general  government  may  settle 
that  hash  down  there  to  Madawaska  as  Mr.  Nether- 
lands that  they  left  out  to,  recommended.  If  they 
should  I'm  afraid  my  jig  would  be  up  about  fighting  a 
battle  very  soon,  or  getting  in  to  be  President. 

Our  party's  got  into  a  dreadful  kind  of  a  stew  here 
about  who  shall  be  next  Senator  to  Congress  and  one 
thing  another.  We've  got  into  such  a  snarl  about  it, 
I'm  afraid  we  never  shall  get  unravelled  again  without 
cutting  off  the  tangles,  and  that  would  divide  us  so 
we  never  should  hold  together  in  the  world.  I  wrote 
to  the  Argus  yesterday,  to  be  sure  not  to  reply  to 
the  Age  for  its  ungentlemanly  remarks  about  Judge 
Preble,  and  hope  it  will  be  prudent  enough  to  follow 
my  recommendation.  We  must  try  to  hush  these 
matters  up,  or  it  'U  be  the  death  of  the  party.  I've 
had  a  serious  talk  with  friend  Ruggles,  and  am  in 
hopes  he'll  put  his  hand  over  the  Thomaston  paper 
and  not  let  it  belch  out  any  thing  that  our  enemies 
can  make  a  handle  of  And  I  guess  we  shall  have  a 
caucus  and  try  to  put  a  cooler  on  the  Bangor  Repub- 
lican and  the  Age. 

The  Legislators  like  Augusta  considerable  well,  if 
it  did  n't  cost  'em  so  much  more  than  it  did  in  Port- 
land for  a  living.  Such  as  had  to  pay  two  dollars  and 
a  half  in  Portland  for  board  have  to  pay  three  and 
four  dollars  here.  When  I  was  in  Portland,  I  used 
to  get  boarded  for  seven  and  six  pence  a  week,  and 
here  the  cheapest  I  could  get  boarded  any  where, 
was  ten  and  sixpence.  The  Augusta  Courier  last 
week  said  something  about  the  folks  here  giving  me  a 
public  dinner.  I  should  like  it  pretty  well,  for  1  have 
rather  slim  dinners  where  I  board. 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  167 

If  you  see  cousin  Sally,  I  wish  you'd  jest  ask  her 
if  she  has  time  before  and  after  school,  if  she'll  knit 
me  a  pair  of  footings  and  send  'em  up  by  the  stage- 
driver,  for  mine  have  got  pretty  full  of  holes,  and  I 
have  n't  any  body  here  to  mend  'em. 
Your  old  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLIL 

Capt.  Downing  is  suddenly  called  to  his  company  at 
Madawasha. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  23, 1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Cowier,  again. 

Dear  Friend, — The  more  I  write  to  you,  it  seemss 
to  me  the  better  I  like  you.  I  believe  there  is  n't 
but  one  person  that  I  set  so  much  by,  and  that  i^ 
Gineral  Jackson,  who  was  so  kind  as  to  give  me  a 
commission,  and  let  me  have  spending  money  besides. 
I  'm  pretty  much  out  of  money  now,  and  them  an 
that  I  board  with  keeps  dunning  me  for  pay;  so  I 
wish  you  would  be  so  kind  as  to  send  me  four  or  five 
dollars  till  I  get  some  more  from  the  President.  I 
writ  for  it  last  week,  and  I  think  I  shall  get  it  in  a 
few  days.  1  told  you  in  my  last  letter,  if  I  got  over 
the  furenza,  you  should  hear  from  me  pretty  often. 
I  'm  getting  nicely  again  now.  I  dont  cough  more 
than  once  in  five  minutes  or  so,  and  my  toes  and 
ears  that  were  froze  so  bad  coming  up  from  Mada- 
waska  are  nearly  healed  over.  All  I  have  to  do  to 
'em  now  is  jest  to  grease  'em  a  little  when  I  go  to 
bed  at  night  and  in  the  morning  when  I  get  up.  I 
have  to  keep  a  handkerchief  over  my  ears  yet  whea 
I  go  out,  but  my  toes  are  so  well  I  dont  limp  hardly 
a  mite.  As  to  our  Legislater  business  we  get  along 
middling  well,  but  not  quite  so  fast  as  I  thought  we 


168  LETTERS    OF 

should  considerin  it  goes  by  steam.  One  reason  I 
suppose  is  because  Mr.  Knowlton  has  been  a  good 
deal  unwell  and  could  n't  take  hold  and  drive  it  right 
in  end  as  he  used  to.  But  he  's  got  better  now,  so 
I  hope  the  wheels  will  begin  to  buzz  again. 

About  the  quarrel  that  our  party's  got  into,  I'm 
pesky  fraid  it  '11  blow  us  up  yet;  and  1  don't  know 
what  we  shall  do  to  stop  it.  We  've  had  a  caucus  as 
I  told  you  we  should  in  my  last  letter,  and  tried  to 
hush  matters  up  as  well  as  we  could.  But  some  of 
'em  are  so  grouty,  I  expect  nothing  but  what  they'll 
belch  out  again. 

I  w^as  glad  the  Argus  took  my  advice  and  kept  back 
the  reply  to  the  Age. 

We  had  a  little  bit  of  a  tussle  here  to  see  who 
should  be  appointed  agent  to  go  to  Washington  to 
tell  the  President  to  hold  on  to  the  territory  down  to 
Madawaska.  Mr.  Preble  and  Mr.  Deane  and  I  were 
the  three  principal  candidates. — Some  thought  Mr. 
Preble  ought  to  go  because  it  would  be  for  the  inter- 
est of  the  republican  party;  and  some  thought  Mr. 
Deane  ought  to  go  because  he  had  been  down  there 
a  good  deal  and  knew  all  about  the  Madawaska  coun- 
try; and  some  thought  I  ought  to  go  because  I  had 
been  down  there  the  last  of  any  body,  and  because  I 
was  such  good  friends  with  the  President  I  should  be 
likely  to  do  better  than  any  body  else  could.  I  thought 
my  claims  were  the  strongest,  and  the  Governor  said 
he  thought  so  too.  But  he  said  as  affairs  now  stood 
it  would  n't  do  to  appoint  any  body  but  Mr.  Preble. 

And  besides  I  dont  know  as  I  ought  to  go  off  jest 
now,  for  I  had  a  letter  yesterday  from  one  of  my  sub- 
alterns down  to  Madawaska,  that  there  's  some  trouble 
with  my  company  there:  some  of  the  Sarjents  been 
breaking  orders,  &c.  and  I  dont  know  but  I  shall 
have  to  go  down  and  Court  Martial  'em. 
Your  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  169 


LETTER  XLIII. 

Capt.  Downing  returns  to  .Rugusta.     Is   saved  from 
freezing  by  a  bearskin. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Feb.  8, 1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

Here  I  be  again,  my  dear  friend,  right  back  on 
the  old  spot,  poking  about  the  Legislator  to  see  what's 
going  on,  and  to  help  take  care  the  interests  of  our 
party.  I  got  down  there  to  Madawaska  jest  in  the 
nick  of  time;  for  I  got  a  hoss  and  rid  day  and  night; 
and  it  was  well  I  did,  for  Sargant  Joel  had  got  so 
outrageous  mad,  I  raly  believe  if  I  had  n't  got  there 
the  day  I  did,  he  would  have  strung  one  or  two  of 
'em  right  up  by  the  neck.  But  I  quashed  matters  at 
once  and  sot  'em  to  studying  that  are  little  court  mar- 
tial book,  and  told  'em  when  they  had  any  more  fuss 
they  must  try  all  their  cases  by  that,  and  they  would 
n't  find  any  law  for  hanging  in  it. 

It's  dreadful  cold  down  there  to  Madawaska,  I  froze 
my  toes  and  ears  again  a  little,  but  not  so  bad  as  I 
did  afore,  for  I  took  care  to  rop  up  in  a  great  bear- 
skin. I  see  the  Legislator's  been  disputing  about 
passing  a  law  to  kill  off  all  the  bears  and  wolves  and 
sich  kind  of  critters. 

I  dont  know  whether  that's  a  good  plan  or  not. 
There's  a  good  deal  might  be  said  on  both  sides. 
Them  are  bears  are  pesky  mischievous.  I  heard  a 
story  while  I  was  gone,  but  I  dont  know  how  true  'tis, 
how  a  great  bear  chased  the  Councillor  that  the  Gov- 
ernor sent  down  to  Fredickton  to  carry  provisions  to 
our  prisoners  in  jail  there.  Some  reckoned  the  bear 
smelt  the  bread  and  cheese  that  he  had  in  his  saddle 
bags,  and  so  took  after  him  to  get  some  of  it.  How- 
15 


170  LETTERS    OF 

ever,  the  Councillor  got  back  safe.  But  I  think  this 
is  a  great  argument  in  favor  of  killing  off  the  bears. 
And  on  the  other  hand  I  believe  the  bear  skin  was  all 
that  kept  me  from  freezing  to  death  going  to  Mada- 
waska  tother  day.  So  it  seems  we  ought  not  to  kill 
'em  quite  all  off,  but  raise  enough  to  keep  us  in 
bear-skins;  fori  suppose  my  life  would  be  worth  as 
much  to  the  State  as  the  Councillor's. 

I  feel  a  little  put  out  with  Dr.  Burnham  for  an 
unhansome  running  he  gave  me  'tother  day  in  the 
Senate.  He  called  me  an  '  old  rogue.'  I  cant  swal- 
low that  very  well;  for  that's  a  character  I  never  bore 
in  Downingville  nor  Washington,  nor  any  where  else. 
He  was  disputing  about  paying  Mr.  Deane  and  Ca- 
vano  for  going  to  Madawaska.  He  said  they  had  n't 
ought  to  pay  so  much,  for  if  they  went  at  this  rate, 
next  thing  that  old  rogue,  Capt.  Jack  Downing, 
would  be  sending  in  his  bill. 

But  he  need  n't  trouble  himself  about  that,  for  as 
long  as  I  have  President  Jackson  to  look  to  for  pay- 
master, I  dont  care  a  snap  about  sending  in  any  bills  to 
the  Legislator.  But  as  for  being  called  an  old  rogue, 
I  wont.  I  dont  mean  to  make  a  great  fuss  about  it  in 
the  papers,  as  the  Argus  and  Age  did,  so  as  to  break 
up  the  harmony  of  the  republican  party.  But  if  Dr. 
Burnham  dont  give  me  satisfaction,  I'll  call  a  caucus 
of  the  party  and  have  him  over  the  coals  and  du  him 
over.  * 

Your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  171 


LETTER  XLIV. 


In  which  Captain  Downing  tells  about  the  Legislature's 
making  Lawyers. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  March  1st,  1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  dear  old  Friend, — I  begin  to  feel  as  uneasy 
as  a  fish  out  of  water,  because  I  havn't  writ  to  you 
for  most  two  weeks.  Now,  old  March  has  come, 
and  found  us  digging  here  yet;  and  sometimes  I'm 
most  afraid  we  shall  be  found  digging  here,  when  we 
ought  to  be  at  home  digging  potatoes,  or  planting  of 
'em  at  least.  I've  been  waiting  now  above  a  week 
for  the  Legislator  to  do  something,  that  I  could  write 
to  you  about;  but  they  dont  seem  to  get  along  very 
smart  lately.  Sometimes  the  wheels  almost  stop; 
and  then  they  start  and  rumble  along  a  little  ways, 
and  then  they  drag  again.  I  dont  think  we  shall  get 
through  before  sometime  next  week,  if  we  do  before 
week  arter.  These  secret  sessions  take  up  a  good 
deal  of  time.  I  dont  see  what  in  natur  they  have  so 
many  of  'em  for.  I  tried  to  get  into  some  of  'em, 
but  they  wouldn't  let  me;  they  said  lobby  members 
had  no  business  there,  and  shot  the  door  right  in  my 
face.  There's  one  kind  of  business  though  that  they 
carry  on  here  pretty  brisk  lately,  and  that  is,  making 
lawyers.  Some  days  they  make  'em  almost  as  fast 
as  uncle  Ephraim  used  to  make  sap-troughs;  and  I've 
known  him  to  chop  off  and  hew  out  two  in  fifteen 
minutes. 

But  for  all  the  Legislator  can  make  'em  so  fast,  it 
is  as  much  as  ever  they  can  get  along  with  all  that 
come  and  want  to  be  made  over  into  lawyers.  And 
'tother  day,  when  the  law  committee  got  pretty  well 
stuck,  having  so  many  of  'em  on  hand,  a  new  batch 


172  LETTERS    OF 

come  up,  and  Mr.  Hall  of  your  town  moved  to  refer 
them  to  the  committee  on  manufactures.  This  is  a 
capital  committee  to  make  things,  and  I  havn't  heard 
any  complaint  since,  but  what  they  can  turn  'em  out 
as  fast  as  they  come.  It  rather  puzzled  me  at  first 
to  know  what  made  every  body  want  to  be  worked 
over  into  lawyers;  so  I  asked  one  of  'em  that  stood 
waiting  round  here  a  day  or  two,  to  be  put  into  the 
hopper  and  ground  over,  what  he  wanted  to  be  made 
into  a  lawyer  for?  And  he  kind  of  looked  up  one 
side  at  me,  and  give  me  a  knowing  wink,  and  says 
he,  don't  you  know  that  the  lawyers  get  all  the  fat 
things  of  the  land,  and  eat  out  the  insides  of  the  ois- 
ters,  and  give  the  shels  to  other  folks?  And  if  a 
man  wants  to  have  any  kind  of  an  office,  he  can't  get 
it  unless  he's  a  lawyer;  if  he  wants  to  go  to  the  Leg- 
islator, he  can't  be  elected  without  he's  a  lawyer; 
and  if  he  wants  to  get  to  Congress,  he  cant  go 
without  he's  a  lav>^yer;  and  any  man  that  don't  get 
made  into  a  lawyer  as  fast  as  possible,  I  say,  is  a 
fool.  The  whole  truth  come  across  my  mind  then, 
as  quick  as  a  look,  why  it  was  that  I  spent  two  or 
three  years  trying  to  get  an  office,  and  couldn't  get 
one.  It  was  because  I  wasn't  a  lawyer.  And  I  dont 
believe  I  should  have  got  an  office  to  this  day,  if  my 
good  friend  President  Jackson  hadn't  found  out  I 
was  a  brave  two  fisted  chap,  and  jest  the  boy  to  go 
down  to  Madawaska  and  flog  the  British. 

We've  agreed  unanimouslij  to  support  Governor 
Smith  for  re-election;  and  he'll  come  in  all  hollow, 
let  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  say  what  they 
will  about  it.  Our  party  know  too  well  which  side 
their  bread  is  buttered,  to  think  of  being  split  up  this 
heat.  I  should  write  you  more  to  day,  but  I  feel 
so  kind  of  agitated  about  these  secret  sessions,*  that 
I  cant  hardly  hold  my  pen  still.     I'm  a  little  afraid 

"  The  Legislature  about  this  time  held  several  secret  sessions 
on  the  subject  of  the  North-Eastern  Boundary. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  173 

they  are  intriguing  to  send  on  to  the  President  to 
take  my  commission  away  from  me.  It  has  been 
thrown  out  to  me  that  I  ought  to  be  down  to  Mada- 
waska,  instead  of  being  here  all  winter.  Some  have 
hinted  to  me  that  Mr.  Clifford  has  taken  a  miff  against 
me,  because  the  other  day  when  he  was  chosen 
Speaker  pro.  tem.  one  of  my  friends  voted  for  me; 
and  he  thinks  I  was  a  rival  candidate,  and  means  to 
have  me  turned  out  of  office  if  he  can. 
I  am  your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLV. 

Capt.  Downing  is  in  a  peck  of  trouble  about  the  Legis- 
lature's selling  Madawaska  to  the  General  Govern- 
ment to  be  given  up  to  the  British,  and  sits  down  and 
figures  up  the  price. 

Madawaska,  State  of  Maine,  or  else  Great  Britain,  I  dent 
know  which,  March  12,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  —  this  with  care  and 
speed. 
My  dear  old  Friend, — I  cleared  out  from  Au- 
gusta in  such  a  kind  of  a  whirlwind,  that  I  hadn't  time 
to  write  you  a  single  word  before  I  left.     And  I  feel 
so  kind  of  crazy  now,  I  dont  know  hardly  which  end 
I  stand  upon.     I've  had  a  good  many  head-flaws  and 
worriments  in  my  life  time,  and  been  in  a  great  many 
hobbles,  but  I  never,  in  all  my  born  days,  met  with 
any  thing  that  puzzled  me  quite  so  bad  as  this  ere 
selling  Old  down  here.     I  fit  in  the  Legislator  as  long 
as  fighting  would  do  any  good,  that  is,  I  mean  in  the 
caucus,  for  they  wouldn't  let  me  go  right  into  the 
15* 


174  LETTERS    OF 

Legislate!"  in  the  day  time  and  talk  to  'em  there,  be- 
cause I  was  only  a  lobby  member.  But  jest  let  them 
know  it,  lobby  members  can  do  as  much  as  any  of 
'em  on  sich  kind  of  business  as  this.  I  laid  it  down 
to  'em  in  the  caucus  as  well  as  I  could.  I  asked  'em 
if  they  didn't  think  I  should  look  like  a  pretty  fool, 
after  marching  my  company  down  there,  and  stand- 
ing ready  all  winter  to  flog  the  whole  British  nation 
the  moment  any  of  'em  stept  a  foot  on  to  our  land,  if 
I  should  now  have  to  march  back  again  and  give  up 
the  land  and  all  without  flogging  a  single  son-of-a-gun 
of  'em.  But  they  said  it  was  no  use,  it  couldn't  be 
helped:  Mr.  Netherlands  had  given  the  land  away  to 
the  British,  and  the  President  had  agreed  to  do  jest 
as  Mr  Netherlands  said  about  it,  and  all  we  could 
do  now  was  to  get  as  much  pay  for  it  as  we  could. 

So  I  set  down  and  figured  it, up  a  little  to  see  how 
much  it  would  come  to,  for  I  used  to  cypher  to  the 
rule  of  three  when  I  went  to  school,  and  I  found  it 
would  come  to  a  pretty  round  sum.  There  vv^as,  in 
the  first  place,  about  two  millions  of  acres  of  land. 
This,  considerin  the  timber  there  was  on.  it,  would 
certainly  be  worth  a  dollar  an  acre,  and  that  would 
be  two  millions  of  dollars.  Then  there  was  Uvo  or 
three  thousand  inhabitants,  say  twenty-five  hundred; 
we  must  be  paid  for  them  too,  and  how  much  are  they 
worth  ?  I've  read  in  the  newspapers  tliat  black  slaves, 
at  the  south,  sell  for  three  or  four  hundred  dollars 
apiece.  I  should  think,  then,  that  white  ones  ought 
to  fetch  eight  hundred.  This,  ficcording  to  the  rule 
of  three,  would  be  two  hundred  thousand  dollars. 
Then  there's  the  pretty  little  town  of  Madawaska  that 
our  Legislator  made  last  winter,  already  cut  and 
dried  with  town  officers  all  chosen,  and  every  thing 
ready  for  the  British  to  use  without  any  more  trouble. 
We  ought  to  have  pay  for  this  too,  and  I  should  think 
it  was  worth  ten  thousand  dollars. 

And  then  the  town  of  Madawaspa  has  chosen  Mr. 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  175 

Lizote  to  be  a  representative  in  the  Legislator,  and 
as  the  British  can  take  him  right  into  the  Parliament 
without  choosing  him  over  again,  they  ought  to  pay 
us  for  that  too.  Now  I  have  read  in  the  newspapers 
that  it  sometimes  costs,  in  England,  two  hundred 
thousand  dollars  to  choose  a  representative  to  Par- 
liament, reckoning  all  the  grog  they  drink  and  all 
the  money  they  pay  for  votes.  But  I  wouldn't  be 
screwing  about  it,  so  I  put  Mr.  Lizote  down  at  one 
hundred  thousand  dollars.  And  then  I  footed  up, 
and  found  it  to  be, — 
For  land,  including  timber,  two  millions 

of  dollars,  $2,000,000 

For    inhabitants,    including   women    and 

children,  two  hundred  thousand  dollars,        200,000 
For  the  town  of  Madawaska,  officers  and 

all,  ten  thousand  dollars,  10,000 

For  Mr,  Lizote,  all  ready  to  go  to  Par- 
liament, one  hundred  thousand  dollars,         100,000 


Total,  $2,310,000 

This  was  a  pretty  round  sum,  and  I  begun  to  think, 
come  to  divide  it  out,  it  would  be  a  slice  a-piece 
worth  having;  especially  if  we  didn't  give  the  Feds 
any  of  it,  and  I  supposed  we  shouldn't,  as  there 
wasn't  any  of  'em  there  in  the  caucus  to  help  see 
about  it. 

'  Li  this  view  of  the  subject,'  I  almost  made  up  my 
mind  that  we  ought  to  be  patriotic  enough  to  give  it 
up,  and  help  the  general  government  out  of  the  hob- 
ble they  had  got  into.  And  I  was  jest  a-going  to 
get  up  and  make  a  speech  and  tell  'em  so,  when  Mr. 
McCrate  of  Nobleborough,  and  Capt.  Smith  of  West- 
brook,  two  of  the  best  fellers  in  our  party,  came  along 
and  see  what  I  was  figuring  about,  and,  says  they, 
Capt.  Downing,  are  you  going  to  sell  your  country? 
In  a  minute  I  felt  something  rise  right  up  in  my 
throat,  that  felt  as  big  as  an  ox-yoke.     As  soon  as 


176  LETTERS    OF 

I  got  SO  I  could  speak,  says  I,  JVo,  never,  while  my 
name  is  Jack  Downing,  or  my  old  rifle  can  carry  a 
bullet.  They  declared  too,  that  they  wouldn't  sell 
out  to  the  'general  government,  nor  the  British,  nor 
nobody  else.  And  we  stuck  it  out  most  of  the  even- 
ing, till  we  found  out  how  it  was  going,  and  then  we 
cleared  out,  and  as  soon  as  the  matter  was  fairly  set- 
tled, I  started  off  for  Madawaska;  for  I  was  afraid  if 
my  company  should  hear  of  it  before  I  got  there,  it 
would  make  a  blow  up  among  'em,  and  I  should  have 
to  court-martial  'em. 

When  I  first  told  'em  how  the  jig  was  up  with  us, 
that  the  British  were  going  to  have  the  land,  without 
any  fighting  about  it,  I  never  see  fellows  so  mad  before 
in  my  life,  unless  it  was  Major  Eaton  at  Washington 
when  he  sot  out  to  flog  Mr.  Ingham.  They  said  if 
they  could  only  have  had  one  good  battle,  they  would 
n't  care  a  snap  about  it,  but  to  be  played  tom-fool 
with  in  this  way  they  wouldn't  bear  it.  They  were 
so  mad,  they  hopped  right  up  and  down,  and  declared 
they  never  would  go  back  till  they  had  been  over  to 
Fredericton  and  pulled  the  jail  down,  or  thrashed 
some  of  the  l^ew  Brunswick  boys.  But,  after  a  while, 
I  pacified  'em  by  telling  'em  if  we  didn't  get  a  chance 
to  fight  here,  I  rather  thought  we  might  away  off  to 
Georgia,  for  there  was  something  of  a  bobbery  kick- 
ing up,  and  if  the  President  should  want  troops  to  go 
on  there,  I  was  very  sure  my  company  would  be  one 
of  the  first  he  would  send  for. 

So  here  we  are,  lying  upon  our  arms,  not  knowing 
what  to  do.  I  have  written  to  the  President,  and 
hope  to  hear  from  him  soon.  If  the  land  is  to  go,  I 
want  to  know  it  in  season  to  get  oft"  before  it's  all 
over;  for  I'll  be  hanged  if  ever  I'll  belong  to  the 
British. 

Your  distrest  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  177 


LETTER  XLVI. 

Capt.  Downing  declines  the  office  of  Mayor  of  Portland. 

Portland,  State  of  Maine,  April  10,  1832. 
To  the  citizens  of  Portland. 

When  I  arrived  in  this  city,  last  night,  from  Mad- 
awaska,  jest  after  the  hubbub  was  over  about  the 
election,  I  was  informed  some  of  my  friends  in  Ward 
No.  7,  had  voted  for  me  for  Mayor,  I  believe  the 
votes  are  put  in  the  papers  long  v/ith  the  scattering 
votes,  as  I  see  they  dont  publish  my  name. 

Now  the  upshot  ont  is,  I  cant  take  that  are  office, 
I've  got  so  much  other  business  to  attend  to.  And 
so  I  take  this  opportunity  to  declare  that  I  absolutely 
decline  being  a  candidate.  I  have  a  great  regard  for 
the  citizens  of  Portland,  for  it  was  they  that  first  gave 
me  a  boost  up  towards  an  office,  and  I  should  be  very 
glad  to  do  any  thing  for  'em  that  I  could;  but  I  must 
beg  to  be  excused  from  being  Mayor  this  year. 
I  am  with  respect, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


178  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  XLVII. 


In  which  Capt.  Downing  relates  a  confidential  conver- 
sation with  President  Jackson  vjhile  on  a  journey  to 
Tennessee. 

Washington  City,  October  20, 1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down  east  iti  the 
State  of  Maine :    [  O  dear,  seems  to  me  I  never  shall  get 
there  again.] 

Mr  DEAR  OLD  Friend, — I  have  n't  done  anything 
this  three  months  that  seemed  so  natural  as  to  set 
down  and  write  to  you.  To  write  the  name  of  the 
Portland  Conner  raises  my  sperits  right  up.  It 
makes  me  feel  as  if  I  was  again  talking  with  you, 
and  uncle  Joshua,  and  cousin  Ephrairn,  and  cousin 
Nabby,  and  ant  Sally,  and  all  of  'em.  I  and  Presi- 
dent Jackson  got  back  here  yesterday  from  Tennes- 
see, where  we've  been  gone  most  all  summer.  And 
a  long  journey  we've  had  of  it  too.  I  thought  that 
from  here  to  Portland  was  a  dreadful  ways,  but  it's  a 
great  deal  further  to  Tennessee.  I  did  n't  think  be- 
fore that  our  country  was  half  so  large  as  I  find  it  is. 
It  seems  as  if  there  was  no  end  to  it;  for  when  we 
got  clear  to  Tennessee  the  President  said  we  want 
half  way  acrost  it.  I  could  n't  hardly  believe  him, 
but  he  stood  tu  it  we  want.  Why,  says  he,  Jack, 
I've  got  the  largest  country  in  the  world,  and  the 
hardest  to  govern  tu.  Say  what  you  will  of  free 
governments,  where  folks  will  act  pretty  much  as 
they  are  a  mind  to,  it's  the  hardest  work  to  adminis- 
ter it  that  ever  I  did.  I  had  rather  fight  forty  ]Vew 
Orleans  battles  than  to  govern  this  everlasting  great 
country  one  year.  There  are  so  many,  you  see, 
want  to  have  a  finger  in  the  pye,  it's  the  most  diffi- 
cult business  you  can  imagine.  You  thought  you 
had  a  tou{(h  time  of  it,  Jack,  to  take  care  of  them 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  179 

are  small  matters  down  to  Madawaska  last  winter, 
with  your  brave  company  of  Downingville  boys. 
But  that's  no  more  than  a  drop  in  the  bucket  to  being 
President  one  montli.  I  tell  you,  Jack,  there  is  n't 
a  monarch  in  Europe  who  has  so  hard  a  time  of  it  as 
I  have.  There  are  so  many  cooks,  the  broth  most 
always  comes  out  rather  bad.  If  I  have  to  write  a 
message,  one  must  put  in  a  sentence,  and  another 
a  sentence,  and  another,  till  it  gets  so  at  last  I  can't 
hardly  tell  whether  I've  written  any  of  it  myself  or 
not.  And  sometimes  I  have  a  good  mind  to  throw  it 
all  in  the  fire  and  say  nothing  at  all.  But  then  again 
that  wont  do,  for  since  I've  undertaken  to  be  Presi- 
dent, I  must  go  through  with  it.  And  then  there 
was  such  a  pulling  and  hauling  for  offices  along  in 
the  outset,  it  seemed  as  though  they  would  pull  me 
to  pieces.  If  I  gave  an  office  to  one,  Mr.  Ingham 
or  Mr.  Branch  would  be  mad,  and  if  I  gave  it  to  an- 
other Mr.  Van  Buren  would  n't  like  it,  and  if  I  gave 
it  to  another,  perhaps  Mrs.  Eaton  would  make  a 
plaguy  fuss  about  it.  One  wanted  me  to  do  this 
thing  and  another  wanted  me  to  do  that;  and  it  was 
nothing  but  quarrel  the  whole  time.  At  last  Mr.  Van 
Buren  said  he'd  resign,  if  I  would  turn  the  rest  out. 
So  I  made  a  scattering  among  'em  and  turned  'em 
all  out  in  a  heap.  All  but  Mr.  Lewis  and  Mr.  Ken- 
dall who  staid  to  give  me  their  friendly  advice  and 
help  me  through  my  trying  difficulties. 

And  then  again  to  be  so  slandered  as  I  have  been 
in  the  papers,  it  is  enough  to  wear  the  patience 
of  Job  out.  And  if  I  got  a  little  angry  at  the  con- 
trariness of  the  Senate,  they  must  needs  call  me  a 
'  roaring  lion,'  the  rascals.  But  that  Senate  did  use 
me  shamefully.  The  very  best  nominations  I  made, 
they  always  rejected.  To  think  the  stupid  heads 
should  reject  Mr.  Van  Buren,  decidedly  the  greatest 
man  in  the  country,  it  was  too  provoking.  Yes,  Mr. 
Van  Buren  is  the  first  man  in  this  country,  and  jest 


180  LETTERS    OP 

between  you  and  me,  Jack,  he's  the  only  man  in  it 
that  is  well  qualified  to  succeed  me  in  the  govern- 
ment of  this  great  nation  of  twenty-four  republics. 
And  he  must  come  in  too,  or  the  country  wont  be 
worth  a  stiver,  much  longer.  There's  Clay,  he 
would  make  pretty  work  of  it,  if  he  should  come  in. 
Why,  Jack,  he  would  gamble  one  half  of  the  country 
away  in  two  years,  and  spend  the  other  half  in  dig- 
ging Canals  and  building  rail-roads;  and  when  the 
funds  in  the  Treasury  failed  he  would  go  to  the 
United  States  Bank  and  get  more. 

Calhoun  would  break  the  Union  to  pieces  in  three 
months  if  he  was  President.  He's  trying  all  he  can 
now  to  tear  off  something  of  a  slice  from  it  at  the 
south.  And  as  for  Wirt,  he's  a  fiddling  away  with 
the  Anti-masons.  Letting  Anti-masonry  alone,  he's 
a  pretty  good  sort  of  a  man;  but  he  has  n't  energy 
enough  to  steer  our  crazy  ship  of  state  in  these 
stormy  times.  I  would  sooner  trust  it  in  the  hands 
of  Mrs.  Eaton  than  him.  There's  no  one  fit  for  it 
but  Mr.  Van  Buren ;  and  if  it  was  not  for  getting 
him  in  I  would  n't  have  consented  to  stand  for  an- 
other term. 

But,  my  dear  friend,  by  stopping  to  tell  you  some 
of  the  conversation  I  and  the  President  had  along 
the  road,  I  have  almost  forgot  to  tell  you  any  thing 
about  myself  and  the  thousand  things  I  met  with  on 
my  journey.  But  I  can  not  write  any  more  to- 
day. I  expect  to  start  from  here  Monday  on  my  way 
to  Portland.  You  may  hear  from  me  a  few  times 
before  I  get  there,  as  I  shall  stop  along  by  the  way 
some  to  see  how  matters  go  in  Pennsylvany  and  New 
York. 

If  you  have  a  chance,  send  my  love  to  all  my  folks 
up  at  Downingville,  and  tell  'em  old  Jack  is  alive 
and  hearty. 

I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  181 


LETTER  XLVIII. 


Imohich  Capt.  Downing  runs  an  Express  from  Baity 

more  to  Washington,  and  foots  it  through  Pennsyl- 

vany  avenue  to  the  President's  house. 

Washington  City,  Nov.  5, 1832. 
To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 

bmldrnTsdltory,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street,  Portland,  away 

down  elist,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend.— Here  I  am  back  again  to 
Washington,  though  I've  been  as  far  as  Baltimore 
on  my  way  down  east  to  see  you  and  the  rest  of  my 
uncles  and  aunts  and  couzins.  And  what  do  you 
think  I  posted  back  to  Washington  for?  I  can  tell 
vou  When  I  got  to  Baltimore  I  met  an  express 
com'ing  on  full  chisel  from  Philadelphia,  to  carry  the 
news  to  Washington  that  Pennsylvania  had  gone  all 
hollow  for  Old  Hickory's  second  election.  The  poor 
fellow  that  was  carrying  it  had  got  so  out  of  breath, 
that  he  declared  he  couldn't  go  no  further  if  the 
President  never  heard  of  it.  ,      ,    ^ 

Well  thinks  I,  it  will  be  worth  a  journey  back  to 
Washino-ton,  jest  to  see  the  old  gineral's  eyes  strike 
fire  when  he  hears  of  it.  So  says  I,  I'll  take  it  and 
carry  it  on  for  you  if  you  are  a  mmd  to.  He  kind  ot 
hesitated  at  first,  and  was  afraid  I  might  play  a  trick 
upon  him;  but  when  he  found  out  my  name  was  Jack 
Downincr,  he  jumped  off  his  horse  quick  enough;  1 11 
trust  it  with  you,  says  he,  as  quick  as  I  would  with 
the  President  himself.  So  I  jumped  on  and  whipped 
up  And  sure  enough,  as  true  as  you  are  alive,  1  did 
get  to  W^ashington  before  dark,  though  I  had  but  three 
hours  to  go  it  in,  and  its  nearly  forty  miles.  It  was 
the  smartest  horse  that  ever  I  backed,  except  one 
that  belongs  to  the  President.  But,  poor  fellow,  he  s 
so  done  tu  I  guess  he'll  never  run  another  express. 
Jest  before  I  got  to  Washington,  say  about  two  miles 
16 


182  LETTERS    OP 

from  the  city,  the  poor  fellow  keeled  up  and  could  n't 
go  another  step.  I  had  lost  my  hat  on  the  way  and 
was  too  much  in  a  hurry  to  pick  it  up,  and  he  had 
thrown  me  off  twice  and  torn  my  coat  pretty  bad,  so 
that  I  did  n't  look  very  trig  to  go  through  the  city  or 
go  to  the  President's  fine  house.  But  notwithstand- 
ing, I  knew  the  President  would  overlook  it,  consid- 
erin  the  business  I  was  coming  upon;  so  I  catched 
the  express  and  pulled  foot,  right  through  Pennsyl- 
vany  Avenue,  without  any  hat,  and  torn  coat  sleeves 
and  coat  tail  flying.  The  stage  offered  to  carry  me, 
but  I  thought  I  wouldn't  stop  for  it. 

Almost  the  first  person  I  met  was  Mr.  Duff  Green. 
Says  he,  Capt.  Downing,  what's  the  matter?  I  held 
up  the  express  and  shook  it  at  him,  but  never  an- 
swered him  a  word,  and  pulled  on.  He  turned  and 
walked  as  fast  as  he  could  without  running,  and  fol- 
lowed me.  Pretty  soon  I  met  Mr.  Gales  of  the  In- 
telligencer, and  says  he,  for  mercy  sake,  Captain 
Downing,  what's  the  matter?  Have  you  been  chased 
by  a  wolf,  or  Governor  Houston,  or  have  you  got 
news  from  Pennsylvania?  I  did  n't  turn  to  the  right 
nor  left,  but  shook  the  express  at  him  and  run  like 
wild-fire. 

When  I  came  up  to  the  President's  house,  the  old 
gentleman  was  standing  in  the  door,  He  stepped 
quicker  than  I  ever  see  him  before,  and  met  me  at 
the  gate.  Says  he,  my  dear  friend  Downing,  what's 
the  matter?  Has  the  United  States  Bank  been  trying 
to  bribe  you,  and  you  are  trying  to  run  away  from 
'em?  They  may  buy  over  Webster  and  Clay  and  such 
trash,  but  I  knew  if  they  touched  you  they  would  get 
the  wrong  pig  by  the  ear.  As  he  said  this,  Duff 
Green  hove  in  sight,  pufhng  and  blowing,  full  speed. 

Oh,  said  the  President,  Duff  Green  wants  to  have 
a  lick  at  you,  does  he?  Well  dont  retreat  another 
step,  Mr.  Downing,  I'll  stand  between  you  and  harm. 
Upon  that  he  called  his  boy  and  told  him  to  bring  his 


n  cc 


M        O 

CO     C 


r" 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  185 

pistols  in  a  moment.  By  this  time  I  made  out  to  get 
breath  enough  jest  to  say  Pennsylvany,  and  to  shake 
the  express  at  him.  The  old  man's  color  changed  in 
a  minute.  Says  he,  come  in,  Mr.  Downing,  come 
in,  set  down,  dont  say  a  word  to  DufF.  So  in  we 
went,  and  shut  the  door.  Now,  says  the  President, 
looking  as  though  he  would  route  a  regiment  in  five 
minutes,  now  speak  and  let  me  know  whether  I  am  a 
dead  man  or  alive. 

Gineral,  says  I,  its  all  over  with 1  wont  hear 

a  word  of  it,  says  he,  stomping  his  foot.  His  eyes 
flashed  fire  so  that  I  trembled  and  almost  fell  back- 
v/ards.  But  I  see  he  did  n't  understand  me.  Dear 
gineral,  says  I,  its  all  over  with  Clay  and  the  Bank — 
at  that  he  clapt  his  hands  and  jumpt  up  like  a  boy. 
I  never  see  the  President  jump  before,  as  much  as 
I've  been  acquainted  with  him.  In  less  than  a  min- 
ute he  looked  entirely  like  another  man.  His  eyes 
were  as  calm  and  as  bright  as  the  moon  jest  coming 
out  from  behind  a  black  thunder  cloud. 

He  clenched  my  hand  and  gave  it  such  a  shake,  I 
did  n't  know  but  he  would  pull  it  off.  Says  he.  Jack, 
I  knew  Pennsylvany  never  would  desert  me,  and  if  she 
has  gone  for  me  I'm  safe.  And  now  if  I  dont  make 
them  are  Bank  chaps  hug  it,  my  name  is  n't  Andrew 
Jackson.  And  after  all.  Jack,  I  aint  so  glad  on  my 
own  account,  that  I'm  re-elected,  as  I  am  for  the 
country  and  Mr.  Van  Buren.  This  election  has  all 
been  on  Mr.  Van  Buren's  account;  and  we  shall  get 
him  in  now  to  be  President  after  me.  And  you  know, 
Jack,  that  he's  the  only  man  after  me,  that's  fit  to 
govern  this  country. 

•  The  President  has  made  me  promise  to  stop  and 
spend  the  night  with  him,  and  help  him  rejoice  over 
the  victory.  But  I  have  n't  time  to  write  any  more 
before  the  mail  goes. 

Your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 
16* 


186  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  XLIX. 

In  which  Capt.  Downing  receives  aMajor^s  commission, 
and  is  appointed  to  march  against  the  jYuUijiers. 

Washington  City,  Dec.  8,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  second  story,  eastern  end.  Fore  Street,  Portland, 
away  down  east,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friexd. — I  believe  the  last  time  I 
wrote  to  you,  was  when  I  come  back  with  the  express 
from  Baltimore,  and  Duff  Green  chased  me  so  through 
the  street  to  find  out  what  I  was  bringing,  and  the 
President  thought  he  was  running  to  get  a  lick  at 
me,  and  called  for  his  pistols  to  stand  between  me 
and  harm,  you  know.  Well,  I  intended  to  turn  right 
about  again  after  I  had  made  the  old  gentleman's 
heart  jump  up  by  telling  him  that  he  had  got  Penn- 
sylvany  and  would  be  elected  as  sure  as  eggs  was 
bacon,  and  make  the  best  of  my  way  towards  Port- 
land. For  you  cant  think  how  I  long  to  see  you  and 
uncle  Joshua  and  ant  Kesiah  and  cousin  Ephraim 
and  cousin  Nabby  and  all  the  res't  of  the  dear  souls 
up  in  Downingville.  It  seems  as  though  it  was  six 
years  instead  of  six  months  since  I  left  that  part  of  the 
country,  and  when  I  shall  be  able  to  get  back  again 
is  more  than  I  can  tell  now;  for  I  find  when  a  man 
once  gets  into  public  life  he  never  can  say  his  time  is 
his  own;  he  must  always  stand  ready  to  go  where  his 
country  calls.  The  long  and  the  short  of  it  is,  the 
President  has  got  so  many  other  fish  for  me  to  fry, 
it's  no  use  for  me  to  think  of  going  home  yet.  That 
evening  after  I  got  back  with  the  express,  the  Presi- 
dent said  we  must  honor  this  victory  in  Pennsylvany 
with  a  glass  of  wine.  I  am  sure,  said  he,  Capt. 
Downing,  you  will  have  no  objection  to  take  a  glass 
with  me  on  this  joyful  occasion.     I  told  him  as  for 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  187 

that  matter,  I  supposed  I  could  take  a  glass  of  wine 
upon  a  pinch,  even  if  the  occasion  was  not  half  so 
joyful.  So  he  had  two  or  three  bottles  full  brought 
in,  and  filled  up  the  glasses.  And  now,  says  the 
President,  I  will  give  you  a  toast.  The  state  of  Penn- 
sylvania, the  most  patriotic  State  in  the  Union;  for 
though  I  go  against  all  her  great  public  interests,  still 
she  votes  for  me  by  an  overwhelming  majority. 

He  then  called  for  my  toast.  And  what  could  I 
give  but  my  dear  native  Downingville;  the  most  gen- 
uine unwavering  democratic  republican  town  in  New 
England. 

Good,  said  the  President;  and  that  Downingville 
has  never  been  rewarded  yet.  You  shall  have  a  Post 
Office  established  there,  and  name  to  me  which  of 
your  friends  you  would  like  should  be  Post  Master, 
and  he  shall  be  appointed. 

The  President  than  gave  his  second  toast;  Martin 
Van  Buren,  the  next  President  of  the  United  States, 
and  the  only  man  in  the  country  that  is  fit  for  it.  Capt. 
Downing,  your  toast  if  you  please.  So  I  gave  Uncle 
Joshua  Downing,  the  most  thorough  going  republican 
in  Downingville. 

Good,  said  the  President,  I  understand  you,  Cap- 
tain Downing;  your  Uncle  Joshua  shall  have  the 
Post  Office. 

His  third  toast  was  the  editor  of  the  Washington 
Globe;  and  mine  was  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Cou- 
rier. But  I  told  him  he  mustn't  ask  me  for  any  more 
toasts,  for  that  was  as  fur  as  I  could  go. 

The  President  toasted  several  more  of  his  friends, 
sich  as  Major  Eaton,  and  Mr.  Kendall,  and  Mr. 
Lewis,  and  the  Hon.  Isaac  Hill,  and  so  on,  till  it  got 
to  be  pretty  late  in  the  evening,  and  I  told  the  Pres- 
ident I  would  be  glad  if  he  would  excuse  me,  for  I 
wanted  to  start  early  in  the  morning  on  my  way  down 
east,  and  I  thought  I  should  feel  better  if  I  could  get 
a  little  nap  first.    And  besides  I  had  got  to  go  and  get 


188  LETTERS    OF 

the  old  lady  that  used  to  do  my  washing  and  mending, 
to  patch  up  my  coat  that  got  such  a  terrible  ship- 
wreck by  being  thrown  off  the  horse  with  the  express. 

Start  down  east  to-morrow  morning,  Capt.  Down- 
ing, said  he,  you  must  not  think  of  it.  I  have  an  im- 
portant and  delicate  job  on  hand  which  I  cant  get 
along  with  very  well  without  your  assistance.  There's 
that  miserable  ambitious  Calhoun  has  been  trying  this 
dozen  years  to  be  President  of  the  United  States; 
but  he  can't  make  out,  so  now  he  is  determined  to  lop 
off  a  few  of  the  southern  States  and  make  himself 
President  of  them.  But  if  he  don't  find  himself  mis- 
taken my  name  is  n't  Andrew  Jackson.  As  he  said 
this  he  started  up  on  his  feet,  and  begun  to  march 
across  the  floor  with  a  very  soldier-like  step,  and  his 
eyes  fairly  flashed  fire.  No,  said  he,  Capt.  Downing, 
he  must  wait  till  somebody  else  is  President  besides 
me  before  he  can  do  that.  Let  him  move  an  inch  by 
force  in  this  business,  if  he  dares.  I'll  chase  him  as 
far  beyond  Tennessee  as  it  is  from  here  there,  but 
what  I'll  catch  him  and  string  him  up  by  the  neck  to 
the  first  tree  I  can  find. 

I  must  send  some  troops  out  there  to  South  Caro- 
lina to  reconnoitre  and  keep  matters  strait,  and  your 
gallant  defence  of  Madawaska  last  winter  points  you 
out  as  the  most  suitable  man  to  take  the  command. — 
I  shall  give  you  a  Major's  commission  to-morrow,  and 
wish  you  to  enlist  two  or  three  companies  of  brave 
volunteers  and  hold  yourself  in  readiness  to  obey  or- 
ders. In  case  we  should  have  to  come  to  a  real  brush, 
said  the  President,  I  shall  take  command  myself,  and 
make  you  Lieutenant  General.  But  I  wish  you  to 
bear  in  mind,  let  what  will  come,  never  to  shoot  that 
Calhoun.  Shooting  is  too  good  for  him.  He  must 
dance  upon  nothing  with  a  rope  round  his  neck. 

As  for  your  coat,  Capt.  Downing,  dont  trouble  the 
old  lady  with  it.  It  looks  as  though  it  had  seen  ser- 
vice enough  already.     I'll  give  you  one  of  mine  to 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  189 

wear  till  you  have  time  to  get  a  suit  of  regimentals 
made.  I  told  him  I  felt  a  little  uneasy  about  taking 
the  command  among  strangers,  unless  I  could  have 
my  Dovvningville  company  with  me.  Send  for  them, 
said  the  President,  by  all  means,  send  for  them. 
There  are  no  troops  equal  to  them  except  it  is  some 
of  the  boys  from  Tennessee.  So  I  shall  forthwith 
send  orders  to  Sargeant  Joel  to  march  'em  on  here. 
As  I  am  to  have  my  commission  to-morrow,  I  shall 
venture  to  subscribe  myself  your  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  L. 

In  which  uncle  Joshua  tells  what  a  tussle  they  had  in 
Downingville  to  keep  the  Federalists  from  praising  the 
President's  Proclamation  against  the  JSulliJiers. 

Downingville,  State  of  Mame,  Dec.  27, 1832. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington  City,  or  if  he  is  gone 
to  South  Carolina  I  want  President  Jackson  to  send  this  along 
tu  him. 

My  dear  Neffu,— We  had  almost  gin  you  up  for 
dead,  you  had  been  gone  so  long,  before  we  got  your 
letter  in  the  Portland  Courier  telling  how  you  had 
been  away  to  Tennessee  along  with  President  Jackson. 
Your  poor  mother  had  pined  away  so  that  she  had 
nothing  left,  seemingly,  but  skin  and  bones,  and  your 
cousin  Nabby  had  cried  her  eyes  half  out  of  her 
head,  poor  girl.  But  when  the  Portland  Courier 
came  bringing  that  are  letter  of  yourn,  Downingville 
was  in  a  complete  uproar  all  day.  Sargent  Joel  had 
come  home  from  Madawaska  and  dismissed  your 
company,  and  gone  to  work  in  the  woods  chopping 


190  LETTERS  OF 

wood.  But  as  soon  as  he  heard  your  letter  had  come, 
he  dropped  his  ax,  and  I  dont  think  he  's  touched  it 
since;  and  he  put  on  his  regimentals  and  scoured  up 
the  old  piece  of  a  scythe  that  he  used  to  have  for  a 
sword,  and  stuck  it  into  his  waistband,  and  strutted 
about  as  big  as  a  major  gineral.  Your  mother  begun 
to  pick  up  her  crums  immediately,  and  has  been 
growing  fat  ever  since.  And  Nabby  run  about  from 
house  to  house  like  a  crazy  bed-bug,  telling  'em  Jack 
was  alive  and  was  agoing  to  build  up  Downingville 
and  make  something  of  it  yet. 

We  got  your  last  letter  and  the  President's  Proc- 
lamation both  together,  though  I  see  your  letter  was 
written  two  days  first.  That  Proclamation  is  a  cap- 
ital thing.  You  know  I  've  made  politics  my  study 
for  forty  years,  and  I  must  say  it  's  the  most  ginuine 
republican  thing  I  ever  come  acrost.  But  what  was 
most  provoking  about  it,  was,  all  the  old  federalists 
in  town  undertook  to  praise  it  tu.  Squire  Dudley,  you 
know,  was  always  a  federahst,  and  an  Adams  man 
tu.  I  met  him  the  next  day  after  the  Proclamation 
come,  and  he  was  chock  full  of  the  matter.  Says  he, 
Mr.  Downing,  that  Proclamation  is  jest  the  thing. 
It  's  the  true  constitutional  doctrine.  We  all  support 
the  President  in  this  business  through  thick  and  thin. 

My  dander  began  to  rise,  and  I  could  not  hold  in 
any  longer.  Says  I,  squire  Dudley,  shut  up  your 
clack,  or  I  '11  knock  your  clam-shells  together  pretty 
quick.  It  's  got  to  be  a  pretty  time  of  day  indeed, 
if  after  we  've  worked  so  hard  to  get  President  Jack- 
son in,  you  Federalists  are  going  to  undertake  to 
praise  his  proclamation  as  much  as  though  he  was 
your  own  President.  You  've  a  right  to  grumble 
and  fine  fault  with  it  as  much  as  you  like;  but  dont 
let  me  hear  you  say  another  word  in  favor  of  it,  if 
you  do  I  '11  make  daylight  shine  through  you.  The 
old  man  hauled  in  his  horns  and  meeched  off  looking 
shamed  enough. 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  191 

The  next  day  we  concluded  to  have  a  public  meet- 
ino-  to  pass  resolutions  in  favor  of  the  Proclamation. 
I  was  appointed  chairman.  The  federal  party  all 
come  flocking  round  and  wanted  to  come  in  and  help 
praise  the  President.  We  told  'em  no;  it  was  our 
President,  and  our  Proclamation,  and  they  must  keep 
their  distance.  So  we  shut  the  doors  and  went  on 
with  our  resolutions.  By  and  by  the  federal  party 
begun  to  hurra  for  Jackson  outside  the  house.  At 
that  I  told  Sargent  Joel  and  your  cousin  Ephraim 
and  two  or  three  more  of  the  young  democrats  to  go 
out  and  clear  the  coast  of  them  are  fellers.  And 
they  went  out  and  Sargent  Joel  drew  his  piece  of  a 
scythe  and  went  at  'em  and  the  federalists  run  like  a 
flock  of  sheep  with  a  dog  after  'em.  So  we  finished 
our  resolutions  without  getting  a  drop  of  federalism 
mixed  with  'em,  and  sent  'em  on  to  the  President  by 
Sargent  Joel.  '  He  got  his  company  together  last 
week  and  they  filled  their  knapsacks  with  bread  and 
sasages  and  doe-nuts,  and  started  for  Washington 
according  to  your  orders. 

I  was  glad  to  see  that  hint  in  your  letter  about  a 
post  office  here.  W"e  need  one  very  much.  And  if 
the  President  should  think  I  ought  to  have  it,  being 
I  've  always  been  such  a  good  friend  to  him,  why 
you  know,  Jack,  I  'm  always  ready  to  serve  my 
country. 

So  I  remain  your  loving  Uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 

P.  S.  If  the  President  should  n't  say  any  thing 
more  about  the  post  office,  I  think  you  had  better 
name  it  to  him  again  before  you  go  to  South  Carolina; 
for  if  any  thing  should  happen  to  you  there,  he  might 
never  do  any  more  about  it. 


192  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  LI. 

In  which  Major  Downing  describes  the  arrival  of  Sar- 
gent Joel  with  the  Company  at  Washington. 

Washington  City,  Jan.  4,  ]833. 

To  my  dear  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing,  what  watches  the  Leg- 
islater  at  Augusta,  away  down  east,  in  the  State  of  Maine, 
while  I  stay  here  and  look  arter  Congress  and  the  President. 

Dear  Cousin, — Sargent  Joel  got  here  day  before 
yesterday  with  my  hearty  old  company  of  Downing- 
ville  boys,  that  went  down  to  Madawaska  with  me 
last  winter.  They  cut  rather  a  curious  figure  march- 
ing through  Pensilvany  Avenu.  One  half  of  'em  had 
worn  their  shoes  out  so  that  their  toes  stuck  out  hke 
the  heads  of  so  many  young  turtles,  and  t'other  half 
had  holes  through  their  knees  or  elbows,  and  Sargent 
Joel  marched  ahead  of  'em  swinging  his  piece  of  an 
old  scythe  for  a  sword,  and  inquiring  of  every  one  he 
met  for  Major  Jack  Downing.  They  all  told  him  to 
keep  along  till  he  got  to  the  President's  house,  which 
was  the  biggest  house  in  the  city  except  the  Congress 
house,  and  there  he  would  find  me.  I  and  the  Presi- 
dent were  setting  by  the  window  in  the  great  east 
room,  looking  out  and  talking  about  Mr.  Calhoun 
and  so  on,  when  the  President  begun  to  stare  as 
though  he  saw  a  catamount. 

He  started  up  on  his  feet,  and  says  he,  Major 
Downing,  if  my  eyes  dont  deceive  me  there  's  Nulli- 
fication now  coming  up  Pensilvany  Avenu.  He  be- 
gun to  call  for  his  pistols,  and  to  tell  his  men  to  fasten 
up  the  doors,  when  I  looked  out,  and  I  knew  Joel's 
strut  in  a  minute.  Says  I,  dear  Ginneral,  that's  no 
nullification,  but  its  what  '11  put  a  stopper  on  nullifi- 
cation pretty  quick  if  it  once  gets  to  South  Carolina. 
It  's  my  Downingville  Company  commanded  by  Sar- 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  193 

trent  Joel.  At  that  the  President  looked  more  pleased 
Than  I  've  seen  him  before  since  he  got  the  news  of 
the  vote  of  Pensilvany.  He  ordered  'em  into  the 
east  room  and  gave  'em  as  much  as  they  could  eat 
and  drink  of  the  best  the  house  affords.  He  has 
found  quarters  for  'em  in  the  neighborhood,  and  says 
we  must  be  ready  to  march  for  South  Carolina  when- 
ever he  says  the  word. 

But  I  '11  tell  you  what  't  is,  cousm  Ephraim,  1 
begin  to  grow  a  little  kind  of  wamble-cropt  about 
going  to  South  Carolina,  arter  all.  If  they  've  got 
many  such  fellers  there  as  one  Ginneral  Blair  there 
is  here  from  that  State,  I  'd  sooner  take  my  chance 
in  the  woods  forty  miles  above  Downingville,  fightmg 
bears  and  wolves  and  catamounts,  than  come  within 
gun-shot  of  one  of  these  Carolina  giants.  He  's  a 
whaler  of  a  feller,  as  big  as  any  two  men  in  Down- 
ingville. They  say  he  weighs  over  three  hundred 
pounds.  About  a  week  ago  he  met  Ginneral  DufF 
Green  in  the  street  and  he  fell  afoul  of  him  with  a 
great  club  and  knocked  him  down,  and  broke  his  arm 
and  beat  him  almost  to  death,  jest  because  he  got 
mad  at  something  Mr.  Green  said  in  his  paper.  And 
what  makes  me  feel  more  skittish  about  getting  into 
the  hands  of  such  chaps,  is,  because  he  says  he  could 
n't  help  it.  He  says  all  his  friends  persuaded  him 
not  to  meddle  with  Ginneral  Green,  and  he  tried  as 
hard  as  he  could  to  let  him  alone,  but  he  '  found  him- 
self unequal  to  the  effort.'  So  Green  like  to  got 
killed. 

The  folks  here  sot  out  to  carry  him  to  court  about 
it,  but  he  said  he  would  n't  go,  and  so  he  armed  him- 
self with  four  pistols  and  two  dirks  and  a  great  knife, 
and  said  he  'd  shoot  the  first  man  that  touched  him. 
Last  night  he  went  to  the  Theatre  with  all  his  arms 
and  coutrements  about  him.  And  after  he  sot  there 
a  spell,  and  all  the  folks  were  looking  to  see  the  play 
20  on,  he  draws  out  one  of  his  pistols  and  fires  it  at 
^  17 


194  LETTERS    OF 

the  players.  Then  there  was  a  dreadful  uproar. 
They  told  him  he  must  clear  out  about  the  quickest. 
But  he  said  if  they  'd  let  him  alone  he  'd  behave  like 
a  gentleman.     So  they  went  on  with  the  play  again. 

By  and  by  he  draws  out  another  pistol  and  points 
it  towards  the  players.  At  that  there  was  a  whole 
parcel  of  'em  seized  him  and  dragged  him  out  into 
another  room,  big  as  he  was.  But  pretty  soon  he 
got  upon  his  feet,  and  begun  to  rave  like  a  mad  ox. 
He  pulled  off  his  coat  and  threw  it  down,  and  declar- 
ed he  'd  fight  the  whole  boodle  of  'em.  The  consta- 
bles were  all  so  frightened  they  cut  and  run,  and 
nobody  dared  to  go  a  near  him,  till  he  got  cooled 
down  a  little,  when  some  of  his  friends  coaxed  him 
away  to  a  tavern.  Now  as  for  going  to  South  Caro- 
lina to  fight  such  chaps  as  these,  I  'd  sooner  let  nul- 
lification go  to  grass  and  eat  mullen. 

Sargent  Joel  told  me  when  he  left  Downingville 
you  had  jest  got  loaded  up  with  apples  and  one  thing 
another  to  go  down  to  Augusta  to  peddle  'em  out; 
and  that  you  was  a  going  to  stay  there  while  the 
Legislator  folks  were  there.  So  I  thought  it  would 
be  a  good  plan  for  you  and  I  to  write  to  one  another 
about  once  a  week  or  so,  how  matters  get  along. 

Give  my  love  to  the  folks  up  in  Downingville 
whenever  you  see  'em. 

So  I  remain  your  loving  Cousin, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  19^ 


LETTER  LII. 

In  which  Major  Doioning  gives  his  opinion  about  Nulli- 
fication, and  illustrates  it  with  a  lucid  example. 

Washington  City,  Jail.  17,  1833. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
BuUd'nrse^  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  away  down 
east  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  KIND  and  dear  old  Friend,— The  President's 
Message  to  Congress  makes  cracking  work  here. 
Mr  Calhoun  shows  his  teeth  Uke  a  hon  Mr.  IVic- 
Duffie  is  cool  as  a  cowcumber,  though  they  say  he  s 
got  aterible  tempest  inside  of  him,  that  he  11  let  out 
before  long.  For  my  part  I  think  the  President  s 
Message  is  about  right.  I  was  setting  with  the  fre- 
sident  in  the  east  room  last  night,  chatting  about  one 
thing  and  another,  and  the  President  says  he.  Major 
Downing,  have  you  read  my  message  that  I  sent  to 
Con-ress  to  day.  I  told  him  I  had  n't.  Well,  says 
he,  1  should  like  to  have  you  read  it  and  give  me 
your  opinion  upon  it.  So  he  handed  it  to  me  and  1 
sot  down  and  read  it  through. 

And  when  I  got  through,  now  says  1  Crineral  1 11 
tell  you  jest  what  I  think  of  this  ere  business.  When 
I  was  a  youngster  some  of  us  DowningviUe  boys  used 
to  go  down  to  Sebago  Pond  every  sprmg  and  hire 
out  a  month  or  two  rafting  logs  across  the  Pond 
And  one  time  I  and  cousin  Ephraim,  and  Joel,  and 
Bill  Johnson,  and  two  or  three  more  of  us  had  each 
a  whapping  great  log  to  carry  across  the  Pond.  It 
was  rather  a  windy  day  and  the  waves  kept  the  logs 
bobbing  up  and  down  pretty  considerable  bad,  so^we 
agreed  to  bring  'em  along  side  and  side  and  lash  'em 
together  and  drive  some  thole-pins  in  the  outermost 
logs  and  row  'em  over  together.  We  went  along 
two  or  three  miles  pretty  well.     But  by  and  by  Bill 


196 


LETTERS    OF 


Johnson  begun  to  complain.  He  was  always  an  un- 
easy harumscarum  sort  of  a  chap.  Alv/ays  thought 
every  body  else  had  an  easier  time  than  he  had,  and 
when  he  was  a  boy,  always  used  to  be  complaining 
that  the  other  boys  had  more  butter  on  their  bread 
than  he  had.  Well,  Bill  was  rowing  on  the  leward 
side,  and  he  begun  to  fret  and  said  his  side  went  the 
hardest,  and  he  would  n't  give  us  any  peace  till  one 
of  us  changed  sides  with  him. 

Well  Bill  had  n't  rowed  but  a  little  ways  on  the 
windward  side  before  he  began  to  fret  again,  and 
declared  that  side  went  harder  than  'tother,  and  he 
wouldn't  touch  to  row  on  that  side  any  longer.  We 
told  him  he  had  his  choice,  and  he  should  n't  keep 
changing  so.  But  he  only  freted  the  more  and  begun 
to  get  mad.  At  last  he  declared  if  we  did  n't  change 
with  him  in  five  minutes,  he'd  cut  the  lashings  and 
take  his  log  and  paddle  off  alone.  And  before  we 
had  hardly  time  to  turn  round,  he  declared  the  five 
minutes  were  out,  and  up  hatchet  and  cut  the  lashings, 
and  away  went  Bill  on  his  own  log,  bobbing  and 
rolling  about,  and  dancing  like  a  monkey  to  try  to 
keep  on  the  upper  side.  The  rest  of  us  scrabbled  too 
as  well  as  we  could,  and  fastened  our  logs  together 
again,  though  we  had  a  tuff  match  for  it,  the  wind 
blew  so  hard.  Bill  had  n't  gone  but  a  little  ways 
before  his  log  begun  to  role  more  and  more,  and  by 
and  by  in  he  went  splash,  head  and  ears.  He  came 
up  puffing  and  blowing,  and  got  hold  of  the  log  and 
tried  to  climb  up  on  to  it,  but  the  more  he  tried  the 
more  the  log  rolled;  and  finding  it  would  be  gone 
goose  with  him  pretty  soon  if  he  staid  there,  he  begun 
to  sing  out  like  a  loon  for  us  to  come  and  take  him. 
We  asked  him  which  side  he  would  row  if  we  would 
take  his  log  into  the  raft  again.  O,  says  Bill,  I'll 
row  on  either  side  or  both  sides  if  you  want  me  to, 
if  you'll  only  come  and  help  me  before  I  sink. 

But,  said  the  President,  I  hope  you  did  n't  help 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING. 


197 


the  foolish  rascal  out  till  he  got  a  pretty  good  soaking. 
He  got  soaked  enough  before  we  got  to  him,  says  1, 
for  he  was  jest  ready  to  sink  for  the  last  time    and 
our  lofTs  come  pesky  near   getting   scattered,  and  it 
they  hlid,  we  should  all  gone  to  the  bottom  together. 
And  now  Gineral,  this  is  jest  what  I  think:  if  you 
let  South  Carolina  cut  the  lashings  you'll  see  such 
a  log-rolling  in  this  country  as  you   never    see   yet. 
The  old  Gineral  started  up  and  marched  across  the 
floor  like  a  boy.       Says   he,  Major   Downing    she 
sha'nt  cut   the  lashings   while  my  name  is  Andrew 
Jackson.      Tell  Sargent  Joel  to  have  his  company 
sleep  on  their  arms  every  night.      I  told  him  they 
should  be  ready  at  a  moment's  warning. 

I  wish  you  would  jest  give  cousin  l^phraim  up  to 
Augusta  a  jog  to  know  why  he  dont  write  to  me  and 
let  me  know  how  the  Legislator  is  getting  along. 
I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LIII. 

In  which  cousin  Ephraim  tells  the  Major  how  matters 
get  along  at  Augusta,  and  gives  a  specimen  oj  the 
value  of  political  promises. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  30,  1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,   that  we  take   up   in 
Downingville  :  dear  sir,  1  want  you  to  send  this  on    o  cousin 
Jack  to  Washington  City,  'cause  he  told  me  you  would  send  it 
and  not  charge  any  postage. 
To  Major  Jack  Downing. 

Dear  cousin  Jack,— I  got  your  letter  some  time 
ago,  but  I  had   n't   time  to  answer  it  afore  now,  be- 
cause I  had  to  go  back  up  to  Downingville  to  get  an- 
other load  of  apples.    These  Legislator  folks  cronch 
17* 


198  LETTERS    OF 

apples  down  by  the  wholesale  between  speeches, 
and  sometimes  in  the  middle  of  speeches  tu.  That 
arternoon  that  Mr.  Clark  spoke  all  day,  I  guess  I 
sold  nigh  upon  a  half  a  bushel  for  cash,  and  trust- 
ed out  most  three  pecks  besides.  The  folks  up  to 
Downingville  are  all  pretty  well,  only  your  poor  old 
mother;  she  's  got  the  reumatics  pretty  bad  this  win- 
ter. She  says  she  wishes  with  all  her  heart  Jack 
would  come  home,  and  not  think  of  going  to  South 
Carolina.  Ever  since  she  heard  about  Ginneral  Blair 
she  cant  hardly  sleep  nights,  she  's  so  afraid  you  '11 
get  shot.  I  tell  her  there  's  no  danger  of  you  as  long 
as  you  have  President  Jackson  one  side  of  you  and 
Sargent  Joel  'tother. 

The  Legislator  is  jogging  along  here  pretty  well; 
I  guess  they  '11  get  through  about  the  first  of  March, 
if  they  dont  have  too  many  boundary  questions  come 
along.  We  made  some  Major  Ginnerals  here  'tother 
day,  and  I  tried  to  get  you  elected.  Not  because  I 
thought  you  cared  much  about  the  office  now,  but 
jest  for  the  honor  of  Downingville.  I  tried  most  all 
the  members,  and  thought  to  be  sure  you  would  come 
in  as  slick  as  greese.  For  about  forty  of  'em  told 
me  they  thought  it  belonged  to  you.  They  said  it 
was  against  their  principles  to  pledge  their  votes  to 
any  body ;  but  they  whispered  in  my  ear  that  they 
would  do  what  they  could,  and  they  had  n't  scarcely  a 
doubt  but  what  you  'd  be  elected.  Sixty-eight  of  'em 
told  me  you  was  the  best  man  for  it,  and  would  un- 
doubtedly be  chosen  as  a  mattter  of  course.  And 
twenty-five  of  'em  promised  me  right  up  and  down 
by  the  crook  of  the  elbow,  that  they  would  vote  for 
you. 

Well  Jack,  after  all  this,  you  did  n't  get  but  two 
votes.  By  that  time  I  begun  to  think  it  was  n't  so 
strange  that  it  took  you  two  years  hard  fishing  before 
you  could  get  an  office. 

This  is  the  most  democratic  Legislater  that  they 


MAJOR    JACK   DOWNING.  199 

have  ever  had  in  this  state  yet.  They  are  most 
all  real  ginuine  democrats,  and  they  have  give  Mr. 
Holmes  and  Mr.  Sprague  a  terrible  basting  for  being 
federalists,  and  they  have  turned  Mr.  Holmes  out  and 
put  Mr.  Shepley  in. 

The  Legislater  is  talking  of  moving  the  seat  of  gov- 
ernment back  to  Portland  again.  They  say  it  will  be 
better  all  round.  They  wont  have  to  go  so  fur  through 
the  snow-drifts  to  their  boarding  houses,  and  wont 
have  to  pay  much  more  than  half  so  much  for  their 
board.  And  here  they  have  to  pay  four  pence  apiece 
every  time  they  are  shaved ;  but  in  Portland  they  can 
get  shaved  by  the  half  dozen  for  three  cents  apiece. 
I  hope  they  will  go,  for  I  can  get  more  for  my  apples 
in  Portland  than  I  can  here. 

P.  S.  Bill  Johnson  was  married  last  week,  and 
he  quarrelled  with  his  wife  the  very  next  day.  So 
you  see  he  is  the  same  old  sixpence  he  used  to  be. 
He  says  he  '11  send  a  petition  to  the  Legislater  to  be 
divorced,  and  he  declares  if  they  don't  grant  it,  he  '11 
cut  the  lashings  as  he  did  once  on  the  raft  on  Sebago 
Pond,  sink  or  swim. 

N.  B.  Uncle  Joshua  wished  me  to  ask  you  to  ask 
the  President  about  that  post  office  again,  as  his  com- 
mission has  n't  come  yet. 

I  remain  your  loving  Cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


200  LETTERS   OP 


LETTER   LIV 

In  ichich  Major  Downing  goes  up  top  the  Congress  house 
and  listens  to  see  if  he  can  hear  the  guns  in  South  Car- 
olina, and  also  has  a  talk  ivith  the  President,  about 
the  slander  of  the  newspapers. 

[Note.  The  first  of  February,  1833,  was  the  day  appointed  by 
South  Carolina  for  putting  in  force  her  nullifying  Ordinance.] 

Washington  City,  Feb.  1,  1833. 
To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  Mariners'  Church  Build- 
ing, second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street  away  down  east,  in 
the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  Friend. — This  is  nunification  clay,  and 
it's  most  night,  and  I  aint  dead  yet,  and  hant  been 
shot  at  once  to-day.  I  got  up  this  morning  as  soon 
as  it  was  light,  and  went  out  and  looked  away  towards 
South  CaroHna,  and  Hstened  as  hard  as  I  could  to 
see  if  I  could  hear  the  guns  crackin  and  the  cannons 
roarin.  But  it  was  all  still  as  a  mouse.  And  I've 
been  up  top  the  Congress  house  five  or  six  times  to- 
day, and  listened  and  listened,  but  all  the  firing  I  could 
hear  was  inside  the  Congress  house  itself,  where  the 
members  were  shooting  their  speeches  at  each  other. 
I  had  my  company  all  ready  this  morning  with  their 
dinners  in  their  napsacks,  to  start  as  quick  as  we  heard 
a  single  gun.  We  shant  go  till  we  hear  something 
from  these  nullifiers,  for  the  President  says  he  aint 
agoing  to  begin  the  scrape,  but  if  the  nullifiers  begin 
it,  then  the  hardest  must  fend  off. 

Yesterday  a  friend  handed  me  a  couple  of  papers 
printed  at  Hallowell  away  down  pretty  near  to  Augus- 
ta in  the  State  of  Maine,  called  the  American  Advo- 
cate, and  I  found  something  in  'em  that  made  me  as 
mad  as  a  March  hair.  The  first  one  mentioned  that 
Capt.  Dow  was  chosen  Mayor  of  Portland,  and  then 


MAJOR  JACK    DOWNING.  201 

said  he  is  the  reputed  author  of  the  Jack  Downing  let- 
ters that  have  been  pubUshed  in  the  Portland  Courier. 
The  other  paper  that  was  printed  two  or  three  days 
afterwards,  said  Mr.  Dow  the  new  Mayor  of  Portland 
is  not  the  author  of  Jack  Downing 's  letters;  they  are 
written  by  Mr.  Seba  Smith,  the  Editor  of  the  Portland 
Courier.  Now,  Mr.  Editor,  my  good  old  friend,  is 
n't  this  too  bad.^  I  have  n't  come  acrost  any  thing 
that  made  me  feel  so  wamble-cropt  this  good  while. 
Jest  as  if  Major  Jack  Downing  could  n't  write  his  own 
letters. 

I've  been  to  school,  put  it  altogether,  off  and  on, 
more  than  six  months;  and  though  I  say  it  myself,  I 
always  used  to  be  called  the  best  scholar  among  all 
the  boys  in  Downingville,  and  most  always  used  to 
stand  at  the  head  of  my  class.  I'd  been  through  Web- 
ster's spelling  book  before  I  was  fifteen,  and  before  I 
was  twenty  I  could  cypher  to  the  rule  of  three.  And 
now  to  have  it  said  that  I  dont  write  my  own  letters, 
is  too  bad.  It's  what  I  call  a  rascally  shame.  I  was 
so  boiling  over  with  it  last  night,  that  I  could 'nt  hold 
in;  and  so  I  took  the  papers  and  went  in  and  showed 
them  to  the  President.  I  always  go  to  the  President 
when  I  have  any  difficulty,  and  when  he  has  any  he 
comes  to  me;  so  we  help  one  another  along  as  well 
as  we  can.  When  the  President  had  read  it,  says  he, 
Major  Downing,  it's  strange  to  see  how  this  world  is 
given  to  lying.  The  public  papers  are  beginning  to 
slander  you  jest  as  they  always  do  me.  I  have  n't 
written  scarcely  a  public  document  since  I've  been 
President,  but  what  it's  been  laid  off  to  Mr.  Van 
Buren,  or  Mr.  McLane,  or  Mr.  Livingston,  or  Mr. 
Taney,  or  somebody  or  other.  And  how  to  help  this 
slanderous  business  I  dont  know.  But  it's  too  pro- 
voking, Major,  that's  certain.  Sometimes  I've  a  good 
mind  to  make  Congress  pass  a  law  that  every  editor 
who  says  I  dont  write  my  proclamations  and  messages, 
or  that  you  dont  write  your  letters,  shall  forfeit  his 


202  LETTERS    OF 

press  and  types;  and  if  that  dont  stop  him,  that  he 
shall  be  strung  up  by  the  neck  without  Judge  or  Jury. 

And  now,  Mr.  Editor,  I  wish  you  would  jest  give 
that  Hallowell  man  a  hint  to  mind  his  own  p's  and 
q's  in  future,  and  look  out  for  his  neck.  And  as  you 
know  very  well  that  I  do  write  my  own  letters,  I  would 
thank  you  jest  to  tell  the  public  so. 

I  remain  your  sincere  and  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LV. 

In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  explains  the  science  of  Land- 
Speculation. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  March  4, 1833. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  President  Jacksoii's  house  in 
Washington  City. 

Dear  Cousin  Jack, — The  Legislater  folks  have 
all  cleared  out  to-day  one  arter  t'other  jest  like  a  flock 
of  sheep;  and  some  of  'em  have  left  me  in  the  lurch 
ti^^for  they  cleared  out  without  paying  me  for  my 
apples.  Some  of  'em  went  off  in  my  debt  as  much 
as  twenty  cents,  and  some  ninepence,  and  a  shilling, 
and  so  on.  They  all  kept  telling  me  when  they  got 
paid  off,  they'd  settle  up  with  me.  And  so  I  waited 
with  patience  till  they  adjourned,  and  thought  I  was 
as  sure  of  my  money  as  though  it  was  in  the  Bank. 

But,  my  patience,  when  they  did  adjourn,  such  a 
hubbub  I  guess  you  never  see.  They  were  flying 
about  from  one  room  to  another,  like  so  many  pigeons 
shot  in  the  head.  They  run  into  Mr.  Harris'  room 
and  clawed  the  money  off  of  his  table,  hand  over  fist. 
I  brustled  up  to  some  of  'cm,  and  tried  to  settle.  I 
come  to  one  man  that  owed  me  twelve  cents,  and  he 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  203 

had  a  ninepence  in  change,  but  he  wouldn't  let  me 
have  that,  because  he  should  lose  a  half  cent.  So, 
while  we  were  bothering  about  it,  trying  to  get  it 
changed,  the  first  I  knew  the  rest  of  'em  had  got  their 
money  in  their  pockets  and  were  off  like  a  shot,  some 
of 'em  in  stages,  and  some  in  sleighs,  and  some  footing 
it.  I  out  and  followed  after  'em,  but  'twas  no  use;  1 
couldn't  catch  one  of  'em.  And  as  for  my  money,  and 
apples  tu,  I  guess  I  shall  have  to  whistle  for  'em  now. 
Its  pesky  hard,  for  I  owe  four  and  sixpence  here  yet 
for  my  board,  and  I've  paid  away  every  cent  I've  got 
for  my  apples,  and  dont  know  but  I  shall  have  to  come 
down  with  another  load  to  clear  out  my  expenses. 
Howsomever,  you  know  uncle  Joshua  always  told  us 
never  to  cry  for  spilt  milk,  so  I  mean  to  hold  my  head 
up  yet. 

I  dont  know  but  I  shall  have  to  give  up  retailing 
apples,  I  meet  with  so  many  head-flaws  about  it.  I 
was  thinking  that,  soon  as  the  Legislator  adjourned, 
I'd  take  a  load  of  apples  and  apple-sass,  and  a  few 
sassages,  and  come  on  to  Washington,  and  go  long 
with  your  company  to  South  Carolina.  But  they  say 
Mr.  Clay  has  put  a  stopper  on  that  nullification  busi- 
ness, so  that  its  ten  chances  to  one  you  wont  have  to 
go. 

I  dont  care  so  much  about  the  apple  business  after 
all;  for  I've  found  out  a  way  to  get  rich  forty  times 
as  fast  as  I  can  by  retailing  apples,  or  as  you  can  by 
hunting  after  an  office.  And  I  advise  you  to  come 
right  home,  as  quick  as  you  can  come.  Here's  a 
business  going  on  here  that  you  can  get  rich  by,  ten 
times  as  quick  as  you  can  in  any  office,  even  if  you 
should  get  to  be  President.  The  President  dont  have 
but  twenty-five  thousand  dollars  a  year;  but  in  this 
ere  business  that's  going  on  here,  a  man  can  make 
twenty-five  thousand  dollars  in  a  week  if  he's  a  mind 
to,  and  not  work  hard  neither. 

I  spose  by  this  time  you  begin  to  feel  rather  in  a 


204  LETTERS    OP 

pucker  to  know  what  this  business  is.  I'll  tell  you: 
but  you  must  keep  it  to  yourself,  for  if  all  them  are 
Washington  folks  and  Congress  folks  should  come  on 
here  and  go  to  dipping  into  it,  I'm  afraid  they'd  cut 
us  all  out.  But  between  you  and  me,  its  only  jest 
buying  and  selling  land.  Why,  Jack,  its  forty  times 
more  profitable  than  money  digging,  or  any  other  bu- 
siness that  you  ever  see.  I  knew  a  man  here  t'other 
day  from  Bangor,  that  made  ten  thousand  dollars,  and 
I  guess  he  want  more  than  an  hour  about  it.  Most 
all  the  folks  here  and  down  to  Portland  and  Bangor 
have  got  their  fortunes  made,  and  now  we  are  begin- 
ning to  take  hold  of  it  up  in  the  country. 

They've  got  a  slice  up  in  Downingville,  and  I  mis- 
sed it  by  being  down  here  selling  apples,  or  I  should 
had  a  finger  in  the  pie.  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  you 
know  he's  an  old  fox,  and  always  knows  where  to 
jump;  well,  he  see  how  every  body  was  getting  rich, 
so  he  went  and  bought  a  piece  of  a  township  up  back 
of  Downingville,  and  give  his  note  for  a  thousand 
dollars  for  it.  And  then  he  sold  it  to  uncle  Jacob  and 
took  his  note  for  two  thousand  dollars;  and  uncle  Ja- 
cob sold  it  to  uncle  Zackary  and  took  his  note  for 
three  thousand  dollars;  and  uncle  Zackary  sold  it  to 
uncle  Jim,  and  took  his  note  for  four  thousand  dollars; 
and  uncle  Jim  sold  it  to  cousin  Sam,  and  took  his  note 
for  five  thousand  dollars;  and  cousin  Sam  sold  it  to 
Bill  Johnson,  and  took  his  note  for  six  thousand  dol- 
lars. So  you  see  there's  five  of  'em  that  want  worth 
ninepence  apiece  before,  have  now  got  a  thousand 
dollars  apiece  clear,  when  their  notes  are  paid.  And 
Bill  Johnson's  going  to  logging  off  of  it,  and  they  say 
he'll  make  more  than  any  of  'em. 

Come  home.  Jack,  come  home  by  all  means,  if  you 
want  to  get  rich.  Give  up  your  commission,  and 
think  no  more  about  being  President,  or  any  thing 
else,  but  come  home  and  buy  land  before  its  all  gone. 

Your  loving  cousin, 

EPHRAIM   DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  205 

P.  S.  Didn't  Mr.  Holmes  and  Mr.  Sprague  look 
rather  blue  when  they  got  the  resolutions  that  our 
Legislater  passed,  giving  them  such  a  mortal  whip- 
ping? 


LETTER  LVI. 

In  which  Major  Downing  tells  how  Mr.  Clay  put  a  stop 
to  that  fuss  in  South  Carolina,  besides  hushing  up 
■^ome  other  quarrels. 

Washington  City,  March  10, 1833. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  2nd  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  away  down  east, 
in  the  State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing, 
up  in  Downingville,  cause  I  spose  he  's  gone  home  before  this 
time  from  A  ugusta. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim, — I  got  your  letter  this 
morning.  It  was  a  shame  for  them  are  Legislater 
folks  to  skulk  off  without  paying  you  for  your  apples. 
But  they  are  the  worst  folks  about  standing  to  their 
word  that  I  know  of  They've  promised  me  an  office 
more  than  twenty  times,  but  some  how  or  other,  come 
to  the  case  in  hand,  their  votes  always  went  for  some- 
body else.  But  I  dont  care  a  fig  for  'em  as  long 
as  I've  got  the  President  on  my  side,  for  his  offices 
are  as  fat  again  as  the  Legislater  offices  are.  The 
President's  offices  will  support  a  man  pretty  well 
if  he  does  n't  do  any  thing  at  all.  As  soon  as  Mr. 
Clay's  Tariff  Bill  passed,  the  President  called  me 
into  his  room,  and  says  he.  Major  Downing,  the  nul- 
lification jig  is  up.  There'll  be  no  fun  for  you  in 
South  CaroUna  now,  and  I  guess  you  may  as  well  let 
Sargent  Joel  march  the  company  back  to  Downing- 
ville, and  wait  till  somebody  kicks  up  another  bobbery 
somewhere  and  then  I'll  send  for  'em,  for  they  are 
18 


206  LETTERS    OF 

the  likeliest  company  I've  seen  since  I  went  with  my 
Tennesse  rangers  to  New  Orleans.  And  as  for  you 
Major  Downing,  you  shall  still  hold  your  commission 
and  be  under  half  pay,  holding  yourself  in  readiness 
to  march  at  a  moment's  warning  and  to  fight  when- 
ever called  for. 

So  you  see.  Cousin  Ephraim,  I  am  pretty  well  to 
live  in  the  world,  without  any  of  your  land  specula- 
tions or  apple  selling  down  east.  I  cant  seem  to 
see  how  'tis  they  all  make  money  so  fast  in  that  land 
business  down  there  that  you  tell  about.  How  could 
all  our  folks  and  Bill  Johnson  and  all  of  'em  there  in 
Downingville  make  a  thousand  dollars  apiece,  jest  a 
trading  round  among  themselves,  when  there  aint  fifty 
dollars  in  money,  put  it  all  together,  in  the  whole 
town.  It  rather  puzzles  me  a  little.  As  soon  as  I 
see  'em  all  get  their  thousand  dollars  cash  in  hand, 
I  guess  I'll  give  up  my  commission  and  come  home 
and  buy  some  land  tu. 

But  at  present  I  think  I  rather  have  a  bird  in  the 
hand  than  one  in  the  bush.  Our  Congress  folks  here 
cleared  out  about  the  same  time  that  your  Legislator 
folks  did,  and  I  and  the  President  have  been  rather 
lonesome  a  few  days.  The  old  gentleman  says  I 
must  n't  leave  him  on  any  account;  but  I  guess  I 
shall  start  Joel  and  the  company  off  for  Downingville 
in  a  day  or  two.  They've  got  their  clothes  pretty 
much  mended  up,  and  they  look  quite  tidy.  I  should 
'nt  feel  ashamed  to  see  'em  marched  through  any  city 
in  the  United  States. 

It  is  n't  likely  I  shall  have  any  thing  to  do  under 
my  commission  very  soon.  For  some  say  there  '11  be 
no  more  fighting  in  the  country  while  INIr.  Clay  lives, 
if  it  should  be  a  thousand  years.  He's  got  a  master 
knack  of  pacifying  folks  and  hushing  up  quarrels  as 
you  ever  see.  He's  stopt  all  that  fuss  in  South 
Carolina,  that  you  know  was  jest  ready  to  blow  the 
whole  country  sky  high.    He  slept  up  to  'em  in  Con- 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING,  207 

gress  and  told  'em  what  sort  of  a  Bill  to  pass,  and 
they  passed  it  without  hardly  any  jaw  about  it.  And 
South  Carolina  has  hauled  in  her  horns,  and  they 
say  she'll  be  as  calm  as  a  clock  now.  And  that  is 
n't  the  only  quarrel  Mr.  Clay  has  stopt.  Two  of  the 
Senators,  Mr.  Webster  and  Mr.  Poindexter,  got  as 
mad  as  March  hairs  at  each  other.  They  called 
each  other  some  pesky  hard  names,  and  looked  cross 
enough  for  a  week  to  bite  a  board  nail  off.  Well, 
after  Mr.  Clay  got  through  with  South  Carolina,  he 
took  them  in  hand.  He  jest  talked  to  'em  about  five 
minutes,  and  they  got  up  and  went  and  shook  hands 
with  each  other,  and  looked  as  loving  astv^^o  brothers. 

Then  Mr.  Holmes  got  up  and  went  to  Mr.  Clay, 
and  almost  with  tears  in  his  eyes  asked  him  if  he 
would  n't  be  so  kind  as  to  settle  a  little  difficulty  there 
was  between  him  and  his  constituents,  so  they  might 
elect  him  to  come  to  Congress  again.  And  I  believe 
some  of  the  other  Senators  asked  for  the  same  favor. 

So  as  there  is  likely  to  be  peace  now  all  round  the 
house  for  some  time  to  come,  I'm  in  a  kind  of  a  quan- 
dary what  course  to  steer  this  summer.  The  Presi- 
dent talks  of  taking  a  journey  down  east  this  summer, 
and  he  wants  me  to  go  with  him,  because  I'm  ac- 
quainted there,  and  can  show  him  all  about  it.  He 
has  a  great  desire  to  go  as  fur  as  Downingville,  and 
get  acquainted  with  Uncle  Joshua,  who  has  always 
stuck  by  him  in  all  weathers  through  thick  and  thin. 
The  President  thinks  uncle  Joshua  is  one  of  the  re- 
publican pillars  of  New  England,  and  says  he  shall 
always  have  the  post  office  as  long  as  he  lives,  and 
his  children  after  him. 

I  rather  guess  on  the  whole  I  shall  come  on  that 
way  this  summer  with  the  President.  But  wherever 
I  go,  I  shall  remain  your  loving  cousin, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


52U»  LETTERS    OP 

LETTER  LVII. 

In  which  Major  Downing  gives  the  result  of  a  consulta- 
tion amongst  the  government  on  the  question^  whether 
the  President  should  shake  hands  with  the  Federalists 
during  his  journey  down  East. 

Washington  City,  April  20, 1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  second  story  eastern  end,  Fore   Street,  away  down 
East  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend, — Bein  I  hant  writ  to  you 
for  some  time,  I'm  afraid  you  and  our  folks  up  in 
Downingville  will  begin  to  feel  a  little  uneasy  by  and 
by,  so  I  '11  jest  write  you  a  little  if  it  aint  but  two 
lines,  to  let  you  know  how  we  get  on  here.  I  and 
the  President  seem  to  enjoy  ourselves  pretty  well 
together,  though  its  getting  to  be  a  little  lonesome 
since  the  Congress  folks  went  off,  and  Sargeant 
Joel  cleared  out  with  my  Downingville  Company. 
Poor  souls,  T  wonder  if  they  have  got  home  yet;  I 
have  n't  heard  a  word  from  'em  since  they  left  here. 
I  wish  you  would  send  up  word  to  Sargeant  Joel  to 
write  to  me  and  let  me  know  how  they  got  along. 
He  can  send  his  letter  in  your  Currier,  or  get  uncle 
Joshua  to  frank  it;  either  way  it  wont  cost  me  any 
thing.  Now  I  think  of  it,  I  wish  you  would  jest  ask 
cousin  Nabby  to  ask  uncle  Joshua  to  frank  me  on 
two  or  three  pair  of  stockings,  for  mine  have  got  ter- 
ribly out  at  the  heels.  He  can  do  it  jest  as  well  as 
not;  they  make  nothing  here  of  franking  a  bushel 
basket  full  of  great  books  to  the  western  States. 
And  they  say  some  of  the  members  of  Congress  used 
to  frank  their  clothes  home  by  mail  to  be  washed. 

I  and  the  President  are  getting  ready  to  come  on 
that  way  this  summer.  We  shall  come  as  far  as 
Portland,  and  I  expect  we  shall  go  up  to  Downing- 
ville; for  the  President  says  he  must  shake  hands  with 
uncle  Joshua  before  he  comes  back,  that  faithful  old 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  209 

when  we  come  that  way.     J.ii«y  ^<^y  . 

„  Massachusetts  want  to  keep  the  P^-f^*/!^^^ 
hPtnselves  when  he  comes  there.  But  Mr.  v  an 
Bu  en  says  That  '11  never  do;  he  must  stick  to  the 
±5uren  ^^.y^  "";       ,  ^ake  hands  with  a  fed- 

■^'Tronce  infwMe  Tthe  democrats  dont  see  him 

ston   advise   him  tother  way.     They  ^eH   n^^   ii 
hXr  treat  the   federalists   pretty  civil,  and    shake 
S  w.lh  Mr.  Webster  as  quick  as  he  wouH  w^^ 

America  He's  got  the  beat'em-est  tongue  that  ever 
iTee  if  you  had  a  black  hat  on,  he  could  go  to 
LlMng  to  /ou  and  in  ten  minutes  he  could  make  you 

*'aive  mrC'et  our  folks  up  in  Downingvi.le  wh^n 
you  have  a  chance  to  send  it  to  'em,  and  believe  me 
your  old  friend,     ^^^^  ^^^^  DOWNING. 


210  LETTERS   OP 


LETTER  LVIII. 

In  which  Major  Downing  defends  the  President  from 
the  assault  of  Lieut.  Randoljoh  on  board  the  Steam- 
boat Cygnet. 

On  board  tlie  Steam-boat  Cj^gnet,  near  tlie  city  of  Alexan- 
dria, down  a  little  ways  below  Washington,  May  the  Gth, 
1833. 

To  tlie  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  '^d  story,  Eastern  end,  Fore-street,  away  down  East, 
in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  OLf)  Friexd. — We've  had  a  kind  of  a 
hurly  burly  time  here  to-day.  I  did  n't  know  but  we 
should  burst  the  biler  one  spell;  and  some  of  us,  as 
it  was,  got  scalding  hot.  You  see,  I  and  the  Presi- 
dent and  a  few  more  gentlemen  got  into  the  steam- 
boat this  morning  to  go  round  into  old  Virginny  to 
help  lay  the  foundation  of  a  monument,  so  they  should 
n't  forget  who  Washington's  mother  was. 

W^hen  we  got  down  along  to  Alexandria,  the  boat 
hauled  up  to  the  side  of  the  wharf  awhile  to  let  some 
more  folks  get  in,  and  while  she  lay  there,  I  and  the 
President  and  a  few  more  of  'em  sot  in  the  cabin 
reading  and  chatting  with  one  another.  The  Presi- 
dent had  jest  got  through  reading  a  letter  from  uncle 
Joshua  Downing,  urging  him  very  strongly  to  come 
up  as  fur  as  Downingville  when  he  conies  on  that 
way.  And  says  he.  Major  Downing,  this  uncle 
Joshua  of  yours  is  a  real  true  blue  republican  as  I 
know  of  any  where.  I  would  n't  miss  seeing  him 
when  I  go  down  east  for  a  whole  year's  salary. 

Says  I,  your  honor,  Downingville  is  the  most 
thorough  going  republican  town  there  is  any  where 
in  the  eastern  country;  and  you  ought  not  to  come 
back  till  you  have  visited  it.  Jest  as  I  said  that 
there  was  a  stranger  came  into  the  cabin  and  stept 
along  up  to  the  President,  and  begun  to  pull  off  his 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWxNiNG.  211 


Move      I  thought  there  was  some  mischief  bruing, 

hLohrL  was  tryin"  to  get  his  gloves  off  to  shake 
&w.th  M^,!  Ld  the^ood  old  -„  's  ahvays  , 
i-padvto  shake  hands  with  a  fnend;  so  he  leached 
out  L  hand  to  him  and  smiled,  and  told  l„m  never 
to  stand  for  the  gloves,  and  the  words  want  hardly 
out  of  his  mouth^when  dab  went  one  of  the  fellow's 
hands  slan  into  the  President's  face. 

?„  a  moment  I  levelled  my  umbrella  at  the  villain  s 
head  and  came  pesky  near  fetchmg  him  to  the  tioo,. 
Tvvo  more  gentlemen  then  clenched  him  by  the  collar 
and  had  him  down  as  quick  as  ever  you  see  a  beef 
:"  knocked  down  with  an  ax.  In  a  minute  there  was 
a  crowd  round  him  as  thick  as  a  swarm  of  bees. 

BuT,  my  stars,  I  wish  you  could  have  seen  the 
President  jest  at  that  minute.  If  you  ever  see  a  lion 
Wing  down  asleep  and  a  man  come  along  with  a  great 
club%nd  hit  him  a  polt  with  all  his  might,  and  then 
see  that  lion  spring  on  his  feet,  and  see  the  fire  flah 
in  his  eyes,  and  hear  him  roar  and  gnash  his  eeth 
you  might  give  some  sort  of  a  guess  what  kind  of  a 
harrvcane  we  had  of  it.  „„      , 

¥he  old  Gineral  no  sooner  felt  the  fellow's  paw  m 

his  face  than  he  sprung  like  a  steel-trap,  and  catched 

his  cane  and  went  at   him.     But  there  was  such  a 

crowd  of  men  there  in  an  instant,  that  it  was  as  much 

impossible  to  get  through  'em  as  it  was  for  t  'e  Butish 

to  get  through  his  pile  of  cotton  wool  bags  at  New- 

Oifeans      If  it  had  n't  been  for  that,  I  dont  think  but 

he  would  have  kicked  the  feller  through  the  side  of 

the  steam-boat  in  two  minutes.  ,      ,  i,      i„j 

However,  somehow  or  other  the  rascal  go  hussled 

out  of  the  boat  on  to  the  wharf  and  fled  I'ke  a  dog 

that  had  been  stealing  sheep.     They  have  sent  some 

officers  after  him,  but  where  they  will  overtake  him 

nobody  knows. 


212  LETTERS    OF 

The  President  has  got  cleverly  cooled  down  again, 
and  we  are  going  on  to  lay  the  foundation  of  the 
monument. 

My  love  to  all  the  good  folks  up  in  Downingville. 
In  haste  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LIX. 

In  which  Major  Downing  shakes  hands  for  the  Presi- 
dent at  Philadelphia,  while  on  the  grand  tour  down 
East. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  Post  Master,  up  in  Downingville, 
in  the  State  of  Maine.  This  to  be  sent  by  my  old  friend,  the 
Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  with  care  and  speed. 

Philadelphia,  June  10, 1833. 
Dear  Uncle  Joshua, — We  are  coming  on  full 
chisel.  I've  been  trying,  ever  since  we  started,  to 
get  a  chance  to  write  a  little  to  you;  but  when  we've 
been  on  the  road  I  couldn't  catch  my  breath  hardly 
long  enough  to  write  my  name,  we  kept  flying  so  fast; 
and  when  we  made  any  stop,  there  was  such  a  jam 
round  us  there  wasn't  elbow  room  enough  for  a  mis- 
keeter  to  turn  round  without  knocking  his  wings  off. 

I'm  most  afraid  now  we  shall  get  to  Downingville 
before  this  letter  does,  so  that  we  shall  be  likely  to 
catch  you  all  in  the  suds  before  you  think  of  it.  But 
I  understand  there  is  a  fast  mail  goes  on  that  way, 
and  I  mean  to  send  it  by  that,  so  I'm  in  hopes  you'll 
get  it  time  enough  to  have  the  children's  faces  wash- 
ed and  their  heads  combed,  and  the  gals  get  on  their 
clean  gowns.  And  if  Sargent  Joel  could  have  time 
enough  to  call  out  my  old  Downingville  Company  and 
get  their  uniform  brushed  up  a  little,  and  come  down 
the  road  as  fur  as  your  new  barn  to  meet  us,  there's 
nothing  that  would  please  the  President  better.     As 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  213 

for  victuals,  most  anything  wont  come  amiss;  we  are 
as  hungry  as  bears  after  travelling  a  hundred  miles  a 
day.  A  little  fried  pork  and  eggs,  or  a  pot  of  baked 
beans  and  an  Indian  pudding  would  suit  us  much  bet- 
ter than  the  soft  stuff  they  give  us  here  in  these  great 
cities. 

The  President  wouldn't  miss  of  seeing  you  for  any 
thing  in  the  world,  and  he  will  go  to  Downingville  if 
he  has  legs  and  arms  enough  left  when  he  goes  to 
Portland  to  carry  him  there.  But  for  fear  any  thing 
should  happen  that  he  shouldn't  be  able  to  come,  you 
had  better  meet  us  in  Portland,  say  about  the  2!2d, 
and  then  you  can  go  up  to  Downingville  with  us,  you 
know. 

This  travelling  with  the  President  is  capital  fun 
after  all,  if  it  wasn't  so  plaguy  tiresome.  We  come 
into  Baltimore  on  a  Rail  Road,  and  we  flew  over  the 
ground  like  a  harrycane.  There  isn't  a  horse  in  this 
country  that  could  keep  up  with  us,  if  he  should  go 
upon  the  clean  clip.  When  we  got  to  Baltimore,  the 
streets  were  filled  with  folks  as  thick  as  the  spruce 
trees  down  in  your  swamp.  There  we  found  Black 
Hawk,  a  little,  old,  dried  up  Indian  king. — And  I 
thought  the  folks  looked  at  him  and  the  prophet  about 
as  much  as  they  did  at  me  and  the  President.  I  gave 
the  President  a  wink  that  this  Indian  fellow  was 
taking  the  shine  off  of  us  a  little,  so  we  concluded 
we  wouldn't  have  him  in  our  company  any  more,  and 
shall  go  on  without  him. 

I  cant  stop  to  tell  you  in  this  letter  how  we  got 
along  to  Philadelphy,  though  we  had  a  pretty  easy 
time  some  of  the  way  in  the  steam-boats.  And  I  cant 
stop  to  tell  you  of  half  of  the  fine  things  I  have  seen 
here.  They  took  us  up  into  a  great  hall  this  morn- 
ing as  big  as  a  meeting-house,  and  then  the  folks 
begun  to  pour  in  by  thousands  to  shake  hands  with 
the  President;  federalists  and  all,  it  made  no  differ- 
ence.    There  was  such  a  stream  of  'em  coming  in 


214  LETTERS    OP 

that  the  hall  was  full  in  a  {e\v  minutes,  and  it  was  so 
jammed  up  round  the  door  that  they  couldn't  get  out 
aor^in  if  they  were  to  die.  So  they  had  to  knock  out 
some  of  the  windows  and  go  out  t'other  way. 

The  President  shook  hands  with  all  his  might  an 
hour  or  two,  till  he  got  so  tired  he  couldn't  hardly 
stand  it.  I  took  hold  and  shook  for  him  once  in 
awhile  to  help  him  along,  but  at  last  he  got  so  tired 
he  had  to  lay  down  on  a  soft  bench  covered  with 
cloth  and  shake  as  well  as  he  could,  and  when  he 
couldn't  shake  he'd  nod  to  'em  as  they  come  along. 
And  at  last  he  got  so  beat  out,  he  couldn't  only 
wrinkle  his  forward  and  wink.  Then  I  kind  of  stood 
behind  him  and  reached  my  arm  round  under  his, 
and  shook  for  him  for  about  a  half  an  hour  as  tight 
as  I  could  spring.  Then  we  concluded  it  was  best 
to  adjourn  for  to-day. 

And  I've  made  out  to  get  away  up  into  the  garret 
in  the  tavern  long  enough  to  write  this  letter.  We 
shall  be  off  to-morrow  or  next  day  for  York,  and  if  I 
can  possibly  get  breathing  time  enough  there,  I  shall 
write  to  you  again. 

Give  my  love  to  all  the  folks  in  Downingville,  and 
believe  me  your  loving  neffu, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LX. 

Jn  which  the  President  and  Major  Doicning  have  a 
very  narrow  escape  at  the  breaking  down  of  the 
bridge  in  JVeiu  York. 

To  unele  Joshua  Downing,  Post  Master  up  in  Downingville, 
State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  in  the  Portland  Courier  with  care 
and  speed. 

New  York  City,  Friday  evening,  Jime  14, 1833. 
Dear  Uncle  Joshua, — Here  we  are  amongst  an 
ocean  of  folks,  and  cutting  up  capers  as  high  as  a 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  ^17 

cat's  back.  I  spose  you  will  see  by  the  papers  how 
we  all  like  to  got  drowned  yesterday  going  across  a 
little  bridge  between  the  castle  and  the  garden. 

It  was  a  pesky  narrow  squeak  for  me  and  the  Pres- 
ident. He  was  riding  over  on  a  great  fine  boss,  and 
I  was  walking  along  by  the  side  of  him  and  trying  to 
clear  the  way  a  little,  for  they  crowded  upon  us  so, 
there  was  no  getting  along,  and  hardly  a  chance  to 
breathe.  When  we  got  under  the  arch  we  stopped  a 
little  bit  for  the  crowd  to  clear  away,  when  all  at  once 
I  thought  I  heard  something  crack.  Says  I,  Gineral, 
you  better  go  ahead,  I'm  afraid  there's  mischief  bru- 
ing  here.  At  that  he  gave  his  boss  a  lick  and  pushed 
through  the  crowd,  but  we  had  n't  got  more  than  a 
rod,  before  crash  went  the  bridge  behind  us,  all  down 
in  a  heap,  and  two  toll-houses  on  top  of  it  and  as 
many  as  a  hundred  folks  splashed  into  the  water,  all 
mixed  up  together  one  top  of  'tother.  The  President 
looked  over  his  shoulder,  and  seeing  I  was  safe  be- 
hind him,  called  out  for  Mr.  Van  Buren,  and  asked 
me  to  run  and  see  if  he  was  hurt.  I  told  him  he  had 
forgot  himself,  for  Mr.  Van  Buren  was  n't  in  the 
company;  but  Mr.  Woodbury  and  Mr.  Cass  were  in 
for  it,  for  I  could  see  them  floundering  about  in  the 
water  now.  Run,  Major,  said  the  President,  run 
and  give  them  a  lift.  Take  Mr.  Woodbury  first,  you 
know  I  can't  spare  him  at  any  rate. 

So  there  was  a  parcel  of  us  took  hold  and  went  to 
hauling  of  'em  out  of  the  water  like  so  many  drownd- 
ed  rats.  But  we  got  'em  all  out  alive,  except  a  few 
young  things  they  called  dandies;  they  looked  so  after 
they  got  wet  all  over  that  Ave  could  n't  make  out  wheth- 
er they  were  alive  or  dead.  So  we  laid  'em  up  to 
dry  and  left  'em;  and  I  went  on  to  help  the  President 
review  the  troops  on  the  battery,  as  they  call  it;  and 
a  grand  place  it  is  tu.  Pve  seen  more  fine  shows 
here,  it  seems  to  me,  than  ever  I  see  before  in  my 
life.  Such  a  sight  of  folks,  and  fine  ladies,  and  fine 
19 


218 


LETTERS    OF 


houses,  and  vessels,  and  steamboats,  and  flags  a  fly- 
ing, and  cannons  firing,  and  fire  works  a  whisking 
about,  I  never  seethe  beat  of  it.  I  didn't  think  there 
was  so  much  fiin  in  this  world  before,  for  all  I've 
been  about  so  much  at  Madawaska  and  among  the 
nullifiers  and  all  round. 

But  1  cant  tell  you  much  about  it  till  we  get  there, 
for  I  cant  find  any  time  to  write.  I've  only  catched  a 
few  minutes  this  evening  while  the  President  is  gone 
into  Mr.  Niblo's  garden.  One  of  the  master  sights 
that  I've  seen  yet  was  that  balloon  that  went  up  this 
afternoon,  carrying  a  man  with  it.  Poor  fellow,  I 
dont  much  think  he'll  ever  get  back  again,  for  he 
looked  to  me  the  last  I  see  of  him  as  though  he  would 
land  in  England,  or  the  moon,  or  some  other  country. 

All  these  sights  keep  us  back  a  little  longer  than 
we  expected.  I  dont  think  now  we  shall  be  in  Port- 
land before  the  28th  or  29th  of  this  month.  So  I 
thought  I'd  jest  write  you  a  line  that  you  might  be 
down  there  about  that  time. 

In  haste  your  loving  nefl'u, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXI. 

In  which  Major  Downing  describes  the  visit  of  the 
President  at  Boston,  and  also  complains  of  the  ras- 
cally counterfeiters  that  ivrite  letters  in  his  name  for 
the  newspapers. 

\Kote  by  the  Editor.     It  will  be  recollected  that  the  President 
while  in  Boston,  was  for  a  few  days  seriously  ill.] 

Boston,  Tuesday,  June  25, 1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  dear  old  Friend, — I'm  keeping  house  with 
the  President  to-day,  and  bein  he's  getting  consider- 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  219 

able  better,  I  thought  I'd  catch  a  chance  when  he 
was  taking  a  knap,  and  write  a  little  to  let  you  know 
how  we  get  along.  This  ere  sickness  of  the  Presi- 
dent has  been  a  bad  pull-back  to  us.  He  hasn't  been 
able  to  go  out  since  Sunday  afternoon,  and  I've  been 
watchin  with  him  this  two  nights,  and  if  I  wasn't  as 
tough  as  a  halter,  I  should  be  half  dead  by  this  time. 

And  if  the  President  want  tougher  than  a  cata- 
mount, he'd  kick  the  bucket  before  he'd  been  round 
to  see  one  half  the  notions  there  is  in  Boston.  Poor 
man,  he  has  a  hard  time  of  it;  you've  no  idea  how 
much  he  has  to  go  through.  It's  worse  than  being 
dragged  through  forty  knot  holes. 

To  be  bamboozled  about  from  four  o'clock  in  the 
morning  till  midnight,  rain  or  shine,  jammed  into  one 
great  house  to  eat  a  breakfast,  and  into  another  great 
house  to  eat  a  dinner,  and  into  another  to  eat  supper, 
and  into  two  or  three  others  between  meals,  to  eat 
cooliations,  and  to  have  to  go  out  and  review  three 
or  four  rigiments  of  troops,  and  then  to  be  jammed 
into  Funnel  Hall  two  hours,  and  shake  hands  with 
three  or  four  thousand  folks,  and  then  to  go  into  the 
State  House  and  stand  there  two  or  three  hours  and 
see  all  Boston  streaming  through  it  like  a  river  through 
a  sawmill,  and  then  to  ride  about  the  city  awhile  in  a 
fine  painted  covered  waggon  with  four  or  five  horses 
to  draw  it,  and  then  ride  awhile  in  one  without  any 
cover  to  it,  finney-fined  off  to  the  top  notch,  and  then 
get  on  to  the  horses  and  ride  awhile  a  horseback,  and 
then  run  into  a  great  picture  room  and  see  more  fine 
pictures  than  you  could  shake  a  stick  at  in  a  week, 
and  then  go  into  some  grand  gentleman's  house,  and 
shake  hands  a  half  an  hour  with  a  flock  of  ladies,  and 
then  after  supper  go  and  have  a  little  still  kind  of  a 
hubbub  all  alone  with  three  or  four  hundred  particu- 
lar friends,  and  talk  an  hour  or  two,  and  take  another 
cooliation,  and  then  go  home,  and  about  midnight  get 
ready  to  go  to  bed,  and  up  a^ain  at  four  o'clock  the 


220  LETTERS    OF 

next  morning  and  at  it. — If  this  aint  enough  to  tuck- 
er a  feller  out  I  dont  know  what  is.  The  President 
wouldn't  have  stood  it  till  this  time  if  he  hadn't  sent 
me  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  and  the  rest  of  us  to  some 
of  the  parties,  while  he  staid  to  home  to  rest. 

The  President's  got  so  much  better  I  think  we 
shall  be  able  to  start  for  Salem  to-morrow,  for  we 
must  go  through  with  it  now  we've  begun,  as  hard 
work  as  'tis.  I  think  we  shall  get  to  Portland  about 
the  4th  of  July;  so  if  you  get  your  guns  and  things 
all  ready  you  can  kill  two  birds  with  one  stone.  I 
hope  you'll  be  pretty  careful  there  how  you  point 
your  guns.  They  pointed  'em  so  careless  at  New 
York  that  one  of  the  wads  come  within  six  inches  of 
making  daylight  shine  through  the  President. 

Now  I  think  ont,  there  is  the  most  rascally  set  of 
fellers  skulking  about  somewhere  in  this  part  of  the 
country  that  ever  I  heard  of,  and  I  wish  you  would 
blow  'em  up.  They  are  worse  than  the  pick-pock- 
ets. I  mean  them  are  fellers  that's  got  to  writing 
letters  and  putting  my  name  to  'em,  and  sending  of 
'em  to  the  printers.  And  I  heard  there  was  one  sassy 
feller  last  Saturday  down  to  Newburyport  that  got 
on  to  a  horse,  and  rid  about  town  calling  himself 
Major  Jack  Downing,  and  all  the  soldiers  and  the 
folks  marched  up  and  shook  hands  with  him,  and 
thought  it  was  me. — Now,  my  dear  old  friend,  isn't 
this  too  bad.^  What  would  you  do  if  you  was  in  my 
case.''  I  say  again  they  are  worse  than  the  pick- 
pockets. Isn't  it  Mr.  Shakespeare  that  says  some- 
thing about  '  he  that  steals  my  munny-pus  steals  trash, 
but  he  that  steals  my  name  ought  to  have  his  head 
broke?  '  I  wish  you  would  find  that  story  and  print  it. 
There,  the  President's  jest  waked  up,  so  I  must 
subscribe  myself,  in  haste, 
Your  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK    DOVvxMNG.  221 


LETTER  LXII. 


In  which  the  President  and  the  rest  of  'em  turn  a  short 
Corner  at  Concord  and  set  their  faces  towards  Wash- 
ington. 

Concord,  Nu  Hamsheer,  Juiie  30, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  ike  PoHland  Courier. 

My  dear  old  Friend, — The  jig  is  all  up  about 
our  going  to  Portland  and  Downing ville.  I've  bat- 
tled the  watch  with  the  President  this  two  days  about 
it,  and  told  him  he  must  go  there  if  he  had  the  breath 
of  life  in  him;  and  he  kept  telling  me  he  certainly 
would  if  horses  could  carry  him  there. 

But  the  President  is  n't  very  well,  and  that  aint 
the  worst  of  it;  there  's  been  a  little  difficulty  bruin 
among  us,  and  the  President's  got  so  riled  about  it, 
that  he's  finally  concluded  to  start  on  his  way  back 
to  morrow.  1  cant  help  it;  but  I  feel  bad  enough 
about  it.  If  I  wasn't  a  military  man  I  could  cry  a 
barrel  of  tears. 

I  dont  know  how  they  will  stan  it  in  Downingville 
when  they  come  to  get  the  news.  I'm  afraid  there 
will  be  a  master  uproar  there,  for  you  know  they  are 
all  fuUblooded  democrats. 

But  the  stage  is  jest  agoing  to  start,  and  I've  only 
time  to  write  you  this  line,  in  haste  from  your 
friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 

19* 


222  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  LXIII. 

In  which  cousin  JVabbij  descAhes  the  unutterable  disap- 
pointment at  Downingville  because  the  President  did 
nH  come,  and  tells  what  a  terrible  pucker  ant  Keziah 
was  in  about  it. 

GREAT  UPROAR  IN  DOWNINGVILLE. 

Letter  from  Major  Downing's  Cousin  Nabby  to  the  editor  of  the 
Portland  Courier. 

Respectable  Sir: — As  cousin  Jack  is  always  so 
mity  budge  in  writing  letters  to  you,  and  as  he  and 
the  President  has  showed  us  a  most  provoking  trick 
and  run  off  like  a  stream  of  chalk  back  to  Washington 
without  coming  here,  after  they  had  promised  over 
and  over  again  that  they  would  come,  and  we  had  got 
all  slicked  up  and  our  clean  gownds  on,  and  more 
good  victuals  cooked,  than  there  ever  was  in  all 
Downingville  before,  I  say,  Mr.  Editor,  I  declare  it's 
tu  bad;  we  are  all  as  mad  as  blazes  about  it,  and  I 
mean  to  write  and  tell  you  all  about  it  if  I  live,  and 
if  cousin  Jack  dont  like  it  he  may  lump  it,  so  there 
now. 

Ye  see  cousin  Jack  writ  to  us  that  he  and  the  Presi- 
dent and  some  more  gentlemen  should  be  here  the  4th 
of  July,  and  we  must  spring  to  it  and  brush  up  and 
see  how  smart  we  could  look  and  how  many  fine  things 
we  could  show  to  the  President.  This  was  a  Saturday 
before  the  4th  of  July  come  a  Thursday.  The  letter 
was  to  Uncle  Joshua,  the  Post  Master.  Most  all  the 
folks  in  Downingville  were  at  the  Post  Office  waiting 
when  the  mail  come  in,  for  we  expected  to  hear  from 
Jack. 

Uncle  Joshua  put  on  his  spettacles  and  opened  the 
mail  and  hauled  out  the  papers  and  letters  in  a  bunch. 
In  a  minute  I  see  one  to  Uncle  Joshua  with  the  Presi- 
dent's name  on  the  outside;  so  I  knew  it  was  from 
Jack,  for  the  President  ahvavs  puts  his  name  on  Jack's 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  ^23 

letters.  We  all  cried  out  to  Uncle  Joshua  to  open  it 
and  let  us  know  what  was  in  it.  But  he's  such  a  pro- 
voking odd  old  man  he  would  n't  touch  it  till  he  got 
every  one  of  the  papers  and  letters  sorted  and  put  up 
in  their  places.  And  then  he  took  it  and  set  down  in 
his  arm  chair,  and  took  out  his  tobacker  box  and  took 
a  chaw  of  tobacker,  and  then  he  broke  open  the  seal 
and  sot  and  chawed  and  read  to  himself.  We  all 
stood  tiptoe  with  our  hearts  in  our  mouths,  and  he 
must  needs  read  it  over  to  himself  three  times,  chaw- 
ing his  old  quid  and  once  in  awhile  giving  us  a  know- 
ing wink,  before  he  would  tell  us  what  was  in  it. — 
And  he  would  n't  tell  us  arter  all,  but,  says  he,  you 
must  all  be  ready  to  put  the  best  side  out  Thursday 
morning;  there'll  be  business  to  attend  to,  such  as 
Downingville  never  see  before. 

At  that  we  all  cut  and  run,  and  such  a  hubbub  as 
we  were  in  from  that  time  till  Thursday  morning  I 
guess  you  never  see.  Such  a  washing  and  scrubbing 
and  making  new  clothes  and  mending  old  ones  and 
baking  and  cooking.  Every  thing  seemed  to  be  in  a 
clutter  all  over  the  neighborhood.  Sargent  Joel  flew 
round  like  a  ravin-distracted  rooster.  He  called  out 
his  company  every  morning  before  sun-rise  and  march- 
ed 'em  up  and  down  the  road  three  hours  every  day. 
He  sent  to  the  store  and  got  a  whole  new  set  of  but- 
tons and  had  'em  sowed  on  to  his  regimental  coat, 
and  had  a  new  piece  of  red  put  round  the  collar.  And 
had  his  trowses  washed  and  his  boots  greesed,  and 
looked  as  though  he  might  take  the  shine  off  of  most 
any  thing.  But  the  greatest  rumpus  was  at  uncle 
Joshua's;  for  they  said  the  President  must  stay  there 
all  night.  And  ant  Keziah  was  in  such  a  pucker  to 
have  every  thing  nice,  I  did  n't  know  but  she  would 
fly  off  the  handle. 

She  had  every  part  of  the  house  washed  from  gar- 
ret to  cellar,  and  the  floors  all  sanded,  and  a  bunch 
of  green  bushes  put  into  all  the  fire  places.     And  she 


224  LETTERS    OF 

baked  three  ovens  full  of  dried  punkin  pies,  besides 
a  few  dried  huckleberry  pies,  and  cake,  and  a  great 
pot  of  pork  and  beans.  But  the  worst  trouble  was  to 
fix  up  the  bed  so  as  to  look  nice;  for  ant  Keziah  de- 
clared the  President  should  have  as  good  a  night's 
lodging  in  her  house  as  he  had  in  New  York  or  Bos- 
ton. So  she  put  on  two  feather  beds  on  top  the  straw 
bed,  and  a  bran  new  calico  quilt  that  she  made  the 
first  summer  after  she  was  married  and  never  put  it 
on  a  bed  before.  And  to  make  it  look  as  nice  as  the 
New  York  beds,  she  took  her  red  silk  gown  and  rip- 
ped it  up  and  made  a  blanket  to  spread  over  the  top. 
And  then  she  hung  up  some  sheets  all  round  the  bed- 
room, and  the  gals  brought  in  a  whole  handful  of 
roses  and  pinks  and  pinned  'em  up  round  as  thick  as 
flies  in  August. 

After  we  got  things  pretty  much  fixed,  uncle 
Joshua  started  off  to  meet  cousin  Jack  and  the  Presi- 
dent, and  left  Sargent  Joel  to  put  matters  to  rights, 
and  told  us  we  must  all  be  ready  and  be  paraded  in 
the  road  by  nine  o'clock  Thursday  morning.  Well 
Thursday  morning  come,  and  we  all  mustered  as  soon 
as  it  was  daylight  and  dressed  up.  The  children 
were  all  washed  and  had  their  clean  aprons  on  and 
their  heads  combed  and  were  put  under  the  care  of 
the  schoolmarm  to  be  paraded  along  with  her  scholers. 

About  eight  o'clock  all  the  village  got  together 
down  the  road  as  fur  as  uncle  Joshua's  new  barn; 
and  Sargent  Joel  told  us  how  to  stand,  as  he  said,  in 
militery  order.  He  placed  Bill  Johnson  and  cousin 
Ephraim  out  a  little  ways  in  front  with  each  of  'em  a 
great  long  fowling  piece  with  a  smart  charge  in  to 
fire  a  salute,  and  told  'em  as  soon  as  the  President 
hove  in  sight  to  let  drive,  only  be  careful  and  pint 
their  guns  up  so  as  not  to  hurt  any  body.  Then  come 
Sargent  Joel  and  his  company;  and  then  come  the 
schoolmarm  and  the  children;  and  then  come  all  the 
women  and  gals  over  sixteen  with  ant  Keziah  at  their 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  225 

head;  and  then  come  all  the  men  in  town  that  owned 
horses  riding  on  horseback;  and  all  the  boys  that 
Sargent  Joel  did  n't  think  was  large  enough  to  walk 
in  the  profession  got  up  and  sot  on  the  fences  along 
by  the  side  of  the  road. 

There  we  stood  till  about  nine  o'clock,  when  sure 
enough  we  saw  somebody  come  riding  out  of  the 
woods  down  the  hill.  The  boys  all  screamed  ready 
to  split  their  throats  hoorah  for  Jackson,  and  Bill 
Johnson  fired  off  his  gun.  Cousin  Ephraim,  who 
aint  so  easy  fluttered,  held  on  to  his  and  did  n't  fire, 
for  he  could  n't  see  any  body  but  uncle  Joshua  on 
his  old  gray  horse.  Along  come  uncle  Joshua  on  a 
slow  trot,  and  we  looked  and  looked,  but  could  n't  see 
any  body  coming  behind  him. 

Then  they  all  begun  to  look  at  one  another  as  wild 
as  hawks  and  turn  all  manner  of  colors.  When  uncle 
Joshua  got  up  so  we  could  see  him  pretty  plain  he 
looked  as  cross  as  a  thunder  cloud.  He  rid  up  to 
Sargent  Joel,  and  says  he,  you  may  all  go  home  about 
your  business,  and  put  away  your  knick-nacks,  for 
Jack  and  the  President  are  half  way  to  Washington 
by  this  time. 

My  stars!  what  a  time  there  was  then.  I  never  see 
so  many  folks  boiling  over  mad  before.  Bill  Johnson 
threw  his  gun  over  into  the  field  as  much  as  ten  rods, 
and  hopped  up  and  down  and  struck  his  fists  together 
like  all  possessed.  Sargent  Joel  marched  back  and 
forth  across  the  road  two  or  three  times,  growing  red- 
der and  redder,  till  at  last  he  drew  out  his  sword  and 
fetched  a  blow  across  a  hemlock  stump  and  snapped 
it  off  like  a  pipe  stem.  Ant  Keziah  fell  down  in  a 
conniption  fit;  and  it  was  an  hour  before  we  could 
bring  her  tu  and  get  her  into  the  house. — And  when 
she  come  to  go  round  the  house  and  see  the  victuals 
she  had  cooked  up,  and  go  into  the  bed-room  and  see 
her  gown  all  cut  up,  she  went  into  conniption  fits  again 
and  had  'em  half  the  night.     But  she's  better  to  day, 


226  LETTERS    OF 

and  has  gone  to  work  to  try  to  patch  up  her  go^vn 
again. 

I  thought  I  would  jest  let  you  know  about  these 
things,  and  if  you  are  a  mind  to  send  word  on  to  cousin 
Jack  and  the  President,  I'm  willing.  You  may  tell 
'em  there  aint  five  folks  in  Downingville  that  would 
hoorah  for  Jackson  now,  and  I  dont  believe  there's 
one  that  would  vote  for  him  unless  'tis  uncle  Joshua, 
and  he  would  n't  if  he  was  n't  afraid  of  losing  the 
post  office. 

But  there,  uncle  Joshua  has  called  to  me  and  says 
he  wont  keep  the  mail  open  another  minute  for  my 
letter,  so  I  must  prescribe  myself  your  respected  friend, 
NABBY  DOWNING. 


NOMINATION  FOR  THE  PRESIDENCY. 

From  the  National  Intelligencer. 
We  do  not  know  whether  it  be  necessary,  in  copy- 
ing the  subjoined  effusion,  to  enter  into  a  protest 
against  misinterpretation  of  our  motives.  We  should 
be  sorry  to  be  understood,  whilst  humoring  a  jest,  as 
meaning  to .  burlesque  so  serious  an  action  as  the 
choice  of  President  of  the  United  States.  We  copy 
the  following  for  the  sake  of  its  moral,  as  well  as  its 
wit,  and  we  do  not  like  the  moral  the  less  for  being 
taught  with  a  smiling  countenance. 

From  the  Mauch  Chunk  Courier. 
Our  next  President. 
Many  of  the  papers  in  the  United  States  have  al- 
ready manifested  a  disposition  to  agitate  the  subject 
of  the  next  Presidency,  and  several  distinguished  in- 
dividuals have  been  informally  named  for  that  office, 
among  whom  are  Mr.  Van  Buren,  Mr.  M  'Lean, 
Mr.  Cass,  Mr.  Clay  and  Mr.  Webster.  As  we  are 
opposed  to  a  premature  discussion  of  this  ticklish 
question,  we  have  not  hitherto  committed  ourself  in 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  227 

favor  of  either  of  these  individuals.  Indeed,  we  have 
considered  it  very  imprudent  in  these  times,  for  any- 
one who  wishes  to  be  an  orthodox  politician,  to  "  come 
out  "  for  any  body  until  he  can  ascertain  who  will  be 
most  likely  to  succeed.  Accordingly  we  have  stood 
upon  our  '  reserved  rights  '  of  neutrality,  to  watch 
the  signs  of  the  times,  and  see  who  would  probably  be 
the  most  popular  candidate.  Recent  indications  have 
satisfactorily  convinced  us  on  that  point,  and  as  we 
wish  to  be  considered  among  the  '  originals' — the  real 
Simon  Pures,  we  would  lose  no  time  in  nominating 
For  President, 
MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING, 
Of  Doivningville. 
In  recommending  this  distinguished  personage  to 
our  fellow  citizens,  it  will  be  scarcely  necessary  to 
enumerate  his  various  claims  to  their  suffrages.  Suf- 
fice it  to  say,  his  military  renown,  his  valuable  public 
services  in  assisting  President  Jackson  to  put  down 
the  Nullifiers,  especially  in  shaking  hands  with  the 
Yankees  "  down  east,"  and  last  though  not  least,  the 
fidelity  with  which  he  and  his  uncle  Joshua  stuck  to 
the  Old  Hero  after  he  found  he  was  going  to  be  Pres- 
ident, eminently  qualify  him  for  that  exalted  station. 


LETTER  LXIV. 

In  lohich  Major  Downing  tells  about  going  to    Cam" 
bridge  and  making  the  President  a  Doctor  of  Laws. 

On  board  tlie  Steam-boat,  going  from  Providence  to  York, 

July  2,  1833. 
To  ray  old  friend,  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the 

Mariners'  Church  building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore 

street,  away  down  east  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  Friend. — We  are  driving  back  again  full 
chisel,  as  fast  as  we  come  on  when  we  were  on  the 
Rail  Road  between  Washington  and  Baltimore.     And 


228  LETTERS    OF 

we  've  been  drivin  so  fast  on  a  round  turn  in  all  the 
places  where  we've    been,  and   have    had  so  much 
shaking  hands  and  eating  and  one  thing  another  to 
do,  that  I  could  n't  get  time  to  write  to  you  at  half 
the  places  where  I  wanted  to,  so  I  thought  I'd  set 
down  now,  while  the  President's  laid  down  to  rest  him 
awhile,  and  tell  you  something  about  Cambridge  and 
Lowell.     Ye  see  when  we  were  at  Boston  they  sent 
word  to  us  to  come  out  to  Cambridge,  for  they  want- 
ed to  make  the  President  a  Doctor  of  Laws.     What 
upon  arth  a  Doctor  of  Laws  was,  or  why  they  wanted 
to  make  the    President  one,   I  could  n't  think.     So 
when  we  come  to  go  up  to  bed  I  asked  the  Gineral 
about  it.     And  says  I,  Gineral,  what  is  it  they  want 
to  do  to  you  out  to  Cambridge?    Says  he  they  want  to 
make  a  Doctor  of  Laws  of  me.    Well,  says  I,  but  what 
good  will  that  do?    Why,  says  he,  you  know  Major 
Downing,  there's  a  pesky  many  of  them   are  laws 
passed  by  Congress,  that  are  rickety  things.     Some 
of  'em  have  very  poor  constitutions,  and  some  of  'em 
have  n't  no  constitutions  at  all.      So  that  it  is  neces- 
sary to  have  somebody  there  to  Doctor  'em  up  a  little, 
and  not  let  'em    go  out  into   the  world  where  they 
would  Stan  a  chance  to  catch  cold  and  be  sick,  with- 
out they  had  good  constitutions  to  bear  it.    You  know, 
says  he,  I  have  had  to  doctor  the  Laws  considerable 
ever  since  I've  been  at  Washington,  although  I  was 
n't  a  regular  bred  Doctor.     And  I  made  out  so  well 
about  it,  that  these  Cambridge  folks  think  I  better  be 
made  into  a  regular  Doctor  at  once,  and  then  there  '11 
be  no   grumbling  and  disputing  about  my  practice. 
Says  he.  Major,  what  do  you  think  of  it?  I  told  him 
I  thought  it  was  an  excellent  plan;  and  asked  him  if 
he  did  n't  think  they  would  be  willing,  bein  I'd  been 
round  in  the  military  business  considerable  for  a  year 
or  two  past,  to  make  me  a  Doctor  of  War.     He  said 
he  did  n't  know,  but  he  thought  it  would  be  no  harm 
to  try  'em.     But  says  he.  Major,  I  feel  a  little  kind 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING?. 

of  streaked  about  it  after  all;  for  they  say  they  will 
go  to  talking  to  me  in  Latin,  and  although  I  studied 
it  a  little  once,  I  dont  know  any  more  about  it  now 
than  the  man  in  the  moon.  And  how  I  can  get  along 
in  that  case  I  dont  know.  I  told  him  my  way,  when 
any  body  talked  to  me  in  a  lingo  that  I  did'nt  under- 
stand, was  jest  to  say  nothing,  but  look  as  knowing 
as  any  of  'em,  and  then  they  ginerally  thought  1  knew 
a  pesky  sight  more  than  any  of  'em.  At  that  the 
Gineral  fetched  me  a  slap  on  my  shoulder,  and  haw 
hawed  right  out.  Says  he,  Major  Downing,  you  are 
the  boy  for  me ;  I  dont  know  how  I  should  get  along 
in  this  world  if  it  was  n't  for  you. 

So  when  we  got  ready  we  went  right  to  Cambridge 
as  bold  as  could  be.  And  that  are  Cambridge  is  a 
real  pretty  place;  it  seems  to  me  I  should  like  to  live 
in  them  Colleges  as  well  as  any  place  I've  seen. 
We  went  into  tlie  Libry,  and  I  guess  I  stared  a  little, 
for  I  did  n't  think  before  there  was  half  so  many  books 
in  the  world.  I  should  think  there  was  near  about 
enough  to  fill  a  meetin  house.  I  dont  believe  they 
was  ever  all  read  or  ever  will  be  to  all  ages. 

When  we  come  to  go  in  to  be  made  Doctors  of, 
there  was  a  terrible  crowding  round;  but  they  give 
us  a  good  place,  and  then  sure  enough  they  did  begin 
to  talk  in  Latin  or  some  other  gibberish;  but  whether 
they  were  talking  to  the  Gineral,  or  who  'twas,  1 
could  n't  tell.  I  guess  the  Gineral  was  a  little  puz- 
zled. But  he  never  said  a  word,  only  once  in  a  while 
bowed  a  little.  And  I  spose  he  happened  sometimes 
to  put  in  the  bows  in  the  wrong  place,  for  I  could  see 
some  of  the  sassy  students  look  up  one  side  once  in  a 
while,  and  snicker  out  of  one  corner  of  their  mouths. 
Howsomever  the  Gineral  stood  it  out  like  a  hero,  and 
got  through  very  well.  And  when  'twas  over,  I  stept 
up  to  Mr.  Quincy  and  asked  him  if  he  would  n't  be 
so  good  as  to  make  me  a  Doctor  of  War,  and  hinted 
to  him  a  little  about  my  services  down  to  Madawasca 
20 


230  LETTERS    OF 

and  among  the  nullifiers.  At  that  he  made  me  a  very 
pohte  bow,  and  says  he,  Major  Downing,  we  should 
be  very  happy  to  oblige  you  it"  we  could,  but  we  never 
give  any  degrees  of  war  here;  all  our  degrees  are 
degrees  of  peace.  So  I  find  I  shall  have  to  practise 
war  in  the  natural  way,  let  nullification,  or  what  will, 
come.  After  'twas  all  over  we  went  to  Mr.  Quincy's 
and  had  a  capital  dinner.  And  on  the  whole  had 
about  as  good  a  visit  to  Cambridge  as  most  any  where. 
I  meant  to  a  told  you  considerable  about  Lowell, 
but  the  steamboat  goes  so  fast,  I  shant  have  time  to. 
We  went  all  over  the  Factories;  and  there!  I  wont 
try  to  say  one  word  about  'em,  for  I've  been  filled 
with  such  a  wonderment  ever  since,  that  my  ideas  are 
all  as  big  as  hay  stacks,  and  if  I  should  try  to  get  one 
of  'em  out  of  my  head,  it  would  tear  it  all  to  pieces. 
It  beat  all  that  ever  I  heard  of  before,  and  the  Gine- 
ral  said  it  beat  all  that  ever  he  heard  of.  But  what 
made  the  Gineral  hold  his  head  up  and  feel  more  like 
a  soldier,  than  he  had  before  since  he  was  at  New 
Orleans,  was  when  we  marched  along  the  street  by 
them  are  five  thousand  gals,  all  dressed  up  and  look- 
ing as  pretty  as  a  million  of  butterflies.  The  Gineral 
marched  along  as  light  as  a  boy,  and  seems  to  me  I 
never  see  his  eyes  shine  so  bright  afore.  After  we 
got  along  about  to  the  middle  of  'em,  he  whispered 
to  me,  and  says  he,  Major  Downing,  is  your  Cousin 
Nabby  here  among  'em;  if  she  is,  I  must  be  intro- 
duced to  her.  I  told  him  she  was  not;  as  they  were 
expecting  us  to  come  to  Downingville,  she  staid  to 
home  to  help  get  ready.  Well,  says  he,  if  any  thing 
should  happen  that  we  can't  go  to  Downingville,  you 
must  send  for  your  Cousin  Nabby  and  Uncle  Joshua 
to  come  on  to  Washington  to  see  me.  I  will  bear  all 
the  expenses,  if  they  will  only  come,  says  he;  these 
northern  gals  are  as  much  afore  our  southern  and 
western  gals  as  can  be,  and  I've  thought  of  your 
Cousin  Nabby  a  great   deal   lately  —  he  looked  as 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  231 

though  he  was  going  to  say  something  more,  but  Mr. 
Van  Buren  and  the  rest  of  'em  crowded  along  up  so 
near  that  it  broke  it  off,  and  we  had  to  go  along. 

I  see  we've  got  most  to  York,  and  shall  have  to  go 
ashore  in  a  few  minutes,  so  I  can't  write  any  more 
now,  but  remain  your  sincere  and  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXV. 

In  which  Major  Downing  tells  about  the  quarrel  that  he 
and  Mr.  Van  Buren  had  at  Concord  after  theij  went 
up  chamber  to  bed ;  and  also  declares  his  intention  to 
run  for  the  Presidency. 

Washington  City,  July  20, 1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down 
east  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend,  you. — I  dont  know  but  you 

might  think  strange  on  't,  that  I  should  be  back  here 

to  Washington  more  than  a  fortnight,  and  not  write 

to  you.     But  I  hant  forgot  you.     You  need  n't  never 

be   afraid  of  that.     We  aint  very  apt  to  forget  our 

best   friends;    and   you    may  depend   upon   it   Jack 

Downing  will  never  forget  the  editor  of  the  Portland 

Courier  any  more  than  Andrew  Jackson  will  forget 

Jack  Downing.     You  was  the  first  person  that  ever 

give  me  a  lift  into  public  life,  and  you   've  been  a 

boosting  me  along  ever  since.     And  jest  between  you 

and  me°I  think  I  'm  getting  into  a  way  now  where  I 

shall  be  able  by  and  by  to  do  something  to  pay  you 

for  it.    The  reason  that  I  have  n't  writ  to  you  before, 

is,  that  we  have  had  pretty  serious  business  to  attend 

to  since  we  got  back.     But  we  've  jest  got  through 

with  it,  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  has  cleared  out  and  gone 

back  about  the  quickest  to  New  York,  and  I  guess 

with  a  bed-bug  in  his  ear.     Now  jest  between  you 


232      -  LETTERS    OF 

and  me  in  confidence,  I  '11  tell  you  how  't  is;  but  pray 
dont  let  on  about  it  to  any  body  else  for  the  world. 
Did  n't  you  think  plaguy  strange  what  made  us  cut 
back  so  quick  from  Concord  without  going  to  Port- 
land or  Portsmouth  or  Downingviller  You  know  the 
papers  have  said  it  was  because  the  President  want 
very  well,  and  the  President  had  to  make  that  ex- 
cuse himself  in  some  of  his  letters;  but  it  was  no 
such  thing.  The  President  could  a  marched  on  foot 
twenty  miles  a  day  then,  and  only  let  him  been  at  the 
head  of  my  Downingvilie  company  and  he  'd  a  made  a 
whole  British  regiment  scamper  like  a  flock  of  sheep. 

But  you  see  the  trouble  ont  was,  there  was  some 
difficulty  between  I  and  Mr.  Van  Buren.  Some 
how  or  other  Mr.  Van  Buren  always  looked  kind  of 
jealous  at  me  all  the  time  after  he  met  us  at  JVew 
York;  and  I  could  n't  help  minding  every  time  the 
folks  hollered  '  hoorah  for  Major  Downing'  he  would 
turn  as  red  as  a  blaze  of  fire. 

And  wherever  we  stopped  to  take  a  bite  or  to  have 
a  chat,  he  would  always  work  it,  if  he  could,  some- 
how or  other  so  as  to  crowd  in  between  me  and  the 
President.  Well,  ye  see,  I  wouldn't  mind  much 
about  it,  but  would  jest  step  round  'tother  side.  And 
though  I  say  it  myself,  the  folks  would  look  at  me, 
let  me  be  on  v/hich  side  I  would;  and  after  they'd 
cried  hoorah  for  the  President,  they'd  most  always 
sing  out  'hoorah  for  Major  Downing.'  Mr.  Van 
Buren  kept  growing  more  and  more  tidgety  till  we 
got  to  Concord.  And  there  we  had  a  room  full  of 
sturdy  old  democrats  of  New  Hampshire,  and  after 
they  had  all  flocked  round  the  old  President  and 
shook  hands  with  him,  he  happened  to  introduce  me 
to  some  of  'em  before  he  did  Mr.  Van  Buren.  At 
that  the  fat  was  all  in  the  fire.  Mr.  Van  Buren 
wheeled  about  and  marched  out  of  the  room  looking 
as  though  he  could  bite  a  board  nail  off*.  The  Presi- 
dent had  to  send  for  him  three  times  before  he  could 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  235 

get  him  back  into  the  room  again.  And  when  he  did 
come,  he  didn't  speak  to  me  for  the  whole  evening. 
However  we  kept  it  from  the  company  pretty  much; 
but  when  we  come  to  go  up  to  bed  that  night,  we  had 
a  real  quarrel.  It  was  nothing  but  jaw,  jaw,  the 
whole  night.  Mr.  Woodbury  and  Mr.  Cass  tried  to 
pacify  us  all  they  could,  but  it  was  all  in  vain,  we 
didn't  one  of  us  get  a  wink  of  sleep,  and  shouldn't  if 
the  night  had  lasted  a  fortnight.  Mr.  Van  Buren 
said  the  President  had  dishonored  the  country  by 
placing  a  military  Major  on  half  pay  before  the 
second  officer  of  the  government.  The  President 
begged  him  to  consider  that  I  was  a  very  particular 
friend  of  his;  that  I  had  been  a  great  help  to  him  at 
both  ends  of  the  country;  that  I  had  kept  the  British 
out  of  Madawaska  away  down  in  Maine,  and  had 
marched  my  company  clear  from  Downingville  to 
Washington,  on  my  way  to  South  Carolina,  to  put 
down  the  nullifiers;  and  he  thought  I  was  entitled  to 
as  much  respect  as  any  man  in  the  country. 

This  nettled  Mr.  Van  Buren  peskily. — He  said  he 
thought  it  was  a  fine  time  of  day  if  a  raw  jockey  from 
an  obscure  village  away  down  east,  jest  because  he 
had  a  Major's  commission,  was  going  to  throw  the 
Vice  President  of  the  United  States  and  the  heads 
of  Departments  into  the  back  ground.  At  this  my 
dander  began  to  rise,  and  I  stepped  right  up  to  him; 
and  says  I,  Mr.  Van  Buren,  you  are  the  last  man 
that  ought  to  call  me  a  jockey.  And  if  you'll  go  to 
Downingville  and  stand  up  before  my  company  with 
Sarjeant  Joel  at  their  head,  and  call  Downingville 
an  obscure  village,  Pll  let  you  use  my  head  for  a 
foot-ball  as  long  as  you  live  afterwards.  For  if  they 
wouldn't  blow  you  into  ten  thousand  atoms,  Pll  never 
guess  again.  We  got  so  high  at  last  that  the  old 
President  hopt  off  the  bed  like  a  boy;  for  he  had  laid 
down  to  rest  him,  bein  it  was  near  daylight,  though 
he  couldn't  get  to  sleep.     And  says  he,  Mr.  Donald- 


236  LETTERS    OF 

son,  set  down  and  write  Mr.  Anderson  at  Portland, 
and  my  friend  Joshua  Downing  at  Downingville,  that 
I  can't  come.  I'm  going  to  start  for  Washington 
this  morning.  What,  says  Mr.  Cass,  and  not  go  to 
Portsmouth  and  Exeter  and  round  there!  I  tell  you, 
says  the  President,  I'm  going  to  start  for  Washing- 
ton this  morning,  and  in  three  days  I'll  be  there. 
What,  says  Mr.  Woodbury,  and  not  go  to  Portland, 
where  they  have  spent  so  much  money  to  get  ready 
for  us!  I  tell  you,  says  the  President,  my  foot  is 
down:  I  go  not  a  step  further,  but  turn  about  this 
morning  for  Washington.  What,  says  I,  and  not  go 
to  Downingville,  what  will  Uncle  Joshua  say.''  At 
this  the  President  looked  a  little  hurt;  and  says  he, 
Major  Downing,  I  can't  help  it.  As  for  going  any 
further  with  such  a  din  as  this  about  my  ears,  I  can- 
not, and  will  not,  and  I  am  resolved  not  to  budge 
another  inch.  And  sure  enough  the  President  was 
as  good  as  his  word,  and  we  were  all  packed  up  by 
sunrise,  and  in  three  days  we  were  in  Washington. 

And  here  we've  been  ever  since,  battling  the  watch 
about  the  next  Presidency.  Mr.  Van  Buren  says  the 
President  promised  it  to  him,  and  now  he  charges  me 
and  the  President  with  a  plot  to  work  myself  into  it 
and  leave  him  out.  It's  true  I've  been  nominated  in 
a  good  many  papers,  in  the  National  Intelligencer, 
and  in  the  Munch  Chunk  Courier  printed  away  off 
among  the  coal  diggers  in  Pennsylvany,  and  a  good 
many  more.  And  them  are  Pennsylvany  chaps  are 
real  pealers  for  electing  folks  when  they  take  hold; 
and  that's  what  makes  Mr.  Van  Buren  so  uneasy. 
The  President  tells  him  as  he  has  promised  to  help 
him,  he  shall  do  what  he  can  for  him;  but  if  the  folks 
ivill  vote  for  me  he  can't  help  it.  Mr.  Van  Buren 
wanted  I  should  come  out  in  the  National  Intelli- 
gencer and  resign,  and  so  be  put  up  for  Vice  Presi- 
dent under  him.  But  I  told  him  no;  bein  it  had 
gone  so  fur  I  wouldn't  do  nothing  about  it.     I  hadn't 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  237 

asked  for  the  office,  and  if  the  folks  had  a  mind  to 
give  it  to  me  I  wouldn't  refuse  it.  So  after  we  had 
battled  it  about  a  fortnight,  Mr.  Van  Buren  found  it 
was  no  use  to  try  to  dicker  with  me,  and  he's  cleared 
out  and  gone  to  New  York  to  see  what  he  can  do 
there. 

I  never  thought  of  getting  in  to  be  President 
so  soon,  though  I've  had  a  kind  of  hankering  for  it 
this  two  years.  But  now,  seeing  it's  turned  out  as  it 
has,  I'm  determined  to  make  a  bold  push,  and  if  I 
can  get  in  by  the  free  votes  of  the  people,  I  mean  to. 
The  President  says  he  rather  I  should  have  it  than 
any  body  else,  and  if  he  hadn't  promised  Mr,  Van 
Buren  beforehand,  he  would  use  his  influence  for  me. 

I  remember  when  I  was  a  boy  about  a  dozen  years 
old,  there  was  an  old  woman  come  to  our  house  to  tell 
fortunes.  And  after  she'd  told  the  rest  of  'em,  father 
says  he,  here's  Jack,  you  haven't  told  his  fortune  yet, 
and  I  dont  spose  it's  worth  a  telling,  for  he's  a  real 
mutton-headed  boy.  At  that  the  old  woman  catched 
hold  of  my  hair,  and  pulled  my  head  back  and  looked 
into  my  face,  and  I  never  shall  forget  how  she  looked 
right  through  me,  as  long  as  I  live.  At  last,  says 
she,  and  she  gin  me  a  shove  that  sent  me  almost 
through  the  side  of  the  house,  Jack  will  beat  the 
the  whole  of  you.  He  '11  be  a  famous  climber  in 
his  day,  and  wherever  he  sets  out  to  climb,  you  may 
depend  upon  it,  he  will  go  to  the  top  of  the  ladder. 
Now,  putting  all  these  things  together,  and  the  nom- 
inations in  the  papers,  and  the  '  hoorahs  for  Major 
Downing,'  I  dont  know  what  it  means,  unless  it 
means  that  I  must  be  President,  So,  as  I  said 
afore,  I'm  determined  to  make  a  bold  push.  I've 
writ  to  Col.  Crocket  to  see  if  I  can  get  the  support 
of  the  western  States,  and  his  reply  is,  ^  go  ahead.' 
I  shall  depend  upon  you  and  uncle  Joshua  to  carry 
the  State  of  Maine  for  me;  and,  in  order  to  secure 
the  other  States,  I  spose  it  will  be  necessary  to  pub- 


238  LETTERS    OF 

lish  my  life  and  writings.  President  Jackson  had 
his  life  published  before  he  was  elected,  and  when 
Mr.  Clay  was  a  candidate  he  had  hisn  published. 
I've  talked  with  the  President  about  it,  and  he  says, 
publish  it  by  all  means,  and  set  the  printer  of  the 
Portland  Courier  right  about  it. 

So  I  want  you  to  go  to  work  as  soon  as  you  get 
this,  and  pick  up  my  letters,  and  begin  to  print  'em 
in  a  book;  and  I'll  set  down  and  write  a  history  of 
my  life  to  put  into  it,  and  send  it  along  as  fast  as  I 
can  get  it  done.  But  I  want  you  to  be  very  careful 
not  to  get  any  of  them  are  confounded  counterfeit  let- 
ters, that  the  rascally  fellers  have  been  sending  to 
the  printers,  mixed  in  long  with  mine.  It  would  be 
as  bad  as  breaking  a  rotten  egg  in  long  with  the  good 
ones;  it  would  spile  the  whole  pudding.  You  can 
tell  all  my  letters,  for  they  were  all  sent  to  you  first. 

The  President  says  I  must  have  a  picter  of  me 
made  and  put  into  the  book. — He  says  he  had  one 
put  into  his,  and  Mr.  Clay  had  one  put  into  his.  So 
I  believe  I  shall  write  to  Mr.  Thatcher  that  prints 
the  little  Journal  paper  in  Boston,  and  get  him  to 
go  to  some  of  the  best  picter-makers  there,  and  get 
them  to  do  me  up  some  as  slick  as  they  can.  These 
things,  you  know,  will  all  help  get  the  free  votes  of 
the  people;  and  that's  all  I  want.  For  I  tell  you 
now,  right  up  and  down,  I  never  will  take  any  office 
that  doesn't  come  by  the  free  votes  of  the  people. 
I'm  a  genuine  democratic  republican,  and  always 
was,  and  so  was  my  father  before  me,  and  uncle 
Joshua  besides. 

There's  a  few  more  things  that  I  want  to  speak  to 
you  about  in  this  letter,  but  I'm  afraid  it  will  get  to 
be  too  lengthy.  That  are  story  that  they  got  in  the 
newspapers  about  my  being  married  in  Philadelphy 
is  all  a  hoax.  I  aint  married  yet,  nor  I  shant  be  till 
a  little  blue-eyed  gal,  that  used  to  run  about  with 
me,  and  go  to  school  and  slide  down  hill  in  Down- 


MAJOR   JA6K    DOWNING.  239 

ingville  is  the  wife  of  President  Downing.  And  that 
are  other  story,  that  the  President  give  me  a  Curnel  s 
commission  jest  before  we  started  down  east,  isn't 
exactly  true.  The  President  did  offer  me  one,  but  i 
thanked  him,  and  told  him  if  he  would  excuse  me,  I 
should  rather  not  take  it,  for  I  had  always  noticed 
that  Majors  were  more  apt  to  rise  in  the  world  than 
Curnels. 

I  wish  you  would  take  a  little  pains  to  send  up  to 
Downingville  and  get  uncle  Joshua  to  call  a  public 
meeting,  and  have  me  nominated  there.  I'm  so  well 
known  there,  it  would  have  a  great  effect  m  other 
places.  And  I  want  to  have  it  particularly  under- 
stood, and  so  stated  in  their  resolutions,  that  I  am  the 
genuine  democratic  republican  candidate.  1  know 
you  will  put  your  shoulder  to  the  wheel  in  this  busi- 
ness and  do  all  you  can  for  me,  for  you  was  always  a 
good  friend  to  me,  and,  just  between  you  and  me, 
when  I  get  in  to  be  President  you  may  depend  upon 
it  you  shall  have  as  good  an  office  as  you  want. 

But  I  see  it's  time  for  me  to  end  this  letter.  The 
President  is  quite  comfortable,  and  sends  his  res- 
pects to  you  and  uncle  Joshua.  I  remain  your  sin- 
cere friend.  MAJOR  JACK  DOWNIJNG. 


LETTER  LXVI. 

In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  describes  the  method  of  put- 
ting '  dimocrats  '  over  on  to  the  federal  side. 
Downingville,  State  of  Maine,  August  12, 18^3. 
To  Cousin  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington  city,  or  else 

gone  long  with  the  President  down  to  the  Rip  Raps.     To  be 

sent  privately  in  the  Portland  Courier. 

Dear  Cousin  Jack.— I've  got  something  pretty 
heavy  on  my  mind  that  I  want  to  tell  ye  about,  and 
ask  your  advice,  and  may  be  I  shall  want  you  to  lend 
me  a  hand  a  little.     I've  been  watching  poUtics  pretty 


240  LETTERS    OF 

snug  ever  since  I  was  a  little  boy,  and  that's  near 
about  forty  years;  and  I  believe  I  know  most  as  much 
about  it  as  uncle  Joshua,  although  he's  twenty  years 
older  than  I  be.  Now  about  this  republicanism  and 
federalism,  I've  minded  that  it  always  keeps  changing, 
and  always  has,  ever  since  I  can  remember.  And 
I've  minded  tu  it  most  always  keeps  going  round  one 
way;  that  is,  the  young  federalists  keep  turning  dim- 
ocrats,  and  the  old  dimocrats  keep  turning  federalists. 
What  it's  for  I  dont  exactly  know,  but  that's  the  way 
it  goes.  I  spose  a  man,  on  the  whole,  is  n't  hardly 
fit  to  be  a  dimocrat  after  he  gets  to  be  fifty  years  old. 
And  here  is  old  uncle  Josliua  in  the  Post  Ofiice,  he's 
got  to  be  about  sixty,  and  he's  hanging  on  to  the  dim- 
ocratic  side  yet,  like  the  tooth-ache;  and  it  begins  to 
worry  me  a  good  deal.  I  think  it's  high  time  he  went 
over.  You  know  Downingville  has  always  been  a 
genuine  republican  town,  and  I  want  it  should  always 
go  according  to  the  usages  [I  think  that's  what  they 
call  it]  of  the  dimocratic  party. 

When  it  gets  to  be  time  for  an  old  dimocrat  to  go 
over  on  the  federal  side,  I  believe  the  Argus  always 
puts  'em  over.  You  remember  there  was  old  Mr. 
Insley  in  Portland,  and  old  Gineral  Wingate  in  Bath, 
as  much  as  a  dozen  years  ago,  were  some  as  big  re- 
publicans as  there  was  anywhere  about.  Well,  they 
got  to  be  considerable  old,  and  had  been  in  office 
sometime,  so  the  Argus  took  and  clapt  'em  right  over 
on  to  the  federal  side.  And  you  know  there  was 
Mr.  Holmes,  he  was  a  whapping  great  republican. 
But  he  begun  to  grow  old,  and  so  the  Argus  put  him 
over.  And  there  was  JMr.  Sprague;  he  was  such  a 
nice  dimocrat  every  one  said  it  was  a  pitty  to  put  him 
over.  But  bein  he'd  been  to  Congress  sometime,  the 
Argus  would  n't  hear  a  word,  but  shoved  him  right 
over. 

And  this  summer  the  Argus  is  putting  of  'em  over 
considerable  younger  on  to  the  federal  side.     It  has 


MAJOR    JACK   DOWNING.  241 

put  Judge  Preble  over,  and  Judge  Ware,  and  Mr. 
Mitchell,  the  Post  Master  at  Portland,  and  he  isn't 
near  so  old  as  uncle  Joshua,  and  it  has  put  Mr.  Meg- 
quier  over,  only  think,  such  a  young  man  as  Mr. 
Megquier,  that's  only  been  in  the  Sinnet  three  or 
four  years.  Now  dont  you  think,  according  to  dimo- 
cratic  usage,  it  is  high  time  old  uncle  Joshua  was  put 
over?  I  wish  you  would  jest  write  to  the  Argus  and 
have  it  done,  for  I  feel  a  good  deal  worried  about  it. 

And  as  soon  as  it  comes  out  in  the  xVrgus  that  he 
is  fairly  over,  I  want  you  to  tell  the  President  that 
uncle  Joshua  is  a  federalist,  and  have  him  removed 
from  the  Post  Office,  for  it  would  be  an  everlasting 
shame  to  have  the  Post  Office  in  Downingville  kept 
by  a  federalist. 

N.  B.  If  uncle  Joshua  should  be  removed  I  wish 
you  would  use  your  influence  to  get  the  President  to 
give  the  office  to  me;  for  next  to  Uncle  Joshua  I 
spose  I've  done  more  for  the  republican  party  than 
any  man  in  Downingville.  I  can  have  a  recommen- 
dation from  Sargent  Joel  and  all  the  company.  By 
attending  to  this  vou  will  much  oblige  your  friend 
and  cousin,  '     *  EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXVII. 

In  which,  the  President  begun  to  say  something  about 
ME  and  Daniel. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  14, 18^3. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down  East,  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend, — Its  got  to  be  a  pretty  con- 
siderable long  while  now  since  I've  writ  to  you,  for  I 
never  like  to  write,  you  know,  without  I  have  some- 
thing to  say. — But  I've  got  something  on  my  mind 
now,  that  keeps  me  all  the  time  a  thinking  so  much 
21 


242  LETTERS    OF 

that  I  cant  hold  in  any  longer.  So  jest  between  you 
and  me  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis.  But  I  must  begin  a 
little  ways  beforehand,  so  you  can  see  both  sides  of  it, 
and  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis  as  soon  as  I  get  along  to  it. 

You  see  1  and  the  President  has  been  down  to  the 
Rip  Raps  a  few  weeks  to  try  to  recruit  up  a  little;  for 
that  pesky  tower  away  down  East  like  to  did  the  job 
for  the  old  Gineral.  So,  after  we  got  things  pretty 
much  to  rights  here,  we  jest  stepped  aboard  the  steam- 
boat and  went  down  to  the  Rip  Raps.  That  are  Rip 
Raps  is  a  capital  place;  it  is  worth  all  the  money  we 
ever  paid  for  it,  if  it  was  for  nothing  else  only  jest  to 
recruit  up  the  Government.  It  is  one  of  the  most 
coolest  places  in  the  summer  time  that  you  ever  see. 
Let  a  feller  be  all  worn  out  and  wilted  down  as  limpsy 
as  a  rag,  so  that  the  doctors  would  think  he  was  jest 
ready  to  fly  off  the  handle,  and  let  him  go  down  to 
the  Rip  Raps  and  stay  there  a  fortnight,  and  he'd 
come  up  again  as  smart  as  a  steel-trap.  The  Presi- 
dent got  recruited  up  so  nicely,  while  we  were  down 
to  the  Rip  Raps,  that  ever  since  we  got  back  till  two 
or  three  days  ago,  he  has  been  as  good-natured  and 
sociable  as  ever  I  should  wish  to  see  a  body.  And 
now  I'm  coming,  pretty  soon,  to  what  I  was  going  to 
tell  you  about,  that  bears  so  heavy  on  my  mind. 

You  see  the  President  likes,  every  morning  after 
the  breakfast  is  out  of  the  way,  to  set  down  and  read 
over  the  newspapers,  and  see  what  is  going  on  in  the 
country,  and  who's  elected  and  so  on.  So  when  we 
've  done  breakfast,  we  take  the  letters  and  papers 
that  come  from  the  Post-Office,  and  go  away  by  our- 
selves into  the  great  East  Room  where  we  can  say 
jest  what  we've  a  mind  to,  and  nobody  not  hear  us, 
and  the  President  sets  down  in  his  great  arm  rocking- 
chair  and  smokes  his  segar,  and  I  set  down  by  the 
table  and  read  to  him.  Last  Monday  morning,  as  I 
was  reading  ever  the  papers  one  arter  another,  I  come 
to  a  Pennsylvany  paper  and  opened  it,  and,  says  I, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  246 

hullow,  gineral,  here's  a  speech  of  Mr.  Webster  at 
Pittsburg,  as  large  as  life.  Ah,  said  he;  well,  let  us 
hear  what  Daniel  has  been  talking  to  them  are  Penn- 
sylvany  and  Ohio  chaps  about.  So  I  hitched  back  in 
my  chair,  and  read  on.  And  by  and  by  I  begun  to 
get  into  the  marrow  of  the  story,  where  he  told  all 
about  Nullification,  and  what  a  dark  time  we  had  of 
it  last  winter,  and  how  the  black  clouds  begun  to  rise 
and  spread  over  the  country,  and  the  thunders  of  civ- 
il war  begun  to  roll  and  rumble  away  off  to  the  South, 
and  by  and  by  how  the  tempest  was  jest  ready  to  burst 
over  our  heads  and  split  the  country  all  into  shivers, 
and  how,  in  the  very  nick  of  time,  the  President's 
Proclamation  came  out  and  spread  over  the  whole 
country  like  a  rain-bow,  and  how  every  body  then  took 
courage  and  said  the  danger  was  all  over.  While  I 
had  been  reading  this,  the  President  had  started  up  on 
his  feet,  and  walked  back  and  forth  across  the  room 
pretty  quick,  puffing  away  and  making  the  smoke  roll 
out  of  his  mouth  like  a  house  a  fire;  and  by  the  time 
I  had  got  through,  he  had  thrown  his  segar  out  of  the 
window,  and  come  and  sot  down,  leaning  his  elbow 
on  the  table  and  looking  right  in  my  face.  I  laid  the 
paper  down,  and  there  he  sot  looking  right  at  me  as 
much  as  five  minutes,  and  never  said  a  word;  but 
he  seemed  to  keep  a  thinking  as  fast  as  a  horse  could 
run.  At  last,  said  he.  Major  Downing,  were  you 
ever  told  that  you  resembled  Daniel  Webster.'' 

Why,  Gineral,  says  I,  how  do  you  mean,  in  looks 
or  what? 

Why  perhaps  a  little  of  both  says  he,  but  mostly 
in  looks. 

Bless  my  stars,  says  I,  Gineral,  you  dont  mean  to 
say  that  1  am  quite  so  dark  as  he  is. 

Perhaps  not,  says  he;  but    you    have  that  sharp 

knowing  look,  as  though  you  could  see  right  through 

a  millstone.     I  know,  says  he,  that  Mr.  Webster  is 

rather  a  dark  looking  man,  but  there  is  n't  another 

21* 


246  LETTERS    OF 

man  in  this  country  that  can  throw  so  much  light  on 
a  dark  subject  as  he  can. 

Why  yes,  says  I,  he  has  a  remarkable  faculty  for 
that;  he  can  see  through  most  any  thing,  and  he  can 
make  other  folks  see  through  it  too.  I  guess,  says  I, 
if  he  'd  been  born  in  old  Virginny  he  'd  stood  next  to 
most  any  body. 

A  leetle  afore  'em,  says  the  Gineral,  in  my  way  of 
thinking.  I  '11  tell  you  what  't  is  Major,  I  begin  to 
think  your  New  Englanders  aint  the  worst  sort  of 
fellows  in  the  world  after  all. 

Ah  well  says  I,  seeing  is  believing,  and  you  've 
been  down  that  way  now  and  can  judge  for  yourself. 
But  if  you  had  only  gone  as  fur  as  Downingville  I 
guess  you  would  have  thought  still  better  of  'em  than 
you  do  now.  Other  folks  may  talk  larger  and  blus- 
ter more,  says  I,  but  whenever  you  are  in  trouble, 
and  want  the  real  support  in  time  of  need,  go  to  'New 
England  for  it  and  you  never  need  to  be  afraid  but 
what  it  will  come. 

I  believe  you  are  right,  says  the  Gineral;  for  not- 
withstanding all  I  could  do  with  my  proclamation 
against  nullification,  I  believe  I  should  have  rubbed 
hard  if  there  had  been  no  such  men  in  the  country  as 
Major  Downing  and  Daniel  Webster. 

But  this  nullification  business  is  n't  killed  yet.  The 
tops  are  beat  down,  but  the  roots  are  alive  as  ever, 
and  spreading  under  ground  wider  and  wider,  and  one. 
of  these  days  when  they  begin  to  sprout  up  again 
there  '11  be  a  tougher  scrabble  to  keep  'em  down  than 
there  has  been  yet;  and  I  've  been  thinking,  says  he, 
and  he  laid  his  hand  on  my  shoulder  and  looked  very 
anxious,  I  've  been  thinking  says  he,  if  ijou  and  Dan- 
iel  and  here  the  door  opened  and  in  comethAmos 

Kendil  with  a  long  letter  from  Mr.  Van  Buren  about 
the  Bank  and  the  safety  fund  and  the  Government  de- 
posites  and  I  dont  know  what  all;  and  the  President's 
brow  was  clouded  in  a  minute;  for  he  always  ieels  kind 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  247 

of  pettish  when  they  plague  him  about  the  safety  fund. 
I  have  n't  had  any  chance  to  talk  with  him  since, 
there  's  so  many  of  'em  round  him;  and  I  'm  as  un- 
easy as  a  fish  out  of  water,  I  feel  so  anxious  to  know 
what  the  President  was  going  to  say  about  me  and 
Daniel.  I  shall  watch  the  first  chance  when  I  think  it 
will  do  to  talk  with  him,  and  find  out  what  he  was  going 
to  say.  I  cant  hardly  sleep  a  nights,  I  think  so  much 
about  it.     When  I  find  out  I  '11  v/rite  to  you  again. 

Send  my  love  to  the  folks  up  in  Downingville  when 
you  have  a  chance. 

I  remain  your  sincere  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXVIII. 

In  which  the  President  finished  what  he  was  going  to 
say  about  Me  and  Daniel. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  30, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the   Portland  Courier,  away  down  east  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  Friend, — Havn't  you  been  in  a  terrible 
kind  of  a  pucker  ever  since  my  last  letter  to  you,  to 
know  what  the  President  was  going  to  say  about 
me  and  Daniel?  If  you  havn't,  I  have.  I  never  felt 
so  uneasy  for  a  fortnight  hardly  in  my  life.  If  I  went 
to  bed  t  couldn't  sleep,  and  I've  got  up  and  walked 
the  floor  as  much  as  half  the  night  almost  every  night 
since. — I've  wished  the  Bank  to  Guinea  more  than 
fifty  times,  for  there's  been  such  a  hubbub  here  about 
the  Bank  this  fortnight  past,  that  I  couldn't  get  a  mo- 
ment's chance  to  talk  with  the  President  about  any 
thing  else.  We'd  have  cabinet  meetings  once  in  awhile 
to  see  about  moving  the  deposites,  and  Mr.  Duane  and 
Mr.  Cass  and  Mr.  McLane  would  talk  up  to  the 
President  so  about  it,  that  he'd  conclude  to  let  'em 


248  LETTERS    OF 

alone  and  do  nothing  about  it,  and  let  Congress  man- 
age it  jest  as  they'd  amind  to.  And  then  we'd  go 
home  and  Mr.  Kendle  would  come  in  and  talk  the 
matter  over,  and  read  some  great  long  letters  from 
Mr.  Van  Buren,  and  get  the  President  so  confused 
that  he  would  lose  all  patience  a  most. 

But  Mr.  Kendle  is  the  master  feller  to  hang  on 
that  ever  I  see;  he's  equal  to  the  tooth  ache.  And 
he  talked  and  palavered  with  the  President  till  he 
finally  brought  him  over,  and  then  the  President  put 
his  foot  down,  and  said  the  deposites  should  be  moved 
whether  or  no.  And  then  the  botheration  was  to  see 
who  should  move  'em.  The  President  told  Mr.  Du- 
ane  to  do  it;  but  he  said  his  conscience  wouldn't  let 
him.  Then  the  President  told  Mr.  Taney  to  take 
Mr.  Duane's  place,  and  see  if  his  conscience  would 
let  him.  Mr  Taney  tried  it  and  found  his  conscience 
went  easy  enough,  so  Mr.  Duane  packed  up  and  went 
home  to  Philadelphy.  We  were  all  dreadful  sorry  to 
lose  Mr.  Duane,  for  he  was  a  nice  man  as  you  will 
see  one  in  a  thousand.  It's  a  pity  he  had  such  a 
stiff  conscience;  he  might  have  staid  here  in  the 
Treasury  jest  as  well  as  not,  if  it  hadn't  been  for  that. 

But  this  storm  about  the  bank  begins  to  blow  over, 
and  the  President's  got  in  a  manner  cooled  down 
again.  This  morning  after  breakfast  we  took  the  pa- 
pers and  letters  jest  as  we  used  to,  and  went  away  into 
the  east  room  to  read  the  news  and  chat  awhile;  and 
it  really  did  my  heart  good  to  see  the  President  set 
down  once  more  looking  so  good  natured  in  his  great 
arm  chair  smoking  his  segar.  After  I  had  read  over 
the  news  to  him  awhile,  and  got  him  in  pretty  good 
humor,  I  made  bold  to  out  with  it,  and  says  I  Giner- 
al,  there's  one  question  I  want  to  ask  you. — And  says 
he,  you  know  INIajor,  I  always  allow  you  to  ask  me 
any  thing  you're  a  mind  to,  what  is  it?  Well  says  I, 
when  we  had  that  talk  here  about  a  fortnight  ago, 
you  begun  to  say  something  about  me  and  Daniel; 
and  jest  as  you  got  into  the  middle  of  it,  Mr.  Kendle 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  249 

came  in  and  broke  it  right  off  short  as  a  pipe  stem. 
It's  been  running  in  my  head  ever  since,  and  I've 
been  half  crazy  to  know  what  it  was  you  was  going 
to  say.  Well,  let  us  see,  says  the  Gineral,  where 
was  it  I  left  off;  for  this  everlasting  fuss  about  the 
Bank  has  kept  my  head  so  full  I  can't  seem  to  re- 
member much  about  it. 

Why  says  I,  you  was  talking  about  nullification; 
how  the  tops  were  beat  down  a  little,  but  the  roots 
were  all  running  about  under  ground  as  live  as  ever, 
and  it  would  n't  be  long  before  they'd  be  sprouting 
up  again  all  over  the  country,  and  there 'd  be  a  tough- 
er scrabble  to  keep  'em  down  than  ever  there  had 

been  yet;  and  then  you  said  if  I  and  Daniel and 

there  that  plaguy  Kendle  came  in,  I've  no  patience 
with  him  now  when  I  think  of  it,  and  broke  it  right 
off.  Ah,  now  I  remember,  says  the  Gineral,  how 
twas.  Well,  says  he,  Major  Downing,  it  is  a  solemn 
fact,  this  country  is  to  see  a  blacker  storm  of  nullifi- 
cation before  many  years  comes  about  than  ever  it 
has  seen  yet;  the  clouds  are  beginning  to  gather  now; 
I've  seen  'em  rolling  over  South  Carolina,  and  hang- 
ing about  Georgia,  and  edging  along  into  old  Vir- 
ginny,  and  I  see  the  storm's  a  gathering;  it  must 
come,  and  if  there  is  n't  somebody  at  the  helm  that 
knows  how  to  steer  pretty  well,  the  old  ship  must  go 
down.  I  aint  afraid,  says  he,  but  vv'hat  I  can  keep 
her  up  while  I  have  the  command,  but  I'm  getting  to 
be  old  and  must  give  up  soon,  and  then  what '11  be- 
come of  her  I  dont  know.  But  what  I  was  going  to 
say  was  this;  I've  been  thinking  if  you  and  Daniel, 
after  I  give  up,  would  put  your  heads  together  and 
take  charge  of  her  till  the  storm  has  blown  over,  you 
might  save  her.     And  I  dont  know  who  else  can. 

But  how  do  you  mean,  Gineral,  says  1}  Why  to 
speak  plain,  says  he,  if  nullification  shows  its  head, 
Daniel  must  talk  and  you  must  fight.  There's  noth- 
ing else  will  do  the  job  for  it  that  I  know  of     Daniel 


250  LETTERS    OF 

must  go  into  the  presidential  chair,  and  you  must  take 
command  of  the  army,  and  then  things  will  go  straight. 
At  this  I  was  a  little  struck  up;  and  I  looked  him 
right  in  the  eye,  and,  says  I,  Gineral,  do  you  mean 
that  Daniel  Webster  ought  to  be  President  after  you 
give  up?  Certainly,  says  he,  if  you  want  to  keep  the 
country  out  of  the  jaws  of  nullification.  But,  says  I, 
Gineral,  Daniel  is  a  federalist,  a  Hartford  Convention 
federalist,  and  I  should  like  to  know  which  is  worst, 
the  jaws  of  nullification,  or  the  jaws  of  federalism. 
The  jaws  of  a  fiddle-stick!  said  the  President,  start- 
ing up  and  throwing  his  segar  out  of  the  window  as 
much  as  two  rods;  but  how  do  you  know,  Major 
Downing,  that  Daniel  is  a  federalist.''  Because,  says 
I,  I've  heard  him  called  so  down  east  more  than  a 
hundred  times.  And  that's  jest  all  you  know  about 
it,  says  he.  Now  I  tell  you  how  'tis,  Major  Down- 
ing, Daniel  is  as  thorough  a  republican  as  you  be,  or 
as  I  be,  and  has  been  ever  since  my  Proclamation 
came  out  against  nullification.  As  soon  as  that  Pro- 
clamation came  out  Daniel  came  right  over  on  to  the 
republican  ground  and  took  it  upon  his  shoulder  and 
carried  it  through  thick  and  thin  where  no  other  man 
in  the  country  could  have  carried  it.  Says  I,  Gine- 
ral, is  that  a  fact.''  And  says  he  yes,  you  may  de- 
pend upon  it,  'tis  every  word  truth.  Well  says  I, 
that  alters  the  case  a  little,  and  I'll  write  to  Uncle 
Joshua  and  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  and 
see  what  they  think  of  it,  and  if  they  think  it's  best 
to  have  Daniel  for  President  we'll  have  him  in,  and 
I'll  take  my  turn  afterwards:  for  seeing  the  people 
are  bent  upon  having  me  for  President  I  wont  decline, 
though  if  it  is  thought  best  that  I  should  wait  a  little 
while,  I  wont  be  particular  about  that.  I'm  willing 
to  do  that  which  will  be  best  for  the  country. 
So  I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWMNG.  251 


LETTER  LXIX. 

In  which  Cousin  jyabhij  describes  her  visit  to  Mr.  MaeU 

zeVs  Congregation  of  Moshow. 

Portland,  October  22, 1833. 

To  Cousin  Sally  Downing,  up  in  Downingville,  in  the  care  of 
Uncle  Joshua,  Post  Master. 

Dear  Cousixx: — I  got  here  about  noon  yesterday, 
muddy  and  wet  enough.  Such  dreadful  muddy  roads 
for  the  time  of  year,  seems  to  me  there  never  was  be- 
fore. Butter  fetches  a  grand  price.  They  would  n't 
offer  but  eighteen  cents  at  first,  but  soon  as  they  come 
to  see  it  and  taste  of  it,  they  give  me  twenty  cents 
right  off  for  all  of  yours  and  mine,  and  never  said  a 
word. — So  much  for  keeping  a  neat  churn  and  clean 
milk-pans.  The  yarn  and  footins  sold  pretty  well  too, 
but  I  wont  stop  to  tell  you  about  that  till  I  get  back. 

I'm  going  to  stop  here  with  ant  Sally  till  next  week, 
and  I  want  you  to  come  down  if  you  can  any  way  in 
the  world,  for  here's  a  sight  here  that  would  make  you 
jump  higher  than  the  cat's  back  if  you  should  see  it. 
I'll  jest  tell  you  a  little  about  it.  When  I  got  here 
yesterday,  I  found  ant  Sally  all  in  a  flutter  about  go- 
ing to  see  the  congregation  of  Moskow.  She  said  she 
was  going  to  carry  the  children,  and  nothing  would  do 
but  I  must  go  too.  She  said  it  would  n't  cost  but  two 
and  thrippence,  and  she  would  pay  it  rather  than  not 
have  me  go,  for  she  should  'nt  mind  the  pay,  as  all 
that  was  paid  that  evening  would  be  given  to  the  so- 
cieties what  takes  care  of  little  orphan  children  and 
carries  wood  to  poor  freezing  widows.  When  she  said 
that,  I  felt  as  though  I  should  be  willing  to  give  two 
pounds  of  butter  myself  So  we  all  fixed  and  off  we 
went  up  to  Union  Hall  about  seven  o'clock. 


252  LETTERS  OP 

I  cant  stop  to  tell  you  much  about  the  sights  I  see 
there,  but  you  must  come  and  see  'em  without  fail.  I 
dont  know  but  they  've  nigh  upon  scared  me  out  of  a 
year's  growth;  they  showed  us  first  a  little  feller  they 
called  a  fidler.  I  dont  know  what  he  was  made  of  but 
he  acted  jest  as  though  he  was  alive.  He  was  n't 
more  than  a  foot  long,  and  he  sot  down  in  a  chair  as 
pretty  as  a  little  man.  And  somebody  played  some 
music  to  him  and  that  sot  him  all  of  a  didder,  and  he 
made  his  little  fiddle  stick  fly  so  I  did  n't  know  but  he 
would  shake  his  arm  off.  Then  they  brought  out  a 
little  doll  baby;  a  sweet  looking  little  creature,  dress- 
ed up  as  neat  as  a  pink.  And  they  brought  it  along 
up  to  us,  and  as  true  as  you  are  alive  it  spoke  right 
out  and  said  ma-ma.  I  could  n't  hardly  believe  my 
own  ears  at  first,  but  it  said  ma-ma  again,  and  pa-pa, 
more  than  twenty  times. 

Then  they  sot  a  couple  of  little  fellers  up  on  a  rope, 
and  they  went  to  hopping  and  jumping  and  dancing 
about,  and  whirling  over  and  over  round  the  rope,  till 
I  thought  they  would  fall  and  break  their  necks  more 
than  fifty  times.  The  prettiest  one  would  sit  up  so 
straight,  and  turn  his  head  round  and  look  at  us,  and 
hold  his  hands  out  to  us,  that  I  told  ant  Sally  I  knew 
he  was  alive  and  I'd  go  and  take  the  dear  little  crea- 
ture down  before  he  fell  and  killed  himself.  But  she 
held  on  to  me  and  declared  I  should  n't  go,  for  he  had 
n't  any  more  life  in  him  than  an  ax  handle;  but  I  cant 
hardly  believe  it  now. 

Then  they  said  they  would  show  us  the  Congrega- 
tion of  Moskow.  And  presently  I  begun  to  hear  a 
racket  and  drums  and  fifes  agoing,  and  bells  a  dinging, 
and  by  and  by  they  pulled  away  some  great  curtains, 
that  hung  clear  across  the  Hall,  and  there  was  a  sight 
that  beat  all  I  ever  see  before.  I  jumped  and  was  go- 
ing to  run  for  the  door  at  first,  for  I  thought  Portland 
was  all  afire;  but  ant  Sally  held  on  to  me  till  I  got 
pacified  a  little,  and  then  I  sot  down. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  253 

And,  there,  I  must  say  it  was  the  grandest  sight 
that  ever  I  did  see.  A  thousand  buildings  and  meet- 
ing houses  all  in  a  light  flame,  and  the  fire  and  smoke 
rolling  up  to  the  clouds,  and  thousands  and  thousands 
of  soldiers  marching  and  riding  through  the  streets, 
and  the  drums  and  the  fifes  and  the  bugles  and  the 
bells  and  the  guns;  O  Sally,  you  must  come  and  see 
it,  if  you  have  to  come  afoot  and  alone  as  the  gal 
went  to  be  married.  The  man  says  in  the  papers  he 
aint  agoing  to  keep  it  here  only  till  next  Friday  night; 
but  I'll  coax  him  as  hard  as  I  can  to  stay  till  next 
week,  so  you  can  have  a  chance  to  see  it.  In  haste 
your  loving  Cousin, 

NABBY  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXX. 

In  which  Major  Doivning  concludes  it  is  best  to  put  some 
of  his  poetry  into  his  book. 

Washington,  Oct.  20, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down  east  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend, — I  am  glad  you  have  got 
Mr.  Lilly,  Wait,  and  Company,  in  Boston  to  print 
my  book,  for  they  say  they  print  about  the  prettiest 
books  there  is  agoing  now  days,  and  as  many  of  'em 
too  as  most  any  body.  I  shall  go  on  to  Boston  in  a 
few  days,  so  as  to  see  to  it,  and  have  it  well  done. 
I've  been  a  thinking  it  might  help  the  matter  along 
some  towards  my  getting  in  to  be  President,  if  you 
would  look  up  that  are  piece  of  poetry  that  I  writ  for 
you  three  or  four  years  ago  about  Sam  Patch,  and 
put  it  into  the  book.  I  dont  know  as  many  of  the 
Presidents  have  wrote  much  poetry;  but  they  say 
Quincy  Adams  has  considerable,  and  it's  helped  him 
22 


254  LETTERS    OF 

along  a  good  deal.     And  as  I  dont  want  to  leave  any- 
stone  unturned  that  would  be  likely  to  help  me  in,  I 
think  it's  best  to  put  that  in  the  book. 
I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXXI. 

In  which  Major  Downing  tells  the  President  about  his 
book,  and  the  pictures  in  it,  and  prevents  a  bobbery 
in  the  Senate  chamber. 

Washington  City,  Dec.  28, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  2d  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street,  away  down  east 
in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend, — Ever  since  I  got  back 
here  from  Boston  where  I'd  been  to  see  about  print- 
ing my  book,  we've  been  in  a  kind  of  a  harrycane 
here,  and  I  and  the  Gineral  has  had  to  hold  on  so 
tight  to  keep  things  from  blowing  away,  that  I  could 
n't  hardly  get  a  chance  to  write  to  you  afore  now, 
though  I  have  wanted  to  twenty  times.  You  know 
I  come  away  from  Boston  as  soon  as  they  got  done 
printing  the  book,  before  they  had  time  to  bind  any 
of  'em  up,  so  I  could  n't  bring  any  of  'em  with  me, 
and  the  President  is  in  a  great  taking  to  see  one,  so 
I  wish  you  would  tell  Mr.  Lilly,  Wait  and  Co.  to 
send  one  to  the  President  the  first  chance,  and  I 
think  they  better  send  one  to  Mr,  Clay  too,  and  one 
to  Daniel;  and  I  dont  care  if  they  send  one  to  Mr. 
Van  Buren  if  they  've  a  mind  to,  though  I  dont  know 
as  he  will  like  it  very  well  because  they  have  made 
him  look  so  thunderin  cross  in  that  picter  about  the 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING. 


255 


quarrel  we  had  at  Concord.     But  it's  no  more  than 
what's  true,  for  he  did  look  cross  enough  to  bite  a 
board  nail  off;  and  Mr.  Cass  and  Mr.  Woodbury  will 
say  the  same  any  time  of  day.     The  President  was 
very  glad  to  see  me  when  I  got  back  from  Boston, 
for  he  had  had  a  tough  scrabble  to  keep  things  going 
on  straight  while  I  was  gone.     But  before  he  would 
stop  to  tell  me  a  word  about  what  he  had  been  doing 
and  what  the  Cabinets  had  been  about,  I  had  to  set 
down  and  tell  him  the  whole  story  about  the  book 
from   beginning  to  end.     So  we  went  into  the  east 
room  and  lit  our  pipes  and  set  down  and  had  a  good 
long  chat.     Well,    Major,  said   the  President,   how 
many  pages  have  you  got?     Almost  three  hundred, 
says  I.    °And  how  many  picters,  says  he?    Ten,  says 
I.     Well,  says  he,  how  do  they  look?     Why,  says  I, 
I  think  they  are  some  of  the  prettiest  things  I  have 
laid  my  eyes  on  this  long  time!     Well  how  many  of 
'em  have  got  me  in  'em,  says  he?     Three,  I  believe, 
says  I,  let  us  see,  there  is  the  shaking  hands  at  Phil- 
adelphia, where  you  got  so  tired  I  had  to  shake  for 
you;   and  there  is  the  one  at  Concord,  where  you 
jumped  off  the  bed  and  give  us  such  a  scolding  when 
i  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  was  jawing  of  it  up  hill  and 
down;    and  there  is  the   one  where    I   was  reading 
newspapers  to  you  here  in  the  east   room  and  you 
was  walking  across  the  floor  smoking ;   and  I  believe 
that's  all  that's  got  you  in  'em.     Well,  says  he,  who 
made  'em.     Well,  says  I,  Mr.  Johnston  made  'em, 
and  a  good  natured  funny  sort  of  a  chap  he  is  too  as 
I've  seen  any  where  this  side  of  Downingville, 

Johnston,  says  he,  Johnston,  why  he  has  made 
picters  of  me  before,  and  made  me  look  worse  than 
ten  thousand  Indians.  How  has  he  made  me  look  in 
these?— Why  pretty  well,  says  I,  considering,  ex- 
cept in  the  last  one  where  you  was  walking  across 
the  floor  smoking.  In  that  one  he's  made  your  legs 
so   monstrous  long,  it  seems  as  though  you   could 


256  LETTERS    OF 

wade  across  the  Potomac  with  three  steps,  and  run 
from  here  to  Tennessee  in  half  a  day.  I  felt  so  cross 
when  I  first  see  it,  I  almost  wished  it  burnt  up.  But 
stop,  says  the  President,  let  us  think  of  that  a  minute. 
I  aint  so  clear,  says  he  but  what  Johnston  is  about 
right  after  all.  Had  n't  a  feller  ought  to  have  as 
long  legs  as  them  to  run  as  well  as  I  did,  both  heats 
for  the  Presidency?  Why  you  know,  Major,  there 
wasn't  another  candidate  could  come  within  gun-shot 
of  me  any  where.  And  if  I  should  run  again  for  a 
third  heat,  says  he,  I  should  leave  'em  all  behind, 
Van  Buren  and  all,  unless  you  should  be  a  candidate, 
Major,  said  he,  giving  me  a  slap  on  the  shoulder;  if 
you  should  run  against  me,  says  he,  I  think  it  would 
be  rather  a  tough  pull,  for  I  find  the  people  have 
taken  most  as  much  of  a  liking  to  you  as  they  have 
to  me.  But  I  told  him  he  need  n't  be  concerned 
about  that,  for  I  knew  too  well  what  belonged  to 
friendship  and  good  manners  to  think  of  doing  that, — 
After  we  got  our  smoke  out,  we  let  the  subject  drop, 
and  the  President  is  waiting  to  see  one  of  the  books. 
It  seems  as  if  this  Congress  come  together  de- 
termined to  have  a  real  whirlwind  all  winter.  Mr. 
McDutBe  raves  like  a  mad  lion;  I  thought  when  he 
was  making  a  speech  'tother  day  that  he  would  stave 
his  bench  all  to  pieces,  he  slat  things  round  so.  And 
Mr.  Clay  is  as  full  of  mischief  as  he  can  live.  He's 
been  bothering  us  with  some  pesky  thing  or  other  the 
whole  time  snice  he  has  been  here.  When  the  Sen- 
ate sent  to  the  President  for  that  document  that  he 
read  to  the  Cabinet  last  September  about  removing 
the  Deposites,  I  did  n't  know  one  spell  but  the  old 
Gineral  would  a  took  his  cane  and  gone  right  into 
the  Senate  room  and  drove  'em  all  out  together  and 
told  'em  to  go  home  about  their  business.  But  I 
talked  to  him  and  pacified  him,  and  got  him  pretty 
well  cooled  down  at  last.  And  then  says  he,  INIajor, 
what  would  you  do  about  it.''     Well,  says  I,  Gineral, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  259 

supposin  the  Senate  should  ask  you  to  send 'em  one 
of  my  letters,  what  would  you  tell  'em?  Why,  says 
he  I  would  tell  'em  that  they  had  no  busmess  with 
it  '  Well  says  I,  Gmeral,  what  is  the  difference 
between  one  of  my  letters  to  you  and  one  of  your 
letters  to  the  Cabinet?  None  at  all,  says  he  and  i  11 
be  hanged  if  they  get^  it;  and  he  sot  right  down  and 
wrote  to  'em  and  told  'em  so.  ,  .,     x  n  • 

Well  then  we  sot  and  smoked  a  little  while,  talking 
about  one  thing  another,  and  at  last  the  President 
broke  out  again  about  the  Senate  sendmg  to  him  tor 
that  document  that  he  read  to  the  Cabinet;   and  all  at 
once  he  started  up  and  catched  his  hat  and  cane,  and 
says  he,  Maior,  if  I  dont  put  a  veto  upon  them  chaps 
my  name  is  n't  Andrew  Jackson,  and  he  whisked  out 
of  doors  before  I  had  time  to  think.     I  had  my  shoes 
off  and  my  feet  up  against  the  jam,  but  I  shpped   em 
on  as  quick  as  I  could,  and  out  after  him.     But  by 
the  time  I  got  out  he  was  away  down  Pennsylvany 
Ayenu    eyer  so  far  pulling  for  the  Congress  house 
as  fast  as  he  could  go.     I  pulled  on  after  him  and 
overtook  him  jest  as  he  was  going  into  the  benate 
room.     And    I  took   hold    of  his    arm,  and  says    1 
Gineral,  have  n't  I  always  advised  you  well?     And 
he    stopt  and  looked  round  at  me,   and   the  rinkles 
begun  to  smooth  out  of  his  face,  jest  as  they  always 
do  when  he  looks  at  me,  and  says  he  yes.  Major,  1 
must  say  that.     Well,  says  I,  gineral,  then  my  opin- 
ion is,  that  you  better  stop  and  think  of  this  busmess 
a  little  before  you  go  into  the  Senate  to  kick  up  a 
bobbery.     There's  Mr.  Clay  making  a  speech  now; 
and  if  you  should  make  a  drive  right  m  amoiig    em 
it  would  be  like  going  into  a  hornet's  nest.     1  he  op- 
position you  know  have  the  majority,  and  they  d  flock 
round  Clay  as  thick  as  though  he  was  the  queen  bee 
in  a  beehive,  and  they  might  be  too  many  for  you. 
Says  he.  Major,  I  should  n't  be  afraid  of  'em  if  there 
was  five  times  as  many;  but  I  never  did  know  your 


260  LETTERS    OF    MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING. 

advice  to  prove  wrong  yet,  so  if  you  think  it  's  best 
I'll  stop  and  consider  of  it  a  little.  After  awhile  1 
got  him  to  go  back  to  the  house  again  and  be  con- 
tented with  sending  the  letter  that  they  should  n't 
have  the  document. 

There  was  a  man  come  along  here  tother  day  with 
some  capital  picters  of  me,  engraved  from  that  one 
painted  by  Mr.  Harris  that  lives  down  there  in  Port- 
land. The  President  was  very  much  tickled  with 
'em.  He  bought  one  and  had  it  hung  up  right  by 
the  side  of  Mr.  Van  Buren's,  and  I've  seen  him 
stand  there  since  by  the  hour  together  looking  at 
'em,  first  at  me  and  then  at  Mr.  Van  Buren. 

I'll  write  to  you  again  pretty  soon  and  let  you  know 
something  more  about  matters  and  things  here.  If 
Cousin  Ephraim  goes  down  to  the  Legislater  to 
Augusta  this  winter  I  wish  he  would  write  to  me  and 
let  me  know  how  they  get  along  there,  for  I  feel  a 
kind  of  a  hankering  to  hear  from  'em  always  ever 
since  that  first  winter  I  spent  with  'em  in  Portland. 

P.  S.  I  had  a  letter  tother  day  from  Mr.  Lilly, 
Wait  and  Co.  telling  that  two  editions  of  my  book 
was  most  all  sold,  and  they  were  jest  agoing  to  work 
to  sterrytype  it;  and  they  did  n't  know  but  they  should 
want  a  little  something  to  fill  up  two  or  three  more 
pages.  So  if  they  should  v/ant  any  thing,  I  dont 
know  but  you  had  better  let  'em  have  this  letter  to 
put  in. 

The  President  sends  his  respects  to  you,  and  to 
Uncle  Joshua  if  you  should  have  a  chance  to  send 
them  up  to  him. 

I  remain  your  faithful  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


BIOGRAPHY  OF  SA.M  PATCH.  261 


MAJOR  DOWNING'S  BIOGRAPHY  OF  SAM  PATCH, 
THE  JUMPER. 

Note,  by  the  Editor.  There  are  some  striking 
parallels  between  the  race  run  by  the  renowned  Sam 
Patch,  of  jumping  memory,  who  figured  in  this  jump- 
ing world  in  the  year,  i^anno  Domini)  one  thousand 
eight  hundred  and  twenty-nine,  and  the  no  less  re- 
nowned Major  Jack  Downing,  who  is  figuring  away 
*  in  the  full  tide  of  successful  experiment'  at  this  pres- 
ent era.  We  think  it  fortunate  for  the  memory  of 
the  jumping  hero,  as  well  as  for  the  world,  that  his 
wonderful  achievements  have  been  recorded  by  so  il- 
lustrious a  genius  and  accomplished  writer  as  Major 
Downing.  It  is  fitting  that  their  memory  should  go 
down  to  posterity  together.  They  were  both  humble 
in  their  origin,  and  both  were  aspiring  and  lofty  in 
their  ambition.  Neither  of  them  however  ever  stoop- 
ed to  run  after  popularity,  for  popularity  always  run 
after  them.  Sam  commenced  with  taking  small  jumps, 
and  Jack  ^^ommenced  with  reaching  after  small  offi- 
ces. Sam's  ambition  soon  led  him  to  leap  from  high 
bridges  and  factory  walls,  and  Jack  began  anon  to 
think  of  a  Governor's  chair  and  a  seat  in  the  Cabinet 
at  Washington.  Sam  at  length  would  stop  nothing 
short  of  jumping  down  the  falls  of  Gennesee  and  Ni- 
agara, and  Jack  has  fixed  his  eye  upon  the  lofty 
mark  and  is  pressing  forward  with  full  vigor  for  the 
Presidency  of  the  United  States.  Sam's  last  jump 
was  a  fatal  one,  and  we  sincerely  hope  the  parallel 
may  not  be  carried  out,  but  that  the  Major  may  yet 
see  many  good  days,  and  continue  to  serve  his  coun- 
try as  faithfully  as  he  has  hitherto  done. 

But  we  must  explain  how  Major  Downing  came  to 
be  the  biographer  of  Sam  Patch. 

While  Mr.  Downing  (we  say  Mr.,  because  it  was 


262  MAJOR  downing's  biography 

before  he  received  any  office)  was  attending  upon 
the  Legislature  of  Maine  in  1830,  one  day  when  the 
wheels  of  government  were  clogged  and  some  of  the 
Senators  had  run  away  and  there  was  nothing  doing, 
Mr.  Downing  came  into  our  room,  and  sat  down  and 
looked  over  a  file  of  newspapers.  He  soon  got  upon 
the  achievements  of  Sam  Patch,  whose  career  had 
a  short  time  before  closed,  and  he  read  his  history 
through.  Mr.  Downing's  head  was  full  of  the  mat- 
ter. He  never  read  any  thing  before  that  filled  him 
with  such  intense  interest.  He  had  got  upon  the 
track  of  a  kindred  spirit,  and  he  was  all  animation. 
He  went  home  with  us  and  spent  the  night ;  but  he 
could  talk  of  nothing  and  think  of  nothing  but  Sam 
Patch.  He  had  got  his  story  by  heart,  and  he  was 
talking  it  over  in  his  sleep  all  night.  In  the  morning 
he  rose  pale  and  nervous.  Says  he,  '  I  believe  that 
story  of  Sam  Patch  has  been  ground  over  in  my 
head  more  than  forty  times  to-night,  and  its  got  so 
now  it  comes  through  my  head  in  lines  all  about  the 
same  length,  jest  like  rolls  out  of  a  carding  machine; 
and  if  you  '11  give  me  some  paper  and  pen  and  ink, 
I'll  put  it  down.'  We  furnished  him  accordingly, 
and  he  sat  down  and  wrote  the  following  splendid 
piece  of  biography,  which  we  published  in  the  Cou- 
rier at  the  time  and  now  insert  in  the  volume  of  his 
life  and  writings. 

BIOGRAPHY  OF  S.V3I  PATCH. 

Pawtucket  is  a  famous  place, 

Where  cotton  cloth  is  made, 
And  hundreds  think  it  no  disgrace 

To  labour  at  the  trade. 

Among  the  spinners  there  was  one, 

Whose  name  was  Samuel  Patch  ; 
He  moped  about,  and  did  his  stent — 

Folks  thought  him  no  great  scratch. 


OF    SAM   PATCH.  263 

But  Still  a  maggot,  in  his  head, 

Told  Sam  lie  was  a  ninny, 
To  spend  his  life  in  twirling  thread, 

Just  like  a  spinning  Jenney. 

And  if  he  would  become  renown'd, 

And  live  in  song  or  story, 
Twas  time  he  should  be  looking  round 

For  deeds  of  fame  and  glory. 

'  What  shall  1  do  ?  '  quoth  honest  Sam, 

'  There  is  no  war  a-brewing  ; 
And  duels  are  but  dirty  things. 

Scarce  worth  a  body's  doing. 

'  And  if  I  would  be  President, 

I  see  I'm  up  a  tree, 
For  neither  prints,  nor  Congress-men, 

Have  nominated  me.' 


But  still  that  maggot  in  his  head 

Told  Sam  he  was  a  gump, 
For  if  he  could  do  nothing  else, 

Most  surely  he  could  jump. 

Ay,  right,  quoth  Sam,  and  out  he  went, 
And  on  tiie  bridge  he  stood. 

And  down  he  jump'd  full  twenty  feet. 
And  plung'd  into  the  flood. 

And  when  he  safely  swam  to  land, 
He  stood  thei-e  like  a  stump. 

And  all  the  gaping  crowd  cried  out, 
'O  what  a  glorious  jump.' 

New  light  now  shone  in  Samuel's  eyes, 

His  heart  went  pit  a  pat ; 
'  Go,  bring  a  ladder  here,'  he  cries ; 

'  I'll  jump  you  more  than  that.' 


264  MAJOR  downing's  biography 

The  longest  ladder  iu  the  town 
Against  the  factory  was  rear'd, 

And  Sam  clomb  up,  and  then  jump'd  down, 
And  loud  and  long  the  gapers  cheer'd. 


Besides  the  maggot  in  his  head, 
Sam's  ear  now  felt  a  flea  ; 

'I'll  raise  some  greater  breezes  yet: 
What's  this  dull  town  to  me  ? ' 


And  off  he  went  on  foot,  full  trot. 
High  hopes  of  fame  his  bosom  fired, 

At  Paterson,  in  Jarsay  State, 

He  stopt  awhile,  for  Sam  was  tired  ; 

And  there  he  mounted  for  a  jump. 
And  crowds  came  round  to  view  it, 

And  all  began  to  gape  and  stare. 
And  cry,  '  How  dare  you  do  it  ?  ' 

But  Sam  ne'er  heeded  what  they  said. 
His  nerves  want  made  to  quiver. 

And  down  he  jump'd  some  fifty  feet. 
And  splash'd  into  the  river. 

'  Hoo-rah,'  the  mob  cried  out  amain, 

'  Hoo-rah,'  from  every  throat  was  pouring, 

And  Echo  cried,  'Hoo-rah'  again, 
Like  a  thousand  lions  roaring. 

Sam's  fame  now  spread  both  far  and  wide, 
And  brighter  grew  from  day  to  day. 

And  wheresoe'er  a  crowd  convened, 
Patch  was  the  lion  of  the  play. 

From  shipmasts  he  would  jump  in  sport, 
And  spring  from  highest  factory  walls; 

And  proclamation  soon  was  made, 
That  he  would  leap  Niagara  falls 


,,PifF 


"  While  Sam  approached  those  awful  falls, 
And  leapt  them  like  a  frog." 


OF    SAM   PATCH.  267 

*  What  for  ?'  inquired  an  honest  Hodge, 

'  Wliy  scare  to  death  our  wives  and  mothers  ? ' 

'To  show  that  some  things  can  be  done,' 
Quoth  Sam,  '  as  well  as  others.' 

Ten  thousand  people  thronged  the  shores, 

And  stood  there  all  agog, 
While  Sam  approached  those  awful  falls. 

And  leapt  them  like  a  frog. 

And  when  they  saw  his  neck  was  safe, 

And  he  once  more  stood  on  his  feet. 
They  set  up  such  a  deafening  cheer, 

Niagara's  roar  was  fairly  beat. 

Patch  being  but  a  scurvy  name, 

They  solemnly  did  there  enact. 
That  he  henceforward  should  be  call'd 

*  Squire  Samuel  O'Cataract.' 

And  here  our  hero  should  have  stopt. 

And  husbanded  his  brilliant  fame  ; 
But,  ah,  he  took  one  leap  too  much, 

And  most  all  heroes  do  the  same. 


Napoleon's  last  great  battle  prov'd 

His  dreadful  overthrow. 
And  Sam's  last  jump  was  a  fearful  one, 

And  in  death  it  laid  him  low. 

'Twas  at  the  falls  of  Genessee, 

He  jump'd  down  six  score  feet  and  five, 
And  in  the  waters  deep  he  sunk. 

And  never  rose  again  alive. 

The  crowd,  wiih  fingers  in  their  mouths, 
Turn'd  homeward,  one  by  one. 

And  oft  with  sheepish  looks  they  said, 
'  Poor  Sam's  last  job  is  done.' 


APPENDIX. 

t 

In  which   are  published   some  of  Major   JDowning's 
letters  J  that  he  never  wrote. 

JVote  by  the  Editor.  The  following  paragraph  from 
Mr.  Walsh's  National  Gazette,  published  some  two 
or  three  months  ago,  comes  in  so  pat  upon  the  pres- 
ent occasion,  that  we  cannot  refrain  from  copying  it. 

'  It  has  been  the  fate  of  all  successful  authors,  to 
have  counterfeits  who  deal  with  their  originals  as 
Hamlet  says  that  some  players  imitate  nature.  The 
Rabelais,  the  Swifts,  the  Voltaires  suffered  in  their 
day  by  the  productions  of  interlopers  of  the  sort; — 
mere  bunglers  attempted  to  personate  them,  and  con- 
founded the  less  discriminating  or  critical  part  of  the 
reading  public.  Major  Jack  Downing  has  paid  in 
like  manner,  the  penalty  of  genius  and  popularity; 
and  he  has  complained  of  the  hardship  and  injustice, 
in  a  characteristic  vein.  We  humbly  advise  him  to 
write  over  the  whole  story  of  President  Jackson's 
late  expedition.  It  might  confidently  be  predicted 
that  a  full  narrative  from  his  pen,  duly  authenticated, 
would  obtain  as  much  vogue  in  these  United  States, 
as  did  Peter  Plymley's  Letters  in  Great  Britain.' 

Major  Downing's  letters  were  commenced  in  the 
Portland  Courier,  in  January  1830,  and  have  been 


APPENDIX.  269 

continued  in  that  paper  regularly  up  to  the  present 
time,  Nov.  1833.  The  real  Major  has  never  sent 
any  letter  to  any  other  paper.  Though  counterfeit 
or  imitation  letters  occasionally  appeared  in  other 
papers,  it  was  not  till  President  Jackson's  tour  to 
New  England,  that  they  were  published  in  any  con- 
siderable numbers.  At  that  time  the  counterfeiters 
took  a  new  start.  Roused  by  the  Major's  account  of 
their  '  coming  on  full  chisel,'  and  of  his  shaking  hands 
for  the  President  at  Philadelphia,  every  body  betook 
themselves  to  writino-  Jack  Downing;,  till  their  letters 
almost  overshadowed  the  land.  The  great  mass  of 
them  were  about  as  much  like  the  original  letters,  as 
a  hawk  is  like  a  hand-saw.  Most  of  them  had  noth- 
ing to  recommend  them  but  extreme  bad  spelling, 
without  point,  wit,  or  moral.  Others,  which  were 
written  with  some  ability,  were  often  deformed  by 
low  blackguardism,  indelicacy,  or  profanity,  qualities 
which  it  is  believed  are  not  to  be  found  in  the  writ- 
ings of  the  genuine  Major.  A  few  of  the  best  speci- 
mens of  the  imitations  are  copied  in  the  following 
pages.  We  cannot  but  remark  however,  in  passing, 
that  it  appears  to  us  to  be  an  unjustifiable  invasion  of 
the  Major's  rights,  for  others  to  assume  his  name. 
It  is  really  as  much  a  forgery  in  point  of  honor  and 
equity,  as  it  would  be  for  them  to  affix  to  their  letters 
the  name  of  Andrew  Jackson.  If  they  choose  to  at- 
tempt to  write  in  the  Major's  style,  they  are  at  lib- 
erty to  do  it,  as  they  would  be  to  attempt  the  style  of 
any  other  author;  but  we  believe  all  honorable  men 
will  say,  they  have  no  moral  right  to  assume  his  name. 
23* 


270 


APPENDIX. 


No.  I. 


Being  the  genuine  letter  of  old  Mr.  Zophar  Downing, 
'  amost  eighty-three  yere  old.' 

[JVote. — The  following  letter,  we  believe,  was  sent  originally  in 
the  New  York  Commercial  Advertiser,  though  we  are  not  sure 
but  it  was  a  Baltimore  paper.  We  regard  it  as  the  best  picture, 
*  drawd  off  from  nater,'  that  we  have  seen  among  the  numerous 
imitations  of  the  true  letters  of  the  Downing  family.  One  thing 
is  certain  about  it,  whether  the  Major  has  an  uncle  in  the  west- 
ern States  or  not,  this  letter  bears  indubitable  evidence  of  having 
been  written  by  a  person  eighty  three  years  old.} 

S  Uppington,  Western  Resarve, 

}  Tuesday,  June  5,  A.  D.  1833,  N.  S. 

To  MY  Nefew  John  Downing: — I  am  got  to  be 
amost  eighty  three  Yere  old,  and  I'm  in  my  eighty 
third  year  now,  and  its  so  long  since  I  have  took  any 
Pen  in  my  hand  to  write  any  thing  nor  a  Letter  to  any 
Boddy  living  for  now  going  on  a  very  long  Time. 
And  what  makes  it  particular  bad  for  me  is  that  my 
Fingers  is  got  stiff  with  Rhumatiz  and  cold,  and  is  all 
Thums,  as  much  as  tho  they  was  froze  in  the  Winter. 
— Your  Aunt  is  sick  abed;  slie  ketch'd  cold  some 
Time  in  Aperil,  and  I  don't  know  when  she  will  ever 
git  over  it;  she  is  in  her  eighty  second  Year  most  as 
old  as  I  be,  we  are  both  very  old  and  prety  much 
done  with  this  World,  so  to  speake.  I  did  not  ever 
expect  to  write  any  more  Letters  to  my  Frinds  because 
I'm  in  my  eighty  third  Year  and  am  too  old  most  to 
write  Letters.  But  you  writ  a  Letter  to  me  from  the 
Citty  of  Washington  and  it  was  throw 'd  out  of  the 
Stage  Wensday  as  it  drove  by.  And  when  I  redd 
about  your  goin  to  take  the  President  of  These 
United  States  to  Downingvil  then  I  said  to  your  Aunt 
my  dear  I  must  try  and  write  an  Answer  to  Jenny's 
Letter. 


APPENDIX.  271 

I  was  jeest  about  as  old  as  you  be  John  when  the 
Great  Washington  died,  14  day  of  December,  and  was 
with  him  and  spoke  with  him  seventeen  year  before, 
when  he  left  the  Army  and  wisht  I  might  live  many 
yeares,  and  what  you  writ  to  me  makes  me  think  a 
good  deal  of  that  time.  I  shant  forget  it  to  my  dyin 
day — but  I  hope  you  wont  have  Ardint  Sperrits  in 
your  Town  on  the  Occasion.  I  dont  drink  any  more 
Flip  nor  Tody  sence  17  August  A.  D.  1831  and  am 
better  fort,  and  hope  Brother  Joshua  has  stopped. 
Two  of  my  Cows  was  lost  last  year  by  Destemper  and 
one  of  Mr.  Doolittles  who  lives  oposite,  is  a  hard 
worken  Man.  Some  Destemper  was  here  this  yere 
but  I  follerd  what  was  said  in  the  Temperance 
Almanick  and  they  was  cured  in  time  to  git  over  it. 
I  desire  that  my  Brother  Joshua  woud  write  a  Letter 
to  me  to  let  me  know  whether  he  is  going  to  make  out 
as  well  with  his  Ternips  as  he  did  3  year  ago,  he 
wrote  to  your  Aunt  about  it.  I  tryde  that  Plan  here, 
but  it  dont  do  in  this  Soil,  it  is  to  dry  most  of  it. 
Your  Aunt  tells  me  she  dont  think  Brother  Joshua 
can  be  so  strong  of  his  Age  as  I  be,  seeing  he  hant 
writ  any  of  us  since  that  Account  of  his  Garding 
Sauce  turnin  out  so  remarkable  good  that  year. 

It  is  thirty-two  years  ago  next  month  since  I  was 
in  Downingville,  how  is  Deacon  Wiloby  and  his  fam- 
ily and  his  daughter  Sooky  was  uncommon  humer- 
some,  but  your  aunt  always  used  to  say  she  thot 
Sooky  was  a  little  too  fond  of  seeing  peeple  perlite 
and  that  she  was  too  espirin  for  Downingvil  when  she 
was  young  and  a  comely  child.  I  thank  you  John  for 
some  newspapers  you  sent  to  me  last  when  so  much 
was  writ  about  the  President  and  the  Vice  Presi- 
dent, one  spell  I  was  afeard  that  the  poor  salvages  in 
Georgia  State  was  agoin  to  suffer  till  the  great  Pro- 
clamation to  the  Nuliphiers  as  they  are  called  which 
you  sent  to  me,  but  I  hope  they  are  not  now,  they  are 
a  sufferin  Peeple  certin.     If  you  do  take  the  Presi- 


272  APPENDIX. 

dent  east  I  hope  there  is  no  boddy  but  what  will  treat 
him  respect.  You  know  John  I  dont  know  much 
about  politix,  but  I  know  something  of  my  bible,  and 
I  hope  I  shall  ahvais  read  in  it  while  I  continue  to  live, 
and  it  says  in  the  2nd  Book  of  Samuel,  about  Absa- 
lom's setting  by  the  gate  and  shakin  hands  and  kissin 
every  boddy  that  passed  by,  and  whisperin  in  their 
ears  what  he  would  do  if  he  was  king,  and  you  know 
mor  about  the  Vice  President,  and  I  ask  you  if  that  man 
aint  adoin  so  too,  and  if  it  is  not  some  boddys  duty  to 
speak  to  the  President  about  it.  But  my  hand  shakes 
some,  writin  so  much,  and  give  my  love  and  aunts  to 
all  our  relations  and  to  the  neighbours  of  yours  that  I 
used  to  know.     I  am  your  loving  Uncle, 

ZOPHAR  DOWNING. 


No.   11. 
BANK    REPORT. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  JV*.  Y.  Daily  Advertiser. 

Major  Downing's  Official  Report  on  the  United  States  Bank. 
Published  by  '  authority.' 

Rip  Raps,  August  4th,  18a3. 

Dear  Sir, — I  have  jest  got  here  after  examinin 
the  Bank;  and  it  was  the  toughest  job,  ever  I  had  in 
my  life.  The  Gineral  was  so  bent  on  my  doing  it, 
that  I  had  to  '  go  ahead,'  or  I'd  sneak'd  out  the  first 
day.  I  was  nigh  upon  a  week  about  it,  figerin  and 
siferin  all  the  while.  Mr.  Biddle  see  quick  enuf  it 
was  no  fool's  journey  I  come  on;  and  I  made  some 
of  his  folks  scratch  their  heads,  I  tell  you.  I  gin  'em 
no  notice  of  my  comin,  and  I  jump'd  right  in  the 
thickest  on  'em  there  one  day,  when  they  were  tum- 


APPENDIX.  273 


blin  in  and  shellin  out  the  munny  like  corn      '  Now, 
says  I    '  my  boys,  I  advise  all  on  ye  to  brush  up  your 
multiplication  tables,  for  I  am  down  upon  you  with 
aligation,  and  the  rule  of  three,  and  vulgar  fractions; 
and  if  I  find  a  penny  out  of  place,  the  Gineral  shall 
know  it.   I'm  no  green  horn,  nor  member  of  Congress, 
nor  Judge  Clayton,  nor  Mr.  Cambreleng,  neither, 
says  I.     As  soon  as  Mr.  Biddle  read  the  letter  the 
Gineral  sent  by  me,  says,  he  '  Major,  I'm  glad  the 
Gineral  has  sent  some  one  at  last  that  knows  some- 
thins    and  can  sive  a  strait  account;'  and  with  that 
he  called  all  the  Bank  folks,  and  tell'd  'em  to  bnng 
their  books  together.    '  Now,'  says  he,  '  Major,  which 
eend  shall  we  begin  at  first.'     '  It   makes   no   odds 
which,'  says  I,  '  all  I  care  about  is  to  see  if  both  eends 
meet;  and  if  they  don't,  Mr.  Biddle,'  says  I      i  ts  all 
over  with  you  and  the  bank— you'll  all  go,  hook  and 
line  '—and  then  we  off"  coats  and  went  at  it.     1  tound 
some  of  them  are  fellers  there  plagy  sharp  at  siferin. 
They'd  do  a  sum  by  a  kinder  short  Dilworth  quick  as 
a  flash      I  always  use  a  slate— it  comes  kinder  natu- 
ral to  me;   and  I  chalk'd  her  off*  there  the  first  day 
and  fiaur'd  out  nigh  upon  100  pretty  considerable  tut 
sums."  There  was  more  than  three  cart  load  of  books 
about  us,  and  every  one  on  'em  bigger  than  the  Dea- 
con's family  Bible.     And  sich  an  etarnal  batch  ot  hg- 
erin  I  never  see,  and  there  wasn't  a  blot  or  scratch  in 
the  whole  on  'em. 

I  put  a  good  many  questions  to  Mr.  Biddle,  tor  the 
Gineral  gin  me  a  long  string  on  'em;  and  I  thought 
some  would  stagger  him,  but  he  answered  them  all  jest 
as  glib  as  our  boys  in  Downingville  do  the  catakize, 
from  the  chief  '  eend  of  man,'  clean  through  the  peti- 
tions—and he  did  it  all  in  a  mighty  civil  way  too,  ther 
was  only  one  he  kinder  tried  to  git  round,  and  that 
was— how  he  come  to  have  so  few  of  the  Gineral  s 
folks  among  the  Directors  until  very  lately?  '  Why,' 
says  he,  '  Major,  and  Major,'  says  he  (and  then  he  got 


274  ArPENDix. 

up  and  tpok  a  pinch  of  snuff  and  offered  me  one)  says 
he,  '  Major,  the  Bank  knows  no.party ;  and  in  the  first 
go  off,  you  know,  the  Gineral's  friends  were  all  above 
matters  of  so  little  importance  as  Banks  and  Banking. 
If  we  had  put  a  branch  in  Downingville,'  says  he, 
'  the  Gineral  would  not  have  had  occasion  to  ask  such 
a  question,'  and  with  that  he  made  me  a  bow;  and  I 
went  home  and  took  dinner  with  him.  It  is  plagy 
curious  to  hear  him  talk  about  millions  and  thousands; 
and  I  got  as  glib  too  at  it  as  he  is;  and  how  on  earth 
I  shall  git  back  agin  to  ninepences  and  four-pence- 
happenies,  I  can't  tell. 

Arter  I  had  been  figerin  away  there  nigh  upon  a 
week,  and  used  up  four  or  five  slate  pencils,  and  spit 
my  mouth  as  dry  as  a  cob,  rubbin  out  the  sums  as  fast 
as  I  did  them,  Iwrit  to  the  Gineral,  and  tell'd  him  it  was 
no  use;  I  could  find  no  mistake;  but  so  long  as  the 
Bank  was  at  work,  it  was  pretty  much  like  counting 
a  flock  of  sheep  in  a  fall  day  when  they  are  jest  let 
into  a  new  stubble,  for  it  was  all  the  while  crossing 
and  mixing,  and  the  only  way  was,  to  lock  up  all  the 
Banks,  and  as  fast  as  you  can  count  'em  black  their 
noses. 

'  Now,'  says  I  one  day  to  Squire  Biddle,  '  I'll  jest 
take  a  look  at  your  money  bags,  for  they  tell  the  Gin- 
eral you  han't  got  stuff  enuf  in  the  Bank  to  make  him 
a  pair  of  spectacles;  none  of  your  rags,'  says  I,  '  but 
the  real  grit;'  and  with  that  he  call'd  two  or  three 
chaps  in  Quaker  coats,  and  they  opened  a  large  place 
about  as  big  as  the  '  east  room'  and  sich  a  sight  I 
never  see — boxes,  bags  and  kags,  all  full,  and  should 
say  nigh  upon  a  hundred  cord.  Says  I,  '  Squire 
Biddle," what  on  earth  is  all  this.?  for  I  am  stumped.' 
*0,'  says  he,  'Major,  that's  our  Safety  Fund.' 
'  How  you  talk!'  says  I.  '  Now,'  says  I,  '  is  that  all 
genwine?'  '  Every  dollar  of  it,'  says  he.  '  Will  you 
count  it.  Major?'  says  he.  'Not  to-day,'  says  I; 
'but  as  the  Gineral  wants  me  to  be  particular,  I'll 


APPENDIX.  ^"75 


lest  hussle  some  of  'em;'  and  at  it  I  went,  hammer 
and  file.     It  raly  did  me  good    for  1  did  not  think 
there  was  so  much  real  chink  in  all  creation.     So  when 
I  got  tired,  I  set  down  on  a  pile,  and  tooK  ou  my  wd- 
let    and  begun  to  count  over  some  of  the    safety  fund 
notes  I  gotlhaved  with  on  the  grand  towe.        Here 
says  I,  'Squire  Biddle,  I  have  a  small  trifle  I  should 
1^'e  to'  barter  with  you ;  it's  all  ;'  safety    und,''     says 
I  •  '  and  Mr  Van  Buren's  head  is  on  most  all  on  em. 
But  as  soon  as  he  put  his  eye  on  '^m,  he  shook  h 
head.  I  see  he  had  his  eye  teeth  cut      Well,    say.  I, 
'  it's  no  matter;'  but  it  lifted  my  dander  considerable. 
'Now,'  says  1,   'Mr.  Biddle,  I've  got  one  more 
question  to  put  to  you,  and  then  I'm  through.     You 
say  your  bills  are  better  than  the  hard  dollars     this 
puzzles  me,  and  the  Gineral  too      Now,  how  is  this? 
^Vell,'  says  he,  'Major,  I'll  tell  you:  Suppose  you 
had  a  bushel  of  potatoes  in  Downingville,  and  you 
wanted  to  send  them  to  Washington,  how  much  would 
it  cost  to  get  them  there?'     '  Well,'  says  I,   'about 
two  shillinslawful-for  I  sent  a  barrel    here  to  the 
Gineral,  last  fall,  and  that  cost  me  a  dollar  freight 
'  Well  '  says  he,  '  suppose  I've  got  potatoes  in  VVash- 
incton'iest  as  good  as  yours,  and  I  take  your  potatoes 
in  Downingville,  and  give  you  an  order  to  receive  a 
bushel  of  potatoes  in  Washington,  wouldn  t  you  save 
two  shillins  lawful  by  that?     We  sometimes  charge, 
<.avs  he    '  a  trifle  for  drafts,  when  the  places  are  dis- 
tant  but  never  as  much  as  it  would  cost  to  carry  the 
dollars;'  and  with  that  we  looked  into  the  accounts 
agin,  and  there  it  was.     Says  I,  '  Squire  Biddle,  I  see 
it'^now  as  clear  as  a  whistle.'  i  ,u     r^- 

When  I  cTot  back  to  Washmgton,  I  found  the  Gin- 
eral off-  to  the  'Rip  Raps,'  and  so  I  arter  him  One 
feller  there  tell'd  me  I  couldn't  go  to  the  Rip  Raps— 
that  the  Gineral  was  there  to  keep  off"  business;  but 
.  as  soon  as  I  told  him  who  I  was,  he  ordered  a  boat 
and  I  paddled  off". 


276  APPENDIX. 

The  Gineral  and  I  have  talked  over  all  the  Bank 
business;  he  says  it  is  not  best  to  publish  my  report, 
as  he  wants  it  for  the  message;  and  it  would  only  set 
them  Stockfish  nibblin  agin  in  Wall  Street.  I  made 
him  stare  when  I  tell'd  him  about  the  dollars  I  saw 
there;  and  once  and  awhile  he  would  rinkle  his  face 
up  like  a  ball  of  ravilins;  and  when  I  tell'd  him  Bid- 
die  would  n't  give  me  any  of  his  '  Safety  Fund'  for 
any  of  Mr.  Van  Buren's  that  I  had  with  me,  the 
Gineral  took  out  his  wallet,  and  slung  it  more  than 
five  rods  into  the  brakers. 

We  are  now  pretty  busy,  fitting  and  jointing  the 
beams  and  rafters  of  the  message;  and  if  Mr.  Van 
Buren  dont  get  back  before  we  begin  to  shingle  it, 
I  guess  that  his  Safety  Fund  will  stand  but  a  poor 
chance. 

The  Gineral  don't  care  much  about  having  his  head 
for  a  sign  board,  but  says  he,  '  Major,  when  they  put 
my  head  on  one  eend  of  a  Bank  Bill,  and  Mr.  Van 
Buren's  on  tother  eend,  and  "  promise  to  pay  Andrew 
Jackson,"  and  then  blow  up,  it's  too  bad — I  won't  al- 
low it — it  shant  be.'  The  Gineral  says,  if  he  allows 
Amos  Kendle  to  make  his  report  about  the  State 
Banks,  it  is  but  fair  to  let  me  publish  mine  about 
Square  Biddle's  Bank.     So  I  am  getting  mine  ready. 

We  have  a  fine  cool  time  here,  and  ain't  bothered 
with  Office  seekers;  we  can  see  'em  in  droves  all 
along  shore,  waitin  for  a  chance.  One  fellow  swam 
off*  last  night  to  get  appointed  to  some  office  —  the 
Gineral  thinks  of  making  him  minister  to  the  King 
of  the  Sandwich  Islands,  on  account  of  their  being 
all  good  swimmers  there.  Yours, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major,  Downingville 
Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


APPENDIX,  277 

No.  III. 

Giving  some  account  of  Peleg  BisseVs  Churn. 

Rip  Raps,  Aug.  17, 1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  JVeiv-York  Daily  Advertiser. 

My  Good  Friend. — "The  Government'' will  lesive 
here  on  Saturday,  so  you  must  tell  all  our  friends  to 
stop  sending  any  more  letters  here.  We  go  strait  to 
Washington,  to  put  things  to  rights  there  for  winter. 

I  and  the  Gineral  have  got  things  now  pretty  con- 
siderable snug;  and  it  is  raly  curious  to  see  how 
much  more  easy  and  simple  all  the  public  affairs  go 
on  than  they  did  a  spell  ago,  when  Mr.  Adams  was 
President.  If  it  warnt  for  Congress  meetinwe  cou'd 
jest  go  about  pretty  much  where  we  pleased,  and  keep 
things  strait  too:  and  I  begin  to  think  now  with  the 
Gineral,  that  ater  all,  there  is  no  great  shakes  in  man- 
agin  the  affairs  of  the  nation.  We  have  pretty  much 
all  on  us  ben  joggin  about  now  since  last  grass;  and 
things  are  jest  as  strait  and  clear  now  as  they  was 
then.  The  Gineral  has  nigh  upon  made  up  his  mind, 
that  there  is  no  use  to  have  any  more  Congress.  They 
only  bother  us — they  wou'd  do  more  good  to  stay  at 
home,  and  write  letters  to  us  tellin  what  is  goin  on 
among  'em  at  home.  It  would  save  a  considerable 
sum  of  money  too;  and  I'm  also  sartin  that  there  is  a 
plagy  raft  of  fellows  on  wages  that  dont  earn  nothin. 
Howsoever,  we  are  goin  on  makin  things  more  sim- 
ple every  day,  and  we  once  and  a  while  nock  off  a 
pretty  considerable  number  of  cogg  wheels  and  trun- 
nel  heads. 

The  Gineral  says  he  likes  things  simple  as  a  mouse 
trap.     But  what  I  like  most  is,  he  wont  have  no  one 
about  him  who  outranks  me,  so   there   is   me,   and 
24 


278  APPENDIX. 

Major  Barry,  and  Major  Smith,  and  Major  Earl,  and 
Major  Donaldson,  and  Major  Lewis,  and  Major  Ea- 
ton;— and  the  major  part  of  a  pretty  considerable  of 
a  man  to  do  the  printing,  and  tell  the  folks  where  we 
be,  and  once  and  a  while  where  the  land  sales  and 
contracts  be  too.  There  is  enuff  on  us  to  do  all  that's 
wanted.  Every  day  jest  ater  breakfast,  the  Gineral 
lights  his  pipe,  and  begins  to  think  pretty  hard,  and  I 
and  Major  Donaldson  begin  to  open  letters  for  him; 
and  there  is  more  than  three  bushels  every  day,  and 
all  the  while  coming.  We  dont  git  through  more  than 
a  bushel  a  day;  and  never  trouble  long  ones,  unless 
they  come  from  Mr.  Van  Buren,  or  Mr.  Kindle,  or 
some  other  of  our  great  folks.  Then  we  sort  'em  out, 
jest  as  Zekel  Bigelow  does  the  mackerel  at  his  Pack- 
in  Yard,  for  tho'  there  are  plagy  many  more  sorts 
than  he  finds  among  fish,  we  ony  make  three  sorts, 
and  keep  three  big  baskets,  one  marked  '  not  red,* 
another  '  red,  and  worth  nothin,'  and  another  '  red, 
and  to  be  answered.'  And  then  all  the  Gineral  has 
to  do  is  to  say,  '  Major,  I  reckon  we  best  say  so 
and  so  to  that,'  and  I  say  'jest  so,'  or  not,  as  the  no- 
tion takes  me — and  then  we  go  at  it. 

We  keep  all  the  Secretaries,  and  the  Vice  Presi- 
dent, and  some  District  Atlornys,  and  a  good  many 
more  of  our  folks,  and  Amos  Kindle,  moving  about; 
and  they  tell  us  jest  how  the  cat  jumps.  And  as  I 
said  afore,  if  it  warnt  for  Congress  meetin  once  a 
year,  we'd  put  the  Government  in  a  one  horse  wagon 
and  go  jest  where  we  liked. 

The  Gineral  was  amazingly  tickled  t'other  day. 
Peleg  Bissel — (you  know  Peleg,  who  is  all  the  while 
whitlin,  and  sawin,  and  makin  clocks,  and  apple  par- 
ers,  and  churns,  and  lives  nigh  Seth  Sprague's  School 
house,  down  to  Downingville,)  well,  Peleg  sent  the 
Gineral  a  new  churn  of  his  own  invention;  and  he 
calls  it  the  '  Jackson  Churn,'  he  wants  a  patent  for  it. 
The  cute  critur  says,  in  his  letter  to  the  Gineral,  that 


APPENDIX.  279 

that  are  churn  is  jest  like  his  government — its  ony 
got  one  wheel,  and  a  smasher;  and  that  it  will  make 
more  butter  than  any  other  churn,  and  out  of  eny 
most  anything.  The  Gineral  is  so  well  pleased  with 
it,  he  will  set  and  turn  it  nearly  all  day.  Says  he, 
*  Major,  I  like  this  ere  churn  amazingly,  that  Bissel 
is  a  knowin  fellow.  If  that  churn  had  been  made  by 
Congress,  it  would  have  more  than  fifty  wheels  and 
springs,  and  make  no  more  butter  ater  all.  Major,' 
says  he,  '  tell  Peleg  I  thank  him;  and  send  him  a  pa- 
tent.' 

And  so  I  did;  and  I  telled  him  in  the  letter,  that 
the  Gineral  would  keep  his  churn  in  the  hall  of  the 
white  house,  to  let  folks  see  that  it  did  n't  require  as 
many  cog  wheels  to  make  butter  as  they  think  on,  and 
then  when  they  come  up  chamber,  in  the  Cabinet 
Room,  and  find  ony  me  and  the  President,  they  '11  un- 
derstand it  the  better.  When  the  Gineral  come  to 
sign  this  letter,  'well,' says  he,  'Major,  that's  just 
what  I  was  thinkin  on.  We  get  every  day  an  ever- 
lastin  bach  of  letters  from  Mr.  Van  Buren  and  Amos 
Kindle,  and  they  are  so  plagy  jagged,  that  we  cant 
make  'em  fit  exactly  with  some  others,  eny  most  as 
jagged,  from  the  South  and  West,  and  all  from  our 
folks  too.  One  wants  one  thing,  and  one  wants  t'oth- 
er. Some  of  our  folks  down  South  say,  if  the  Bank 
is  put  down,  we  shall  all  be  split  up  into  splinters 
there.  And  jest  so,  ony  t'other  way,  they  say,  we 
shant  find  in  a  week  any  of  our  folks  north  if  the 
Bank  is  re  chartered,  and  some  talk  of  the  Nulhfiers 
in  Georgia  going  for  ]\Ir.  Van  Buren,  and  that  ^ve 
must  look  out  sharp,  and  not  do  nothin  agin  'em. 
And  some  say  that  are  tower  of  Mr.  Webster  away 
West,  and  his  speeches,  bother  some  on  'em  plagily. 
I  was  a  little  stumped  for  a  spell  myself;  and  I  tell'd 
the  Gineral,  says  I  '  Gineral,  if  you  expect  me  to 
satisfy  all  these  folks,  you're  mistaken,  we  cant  do 
it,'  says  I.     'Well  then,'  says  he,  '  we  must  send  for 


280  APPENDIX. 

Mr.  Van  Buren.'  This  kinder  nettled  me,  and  says 
I,  '  Gineral,  you  ha'nt  forgot  that  are  churn  already' 
—  'no,  no,'  says  he,  'we'll  stick  to  that  Major.' 
'  Well  then,'  says  I,  '  do  you  think  that  Mr,  Van  Bu- 
ren will  use  that  are  churn?  he  keeps  his  bread  but- 
tered,' says  I,  *  by  more  wheels  than  that  are  churn's 
got.'  '  Well  Major,'  says  the  Gineral,  '  he  is  a  plagy 
curious  critter,  ater  all — he'll  make  wheels  turn  some- 
times right  agin  one  another,  yet  he  gits  along — and 
when  he  lets  his  slice  fall,  or  some  one  nocks  it  out  of 
his  hand,  it  always  somehow  falls  butter  side  up' — 
'  well,'  says  I,  '  Gineral,  dont  you  know  why? '  '  not 
exactly,'  says  he,  '  Major' — '  well, 'says  I, — '  I'll  tell 
you— he  butters  both  sides  at  once,'  says  I.  The 
Gineral  drew  his  face  all  into  a  rumple  for  about  a 
minute,  and  then  he  snorted  right  out. 

The  Gineral  talks  of  goin  to  the  Hermitage  next 
spring — he  says  he  thinks  he  has  done  enuf  for  the 
country — and  I  think  so  too — he  says  I  may  go  along 
with  him  or  stay  and  lend  Mr.  Van  Buren  a  hand — 
we'll  say  something  about  this  in  the  Message. 
Yours  as  before, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major. 
Dovningville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


No.  IV. 

The  Public  Crib  at  Washington. 

Washington,  August  30,  1833. 

To  Mr.  Divight-^JVeiv-York  Daily  Advertiser. 

Ml  GOOD  OLD  Friend — Ever  since  we  got  '  the 
Gove  nment'  back  here  from  the  Rip  Raps,  we  have 
been  3  busy  as  if  we  was  all  on  us  cocking  hay  jist 
afore   i  shower. 


APPENDIX.  281 

I  tell'd  you  some  time  ago  that  I  and  the  Gineral 
was  fittin  and  jointin  the  beams  and  rafters  of  the 
message,  but  almost  every  day  some  plaguy  new  mo- 
tion comes  in  from  Mr.  Van  Buren,  and  some  other 
of  our  folks,  and  we  have  to  chizzle  new  mortises,  and 
run  new  braces  and  string  pieces,  so  that  I  begin  to 
think  it  will  look  curious  enuf  when  its  done.  The 
Gineral  says  he  dont  care  how  it  fronts,  only  he  is 
determined  to  show  a  sharp  corner  to  the  NuUifiers. 
We  shall  have  a  good  deal  to  say  about  the  Grand 
Tower;  there  is  nothin  since  the  8th  of  January 
at  New-Orleans  tickles  the  Gineral  half  so  much. 
Every  time  we  talk  about  it,  the  Gineral  gits  right 
up,  and  says  he,  '  Major,  I  ony  wish  I  was  fifty  years 
younger,  and  then,'  says  he,  'give  me  the  yankees 
east  of  Horse  Neck,  and  I'd  like  no  better  sport  than 
to  have  nullification  all  over  the  rest  of  creation.' 

When  things  dont  go  right,  and  the  Gineral  gits  a 
little  wrathy,  if  I  ony  tell  him  the  yankees  are  ready 
to  back  him,  he  is  as  firm  as  granite.  It  would  make 
you  crawl  all  over  to  read  that  letter  we  writ  to 
France,  when  we  come  to  hear  that  the  King  there 
kinder  shuffled  round  that  bill  we  drawed  on  him. 
'  He  wont  pay  it,  wont  he?  '  Says  he — '  Major,  what 
do  you  think  of  that  }' — 'why,'  says  I,  '  Gineral,  I 
think  its  a  nasty  mean  action — and  a  rascally  one 
too,  says  I.'  'Well,'  says  he,  'that's  enuff*,' — and 
then  we  writ  the  letter, — its  jest  like  Zekel  Bigelow's 
speech — it  cuts,  shaves,  and  makes  the  hair  fly — and 
if  it  dont  bring  the  money,  I'm  mistaken. 

If  Mr.  Livingston  had  stayd  one  week  longer  in 
York,  the  Gineral  was  for  sending  me  right  out. 

The  most  curious  part  of '  the  Government'  here, 
is  to  manage  the  office  seekers.  You  see,  things  aint 
now  as  they  was  afore  Mr.  Van  Buren 's  time,  then 
it  was  kinder  divided  round  among  the  Departments. 

The  Post  Master  Gineral  appointed  all  the  Post 
Masters   and    their   folks.     The    Secretary   of   the 


282 


APPENDIX. 


Treasury  appointed  all  the  folks  in  the  Custom 
Houses,  and  all  folks  who  collected  money.  These 
two  had  an  everlastin  batch  of  fellers  to  appint,  and 
made  them  feel  pretty  considerable  big,  and  then  the 
War  Secretary  had  a  good  slice  in  appinting  the  ca- 
dets, and  Ingen  Agents,  and  all  the  contracts  was 
kinder  sifted  round  among  the  Departments;  and  so 
by  the  time  a  new  President  was  to  be  made,  some 
of  these  Secretaries  was  aleetle  bigger  than  the  Pres- 
ident himself.  Now  this  is  the  way  they  kinder  jock- 
ied  Mr.  Adams,  who  got  to  be  the  smallest  man  at 
Washington,  by  lettin  other  folks  plant  his  corn,  and 
do  his  huskin;  and  afore  he  knowd  it,  his  own  held 
was  all  in  weeds — and  theirs  well  bowed,  rich  and 
clean  as  a  whistle. 

But  things  aint  so  now,  we've  got  ony  one  crib, 
and  that's  awhappin  one  too,  and  ony  one  door  to  it; 
and  when  we  shell  out  our  corn,  we  take  good  care 
and  know  well  who  gets  it,  and  where  he  is  going  to 
plant  it;  and  that  aint  all — we  make  'em  agree  about 
the  Huskin  Frolic  *  for  that's  the  best  ont  arter  all. 

The  longer  I  am  in  '  the  Government  '  the  more 
I  larn.  But  I  must  allow  that  of  all  the  inventions 
I've  hearn  on  of  Mr.  Van  Buren's,  this  is  about  the 
slickest. 

There  is  ony  one  thing  wantin,  and  that  he  is  tryin 
for  pretty  hard — and  that  is  the  Bank.  If  he  can  ony 
get  that  in  the  crib  too,  Virginy  fences  would  n't 
stop  our  cattle. 

Ony  think  what  an  everlastin  raft  of  fellows  we 
should  have — all  the  Presidents  and  Cashiers,  and 
Clerks,  and  Money  Counters,  about  the  crib,  from 
Downingville  to  New-Orleans! — and  that  aint  the 
best  ont;  we  would  have  a  branch  alongside  every 
post  office  to  keep  our  postages  safe. 

*  The  Major,  we  presume,  means  the  Elections,  or  Hustings^ 
by  this  metaphor. 


APPENDIX.  283 

I  should  like  this  well  enuf  if  I  was  sartin  I  and 
the  Gineral  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  was  to  be  here  all 
the  while,  to  keep  a  good  look  out  on  the  crib  door. 
But  the  Gineral  talks  of  goin  hum  to  put  the  Hermit- 
age to  rights;  and  I  am  in  the  notion  that  Congress 
is  a  leetle  too  strong  for  '  the  Government'  when  the 
Gineral  aint  in  it — and  I  shall  go  with  him.  I  am 
eny  most  fag'd  out  myself,  and  I  begin  to  think  with 
the  Gineral,  I  have  done  enuf  for  the  country. 

We  are  lookin  for  Amos  Kindle  now  every  hour. 
He  writ  the  Gineral  tother  day,  and  teld  him  my 
'  Bank  Report'  warn't  true,  and  that  I  must  have  got 
a  loan  of  Squire  Biddle.  Now  that's  jist  the  way 
with  some  folks.  What  they  dont  know  they  guess 
at;  and  it's  jist  so  with  old  Miss  Crane,  who  keeps 
the  tavern  this  side  Downingville — ^jist  as  sure  as  any 
one  goes  by  without  stopping,  the  old  critur  says, 
*  There  goes  so  and  so,  and  has  got  no  money,  too, 
and  he  knows  I  would  n't  trust  him.' 

Howsumever,  no  one  can  make  the  Gineral  rathy 
with  me.  He  knows  I  am  the  best  friend  about  him; 
whenever  they  gets  things  in  any  kind  of  a  twist  or 
a  snarl,  says  he,  '  Major,  do  you  unravel  that.  I'm 
the  big  wheel  and  you  are  the  smasher,'  says  he;  and 
then  we  jist  give  Peleg  Bissel's  churn  a  turn  or  two 
and  all  is  right. 

You  don't  print  my  letters  right — you  git  some 
words  wrong  and  spell  'em  bad.  Jist  so  the  printers 
sarved  the  Gineral  s  letters  too;  and  folks  thought 
he  didn't  know  nothin,  till  we  got  to  Cambridge, 
where  they  made  a  doctor  on  him. 
Your  friend, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major, 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


284 


APPENDIX. 


No.  V. 
Preparation  of  the  Message 

Washington,  2d  Nov.  1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  Mr.  Dwighf,  of  the  J^few  York 
Daily  Advertiser. 

The  Congressmen  are  jest  beginnin  to  arrive  here, 
and  I  suppose  in  a  short  time  we  shall  have  them  here 
as  thick  as  huckleberries;  and  the  Gineral  is  brushin 
round  now,  and  says  the  Message  must  be  finished 
and  painted  offhand,  and  we  are  all  as  busy  as  bees 
in  gittin  it  dove  tailed  together;  and  after  next  week, 
the  Gineral  says,  there  cant  be  any  more  alterations. 
It  is  the  first  message  I  ever  had  any  hand  in;  and 
tho'  I  say  it,  I  guess  you  will  say  it  is  about  as  com- 
plete a  thing  as  ever  was  sent  express  any  where. 

I  have  been  to  work  on  it  ever  since  we  was  at  the 
Rip  Raps;  and  tho'  it  has  been  sometimes  all  pulled 
to  bits,  to  git  in  some  notions  we  did  n't  think  on,  yet 
it  will  look  pritty  slick,  I  tell  you  when  it's  done; 
and  we  will  lay  on  paint  enuf  to  kiver  up  all  the 
cracks  and  seams. 

We  shall  give  a  pritty  good  lick  at  the  Bank,  and 
won't  leave  as  much  on  't  standing  as  would  make  a 
good  sized  oven.  It  is  curious  now  to  see  how  easy 
it  is  to  build  up,  or  nock  all  to  bits,  any  thing  on  pa- 
per. Now  jest  see  about  the  Bank.  There  it  stands 
in  Chestnut  street,  with  its  hundred  cord  of  specie, 
and  its  cart  load  of  books;  and  its  branches  here  and 
there,  and  all  busy  and  full  of  clarks,  and  directors, 
and  folks  in  Europe,  and  all  about  creation  dealin 
with  it;  and  the  brokers  in  Wall  street  all  busy  about 
it;    and   Biddle's   bills   goin    about,  and   most  folks 


APPENDIX.  285 

thinkin  they  are  better  than  hard  dollars;  and  all  the 
old  men  and  women  holdin  the  stock,  supposin  it  will 
go  up  agin  as  high  as  they  paid  for  it;  and  I  and  the 
Gineral,  and  Amos  Kindle,  and  Mr.  Van  Buren, 
talkin  over  it;  and  one  line  in  the  Message  nocks  it 
all  into  kindlin  wood.  For  you  see  when  '  the  Gov- 
ernment' says  a  thing  must  be  jest  so!  there  is  no  help 
for  it.  We  can't  stand  to  chat  about  trifles.  The 
Gineral  has  smashed  three  pipes  the  last  time  we 
talked  about  it.  '  Biddle  and  the  Bank  must  be 
smashed,'  says  he,  '  Major;' — and  so  smash  they  go, 
Congress  or  no  Congress, 

The  next  thing  was  the  Ingins.  Here  the  Gineral 
is  at  home,  and  I  don't  pretend  to  say  nothin  for  I 
never  did  like  an  Ingin,  and  never  can.  The  Cher- 
okees  give  us  a  good  deal  of  trouble  in  Georgia  last 
year;  but  the  Gineral  took  sides  with  Georgia,  be- 
cause he  had  a  good  many  friends  there,  and  Mr.  Van 
Buren  had  too;  for  that  State  was  the  ony  one  that 
nominated  him  Vice-President  a  spell  ago;  and  if  he 
had  got  in  there,  and  Mr.  Crawford  President,  who 
was  ailin  all  over  with  some  plagy  applephxy — I  and 
the  Gineral  would  never  have  been  hearn  on  arter- 
wards.  But  no  matter — the  Gineral  says  he  didn't 
make  that  treaty  with  the  Cherokees;  and  it  was 
made  so  long  ago,  he  has  enymost  forgot  it:  and 
treaties  oughtent  to  last  forever.  But  this  treaty  with 
the  Creeks  in  Alabama  he  did  make,  and  he  knows 
all  about  it ;  and  he  means  to  stand  by  it,  and  turn  all 
the  squatters  off  the  land  in  Alabama,  jest  as  they 
wanted  him  to  do  in  Georgia;  but  he  would  n't. 
There  is  trouble  enuf  about  it,  I  tell  you;  and  you 
dont  know  nothing  about  it  in  York.  But  the  Gin- 
eral is  tickled  to  death  about  it;  and  as  soon  as  he 
saw  the  Proclamation  of  the  Governor  of  Alabama, 
you  never  see  a  critur  so  spruced  up  as  the  Gineral 
was.  Major,  says  he,  we  shall  have  another  Nullifi- 
cation this  Congress,  arter  all.     You  need  'nt  say 


286  APPENDIX. 

much  about  it,  says  he,  in  the  Message, — we'll  keep 
that  for  a  Proclamation.  Well,  says  I,  Gineral,  you 
are  a  master  hand  at  gettin  into  trouble.  But,  says 
he,  IMajor,  aint  I  a  master  one  in  gittin  out  of  one, 
says  he.^ 

We've  got  an  old  trunk  up  chamber,  full  of  troubles 
— old  Laws,  and  Treaties,  and  Contracts,  and  State 
Claims;  and  whenever  we  want  any  powder,  all 
we  've  got  to  do  is  to  open  that,  and  look  among  old 
papers  and  get  up  a  row  in  no  time.  The  Gineral 
likes  this  a  leetle  better  than  I  do;  for  the  most  of 
the  labor  falls  on  me,  and  the  ony  way  I  can  git  rid 
of  it,  is  to  make  our  folks  down  stairs  do  it,  if  I  see 
it  gives  any  of  'em  a  boost  with  his  party — for  I  dont 
care  nothin  about  any  thing  here  but  the  Gineral;  and 
if  I  can  git  him  threw  this  Congress,  its  pretty  much 
all  I  care  about,  and  he  too;  for  ater  that  I'm  goin 
with  him  to  the  Hermitage,  for  I  expect  by  that  time 
there  wont  be  much  more  left  of  us  than  our  beards 
and  shoe  strings. 

Your  friend,     J.  DOWNING,  Major, 

Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


No.  VI. 

Sir  George  Downing. 

Some  account  of  Sir  George  Downing  of  London,  sup- 
posed to  be  one  of  Major  Doivnhig^s  ancestors. 

From  the  New  York  Daily  Advertiser. 

The  Downings. — The  celebrity  of  Major  Jack 
Downing  has  created  an  intense  and  very  natural 
curiosity  in  the  public  mind  to  know  something  of  his 
origin  and  ancestry.     Hoping  that  some  of  the  down- 


APPENDIX. 


287 


east  antiquaries  and  genealogists  will  favor  the  world 
with  the  information  desired,  I  submit  to  your  dis- 
posal the  following  imperfect  notice  of  Sir  George 
Downing,  one  of  the  IMajor's  ancestors,  which  I  have 
drawn  from  an  interesting  and  learned  work  now  in  a 
course  of  publication,  in  numbers,  entitled  '  Memorial 
of  the  graduates  of  Harvard  University,  in  Cam- 
brido;e,  Mass.  Commencing  with  the  first  class, 
1G42.  By  John  Farmer,  Cor.  Sec.  of  the  N.  H. 
Hist.  Society. 

George  Downing  v/as  born  in  London  in  1624,  and 
accompanied  his  parents  to  this  country  when  about 
thirteen  years  of  age.  His  father,  Emanual  Down- 
ing, a  great  friend  of  New  England,  was  brother-in- 
law  to  John  Winthrop,  one  of  the  principal  founders 
and  first  governor  of  Massachusetts.  George  receiv- 
ed his  education  at  Harvard  College.  About  1646 
he  returned  to  England,  when  he  was  soon  brought 
into  notice,  being,  as  Gov.  Winthrop  says,  '  a  very 
able  scholar,  and  of  ready  wit  and  fluent  utterance.' 
He  was  appointed  chaplain  in  the  regiment  of  Col. 
John  Okey,  in  the  army  of  Lord  Fairfax,  who  had 
command  of  the  Parliament  forces  in  the  north.  In 
1653  he  was  commissary  general,  and  about  the  same 
time  scout-master-general  of  the  English  army  in 
Scotland.  In  the  same  year  he  v/as  employed  in  ne- 
gotiations with  the  Duke  of  Savoy.  He  seems  to 
have  been  fitted  by  nature  for  scenes  of  political  ma- 
noeuvering;  and  his  principles  were  of  such  flexible 
character,  that  he  could  easily  accommodate  them  to 
any  service  which  the  times  required. 

In  165-5  he  visited  the  French  king  on  public  busi- 
ness, and  communicated  his  instructions  in  Latin. 
In  1657  he  was  appointed  minister  to  Holland.  In 
March,  1662,  while  in  that  country,  in  order  to  show 
his  zeal  and  love  for  his  majesty,  he  procured  the  ar- 
rest of  John  Okey,  Miles  Corbet,  and  John  Bark- 
stead,  three  of  the  Judges  who  had  condemned  to 


288  APPENDIX. 

death  Charles  I.,  and  sent  them  to  England  for  trial. 
Okey  had  been  the  friend  of  Downing,  who  served  in 
his  regiment  as  chaplain.  With  the  other  two  he  had 
co-operated  in  the  cause  of  the  Parliament.  His 
conduct,  therefore,  in  this  transaction,  was  justly 
reprobated. 

He  also  spake  of  Cromwell  as  a  traitor  and  rebel. 
In  1663,  he  was  created  a  baronet.  He  informed 
Pepys  that,  when  in  Holland,  '  he  had  so  good  spys, 
that  he  hath  had  the  keys  taken  out  of  De  Witt's 
(the  Dutch  minister)  pocket  when  he  was  abed,  and 
his  closet  opened  and  papers  brought  to  him  and  left 
in  his  hands  for  an  hour,  and  carried  back  and  laid  in 
the  place  again,  and  the  keys  put  into  his  pocket. 
He  says  he  hath  had  their  most  private  debates,  that 
have  been  between  but  two  or  three  of  them,  brought 
to  him,  and  in  an  hour  after  that  hath  sent  word 
thereof  to  the  king.'  In  1671,  he  was  again  sent  to 
Holland,  but  returning  before  he  had  executed  the 
business  of  his  mission  to  the  satisfaction  of  the  king, 
was  imprisoned  in  the  tower.  He  was  afterwards 
restored  to  royal  favor.  In  the  difficulties  which  the 
New  England  colonies  had  with  Charles  II.,  from 
1669,  Mr.  Downing  was  represented  as  having  been 
very  friendly  to  Massachusetts.  He  died  in  1624  at 
the  age  of  60. 

Major  Jack  Downing,  of  Downingville,  seems  to 
have  inherited  his  distinguished  ancestor's  talents  for 
war,  business,  and  diplomacy,  and,  like  him,  to  pos- 
sess ready  wit  and  fluent  utterance,  and  to  bask  in 
the  sunshine  of  royal  favor.  Whether  he  resembles 
him  in  other  respects,  time  must  disclose. 


THE    END. 


f#c;?*^:rl:v 


